Chapter 15

I was relievedwhen we stepped outside because I finally felt like I could breathe again. My fingers were still linked with Silver's as we left the house and since he didn't make a move to let go, neither did I.

As the numbness the whiskey always provided wore off, I began to get bombarded by dozens and dozens of unwelcome memories. I'd told Silver the sanitized version of my childhood because I wasn't ready to tell him that being invisible hadn't always worked. I'd been fortunate enough not to have been through what Silver had, but things hadn't always been sunshine and roses when I'd been handed off from one family to another.

My initial plan was to sit on the swing chair just outside the front door. It was big enough for two and the swaying motion was similar to when I was on my boat.

Similar but not the same.

One glance at my boat and I knew what our destination would be. Between the pills and the alcohol, I was somewhat off balance, but when Silver tucked himself against my side to help support me, I accepted the offer. My thoughts were still reeling from Silver's blunt words as he'd confronted me with a truth I'd never before let myself believe.

The reality was I hadn't cared enough to try and face it. I'd used my physical pain to justify my need for more and more of anything that dulled the internal pain.

It took several long minutes to walk down the steps and climb onto the gently swaying boat. The time gave me the reprieve I so badly needed.

Once on the boat, I led Silver to the benches that lined each side. It wouldn't be as comfortable as my lounge chair but the pillows covering the benches would do. Besides, the situation couldn't be much more uncomfortable than it already was, anyway. I was ashamed to admit that I was glad I'd taken so many pills and swallows of whiskey because I knew if all my senses had been fully intact, I wouldn't have reached for Silver when he'd gotten up to leave. I wouldn't have opened my mouth other than to deny it when he had confronted me.

I was surprised when Silver tugged me to a stop. He didn't say anything as he gave me a gentle pull and then led me to the lounge chair. The knowledge that he knew how much more comfortable I'd be in the chair was proof of how much he'd truly seen in the past couple of weeks. The young man might not have understood some of the unfamiliar things like seat belts and what foster homes were, but he was sharp as a tack. The mere fact that he'd known how to use my computer to research things had caught me completely off guard. It made no sense because the last thing the fucker who'd stolen Silver's innocence would have wanted was for him to have any kind of access to the outside world.

Silver waited patiently for me to get comfortable in the lounge chair. I expected him to sit on the ottoman, but he shocked me yet again by saying, "Do you have room for one more?"

The lounger was wide and Silver was slim, but it would still be a tight fit.

I didn't give a shit.

I held out my hand to him as I moved as far as I could to one side of the lounger. Silver took my hand and then carefully situated himself next to me. I fully expected him to try and keep as much distance between us as he could, but he surprised me again when he rolled onto his side and carefully placed his hand on my chest and tipped his head so it was resting lightly on my shoulder.

"Is this alright?" he asked.

All I managed was a nod. It was so much more than alright.

"Tell me if you need to move," Silver added before falling silent.

I loved the feel of him against my body. Despite the fact that I was taller than him by several inches, he was still a perfect fit for me.

We lay there for a long time, and it wasn't long before my eyes drifted shut. The gentle sway of the boat and the sound of the water against the hull would have normally put me to sleep, but with Silver's body pressed up against mine, sleep was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to roll our bodies so that his was beneath mine. That way I could see every emotion in his beautiful eyes whenever and wherever I touched him. I wanted to taste him again. I wanted to hear his sexy moans and whimpers as he experienced that coil inside of him getting tighter and tighter until it finally snapped and he was flying again.

I forced myself to open my eyes. Puffy clouds moved slowly through the sky, allowing us only glimpses of the warm sun. I knew Silver was waiting for me to continue telling him about my childhood, but coward that I was, I found myself asking him, "How do you know so much about computers and the internet?"

Silver tensed for a moment, but it was only a handful of seconds before he softened and let his body once again mold itself against mine.

"Over the past few years, Ivan began to change. Up here," he said as he carefully removed his hand from my chest and then tapped his forehead. I was glad when he returned his hand to my chest.

"How so?" I asked. As much as I hated treading into this particular territory, I wanted to know everything about Silver's captivity, but at the same time I didn't want him to have to relive any of it.

"He became forgetful and confused. When it first started, the episodes didn't last more than a minute or two. But over the years, he got worse. He started to believe everyone was out to get him. To kill him and take all his money, the girls, the house, everything."

I knew what he meant by "girls." Jace's sister, Maggie, had been one of those girls. She'd been kidnapped and her boyfriend killed while they'd been backpacking through Europe. Jace had spent years looking for her.

"He made me start tasting everything before he ate it because he was convinced his chef was poisoning his food. After a while, he made me start cooking some of his meals for him even though I really didn't know how. I was good at breakfast but not much else. Ivan didn't seem to care if the food tasted good or not."

"He trusted you," I said.

I felt Silver nod against my shoulder before he said, "Yes. But he still had lucid moments, so I had to be careful about what I said and did. He had a lot of men working for him, but he didn't trust most of them. He thought they were all plotting against him or that they were secretly working for his brother, Dmitri. I had more freedom than the girls he took. They were just another source of money to him. He didn't trust his men not to have sex with them, so he had this woman who got them ready for… for the men who paid to… see them."

Silver's voice cracked a little at the end, so I covered the hand he had on my chest and began stroking his thumb.

"After the men were done with the girls, Ivan wanted me to take care of the ones who'd had… rough dates. That was what he called it." Silver fell silent for a long time. "Dalton, the things those men did…"

"I know," I offered when Silver began to sniffle. "Why did he pick you to take care of them?"

"Because he knew I'd never betray him. He'd made sure of that early on." I felt Silver shake his head against my shoulder. "The girls, they begged me to help them, but I didn't. I didn't," he whispered. I could hear the shame and despair in his voice.

"You couldn't have helped them, Silver. You were as much of a prisoner as they were."

I hated the fact that I'd led him down this path. I hadn't earned the right to ask him to confide his secrets in me. I'd manipulated him by using his lack of knowledge about things and I'd been too brazen to assume he wouldn't figure any of it out. I'd shoved money at him in the hopes of protecting him in the only way I could, and I'd selfishly kept him at arm's length for two weeks so that when it came time for him to leave, I wouldn't feel guilty.

"Then I met Maggie," Silver continued. I knew he didn't believe what I'd said about him not being able to help the girls even though he'd wanted to.

I found myself pressing a kiss against the top of Silver's head. "Jace told me the rest, sweetheart. He didn't mention you by name, but he said Maggie had been killed while trying to escape with her baby. You were the one who saved Willa," I said softly. "You know that Jace and Caleb consider you family, don't you?"

Silver didn't respond, nor did he continue.

I didn't press him any further. Instead, I played with his fingers, linking and unlinking them with mine. I didn't ask him to continue. I knew I owed him explanations, but I was too ashamed of exposing myself to him.

"You have no idea how fucking strong you are, do you?" I asked.

His silence was answer enough, and I knew it wasn't something I would be able to convince him of anytime soon.

"You asked me about the computer," Silver murmured. "As Ivan got worse, he began drinking and taking all kinds of pills."

When Silver's voice fell off bit by bit as he talked about the very topic that had started this whole thing, I gave his hand a squeeze to reassure him. I heard him exhale slowly.

"He was also still putting the powder up his nose. I, um… I saw what all of that stuff did to him. He'd fall asleep more easily and he wasn't as interested in…"

"In hurting you," I supplied. I wasn't sure if Silver understood what rape was and I didn't want to steer him in that direction. He'd already exposed so much of himself that the last thing I wanted to do was force him to relive Ivan's abuse.

"Yes," Silver responded. "Once he'd start doing all those things, I encouraged him to do more of it. Drink more, take more pills, put that stuff up his nose. Between that and whatever was making him paranoid and confused, he'd often fall asleep for hours. Sometimes for the whole night. I'd seen him working on his computer before, so I knew the basic stuff like pointing to certain things on the screen and opening them. It took a while before I stumbled onto the one for the internet. Once I did, it was like a whole new world had been created just for me. I'd spend hours every night exploring it. I started listening to what Ivan or his men would say and then I'd look up the words. I'd learned to speak Russian and German after I went to live with Ivan, but many of the girls he'd taken spoke English, so I never really lost that. They'd tell me things about where they lived, what their real names were, all the stuff they missed from home. I looked all of it up on the internet. When morning would come, I'd always make sure to be back in bed with Ivan. He never knew about any of it."

"Until you helped Maggie," I said.

Silver nodded. "I… I couldn't let Ivan take the baby. Maggie had given me her brother's phone number, but I knew if I called from Ivan's house or his mobile, he would find out. So I used the internet to plan our escape. I, um, have a good memory, so I would always delete the browser history after I used the computer."

"And when Maggie didn't make it out, you took Willa to Jace. You risked your life," I pointed out.

"It wasn't enough. I should have been able to get Maggie out too?—"

"You saved that baby's life," I repeated. "Why did you go back to Ivan after you gave Willa to Jace? Jace would have gotten you out of the country?—"

"Ivan's men found us. I don't know how, but I knew what they would do to Jace and Caleb if they found them. They had to get Willa to safety or it all would have been for nothing. I knew Ivan wouldn't kill me if I was caught."

My insides churned as I began to understand the magnitude of what Silver had done to save not only Willa's life, but Jace's and Caleb's too. "You led the men away."

Silver didn't answer. He didn't have to. The pieces were starting to fall into place. Jace and Caleb had returned to the States only days before the men Jace worked with had stormed Ivan's stronghold. They'd found Silver alive but badly beaten.

Which meant everything Silver had done to save Willa had only been within the last month.

"How did you know Ivan wouldn't kill you?" I asked. Bile crept up the back of my throat as I remembered Silver's condition at Maggie's funeral. All those bruises and lacerations had been Ivan's punishment for his betrayal. Yet he'd let Silver live. It didn't make sense.

"I was too important to him," was all Silver said in response. When he didn't expound on the statement, I knew he was done talking. I could feel him trembling next to me. As painful as it was, I managed to maneuver my arms around him so that I was clutching him against me. He didn't make a sound, nor did he shed a single tear, but the look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

He was gone. Gone to whatever place he'd gone whenever Ivan had touched him, hurt him. That was what had kept Silver alive for so long. He'd understood that his life had become about survival and nothing else. How many young men would have been able to do the same? I, myself, had faced the will to survive every time I'd been deployed on a mission, but I'd done so with training, weapons, and a squadron of men covering my back.

I could feel the pain starting to build along my spine but for once I welcomed it. I needed it more than I needed a drink or a handful of pills. I needed it so I could admit to something I'd never even told Jace, the only man I called friend these days.

It was my only chance to keep Silver from taking that fucking plastic bag and walking out of my life forever.