Chapter 28

"I'm still the youngest,"I murmured as I lay in Dalton's arms. Despite my parents offering us a bedroom in the house, I hadn't been ready for that. I'd only begun to get reacquainted with members of my immediate family, the ones that were at the house anyway, and I was already overwhelmed.

"What?" Dalton asked. He was half asleep. I couldn't blame him because he'd had a tough twenty-four hours. Between my complete and utter breakdown that morning and spending the entire day being given tours of the house, barn, and other parts of the property, along with all the food my mother had placed in front of him at each meal, he had to be exhausted. Not to mention all the physical wounds I'd inflicted upon him in my struggle to get away from him earlier. It wasn't that the damage I'd done to him was horrible, but the fact that I'd lashed out at him like I had was tearing me apart inside.

Especially since whenever I looked at him, I saw the scratch marks on his cheek where my nails had torn his skin. His well-trimmed beard hadn't been enough to hide the marks.

"My parents never had any more children after me and Aggie, and Aggie was before me, so…"

"You're the baby of the family," Dalton murmured. A smile tugged at his mouth. "So you have even more spoiling to come," he added. He opened his gorgeous eyes. One was marred by some black and blue around it. Another result of my purge, as Dalton liked to call it. I supposed that was what it had been. I just never thought I would turn my rage and pain on him in any kind of physical way. But he hadn't been Dalton at the time. It was the same as when he'd attacked me after I'd woken him from his nightmare.

During my breakdown he hadn't been Dalton.

He"d been Ivan.

He'd been Ivan holding me down and raping me for the first time. I'd cried and struggled, but Ivan hadn't let me go. He'd forced his cruelty on me, stolen my innocence and left me lying face down over his bed as his semen and my blood had seeped out of me. He'd been Ivan as he'd hurt me every day from then on and had always hung the threat of death over my head. He'd been Ivan who'd beaten me within an inch of my life after I'd gotten Maggie's baby to safety.

When I'd finally heard Dalton's voice drowning out Ivan's, I'd begun to surface from the darkness that had been sucking me under. Dalton hadn't just been talking to me. He'd been screaming to me. Not at me, to me. He'd told me he'd never let me go, no matter what I did to him. He'd given me an outlet for the rage and then he'd given me solace for the grief that had followed.

I reached out to run my fingers over the scratches on his cheek.

"Don't," Dalton said as I opened my mouth to speak. "No more apologies, sweetheart. I'm glad they're there. They remind me that I was finally able to give you what you've been giving me from the day you walked up to me in that hospital." He paused before softly adding, "Something to hang on to."

I smiled as I remembered the words I'd said to him that day.

"I love you, Dalton." This time I was the one to kiss him in that sweet way that seemed like nothing but meant everything.

"I love you too…"

When he paused, I asked, "What is it?" I wasn't worried about his declaration because I knew it to be true.

"I don't know what to call you. Do you want me to call you Silver or Andrew?"

I sighed as I thought about his dilemma. It should have been an easy question to answer, but it wasn't.

"I hate everything about the name Silver because Ivan gave it to me, but that's who I was when we first met. It binds us together, I guess. Andrew is still a little kid trying to remember different things, different people. I feel like I'd be a stranger to you if you called me that. At least for now. Does that make sense?" I asked.

"Absolutely," Dalton responded. "I love you, Silver. So fucking much."

Joy swept through me. I'd never tire of hearing the words, no matter how often he said them. This time when I kissed him, it was definitely not a sweet kiss. Dalton returned it with fervor. If I hadn't known how exhausted he was, I would have let the needy kiss continue. Instead, I broke the kiss and pulled back a bit so I wouldn't be tempted to do it again. I reached down to run my fingers over Sadie's head. Though the lab normally slept at my feet, I'd encouraged her to move up the bed, so she was lying between my and Dalton's legs. I remembered hitting the dog during my show of rage, and the guilt I carried about that was as deep as the guilt I felt for what I'd done to Dalton. Like Dalton, the lab had forgiven me instantly. She'd even stayed with me when Dalton and I had been separated as we'd spoken with different family members during the day.

"I think my mom loves you," I said. "She cries every time she sees you or I mention your name."

Dalton chuckled. "She hugs a lot, that's for sure."

My man might have been trying to make light of that fact, but I'd seen his reaction every time my mother had put her arms around him and thanked him. It hadn't been a polite hug. It had been an all-in, mama bear kind of hug.

"And my dad?" I asked. I hadn't seen as much of my father and Dalton together, but it seemed like they'd spent hours exploring the house, the expansive land around it, and especially the boats.

"A hugger too," Dalton said with a smile. "Not so much on the crying."

I smiled because my parents' attention and immediate fondness for him was something entirely new for him. It also hadn't fazed them that I was in a relationship with a man, though I supposed when things settled down, it could become an issue.

"And my brothers?"

Dalton laughed out loud. "Not so much on the hugging. More like… interrogators. Especially Nick."

"I think that's the navy part of him. My dad told me something about a natural rivalry between the army, navy, and one other one."

"The air force."

"Right, the air force." We both fell quiet for a few minutes. I knew I should let Dalton sleep, but I was too wired. I'd spent the entire day being reunited with my immediate family members, though it had been short, awkward reunions. Only three of my five brothers had been at the house for the picnic which had turned out to be a celebration for my aunt and uncle's twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I'd been too overwhelmed to even ask where my other two brothers were.

There had also been several cousins, the sons and daughters of my father's brother. Apparently the navy ran through the Lockwood family's blood because like my father, my uncle and several of his children had or were serving in that part of the military.

Talking to my mom had been scary at first because I'd expected her to grill me about what had happened to me since I'd been abducted, but she hadn't brought it or the ill-fated trip up even once. What she had done was bring out a half-dozen books she'd called scrapbooks. They'd included pictures of Aggie and me as babies along with little mementos she'd kept of us and all her children when they were young. There had even been a picture of Aggie and me doing cartwheels.

"I found out when my birthday is," I said. Dalton's attention was fully on me now. His fingers were toying with my hair. "It was a couple weeks ago. I turned twenty-three."

"I'll have to make up for missing it, then," he said with a little smile.

"No, you don't. You gave me my gift," I responded. When Dalton looked at me in confusion, I added, "It was on the day we made love for the first time. Really made love."

"Hmmm," Dalton said. "That was a really good gift. Maybe I should make that my birthday too."

I could tell he was joking. I could also tell he was holding something back. He was saying all the right things and yes, he was tired, but still… there was just something off about him.

"I like that idea," I said. "And we'll have to celebrate every year the same way. Promise me we'll do that."

"I ripped my apron," Dalton said smoothly.

The fact that he wasn't promising me anything made my chest tighten painfully. Was he expecting us not to spend that day together? That we wouldn't be together in a year?

"Dalton—"

"I'm wiped, sweetheart. Can we talk about this tomorrow?" Dalton asked before doing something he'd never done to me whenever we'd been in the same bed.

He turned over so he wasn't facing me. There was no touching, no pulling me against his body, no gentle kiss against my forehead as I drifted off.

It felt like my heart was being cleaved in two.

"You said you'd never let me go," I whispered. "Did I do something?—"

"No, of course not," Dalton said, but he didn't turn over. "I'm just tired."

"Tired, my ass," I snapped. "You're either the best actor on the planet or you're the biggest asshole on it for doing this to me."

That got his attention. I was far from done, though. The second Dalton turned over, I straddled him.

"Silver—" he began as he tried to push me off him. I pinned his wrists to the bed like he'd done so often to me.

"Silver," he repeated angrily. "I don't want to hurt you." He started to tug his hands free of my hold.

"Then don't," I growled. "We both know you would never hurt me physically," I added as I tightened my grip on his wrists. Not surprisingly, Dalton didn't try to move his hands again. A mask of disinterest fell across his features.

It hurt like hell but not enough to change my course.

"I love you, Dalton. With everything I am. My love doesn't come with strings. It doesn't come with conditions. It doesn't change just because I found my family. We're family. You and me. We're each other's home. Not your house, not this boat. You. You are and always will be my home. Your problems are my problems just like mine are yours. We hang on to each other. That's what we do. That's who we are." I couldn't help the little sob that escaped my throat as I spoke.

"We don't leave each other," I croaked because his expression hadn't changed. I released his hands. "If you want to hurt me, Dalton, do it now because I will not spend even one second wondering if your love was only real when I didn't know who my parents were or where I came from or all the shit I've been through or what day my fucking birth?—"

Before I could even finish the word, Dalton grabbed my waist.

But not to shove me aside.

"No," he growled and then I was on my back and his big body was pressing me into the mattress. His mouth slammed down on mine, but the kiss was gentle and deep. It was sending a message that Dalton couldn't say out loud yet. When it ended, I could barely breathe, but it didn't matter because I wasn't the one who got to talk anyway.

"My love for you is real. It has been and always will be," Dalton said, fire raging in his eyes.

He kissed me again. The whisper-soft kisses that were everything to me.

"I'm such a fucking coward, Silver. I'm a coward and I'm selfish and I don't know how to do any of this." He waved his hand in the general direction of the house. "I'm afraid," he admitted as he dropped his eyes. "I'm so fucking afraid."

The admission was tearing him apart. Fortunately, I knew exactly what he was afraid of. It had nothing to do with his back or his addiction or being in a real relationship for the first time in his life. No, it was so much more than that.

"I'm not going anywhere. I know people have probably been promising you that most of your life, but I'm not people. I'm the man who loves you. I'm the man who loves your flaws as much as your strengths. I'm the man who will save you from the ugliness of this world." I grabbed his face and slanted my mouth over his. I kept the kiss short because I needed Dalton to hear one more thing.

Truly hear it.

"I'm the man who will never leave you. Even if you try to scare me off, I will never leave you. Yell, scream, purge it all. I will be there. Be scared or angry or tired; I will be there. Love me or hate me; I will be there. Do you hear me, Dalton?"

He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on mine. They weren't empty anymore. There was no mask. There was only the real Dalton. The one who loved me even when I couldn't love myself.

"I hear you," he whispered and then he rolled us to our sides so we were facing each other like we always did before we fell asleep.

"I hear you, my love."