Chapter 11
The gentle swayof my boat finally made it possible to start relaxing my muscles one by one as I tried to come to terms with what had just happened.
Twenty-four hours ago, Silver had been desperately grinding against me in what I was guessing had been his first orgasm, and today he'd either been literally holding his breath every time I'd approached him or he'd been completely unaware of me.
I'd planned to talk to him about what had happened the day before so I could make sure he was okay and apologize if it had been too much, too fast. The mere memory of what we'd done had the skin over my abdomen overheating just like that. Even though I'd showered this morning, I could still feel his release on me. I could smell it. If he hadn't fled so quickly after we'd both come down from the violent orgasms, I would have made him run his finger through his juices and feed them to me.
Get a fucking grip, Dalton.
The few muscles I'd managed to relax locked up again. I hadn't taken very many of my hardcore painkillers because I'd wanted to make sure I was able to drive Silver to the bus station. So in addition to the awkwardness and silence I'd have to endure during the drive, I'd be hurting like a motherfucker for the two hours it would take to drop him off and get back home.
I'd been tossing and turning about it all night. I'd practiced half a dozen ways to explain why he couldn't stay at my house, but that I still wanted him to take the money I'd promised him.
My plan had pretty much been shot to hell when I'd smelled the bacon frying and seen the kitchen table all decked out with a single place setting. There had been a little bud vase that I hadn't even known I owned sitting in the center of the table with a handful of freshly picked wildflowers that grew all around the house. Hell, Silver had even managed to find the only tablecloth I had—and that was only because it had come with the house—and he'd carefully covered the table with it, the edges completely even.
I'd enjoyed listening to Silver as he'd rambled about bacon and eggs as he'd been cooking them but when he'd put a plate in front of me with all the food, I'd been confused. He'd been talking so fast as he'd been cooking that I'd only caught a few words here and there.
But as I'd gone over the one-sided conversation in my head, I had managed to remember the one word that I'd passed off as a joke since I hadn't heard what he'd said before it.
Poison.
It wasn't until he'd offered to taste small amounts of the massive pile of food that he'd put on my plate that the horrifying realization had hit me. He'd made the offer to prove the food he'd made wasn't poisoned.
Fucking poisoned.
I'd managed to hide the savage need to find the man who'd tormented, degraded, and put Silver's life in danger on a daily basis, but that man's body was already rotting in the ground. Jace's team members of whatever mercenary-style group he was a part of had seen to that.
I'd gotten up and retrieved a second plate and silverware so that I could calm my inner turmoil so Silver wouldn't see it. The last thing I'd wanted was for him to see another example of my inner rage. He'd gotten a glimpse of it when he'd woken me up from the nightmare the previous day.
I'd completely failed on the calming down part so as soon as I'd seen Silver start eating, I'd gotten up to wash my own dishes so the young man sitting at my kitchen table wouldn't see how badly my hands had been shaking.
It wasn't until I'd tried to explain where the stuff to clean his own dishes was located that I'd realized there was no need to talk about what had happened the day before because as soon as I'd moved Silver back from the edge of the sink a little to reveal that compartment where the sponge and other cleaning tools were kept, I'd felt his entire body lock up right before a harsh little cry had escaped from his mouth. The sound had been so muffled that I couldn't be sure I'd heard it, but the final nail in the coffin had been the way Silver had curled his fingers against the edge of the counter on each side of the sink.
He'd been waiting for me to fuck him.
Right there in front of the sink.
Those curled, nearly colorless knuckles on each hand had meant Silver had been trying to brace himself as I pulled his pants down and shoved my dick in his ass.
Even now, I felt sick to my stomach at what it all meant. I'd already known that the young man had endured years of brutality from his captor, but having Silver put me in that same category, especially after what had happened the day before, hurt like a motherfucker. I'd already planned to give Silver the no-strings cash I'd promised him, but after what had happened yesterday morning, I'd spent the rest of the day and that evening trying to figure out how to ask him to stay.
Well, problem solved.
There was no way in hell I could have Silver in my house for one more day.
Not with the knowledge that he saw me as another captor. Someone who would use him in the ugliest ways before throwing him away like he was no more than a piece of garbage. I was lucky enough to have never experienced the first part, but I knew a shit ton about the second.
I reminded myself that Silver had the cash and my only obligation to the kid was giving him the ride I'd promised him. Once he was out of my car, I'd tell Jace where I'd dropped Silver off and then none of it would be my problem anymore.
When the boat swayed sharply to one side, then the other, I let out a silent curse beneath my breath. It seemed to take forever for Silver to appear in my peripheral vision and then finally in my direct line of sight. I was sitting on a wooden lounger that allowed me to lie completely flat or at different reclining angles. A plush, oversized pillow moved with the chair no matter what position it was in. There was also a matching ottoman. I'd had the piece of furniture custom made so it could withstand the elements, but it had been worth every penny because it helped me to sit or lie down in any position that I wanted.
I hadn't reclined when I'd sat down, so when Silver sat down on the ottoman just in front of me, I had to widen my legs a bit to make room for him. I could see the wad of cash curled up in one of his hands.
It was a gorgeous day out. The almost cloudless sky was accompanied by a gentle wind that was soft enough to make the water look like glass. It was cool out, but I knew that the afternoon would bring the warmth of spring with it.
Silver didn't seem to notice any of those things. I wondered if it was because he wasn't fond of nature or because he hadn't been allowed to be.
"I'm ready to go," he murmured as he held out his hand to give me the cash. He'd put on his original clothing that morning, but I could tell he'd only put it in the dryer because there were still several stains, probably from cars driving by him in the rain, spraying dirt and grime onto his pants legs.
I'd been one of those drivers.
Shame crawled through me when I realized that if I hadn't recognized Silver from the funeral, I wouldn't have stopped. All the things that could have happened to the young man before me if he'd been picked up by the wrong person…
"Tell me one thing," I began and then realized I needed to take the anger out of my tone because it was making Silver more nervous. I managed to catch his hand, the one holding the money, and closed my fingers around his wrist just as he tried to pull his hand back. I kept my hold on him as he nervously tried to tug his hand away.
Despite my promise to myself to get Silver out of there and let my life go back to normal, there were just some curiosities that couldn't be contained.
I leaned into Silver's space enough to have him sucking in a harsh breath. He stopped trying to pull his hand free. I began running my thumb over the soft skin of his wrist in an effort to soothe him.
"Yesterday morning," I started to say. The words had Silver going wide-eyed.
"That was—that was… a mistake. I'm so sorry for… for…" Silver stopped speaking and dropped his eyes. I used my finger under his chin to tilt his face up so I could see his eyes. He kept his gaze engaged with mine before quietly adding, "Can we just go, please?"
I could see him putting up the walls in his head one by one. Any second now and those gorgeous eyes of his would hold nothing but an empty, hollow stare.
"I've never let a guy do that to me," I said.
I was pleased to see the fiery emotion returning to his eyes. I'd clearly stumped him with my blunt words.
"Coming all over me like that," I continued. "I wanted you to run your fingers through all those juices on your dick and let me suck them off one by one." I couldn't even believe the blunt words that were falling out of my mouth with no filter or regard to the promise I'd made to myself to get him out of my house.
"What—?" Silver squeaked. I could see him shifting nervously at my declaration.
My inner voice was screaming at me to stop talking but the words just kept coming.
"I wanted to lay you down on that table and suck that gorgeous cock of yours into my mouth?—"
"Stop!" Silver cried, but he didn't seem scared. More like… intrigued. And also very confused.
"Just stop," he whispered as he firmly pulled free of my hold. But he didn't get up to leave. He shifted his body until there was no threat of my legs touching his and then he balled his hands together and began wringing them.
"Was that your first orgasm?" I gently asked. It wasn't any of my business, but the idea of being the first person to ever bring him pleasure after a lifetime of pain was something I just had to know.
Silver managed a slight nod. Despite all the bruises that were slowly healing on his face, I could see his skin go pink. His throat did the same thing. I opened my mouth to continue probing him with questions until I saw the angry welt on his throat. It didn't look as bad as it had twenty-four hours ago, but it didn't matter.
I needed to take him to the bus station or wherever else he wanted to go. I needed to escape.
I needed my pills.
And my drink.
And my boat so I could hear the soft water lapping against its hull.
"I didn't know it could be like that," Silver said, his voice cutting into my thoughts. "I mean, I knew guys could do it even when they were alone, but I never could, and Ivan only liked—" His mouth snapped shut when he realized what he was about to say.
Even if I hadn't already learned what I had about Silver's past, his words alone told me that any and every man who'd put their hands on him had done so in cruelty and degradation.
"It was my first kiss, too," Silver continued. "But you probably knew that because I didn't… couldn't… um, do it right."
"I haven't kissed a ton of guys, but I can say without a doubt, you're definitely doing it right," I said with a chuckle.
Seeing Silver's mouth tug up into a little smile made my heart beat faster. It didn't last very long, though.
"I still shouldn't have… used you like that," he said, his voice raspy like he was trying to stifle tears. "I don't know how it happened…"
Holy fucking shit. Was that what he thought? Had he been seeing the encounter like that from the moment he'd climbed off my lap?
I knew I was on thin ice. Making light of it, like I had when he'd said he hadn't done the kiss right, wasn't what he needed right now. Fuck, I wasn't good at this shit. Jace knew how to talk to people.
I didn't.
"If I hadn't wanted what you were doing to me, I would have told you so. I would have told you to stop and you would have, right?"
"Yes," Silver murmured, like he already knew what was coming next.
"Stop," I said softly, more to myself than anything else. "I have a feeling you weren't allowed to use that word much in your life," I suggested even as I wanted to throw up.
Silver's response was not to respond at all. His eyes had fallen to the shiny floor of the boat. Even though I wasn't certain if he'd freak out if I touched him, I needed to see him to make sure my next words were heard, so I gently lifted his chin again and kept my fingers there to prevent him from automatically looking back down.
"I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through, but you're free now and that word means something. Any person, man or woman, has no right to ignore that word and if they do, you fight like hell to make them hear it," I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice even.
Not surprisingly, Silver didn't respond to my statement. I doubted it was something he'd ever get used to… having the right to live his life the way he wanted.
The young man before me was so tense, I was sure he'd snap in two.
I looked at the house, then around the back of my boat. My eyes shifted to the smooth water.
"Do you want to go for a ride?" I asked. "In the boat, I mean—around the lake. Before we go to the bus station." The last words tasted sour in my mouth. I wanted him to accept the offer just as much as I wanted him to decline it. The logical side of my brain was sending out warning flags that should've had me out of the boat and heading for my car, but some other part—probably the same part that had latched on to the knowledge that I'd not only been his first kiss but responsible for his first orgasm as well—was telling me not to let him go.
He was an intrusion in my life. I liked being alone. I liked that people didn't stop by to visit. I liked not having to make small talk. I liked being able to down shot after shot and shove pills down my throat until I couldn't think or feel anymore.
"Okay," Silver murmured before I could take the offer back. My house was my home, but my boat was my entire life. Besides Jace and later Caleb, I'd never let anyone else set foot onto it.
One quick ride around the cove that my house overlooked and that would be it.
Then I'd take him to the bus station and follow through on my call to Jace.
The money Silver had returned felt like it was burning through my pocket. I knew it was going to be a battle to get him to take it, but I didn't want to think about that right now.
I slowly climbed to my feet and untied the ropes holding the boat against the dock. Once the boat was free, I made my way to the bench seat in front of the steering wheel. The sound of the motor coming alive when I turned the key had me closing my eyes. I let the sense of rightness wash over me for a few seconds before I put the boat in gear.
I steered the boat toward a small island that was nothing more than a few trees, then glanced over my shoulder to make sure Silver was okay. I was surprised to see him standing on the port side, his hand wrapped around one of the many grips available. I'd installed them around most of the boat so that if my back gave out, I could at least use the grips for support.
The cabin cruiser wasn't designed for speed, which was just fine by me. I hadn't bought it for that reason, anyway. Once I was sure that the boat was lined up straight and there were no obstacles to worry about, I set the autopilot. I leaned back against the bench and closed my eyes, taking in the sound the water made as it splashed against the hull of the boat. Birds screeched and squawked all around us as they searched for their next meal or happily preened themselves.
I was momentarily caught off guard when I felt the bench seat shift a little, but I kept my eyes closed since I knew who had decided to join me.
"You love this," Silver commented. His voice was warm and smooth. The knowledge that some of the tension had leached out of him made my heart soar. Silver's thigh was next to mine but not touching. That changed whenever he shifted his weight to look at something or to get more comfortable, and it was driving me and my dick crazy.
"Yes," I managed to say. I opened my eyes but kept them focused on the water in front of us. "Have you ever been on a boat?"
Silver didn't respond. I glanced at him to see that his brow was furrowed.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head slightly. "Nothing. Um, I've never been on a boat. Ivan didn't like them. They made him sick to his stomach."
His expression was still one of confusion.
"But…" I prodded.
It took a few seconds before he responded. I was thrilled when he turned his eyes to mine. "It… it still feels familiar somehow. I know it makes no sense…"
"Maybe you were on one before you were—" I stopped abruptly as I realized what my next word would have been.
Silver didn't finish my sentence. He merely said, "My parents didn't have a lot of money, so I doubt they ever took me on a boat."
"When we were in the restaurant a couple days ago, you mentioned that you thought you were about eight when your parents… did what they did," I awkwardly said. I already suspected Silver had been sold to Ivan, but I didn't want to say the word out loud. I supposed I wanted him to tell me when he was ready.
I had no idea why the idea of using the word "sold" in reference to Silver's past was so hard for me. It wasn't like I didn't know what it felt like to be unwanted. I did know. Some could even say that my childhood had been like one financial transaction after another. I'd survived it, but the things I'd experienced had been a cakewalk compared to what Silver had endured.
Silver let out a harsh little laugh but didn't say anything. I could tell he was on the verge of clamming up completely, so I said, "Do you want to drive?"
Thatgot his attention.
"What?"
"The boat. Do you want to drive it? It's not much more than making sure we don't run into any icebergs, but you might like it."
"Icebergs?" Silver asked in surprise. He began searching the water frantically.
I wanted to kick myself in the ass for not realizing he'd probably never seen the movie Titanic before. Since he likely knew nothing about the infamous fate of the luxury cruise ship that had sunk long ago, taking many of its passengers with it to its icy grave, he wouldn't have had a frame of reference for my iceberg remark.
"Sorry, it's a reference to this movie… it doesn't matter. I was only joking. There're no icebergs."
I was worried he'd believe the joke had been meant to belittle him, but he smiled slightly and said, "Oh."
"So do you want to take the wheel?" I asked as I placed my hand on the steering wheel.
I could see the want in his eyes. He was definitely curious.
"Um, I don't know. I didn't know boats could even drive themselves," Silver commented.
"It's called autopilot, and the boat isn't really driving itself. It basically allows you to drive the boat in a straight line without having to keep your hands on the wheel. You still have to watch for obstacles because it can't see those and it doesn't automatically turn to avoid them," I explained.
Silver was quiet for a moment before he said, "Okay."
I expected Silver to move so we could easily switch spots, but he surprised me when he began to climb over me. He froze the moment his body was lined up with mine. No doubt he was remembering the previous day. I sure as shit was.
Thankfully, the young man hurried to get over me so he could sit behind the wheel. My dick was already at half-mast but as soon as I remembered the conversation we'd been having, I felt my dick deflating.
I reached across him to flip off the switch for the autopilot and told him just to keep the boat headed straight. It wasn't until his body began to relax several minutes later that I broached the topic again. "Your parents… they didn't leave you with Ivan, did they?"
Silver didn't respond, but there was no missing the tension that was starting to coil throughout his body again.
"They sold you to him, didn't they?" I probed.
I was sure he wouldn't answer. He was once again wound tight but steering the boat seemed to be doing what I'd hoped it would. There was no feeling like the one you got when you were in control of a boat out on open water. I only hoped that some of that control would make it easier for Silver to answer my questions.
The young man nodded. I thought that was the only response he was going to give me but then he quietly said, "Not for money, though. They ran out of their…"
When he hesitated, I considered his words before supplying, "Drugs."
Silver nodded again. "They called it medicine."
"Do you remember any of the time you spent with your parents before they?—"
"No," Silver said adamantly. "Why does it matter?" he snapped. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel, but he remained focused on the water in front of us. There wasn't another boat in sight.
"You said you felt like you'd been on a boat before even though you couldn't remember ever actually having been on one." I paused to give him time to digest my words before continuing. "This morning you disappeared. In your mind. Like you were remembering something."
Silver finally looked at me. "I told you it was nothing. It was probably just something I saw on the internet or TV," he said. I could tell from his voice that his stress was building.
I could have ended the conversation there but if my suspicion turned out to be correct, it was something Silver deserved to know.
"What did you see?" I asked. I slid closer to him, enough that our thighs were touching. I practically had to pry his left hand from the steering wheel. I surrounded it with both my hands and began rubbing it, hoping the move would help him relax. I was glad when he didn't jerk it away.
"Some people at a table. Eating. Kids laughing. I don't know," he responded in frustration.
"Have you had any other strange sensations like that?" I asked.
"Cartwheels," Silver said simply.
"Cartwheels?"
"I know what they are. It's like the boat. I can't remember ever doing them but there's this feeling…"
"Like you'd done them before?"
It took a long time for Silver to respond. "I'm not sure."
I was surprised when he looked at me. "How do I know what they are, Dalton?" he asked, his voice full of confusion and fear. "Cartwheels… how do I even know that word?"
I began stroking the inside of his wrist in the hopes of calming him down. It took a while for it to work, but I could tell he was still trying to control his emotions as he stared at the water in front of us.
As much as I hated to do it to him, I needed to know the truth. It didn't matter why I needed to know; I just did. More importantly, though, he needed to know the truth.
"Silver," I began carefully. "Is there any chance that the people who took you and sold you to Ivan weren't your real parents?"