41. Ethan

forty-one

The last time I felt a pain in my chest was in college. It was a muscle strain from going to hard at the gym.

I would take painkillers and after a while, the pain would subside.

But this pain was different. It was deeper than any muscle strain. It was stronger than the alleviating power of any painkiller.

I stared at the door she slammed shut, the harsh echo ricocheting through the space.

“I stayed because I loved you.”

“I should have expected nothing less from a self-centered prick like you.”

Her words echoed louder in my head before settling in my heart, each one knifing the walls of my chest.

Her hurt expression mocked me. It taunted me… made me realize what I’d finally lost.

The weight of the realization weakened my limbs.

I gripped the edge of the table.

I’d… I’d seen it coming— this, but it was a slow-motion train wreck I couldn”t bring myself to stop.

It was my inevitable doom. I was a self-centered… selfish bastard, and this was what I deserved.

I didn”t deserve her. I didn”t deserve to chase after her.

The bitter taste of regret flooded my mouth.

I thought I was being safe.

I thought it was in our best interest if I only focused on what matters— my relationship with James, my company, and Sophie, but I was wrong.

I failed to see that she mattered, too. I failed to see that she mattered until the very end.

“You treated me like trash. Still, I looked past your flaws. I understood the burdens of your past and even shared in them. And this… this is what I get in return?”

Fuck.

I’d do anything to erase that narrative.

I’d do anything to go back in time and right my wrongs, even if it meant betraying James again.

I’d do anything just to make sure this wasn”t the end.

I dug my fingernails into the table. This wasn’t the end. This couldn”t fucking be.

Like a fresh cloud of realization descended upon me, I shot up, racing past the door.

The elevators descended at a painfully slow pace. When it opened, I sprinted out.

I couldn”t lose her.

I ran outside the building like the crazed bastard I was. My chest heaved heavy breaths as I scanned everywhere.

Shit.

She was gone. I was too late.

I just hoped she went to the mansion. I hoped she gave me a second chance.

“Fuck!” I yelled when I didn’t find my car keys in my pocket.

I quickly ran out the compound and tried to hail a cab. None of them seemed to stop.

What the fuck was going on?

I was on the edge of insanity when one stopped.

I quickly jumped in, describing the address of the mansion. I was grateful when he sensed my urgency and matched the accelerator.

My breathing was still erratic. Seeing Evie was the only way I could calm down.

Leaning my head against the jagged headrest, I dug my nails into my palms. I had to see her…I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t lo-

Abruptly, the car came to a halt. Anger filled me when I looked to see flashing lights and traffic cones blocking off the lane.

An accident. My heart caught in my throat at the thought that crossed my mind. It couldn’t be Evie.

“Seems there’s been an accident.” The taxi driver grunted at the police officer that gestured to another lane.

“I’ll have to take another route, but I tell you it’s going to be a long ride.”

I fisted my hair, shutting my eyes momentarily as he drove. I was falling terribly behind. I didn’t have the luxury of time.

Immediately, I found my phone from my pocket. It fiddledmessily in my palms before I got a hold of it.

Without haste, I dialed Virginia. She picked on the first ring.

“Hello, si—”

“Is Evie home?”

“She left with her things not quite long, sir.”

My heart broke.

“To where?”

“She didn”t say. She was in tears.”

My hand fell from my ear. She left... she left. The words kept ringing in my ear as I weakly muttered to the cab man to take me back. The ride back was a blur.

After paying him, I exited the vehicle. As I stood, everything suddenly felt too tight. My shirt, my suit… my heart.

The walk back to my office was desolate.

I barely heard the concerned voice of the receptionist as I entered the elevator before pausing it.

I slumped against the floor bringing my head between my palms. For a moment it all went blank. My head, the world around me… everything.

I leaned my head against the wall, releasing a long breath.

When I leveled my vision, I stared at the reflection on the wall. The man who stared back at me wasn”t who I wanted to be— weak and a coward.

No.

I didn”t sulk and wait for things to change, not when I had the power to change things.

I could feel my breathing slowly gain a steady rhythm with each passing second.

Slowly determination poured into me. It started with a drop that erased every doubt before transforming into a wave that formed my resolve.

I would become the man she deserved. I wouldn”t let her go without a fight.

I would get Evie back.

Instantly I stood up, pressed the button on the keypad, then found my phone before dialing Philip. When he picked, I spoke.

“Evie Norman. Find her.”

***

The following morning I was up earlier than usual.

It was hard getting home last night to an almost empty mansion but the flicker of hope that came with the determination was the only thing I clung to.

Still, the night felt long as all I could think about was her but once the night succumbed to day, I was ready.

I made my way to Sophie’s room. She was already awake.

I wondered if she felt Evie’s absence already.

“Good morning, princess.” I managed to smile.

“Daddy,” she smiled. The word made its way to my heart.

“Grandma will take care of you today, okay?” I hugged her to my chest.

She nodded. She didn”t ask about Evie yet.

Releasing a sigh, I stepped out of the room. I nodded past Joseph and Virginia as I walked by.

I didn”t miss the surprise look on their faces. They were probably wondering why I was at home at this time.

I wondered what ran through their head at the revelation that Evie had gone.

I reached my car, entered, and ignited the engine. Philip had provided information on Evie’s whereabouts. She was with a friend, Emma.

My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel tightly. Hope— I had to hold on to every iota of hope.

The drive to Emma’s place took a while but I finally arrived at the building.

It was a walk up building of six floors. Her apartment was on the third. Inhaling a small breath, I walked up the stairs to the third floor. It was the fourth apartment on the floor.

I quickened my pace when I almost reached there. Before I knocked, I took another breath. I couldn”t lose her.

On the first knock, no one answered. Weren”t they home?

My fist met the door again with a slightly intense force. No answer.

Or did she know it was me? No, she couldn’t. Or could she?

I raised my hand to knock again when I heard movements. The locks unbolted and the door slowly peeled open. An unfamiliar face appeared behind the door. There was a hint of surprise in her orbs. She was tall and had brown hair and grey eyes. It must have been her friend, Emma.

“Please, I need to see Evie.”

“You must be the dickhead that left her in tears,” She scoffed. “Why do you think she would want to see you?”

Hold on to every bit of hope, Ethan. “

I—” I forced a shaky breath. “I just need to see her… please, Emma. Please let me see her.”

Her brow raised before she eyed my appearance. The silence that stretched was tension I didn”t need.

“Let me see if she wants to have a conversation.” She slammed the door.

My heart raced as she disappeared into the apartment. With each second, I felt the nervousness wrack my spine.

Hope. I didn”t know how long I stayed there, waiting but when she reappeared through the open doors, disappointment clenched my heart.

I could see the expression on her face— hard with a little pity.

“She said you need to leave.”

I held my breath. The only sound that followed was the one of hope breaking in me.

“Evie, please…I know you can hear me.” I raised my voice so she could hear.

“Please, I messed up, and I want to make things right…”

I yearned desperately for her… her voice, but nothing came.

“Please, I— need you. Sophie needs you…”

No answer. My breath became hot in my lungs, spilling with each shaky breath.

“I”m sorry, Evie. But please don”t let it end this way. I don”t want it to end this way.”

Emma folded her arms in her chest before tugging her lips into a frown.

“You had your chance. It”s too late.”