Chapter 19

"Fuck,"I muttered, my throbbing head taunting me while I tried to sit up and swing my legs over my bed. I was relatively clearheaded but that didn't mean my whole body didn't feel like it had been run over by a Mack truck a couple hundred times.

Proof that my senses weren't exactly on point was when a very loud, very familiar voice said, "Welcome back to the living."

"Jesus, Jace, can you take it down a notch?" I grumbled. I'd managed to sit up and started to reach for the alcohol sitting on my nightstand. I wasn't looking at the small table to find the exact location of the bottle, but it didn't matter. Something stayed my hand.

Not something.

Someone.

And it wasn't Jace.

"Is he gone?" I grated. My voice felt raw and unused. God, what day was it?

"He's safe," Jace responded. A jumble of memories began to hit me all at once. Lying on the cold floor, Jace yelling at me, throwing up all over him…

Silver.

"Oh God," I whispered as I remembered the image of the young man sitting against the wall, his arms enfolding his legs as he tried to protect himself. And the tears…

"I thought he'd left," I choked out. "I thought he'd left."

"You're fucking lucky he didn't. And if he'd waited even a few hours to call me, I'd be planning your funeral instead of wanting to beat the shit out of you for scaring the fuck out of me."

"He called you?" I asked in disbelief. I'd only gone on my binge because I'd been certain Silver had left.

"Yes, twenty-four hours ago. He said your door was closed after some argument or something. He hadn't wanted to bother you, but he'd still checked on you every hour or so. He called me because he knew he couldn't help you on his own. He was the one who found you on the floor. He was shaking you and calling your name. It was only by chance that I walked in on you guys in time."

I could hear the anger dripping from Jace's voice as he continued.

Fuck, what had I done?

"Where is he?" I said as I stood on wobbly legs.

"He's saf?—"

"I don't want to hear that he's safe. I want to know where the fuck he is!"

"Sit your ass back down," Jace ordered. He was calm and collected and his voice dripped with ice.

I did as he said but mostly because I wasn't sure I would have even been able to take a few steps forward. I realized I was dressed in a pair of athletic pants that I hadn't worn in years along with a freshly laundered T-shirt. My hair was damp, and my skin tingled like someone had used a stiff broom to wash me down.

"You and I are going to have a long talk, Dalton, but I think you have a more important fence to mend."

I nodded and felt relief surge through my body. I was going to see him again. It was both terrifying and bittersweet.

"There's something you need to know before you see him," Jace said, his voice only a fraction calmer now.

I nodded because I knew my charade was over. I knew there would be a lot of questions and consequences, but more importantly that I would have some tough choices to make.

"Last night while you were passed out cold, Silver heard someone trying to open your front door."

"What?" I shouted. I was on my feet again, but this time Jace was there to stop me. He shoved me back down to a sitting position on the bed. He crouched in front of me, his expression lined with anger.

"When he couldn't wake you up, he got your gun—I guess he found it at some point when you were out cold?—"

"He found it when he was cleaning. Just like he found all the empty bottles," I said softly.

Jace was quiet for a few seconds before continuing. "He tried to fire a warning shot above his head, but the gun wouldn't fire because the safety was on. So he figured out how to set off the alarm on your car instead. It was enough to send whoever'd been trying to get in running. He thinks it was just someone trying to rob you, but I saw the door, Dalton. There were no pry marks or damage to the doorframe, which means it was?—"

"Picked," I breathed in disbelief. "God damn it!" I ground out. Between the attempted break-in and the fact that I'd thought someone had been following us when I'd driven him to the bus station in Baltimore, it wasn't a big leap. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I chanted, trying to keep my voice down in case Silver was nearby.

"I got here about five minutes after it happened. That was when I found Silver kneeling over you on the floor, trying to wake you up. I called some of Ronan's men who live in the area, and they agreed to keep eyes on Silver twenty-four seven for as long as we need to."

I knew who Ronan was. He was some kind of surgeon who ran an underground vigilante group that didn't exactly follow the rules when the legal system couldn't provide a victim or their family the justice they deserved.

Jace had mentioned a few times that Ronan had offered him a spot on the team but he'd always said no, preferring to work solo. Even the lure of being able to provide more resources to try and find Maggie hadn't swayed Jace. I suspected it was something he had and always would regret.

"Ronan is on his way, by the way," Jace added.

On any other day, I would have fought Jace tooth and nail for making that kind of decision without telling me, but now I was glad for it.

"I need to see Silver," I said. "Jace, please." I felt like I was going to crawl out of my own skin.

"He's in his room."

That was all I needed to hear. I stumbled past Jace. It felt like I was going to keel over at any point, but my destination was too important for me to stop.

Once I reached Silver's door, I knocked but there was no answer. Fortunately, like my own bedroom door, his didn't have a lock on it either, so I slowly opened it.

I saw him immediately. He was sitting on the far side of the bed, his eyes staring out the window even though there was nothing to see because the curtains were closed. He didn't flinch when I entered the room and closed the door behind me. I carefully made my way around the bed so I could face him. If he heard me, he didn't react. In fact, he hadn't reacted from the moment I'd entered the room.

There was no place to sit other on the bed beside him. "Can I sit?" I asked as I motioned to the part of the bed that was closer to the footboard. When Silver didn't respond to me in any way, I took the chance and sat down. I could tell he was in one of his trancelike places where the outside world didn't exist. How was I ever going to bring him back from it?

"Silver—"

"I want to hit you so badly right now, Dalton," Silver said. There was definitely no trance happening. His voice was full of so many things. Anger, hatred, despair, disappointment.

"Then do it," I responded. "I deserve anything you want to say or do to me."

I didn't even flinch when Silver slowly stood and moved so he was in front of me. I knew his fists wouldn't cause much damage. I was more worried he'd hurt his hands in the process.

Like the coward I was, I didn't want to see any more of the emotional pain I'd inflicted on him, so I dropped my head. It would still give him access to my cheeks, though. I waited for the first blow to fall, but Silver was taking his time. I knew he was standing directly in front of me because I could see his bare feet.

I had no idea how much time passed before I felt his hands on my cheeks. Not his fisted hands, but his palms. I suspected he wanted to have more of my face available to strike, so I didn't fight him when he forced me to look at him. It was pure torture when I saw that he was crying silent tears. His face was red, and his eyes were puffy, proof he'd been crying long before my arrival.

"Do it," I whispered. I would give anything to take away the pain I'd caused him, along with the fact that I hadn't been there when he'd needed me most.

Determination was written all over his face. I couldn't bear to look at him anymore, so I closed my eyes.

Which meant I never saw it coming.

Silver's mouth suddenly slammed down on mine. It took me a few seconds to process what was happening, but then I was right there with him. He was on my lap before I could even wonder if what was happening was real or it was all some kind of fucked-up, alcohol-induced dream I was having.

Silver's mouth consumed mine as he took complete control. I was happy to give that to him. His hands were on my face so he could angle my head the way he wanted. His kisses weren't gentle and sweet. They were angry and desperate. I could taste his tears. It should have been enough to make me put an end to the whole thing, but instead, I ran my fingers through his soft hair and met him, kiss for kiss. Our tongues, lips, the way we were clinging to each other, they all spoke the words neither of us could say. I felt his anger and despair and hoped he felt my shame and regret.

We were both panting like we'd just run a marathon when Silver finally broke the kiss. He kept his palms on my face and his lips hovering right over mine. He let out a harsh little sob.

"Do you know what it did to me, seeing you on the floor like that? Not waking up…" Silver choked out. His entire body was shaking, and he felt as cold as ice.

I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry, but I knew those simple words wouldn't help. I'd wounded him far too deeply. There weren't any words I could say that would even begin to undo the damage I'd done.

"I know it doesn't help, but I didn't do it on purpose. I just wanted to forget for a little while."

"Forget me?" Silver asked, his voice more even now.

I faintly nodded but quickly added, "It was my choice, my fault. Not yours, not anyone else's." I kissed him softly. "I told you things I'd been trying to forget. I told you things I'd never told anyone else, not even Jace. When I woke up in your arms in that lounger, I lost my shit because I knew you were going to leave. I was such a fucking coward. I am a coward," I whispered. "You were the last person I wanted to hurt."

This time it was Silver who placed a sweet kiss on my lips. "You were the last person I thought would ever hurt me," he admitted.

I dropped my head, his palms still on my cheeks, because I couldn't stand to look at him any longer.

"I never wanted to see you again," Silver continued, sinking the knife in my chest deeper and deeper with each word.

It was like something was eating me from the inside out when Silver carefully extricated his body from mine. He sat down next to me, which I wanted to believe was a good thing, but it could also be a very bad thing. He could still choose to leave me, and I'd have to let him go, but Jace would make sure Silver was protected no matter what.

I should be the one protecting him.

I almost laughed out loud at the prospect. I couldn't help myself, so how was I supposed to keep Silver safe?

We sat in awkward silence, both staring straight ahead. It was in my peripheral vision that I saw Silver toying with something. I shifted my head and quickly figured out what it was.

"Is that a locket?" I asked.

Silver stopped fingering the trinket. He nodded. "My parents gave it to me right before they… before they sold me to Ivan."

"May I?" I asked. Silver nodded and removed the necklace from around his neck. The second he dropped it in my palm, I knew by its weight that it was made from pure gold. Why in the world would two junkies give Silver a gold locket? They surely would have sold it before they'd sold the kid they were pawning off as their own. No way in hell would they have let him keep it for sentimental reasons.

Which meant it was likely that Ivan had given him the expensive treasure and claimed it had come from his parents. At that young of an age, Silver wouldn't have made the connection. I gently opened the locket. There were pictures on each side, but they were so faded and damaged that they could have been anyone. I closed the locket but instead of handing it to Silver, I said, "Turn around."

The fact that Silver did what I'd asked with no argument was telling. Despite everything I'd done, he still had a morsel of trust in me. I didn't linger as I put the locket back on him. As soon as it touched his shirt, he hid the locket under the material.

"I'll go," I said when Silver kept his eyes locked on the window. I could see them pooling with tears.

As I stood, Silver said, "I said I wanted to leave you. Not that I want to leave you."

Disbelief made my knees buckle and I was forced to sit back down. Had he really said what he'd said?

"Silver, if this is some kind of punishment?—"

He reached for my hand and linked our fingers. It was answer enough for me. Blinding happiness captured my heart, so I couldn't help but lean in and steal a soft kiss from him. Soft kisses weren't what either of us wanted, though, and it was Silver who made that clear. His tongue dueled with mine as little whimpers that were the sexiest thing I'd ever heard in my life escaped his throat, so I deepened the kiss. Silver was about to climb onto my lap when I broke the kiss and said, "Will you lie on the bed with me?"

Silver hesitated for a few seconds before he nodded and moved to the center of the bed. He was clearly nervous, so I tried to alleviate his fear by saying, "We're not going to have sex. It will be like the kitchen, only better." I eased my body next to his. I could tell he was still nervous but the lust in his eyes was clear. I maneuvered my body so my upper half was covering his chest. I sealed my lips over his mouth and made love to it like there was no tomorrow.

"Can I take this off?" I breathed as I gave the hem of his shirt a little tug.

"Yours too," Silver managed to utter between sharp breaths.

I pulled my shirt over my head and then gently eased his off. I was about to lean over Silver to capture his mouth again when he stopped me by pressing his palm against my chest. I was certain the move meant the whole thing was over, so I was caught off guard when he said, "Your back."

"Fuck my back," I ground out before covering his mouth with mine. Silver's throaty moan told me everything I needed to know. I kept kissing him as I covered his upper body with mine. I braced myself with my arms so Silver wouldn't be carrying my weight. The move would also come in handy when he relaxed and gave himself over to me entirely.

It didn't take long. Silver was matching me kiss for kiss. When I moved to kiss his neck, he lifted his head to give me full access. When I trailed soft, teasing kisses along his collarbone, I felt one hand thread through my hair while the other explored my chest hair. I swore I heard him mumble, "I knew it," under his breath but I wasn't going to stop to confirm it. I took my time working my way down his chest. He let out a squeak of surprise every time I hit a sensitive spot. By the time I got to his belly button, Silver was moaning and arching his back. He still had hold of my hair, but he wasn't trying to pull me off him.

Despite his constrictive pants, I could tell he was rock hard. I eased my hand over his hard cock and rubbed it through his jeans.

"More," Silver demanded. I remembered our first sexual encounter in the kitchen. He'd been hungry and desperate then but now it seemed like his body was on fire. I took a chance and flipped the button of his pants open, then carefully eased the zipper down. I tugged his pants down so I could ease them off just enough to clear his groin. His dick was red and angry. Pre-cum leaked from the head and down the shaft. I never took my eyes off Silver. I needed to know if I'd taken things a step too far.

Silver was sliding his hands over his body. His fingers were careful not to touch his own dick, which told me how close he really was. I gave him one last look before I took a chance and swallowed his dick to the back of my throat.

"Oh God," Silver cried as he jackknifed so that he was sitting up. The move sent his cock even farther down my throat, but I relaxed my gag reflex and took everything he gave me. His fingers wound tightly in my hair and then his instincts took over as he began fucking my mouth in earnest. I gave him a few hard draws before pulling off because I knew he was so close to coming that I had no choice.

Not when I had something else planned.

"No!" Silver cried out.

I shifted so I could kiss him hard. He whimpered when he tasted his own pre-cum. In the meantime, I pushed my sweats down enough to reveal my throbbing cock. Silver's eyes opened and when he saw my dick, he stiffened. Despite what I'd said about not having full-on sex, he clearly thought I was going back on my word.

I lifted my body enough that I could capture his chin and encourage him to look at me. "I meant what I said. I would never do anything you didn't want. All you have to do is say stop and that's it. I'll stop no matter what I'm doing." I kissed him gently.

Silver's pale skin was flushed, proving he was still raging with need. He nodded.

"I need to hear you say the words, sweetheart," I somehow managed to say.

"Don't stop. Please, Dalton, don't stop," he rumbled.

I kissed him hard and then ran my tongue teasingly down his body, stopping only to keep lapping at any part of his body that made him cry out. By the time I reached his weeping dick, Silver was shaking with need. He had managed to brace himself on his elbows so he could see what was happening. I let him feed me his dick, but I only gave it a few hard tugs before popping off.

"Spread your legs for me, baby."

He instantly did as I said. His pants made it impossible for him to open them very wide but it didn't matter. My body had taken over, leaving me helpless to do anything but feel.

I slowly made my way back up Silver's body. When his bare cock touched mine, we both let out moans. Silver had his eyes shut and was trying desperately to open his legs wider, but to no avail.

I planted a hard, lusty kiss on his lips. "Next time the pants come off," I growled.

Silver's eyes met mine as he clasped my cheeks with his sweaty palms. "Definitely," he said with a smile.

The moment of lightness was exactly what I needed. I covered his mouth and dueled with his tongue. But the kiss ended abruptly when I pressed my hips against his and slid my body forward. Silver let out a harsh cry. With every thrust of my dick against his, Silver did something. He made sounds, he gripped my arms like he needed to hold something, he lifted his lower body so he could increase the pressure of his dick sliding against mine.

"Okay?" I asked as I pressed my sweaty forehead against his. We were both looking down at our lower bodies.

Silver nodded. His pupils were blown, and his entire body was drawn tight like a rubber band that had been stretched to its limits. I wasn't faring much better, but it wasn't until Silver's hands slid down my back and then disappeared under the waistband of my jeans that I completely lost it. With his palms urging me on, I ground my hips hard against his and lowered my body so he was carrying my full weight. I planted my hands on the mattress just above his head. I would have liked to kiss him, but I was too focused on the feel of his wet dick sliding against mine. Silver removed his hands from my ass and wrapped them around my biceps instead.

I was about to tell him I was close, but it wasn't necessary because I felt the moment his body shattered. He cried out in relief and arched his neck. The sensation of his hot cum against my own sensitive skin set off my orgasm. There was nothing we could do but hold on to each other as wave after wave of pleasure consumed our bodies. I would have loved to lift my body enough that I could see his juices mixing with mine, but I didn't have the energy because aftershocks continued to torment my body.

When we both finally came down from the natural high, I slid my lips over his. Silver automatically opened for me, but I kept the kiss tame and gentle in comparison to the ones we'd shared in the throes of passion. We were both breathing so hard that kissing became impossible. I eased my body off of his and flopped onto my back next to him.

Reality returned within a few minutes. Silver kept his eyes averted as he sat up and searched out his shirt. He tugged it on and then pulled up his pants. "I should, um, go clean up," he murmured. His fingers were playing with the locket again, proof that any postcoital bliss he might have been feeling had evaporated like it'd never been.

"Yeah," I said. "Me too."

The need for a drink hit me out of nowhere. I supposed I had losing myself in Silver's arms to thank for staving it off for so long.

As I left Silver's room, I saw Jace and another man sitting at my table. It took me a moment to recognize him. I'd only seen him one time and that had been at Maggie's funeral. Jace had introduced me to him, but his name had gone in one ear and out the other. I knew who he was now, though. Neither seemed surprised to see me leaving Silver's room. I knew how I looked. Ruffled hair, sweat causing my shirt to cling to me, and most telling, cum staining my pants.

I didn't say anything as I returned to my room and cleaned myself up as best as I could so that Silver would have full access to the single bathroom in the house. I pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt that smelled like lavender. It was likely from the fabric softener Silver had used while doing my laundry. The mess on the floor by my bed had been cleaned up, probably by Jace.

I drew in a harsh breath and left the room to confront what I already knew was coming. One of the men, presumably Jace, had taken the hardwood chair from my room and set it at the kitchen table. A half bottle of whiskey and my bottle of pills were sitting on the pretty tablecloth that I'd never used but that Silver had lovingly washed so it looked almost new.

With the thought of Silver on my mind, I strode to the table and sat down.

"Hi Dalton, I'm—" Ronan began.

"I know who you are," I interrupted. "Jace has told me about you. Well, at least some of it. You're a doctor, aren't you?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon. I live in Seattle with my husband and three children," Ronan responded.

"Are you here to tell me I'm a drunk, Ronan? Because I already know that." I glanced at Jace. "Or at least a functioning drunk," I said. I supposed it didn't matter that during the day I only needed to drink a little to keep running a so-called life. It was how I'd fooled Jace for so long.

I could feel my body start to tremble as the need for the alcohol sitting directly in front of me began to eat away at me. I wanted so much to reach for it, but the mere knowledge of knowing how badly I wanted it was enough to make me sick. My back was screaming in pain, but I couldn't force myself to grab the pill bottle either.

I was surprised when Ronan slid the bottle of alcohol toward me. "If you try to stop cold turkey, you're putting your life at risk."

Shame rolled through me as I accepted the bottle and took a small swig of it. It immediately tasted wrong as it slid down my throat and into my belly. I could still feel the warmth it provided, but it wasn't as strong.

"What the?—"

"Silver has been watering it down," Jace said.

"What are you talking about?" I carefully asked.

"When you got too drunk to notice, he began adding a little water at a time to whatever bottle you were chugging down. He did it while you were passed out. He took most of the pills out of the bottle too, hoping you wouldn't notice. Obviously you did notice but were too fucked up to make the connection, so you probably got more of the pills from your stash," Jace informed me.

I was so stunned that I didn't know what to say. Silver's actions had likely saved my life. If I'd been drinking one hundred percent alcohol as I'd swallowed God only knew how many pills, I would have blacked out a lot sooner and likely choked on my own vomit or my tired heart would have just given out. With that, I lost yet another piece of my heart to Silver.

"You have to make the decision yourself, and depending on how long you've been drinking—" Ronan began.

"Two years," I interjected. "Before that, I used to drink here and there, but it wasn't until two years ago that there wasn't a ‘here and there' anymore."

"If you've tried to stop on your own then you already know what withdrawal feels like," Ronan said.

I nodded because I had tried to stop once but I hadn't made it through an entire day before the withdrawal symptoms had won out.

Both men kept silent, and I knew why.

I had a choice to make. Here and now. I glanced at Silver's closed door for a moment. Although I didn't know where we were in terms of any kind of relationship, the answer didn't affect my decision. If I tried to stop for someone else, it would never work.

I had to choose for me and me alone.

As terrifying as the idea was, it ended up being one of the best ones I'd ever made. I looked Ronan directly in the eyes when I asked, "Can you get me into a rapid detox program?"

Ronan hesitated for a moment because he knew what I was asking. "Yes," he finally said.

"Can you keep him safe when I'm not with him?" I had no right to ask the question of Ronan and Jace since I hadn't yet talked to Silver about any of it, but I didn't care. There was no way I was going to let him walk away, not after understanding the potential danger he was in.

My fate was sealed when both men said, "Yes," at the same time.