43. Ethan

forty-three

Three fucking weeks and two days!

The first two weeks I clung to hope. I visited every fucking day, but Evie wouldn’t come out.

And her friend wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t blame her though.

Unlike me, she was trying to protect her friend.

I didn’t blame Evie either.

I deserved this, but God, I needed her.

I needed a second chance … I needed help, not just for me now, but for Sophie too.

For the past week, my daughter hadn’t been doing fine.

The doctor said it was nothing but a stomach flu. But Sophie had constantly acted like it was more than that. It didn’t take a genius to know why.

She’d noticed Evie’s absence and wanted her back.

Fuck, on some days where she didn’t talk to anyone— anyone at all about anything— she’d mention Evie.

The hollow in my chest became unbearable.

I started to feel everything I felt in two folds. Hurt, anger, sadness, loneliness, dejection. Hell, I felt every single emotion named.

On some days, the feeling of dejection morphed into one of frustration and I lashed out on my employees: home and company.

Sometimes I became irrational, oftentimes I was numb.

Since I could barely concentrate on anything, Mother moved in until I got my shit sorted out.

She knew the reason I— everything— was like this. She had informed Gwendolyn too.

The both of them had advised me that time was all Evie needed to come around.

Doctor Amelia had said the same.

The truest love sometimes plays out in the most funniest of ways. Evie is hurt but she’ll come around. It”s only a matter of time. But you, keep chasing relentlessly; time will surely yield to your effort.

Those were Doctor Amelia’s words.

When Henry heard about the situation, he called. It was then I told him how I really felt about Evie. Rather than just being my nanny, she meant so much more. When Henry learnt my true feelings, he encouraged me to chase after her. But chasing one who wanted to be free was hard.

On days when the dreary, lonely feeling set in hard, the CCTV footage of when she was in the mansion was my only solace.

I watched it all. From the exercises she did with Sophie, to the day when it all went bad— her birthday.

She baked with Sophie, and Sophie seemed to enjoy every bit of it.

I couldn’t deny, Sophie was one of the reasons I wanted her back. But where Sophie missed her nanny, I missed the woman I loved.

Yes, love.

I hated that it took this happening to see that I really loved her. I hated that I’d been lying to myself.

Releasing a thick breath, I downed the remaining cup of my coffee, staring at the familiar brown house.

I was in Minnesota, right in front of James’ house. But I was hesitating.

Everything I”d felt before leaving New York was slowly dissolving under the weight of fear.

What if Evie didn”t want to see me? What if she didn”t want me back and the door to her life would be shut forever? Fuck what if James didn’t want me?

My fingers worked their way through my hair.

I hated the uncertainty. I fucking hated it, but I”d gladly go through this if it meant having her back.

I would have her back.

Slowly, I pushed the door open. My steps felt heavy as I tried to gather any sense of hope. Just as I took another step, the door opened, and James appeared.

For the longest time, I froze. He did too.

Many thoughts surged through my head as I wondered what went through his.

I couldn”t deny the harsh pacing of my heart when he started to take slow steps towards me.

The early morning sun illuminated his face. He seemed just like always but with an undertone of exhaustion.

I held my breath when he finally reached me.

The anger I expected to see in his eyes was absent, instead, there was something else, something I couldn”t quite decipher.

“Coffee?” His voice was arid as he held my gaze.

I didn”t want coffee. I didn”t want it because it had been my only savior whenever I tried to absolve myself from the taunting dreams of what I’d lost— from the taunting dreams of Evie.

“Yes,” I breathed.

The ride to the coffee place was awkward but we arrived at the small shop and found a somewhat secluded place to settle in.

“I”m sorry, James.”

I broke the silence. “I truly am… for everything. I know what you must think of me. That I”m foolish and despite everything that happened, I still came here. James, I swear I”m truly sorry, but I can”t… I just can”t stay away from her. I considered it all before coming here but I”ll… I”ll just… rather go through your fury than live without Evie.”

“I”ve never known you to be a man of many words.” His stare was blank.

“Wha–what?”

“I”ve never known you to be one that stutters.”

I furrowed my brows.

“I”ve never known you to be this irrational, Ethan. So, I need one answer, why are you here?”

His voice was still dry, but his eyes… held something.

I could tell he wanted nothing but the truth. I had no business lying.

“I love her.” I didn”t let my voice waver. “I love Evie, James.”

He inhaled a sharp breath, staring deeply into my eyes.

I poured my emotions into my orbs. At this point, I was as plain as paper. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain from telling the truth.

He bit his lips before glancing around. “Love…” he trailed. “That”s the only thriving emotion here.”

“I don”t under—”

“You know, Rachael used to say something.” The smile on his face was distant. “She would say it whenever two birds perched on our window and I tried to swat them away. She would say don’t ruin a love story, James.”

My heart shook.

“Then she would nudge my arms…and then we’d laugh.” He shook his head, his eyes glistening with tears. “I just never thought that one day I’d apply that same statement to a situation between… between my best friend and daughter.”

“Recalling the statement made me think, was I really protecting Evie or was I ruining something? It occurred to me that I was ruining…hindering her happiness. As much as Evie wanted to deny it, I knew that she wasn”t happy, even when she first arrived,” he sighed.

It’d been hard for her too.

“She tried to put on this… happy facade but that was just for me, not her. Then I— I found her chat.”

A flicker of pain crossed his eyes.

“Indeed, she wasn”t happy but she believed she had no choice.”

His thumb lightly rubbed against his index finger, an act he did when he was in deep thought.

“Like I said to her, it is times like these that test us. And if I failed as a father, it wasn”t a bad thing… because failure can be a chance to start again.”

As I stared at him, it dawned on me. The indecipherable emotion I’d seen earlier was acceptance.

“I guess love… is a damn weed,” he laughed, planting eyes on nothing in particular.

“It grows in the most unexpected places…” he looked at me. “…and even through the cracks in the most guarded hearts.”

I watched him without words.

“Perhaps, Ethan, this is a chance for you to prove that you”re worthy of her love, not just as someone who”s trying to get her back but as a man who loves her.”

The words felt like a dream. Never would I have thought that I’d meet this— James talking without anger.

I could tell that he hadn’t completely forgiven me, but he had accepted the situation. He had accepted me. And that was a good start.

“Thank you, James. Thank you.” My voice was raw.

He nodded slowly, a bit of lag in his movement.

“She”s home, planning to leave the house to do something with her volunteering experience.”

My fist clenched.

“Leave me here,” James rasped dryly. “Go.”

I didn”t need to be told twice before I jumped out of my seat and raced to my car.

Just like Dr. Amelia said. Love, true love, transcends everything. It’s a primal connection, a force that defies logic.