10. Ten

Ten

Anna

Carson's hand sends a shiver of awareness down my spine as we walk into his mother's spacious living room. The ceiling-to-floor windows are expansive, showing a breathtaking view of the St. John's River. It's a mix of decorating styles that is stylish and comfortable at the same time.

"Anna, please call me Bonnie. I've been looking forward to this visit." Bonnie leads Connor and me around the house while Carson disappears to the kitchen.

Bonnie looks down at Connor once she's given us a tour, "I just pulled some chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. They're in the kitchen if you want one," she says with a fond smile. "I bet they're still warm."

Connor's eyes go wide with delight as he bounds into the kitchen ahead of us. "Grandma, I found the cookies," Connor yells. Bonnie gets a big smile on her face at hearing the word grandma fall from his lips.

"Here, let me get you a plate." She gives Carson a smile of approval when she sees he's already got a glass of milk ready for Connor. She slides two cookies on a plate for Connor and slides another plate of cookies between Carson and me.

I look around the spacious kitchen. It's white and bright and has all the latest appliances, yet still has a bit of country charm.

We all grin when Connor gives a contented sigh as the last bite of cookie disappears into his mouth. "Thanks, Grandma." He ignores the napkin I hold out and instead wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He leaves a trace of chocolate on his chin.

In a voice filled with emotion, Carson asks, "So, Mom, what do you think of your grandson, Connor Carlton?"

"Connor Carlton?" Her eyes fly to Carson, and then she looks over at me. I smile and nod. "I named him after his grandfather."

When Carson's mother blinks, a single tear spills over onto her cheek. She gently wipes it away, her gaze lingering on me with a warmth that speaks volumes. Her eyes return to Connor as he finishes the last of his milk. "That's a very fine name," she says, her voice thick with emotion.

At lunchtime, we all sit down around her large dining room table. The aroma of Bonnie's huge tray of lasagna with garlic bread fills the air, making our mouths water. She has a grand time filling Connor's ear with funny stories about Carson and his brothers. My son's laughter is contagious, and soon, the dining room is filled with hearty laughter.

Afterward, we wander over the grounds. Bonnie's home sits on a huge piece of land directly on the St. John's River. She has a large boathouse that sits proudly by the dock. Connor is between Carson and me, each of us holding his hand. We stroll out over the wooden planks and perch on the edge, our feet dangling over the slow-moving river.

Dappled sunlight glints off the waves as we listen to the water lapping softly against the dock. The sound mingles with the chirping of birds overhead.

As we sit, I look over at my son, "Remember when we used to pick out images in the clouds?"

Connor scoffs, "When I was five."

I point to one of the cottony clouds overhead, "Doesn't that look like a duck?" He squints his eyes and says, "Yeah, and look at that one. That looks like an elephant."

Soon, Carson joins in. I have to pinch myself because it feels like we're a real family.

We reluctantly stand as the sun lowers in the sky and the shadows lengthen. We head back toward the house amid Connor's endless questions about the motorboat and going out on the water.

Connor is practically bouncing up and down when Carson promises we'll return for a boat ride. He explains the boat belongs to his brother. But Carter left the keys for any of the family to use.

"When can we go out on the boat?" Connor asks with wonder in his eyes. The eagerness in his voice tugs on my heartstrings.

Carson chuckles. "Thinking maybe tomorrow or the next day. Depends on when Uncle Chase wants us over for dinner. I'll call both my brothers tonight, but I have a feeling we'll be invited to come over tomorrow."

"Cool!" That one word conveys his eagerness to meet more of Carson's family.

"Connor, do you like to fish?" Carson asks.

"Fish? I don't know. I've never been fishing," Connor says, his eyes wide.

"We'll have to go fishing one day soon," Carson promises. Connor looks up at him with sincere eyes. "I think I'll like fishing with you, Dad."

Carson reaches out with one arm, unable to resist, and pulls our son into a side hug. "You bet you will," he says, his voice husky as he buries his face in Connor's soft hair.

I swallow the lump in my throat that's been there ever since we arrived. The entire day has been filled with emotional reunions between grandma and grandson, as well as a day of discovery between father and son. I've been trying to hold my emotions in check, otherwise I'll be crying uncontrollably and going through a box of tissues.

While the focus has been on our son, there's a subtle thread of awareness between his father and me. A few times today, I've turned and caught Carson's eyes lingering on me for a beat too long. His stares cause an unfamiliar heat to spread through my lower abdomen.

The more time we spend together, the easier the conversation flows between us. The way we seem to anticipate each other's thoughts - it's all so familiar. I thought those things had faded with time, but here they are, resurfacing.

Laughing at something Connor said, I look up to find Carson mirroring my amusement, shared laughter sparking in our eyes. Then, just as quickly, he looks away. A flicker of something akin to resentment crosses his features as if the reminder of our connection is unwelcome.

My smile falters. This unspoken tension between us, a tangled mess of emotions, adds another layer of complexity to our already strained relationship.

Soon, we're at the door saying our goodbyes to Bonnie. Connor snuggles closer to his grandma, clearly enjoying the newfound attention she's lavishing on him.

"You'll come back and visit me often, won't you?" she asks us. Carson smiles, "Yes, Mom. I was going to suggest that we throw a cookout, but later, after our immediate family gets to know everyone."

Bonnie smiles approvingly, "I think that sounds wonderful." She leans down so she's at eye level with Connor. "It was so wonderful to meet you, Connor. Knowing I have such a wonderful grandson makes me happy."

Connor ducks his head. "I like having a wonderful grandma, too." Carson's mother can't contain the smile that blooms across her face.

Later that night, we fall into what is becoming our nightly routine. I tuck Connor in and step out of the room, leaving Carson to say goodnight. He typically sits with Connor for a few minutes.

Tonight, when he comes out of Connor's room, he nods to me, "I'll see you and Connor in the morning. I'm going to call my brothers and let them know that I have a son. We'll probably be meeting at Chase's house tomorrow night."

"Alright. See you tomorrow," I say with a pasted-on smile.

After he turns and leaves the room, I go into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of white wine. I carry it with me into my bedroom. My gaze drifts around my room. It's fairly large, with a queen-sized bed, a large armchair, a mid-sized dresser, and a walk-in closet. It's decorated in all different colors of blue. It's beginning to feel like it's my space.

I put on my pajamas, a lightweight cotton cami, and short set. It has dainty scalloped piping around the edges that makes me feel feminine. I lounge in the armchair with my e-reader.

I sigh as I close the lid. I can't quite get into the story of the grumpy male character who falls head over heels for the heroine. Not when I have my very own version of an alpha grumpy male right down the hall.

And his hooded glances are doing a number on my dormant libido. At least it used to be dormant. I grin ruefully. Leaning my head back against the armchair, I close my eyes and think back over the afternoon and how it felt to sit on the dock like a real family.

It's what I used to dream about. Carson, me, and our son. Maybe if I had handled things differently or had explained about Graham, I grimace. The past is the past. And honestly, if I had to do things over - I still would have married Graham when he offered. I can't regret being there for him. No one should have to go through terminal cancer alone.

I wearily get up from the armchair and crawl into bed.

It feels like I have just closed my eyes when I hear my son cry out. I scramble to pull back the covers, jump out of bed, and rush to his bedside.

"Connor? Baby, you okay?" I approach the bed to find Connor with tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah," he sniffles. "I had a nightmare," he admits in a shaky voice. I sit down on the side of the bed, "You're safe." I reach out a hand and smooth his hair off his forehead. I reach down and place my hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright now?" I turn when I hear Carson at the door.

He has a frown on his face as he stands there in a pair of boxers and nothing else.

"I thought I heard something…" His voice trails off when he gets a good look at Connor's face. He comes over and crouches by Connor's bed. Close to where I'm already sitting, his bare torso brushes against my legs. "Hey, Buddy, you okay?"

Connor tries to wipe away his cheeks with a brave hiccup. "I had a nightmare. When I opened my eyes, it was black. I couldn't see anything."

Carson says, "Nightmares can be scary." He looks around and then over at the dark nightlight, "The bulb went out." He stands and runs a hand through his hair. "I think I may have another bulb or another night light. Let me check." He unplugs the light and takes it with him. He glances over at me with a nod, turns, and quietly leaves.

I reach out and take Connor's small hand in mine. "What was the nightmare about?" I ask gently.

"I dreamt that you and Dad left me," he sniffles again, "I was all alone."

I lean down and cradle him in my arms like when he was a baby. I rub his back as I lightly rock us back and forth, "You will never be alone, Connor. You have me and now your dad. We love you dearly, and we will never, ever leave you." He gives a shaky nod, still wrapped tightly in my arms.

"You even have a grandma. You saw how much she cares for you. Tomorrow, you'll meet even more family. And all of them will love you, too." I lean back and tilt his chin up. As I look into his watery eyes, a trace of fear still lingers. "You will never be alone. You will always be surrounded by family who love you. Understand?"

I watch as he smiles shakily, "Yeah, Mom. Thanks."

I reach out and cup his cheek. "I love you, kiddo. So, much. And so does your dad."

I'm suddenly aware of Carson's presence as he stands in the open doorway. He clears his throat as he steps into the room with a night light in his hand. He walks over to the wall opposite the bed and plugs it in. Instantly, the room is filled with dim light.

"There, that ought to do it. What do you think, Connor?" He asks solemnly.

Connor again sniffles and says, "Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, Son." Carson walks over, leans down, and hugs him. "We're right down the hall if you need us. Got it?"

Finally, a sliver of a grin stretches across Connor's face, "Yeah. Both of you came."

"Yep. And we always will." He squeezes his shoulder and steps back. I lean in and place a gentle kiss on Connor's cheek. "Sleep tight, Baby."

He gives a huge yawn, rolls over, and hugs a pillow. I stand and join Carson at the door. He hesitates, and I say gently, "Let's leave the door open for tonight."

He gives a quick nod, abruptly turns, and walks hurriedly to his bedroom. I stand there watching his retreating backside. I shake my head with a frustrated shrug; what did I do this time to offend him? I swear there is no pleasing that man. With a sigh, I go back to my bed, crawl in, and resolutely shut my eyes, refusing to even dream about that man.