Chapter 6

Cronos

Sitting out here on my back porch, I watch the sun set, bathing us in darkness again, this is the time I feel most alive. There is something about the darkness that calls to me, there is no light to show your imperfections, just the never ending abyss of nothing in the distance.

"Are you going to keep ignoring me?" I don't even bother to acknowledge Amelia as she claims the seat beside me. I have ignored her for the past two days. I was hoping I wouldn't have to speak to her until tomorrow when we head into work but I guess the darkness didn't hide me well enough.

"I chose Grand Marais because it was small. I didn't need to know anyone or vice versa for them to become familiar enough that I had to keep checking over my shoulder. The day you arrived here everyone knew you were from out of town."

"What are you trying to say, Nos?" I take a swig of my beer then let the bottle dangle between my fingers as I turn to face her. Her beauty still astounds me. She is a fucking angel living amongst mere mortals, yet she was so stupid and lowered herself to the level of a piece shit because she wouldn't allow herself to see what I saw whenever I looked at her. Light.

"You don't belong here." She reels back as if I slapped her, her mouth hangs open in shock. "You aren't meant to hide out in a town like this. You have dreams and goals and none of them center around this place. Call your father and make amends, Meelz. He will eradicate that vermin that lives in Chicago trying to find you." Her bottom lip quivers but I refuse to allow her tears to sway me from my decision.

"I can't go back," she chokes out through her tears. I scrub a hand down my face, utterly frustrated with this fucking situation.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Amelia?" I shout. She flinches but I can't control my anger any longer.

"I don't know!" she snaps.

"You ended shit between us a year ago and now here you are in my fucking house. Why?"

She shakes her head trying to deny what I'm saying. "I was scared!"

I scoff. "Not scared enough to move on with the cocksucker from your past, how did that shit turn out for you?"

The instant the words flee my mouth I regret them. "Wow. You sure know how the fuck to kick someone when they are down, don't you?"

"You taught me well," I bite back.

She pushes to her feet and stares down at me with disdain in her eyes. "You also taught me how to hide from pain and how to endure a miserable existence. I guess we were a good pair then, huh?" I jump to my feet, seething in anger as I glare down at the spitfire that brought me back to life. I hate her for making me feel! She reaches out and grips my left arm, lifting it between us so Aida's portrait is on display. " I couldn't compete with a fucking ghost! It was never just us, Cronos, Aida was always in the middle and I could never compete with her."

My nostrils flare. I yank my arm free and grip the back of her neck, pulling her in close until she is forced to stand on her tiptoes.

"There was never a fucking competition, Amelia. She's dead and you're not!" I'm yelling now and can't seem to stop myself from spewing more words. "She isn't some ex or someone I left, she died for Christ's sake! I loved her—I still love her and always will because there was never any closure for us. My family killed the love of my life and set my life on the current course it is on now. You foolish fucking woman–" I spit out as I release her abruptly and step back shaking my head. "You never needed to compete with Aida, you were in a league of your own."

"You didn't see me when you looked at me, you saw her," she defends weakly.

I look her up and down in disappointment. "All I ever saw when we were together was you , I never saw anyone or anything else, it was always just you, Amelia." I can hear the pain in my own voice. "Unlike you, I will never get closure from my first love, but you can if you stop being stubborn and make a fucking call… but you won't, because you think you are too good and above this mafia life. News fucking flash, Meelz, this mafia life paid for your upbringing, your private school, college, med school and everything you have ever needed. You may hate me and your family for being killers but it's because of us you were protected and never harmed until you chose to turn your back on family."

Having had enough of this bullshit argument with her, I turn my back, ready to flee but her words have me halting and my shoulders tensing.

"You have her face on your arm but also have my name. Why would you do that if you thought so fucking little of me and my choices to build a life of my own away from my family?"

I keep my back to her as I answer the question, I knew she wouldn't let this go from the moment she saw the tattoo.

"I have Kingsley tattooed on me because she was the version of you that loved me first." I slowly turn to face her and note the shock etched into her features. "I fell in love with Max Kingsley." Tears gather in her eyes at my declaration. "Amelia Murdoch is the heartless bitch that hates everything about me and my choices in life." I leave her standing there with her mouth agape and remorse plastered across her face, she wanted the truth and she got it. Amelia is the version of her that sabotaged what we shared, Max is kind and loving and never judges, that is the person I fell in love with, not the jaded bitch that thinks she is above us all because she has a degree.

I only manage to make it three steps inside the cabin before I'm shoved from behind. I stumble forward a step before whirling around on her. The tears from a moment ago are long forgotten, in their place is unfiltered rage and hatred. Good, she is finally dropping her woe is fucking me act!

"I wanted you to fight for me, Cronos. You just walked out and never once tried to fight for me or come after me!"

The last tendrils of control I had on my anger slips through my fingers as I release all my pent up pain and anger.

"I fucking fought for you!" I roar. This time she doesn't cower away from me, she stands tall and weathers my outburst. "I did come after you!"

"When?" she screams.

"Six months ago I came for you! I wanted to drop to my fucking knees and profess my love for you but then I saw that cunt with you. You looked happy and he fit the image for the type of guy you should be with."

"You profiled him?"

I scoff. "Get the fuck off your high horse, Amelia! You and I both know I don't fit the stereotype for a girl like you."

"Why didn't you come to me?" I grind my teeth, fighting to keep my mouth shut so the words don't pour out of me. "Tell me!" she screams.

"Because it fucking hurt!" I scream.

"What?"

I stab my hand through my hair and tug on the strands as a memory of the words London spoke to me long ago replays in my mind.

"All the greatest loves in history are designed to be painful, Nos. Most people think love should be easy and comfortable but that isn't the type of love people like us crave. We want painful, soul-shattering, groundbreaking love that consumes us and drives us insane. What you shared with Aida is something that can never be replaced. She was your first love and don't you dare push me in the fucking lake for saying this but… she wasn't your greatest love, your soul-breaking, death-craving love."

"How do you know that?"

"Because you're still here—" she whispers. "Romeo couldn't live without Juliet and vice versa. Your Juliet is out there, Nos, you just need to find her and let her break down your walls and destroy the fuck out of your heart until she owns every goddamn fucking piece of it. If it doesn't hurt then it isn't worth it."

"You walked out on me and I thought the pain I felt was because I was just sad to see you go, I thought I would be okay after a few weeks, but I wasn't. When I saw you with him, I felt like my chest was breaking open, my heart wanted out of my own body so it could live inside yours." Her mouth parts on a gasp but now that I've started I can't stop the words from spilling out of me. "I rang London, she wanted to claw your fucking eyes out and torture that cocksucker but I said no."

"Why?" she whispers brokenly.

"I knew who he was the moment I saw him. I knew he was the one that got away and I couldn't hurt you like that, Amelia. If that was Aida, I would have taken the chance to rekindle that love as well." My subconscious is screaming at me to stop lying but I shut that fucker up really quick, I've said enough as it is. Tears slowly cascade down her cheeks as she stares up at me. I see so much pain and regret in her eyes that it spears me. I do the only thing I can think of, I close the space between us and grip the back of her head pulling her forward, so I can place a kiss on her forehead.

She clutches the front of my shirt in her tiny hands, trying to keep me here but she knows as well as I do that we can't turn back time. Our time has come and gone. Too much has happened and I don't think I could ever open up to anyone again—I tried that shit twice and got burned, badly.

"Grizz," she chokes out. I close my eyes briefly, then pull back to stare down at her.

"Don't do it, angel." She gasps at the use of my nickname for her. "Whatever you say now will be just words spoken in the heat of the moment?—"

"I came here because I knew you would protect me, I knew you wouldn't turn me away no matter how upset you are with me. I chose you over my family because you wouldn't judge me for my choices and call me a stupid girl for falling into the trap with Colson like I did."

I cup her face between my hands and force a smile to my face. "No, angel. You came here because you thought I could fix the pain you are in and change the outcome of what already happened. I'm not your savior, Meelz. You and I are the same, we're both broken by our pasts and the only one who can find the old you and bring her back is you ." She opens her mouth to argue but I push on. "Find her and let her guide you because she was fucking magnificent and she is the person who will be able to save you. When you find her, let me know." I release her and walk out the front door without a single glance back, knowing she will be waiting for it. I climb in my truck and head out. I have no idea where the fuck I am going but I just need to get out and away from her for a while so I can clear my head.

I pull up to the pier and kill the engine. The best part about a small town is no one is out late so I can be left alone with my own thoughts and not have to worry about some fucker sneaking up on me. I climb out and hop on the hood, leaning back against the windscreen as I stare out over the water and try to calm myself and all the emotions swirling inside me. I don't do these types of fucking feelings. My phone vibrating in my pocket pulls me from my thoughts. I pray it's work and someone died but when I see the caller ID, I sigh.

"Do you have ESP or some shit?" I ask instead of a greeting.

"Of course I do, bestie, I could feel it in my soul that you needed me and I was powerless to control the urge to call you." I snort out a laugh, London is a lot of things but caring and attentive isn't fucking one of them.

"You sound like an idiot."

"Kiss my ass, dickhead!" I laugh, now she sounds like the Lon I know and love. "Why do you sound wounded?" The fact she can read me so well should scare me but it never has. She doesn't have to ask what's wrong, she just knows from the tone of my voice or from a look.

"You gonna rat me out to your man if I tell you?" I may be angry and confused about all this shit with Amelia but I would never betray her trust by outing her to her father and the others. I know if London gives me her word she will never betray me.

"I would never fuck you over like that! You want this conversation to stay between us, then it will. The only time I would ever break my promise to you is if your life was endangered and I knew Artemis could save you."

I don't beat around the bush. "Amelia found me," I blurt out.

"How?" she asks without missing a beat.

"I wrote her a letter months ago and she saw the post stamp."

"Why is she there?" The anger in her tone is clear and I love her for being angry on my behalf but she shouldn't be. Her and Meelz used to be close but ever since she found out about what happened between us, she pulled away from Meelz. The final straw for London to cut all contact was when we spoke six months ago after I went to Chicago.

"Shit went south and she needed to run, she thought coming to me was better than asking her father for help."

"You turned that trifling bitch away… right?" I bite down on my lip and close my eyes. "Your answer should be, of course I did, Lon, she broke my heart and I sent her ass packing as payback! "

I chuckle but there is no humor to it. "Yeah, that is not what happened."

London exhales loudly. "You saw her and then all your anger went straight the fuck out the window, didn't it?"

I sigh and nod. "Yeah."

"Cronos, she fucked you up and left you high and dry. She didn't wait around, she moved on with that cunt and forgot about you. Don't you dare fucking let her do that shit to you again."

"I won't."

"Bullshit. Unlike her you never fell out of love with that ungrateful bitch. I give you two days before you're fingering her next to a corpse."

"Like how you fucked my brother next to a dead body?" She bursts out laughing and I can't help but smile.

"To-fucking-ché!" We both remain silent a while until she speaks again. "Don't let her break you again, Nos." Her tone is light but I can hear the edge of her anger in there as well. London is fucking loyal to her core and would go to war against her own aunt for me if I asked her to.

"I think it's too late for that, Lon. The king's men never put me back together the first time when she broke me and I don't think they will repair Humpty this time when she leaves again either."

"I let her get away unscathed the first time but if she does it again, not even you will save her from me. No one fucking hurts my bestie without paying for it, am I clear?"

"Crystal."

"Nos?"

"Yeah?"

"Can't you just fuck her and get it out of your system, then move on?"

I shake my head, this girl has no fucking boundaries. "Goodbye, London."

"Cronos, don't you dare hang up—" I end the call and pocket my phone, ignoring it ringing again, knowing it's just London. Talking to her has made me feel lighter and more clear headed.

Could I fuck her and feel nothing?

I push away the thought but it keeps resurfacing. My cock is growing hard in my pants at the thought of sinking inside her tight little cunt again.

Maybe I need to remind her what it's like being fucked by the Devil again.