19. Ethan

nineteen

My suited physique stared back at me as I slowly knotted my tie. Despite the precise movement of my fingers, the tie didn’t seem to come out well. Every time I loosened my grip, I was met with a slightly crooked knot.

As weird as it sounded, I hated knotting ties. But that wasn”t the reason for my failed trials this morning.

Dr. Amelia didn’t have the answer, or better still, she didn”t say what I wanted to hear. I let my mind replay our conversation.

She made a small gesture with her hand. “Please, by all means.”

I sat, staring at her for a while, wondering what exactly I was doing here. “Lately, there has been some inconvenience.”

She straightened her spine. “Inconvenience with what, Mr. Thorne?”

“With my thoughts.”

I watched her brows furrow slightly. “I don’t understand. Could you break down these thoughts for me?”

“No”.

“Oh.” The surprise on her face was evident in her voice. “I may not be able to help you if I don”t understand the cause of your inconvenience.”

I didn”t need help.

“I don”t need help.”

She blinked. I could see the confusion in her eyes. It was the same confusion that was swirling in my mind.

“… Just clarity,” I continued.

There was a small pause before she replied. “Ah, I see.”

“In the world of business, danger manifests when the risks outweigh the reward. These thoughts that I have are causing inefficiency in my schedule, and frankly, it”s distracting.”

“Okay.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line. “So you”re thinking since you”re calculative, you shouldn”t be teetering on the edge of a possible risk. Is that correct?”

“Affirmative.”

“For you to consider taking the risk on this project, it means the reward is attractive. Perhaps it is over the bar.”

Project…

“The reward is pleasure. Personal gratification.”

The wrinkled lines around the corner of her eyes drew together even more. “Help me out, Mr. Thorne. What project gives a reward of pleasure?”

“That”s not why I”m here.”

I could see the wheels turning in her eyes.

“The risk at hand is very dangerous and would cost me a valuable friendship. I know this, yet I can”t seem to put myself in check.”

“Only two things, Mr. Thorne, can make any man feel so… out of control,” she breathed. “A failed project… or a woman.”

She continued. “For me to help you gain clarity, you need to tell me what it is.”

I clenched my jaw to curtail the distaste on my tongue. Admitting a woman was disrupting my schedule was a bitter pill to swallow. But I did.

“The latter.”

If she looked surprised, it didn”t show. She also didn”t say it.

“And this woman is always in close proximity?”

I nodded. She breathed.

“You said the risk could cost you a valuable friendship. Is she a friend?”

“Worse.”

“Who is she?”

“Sophie’s nanny, my secretary, and my best friend’s daughter.”

She paused. I held my breath when I saw the look in her eyes. She found it complicated.

“How long have you known this friend?”

“Twenty-four years.”

She swallowed.

“It makes sense now. Thank you, Mr. Thorne, for clarifying that.”

I nodded. So what now?

“Have you felt this way for another woman after your late wife?”

“No.”

“What do you think makes her different?”

I was caught unaware by the question. I’d never thought about that. Her curves were her primary attraction, nothing more.

“Her body.” I cleared my throat.

She stared at me for a while. “Just that?”

I nodded.

“So, what exactly is the problem here, Mr. Thorne.”

I frowned. Everything I’d said was the problem.

“You don”t want to indulge because when you do, you stand the risk of losing valuable friendship. Or… you fear you might get too attached.”

My heart skipped a bit. That wasn’t—

“I want you to tell me precisely what you feel in this moment about the friendship.”

“Guilt… betrayal.”

“Anything else?” she urged.

“No.”

She nodded, holding my gaze. “You don’t feel fear.”

I blinked.

“You’re not scared of losing the friendship. Rather, your guilt and betrayal stems from a fear of hurting your friend.”

She continued. “…let me ask this question. Would you still indulge if you could do it without hurting your friend?”

I struggled to find the answer. It wasn”t a ‘No’.

“It may be lust now, but how long till it becomes something more? It may be a battle of the mind now, but how long till it becomes a battle of the heart?”

“The risk is beyond losing friendship. Good things come at a cost. The question is, are you willing to take the risk?”

***

I wasn”t exactly sure what I wanted to hear. But not words that gave even the slightest allowance for taking the risk.

With a more focused mind, I tried again with the tie. This time, I got it right. The Cartier wristwatch lying on the table was the last item to complete my outfit. I grabbed it, glancing at the time as I strapped it to my wrist.

I had twenty minutes left to make it. Gwen said that the event would start at six, and she was downstairs to make sure that I was on time. She’d also informed me that Henry couldn’t make it. He had a fashion event today in London.

I didn”t like that I was going to the event because there were other things I”d much rather do. But I had to support her cause.

Tugging the sharp ends of my gray suit lightly, I gave myself a once-over. Satisfied with my appearance, I headed for the living room.

I could also use this night to my advantage. Unwind and probably get laid if I encountered any of those desperate ladies. Surely, I”d encounter them. It was normal for me.

Ladies like that were always littered at such events. They tried to cling to people of power for fame or money. Feigning conversations like they were interested in my interests when, in reality, all they wanted was to lure their prey until he became a victim.

Today, they would be the victim.

I descended the stairs to Mother’s voice, surprisingly. Had she come to pay random visits as usual?

When I reached the end of the stairs, I turned the corner to the living room and met them. Mother was seated on the chair with Sophie in her arms while Gwendolyn stood inches from them.

“Good evening.” I acknowledged Mother.

She responded with a smile. “Ethan, you look gorgeous, son.”

I shrugged. Then turned to Gwendolyn. “Shouldn”t you already be at your event?”

“I should, but I”m still waiting for her.”

With a raised brow, I asked. “For who?”

Her eyes flitted to something behind me. “Her.”

Instantly, I turned and was met with a surprise. An unpleasant one.

Her eyes were wide in shock as I trailed mine from her face down the rest of her body.

Perhaps it was the lighting, but her skin somehow seemed to blend with the soft shade of her lavender dress. Two creamy flesh peeked from her chest through the top of the dress. And her thighs that evidently displayed themselves through the slit were tempting.

I buried my hands in my pocket when I started to feel the urge to caress her skin.

“What is this?” I glared at Gwendolyn. I knew she’d pull something funny, but I didn”t expect it to be a gorgeously dressed-up Evie.

“Oh. Mother has come to take care—”

I interrupted, suddenly not in the mood for her gimmicks. “Where is she going?”

“To my fundraiser, of course.”

I should have known something was up when she desperately pleaded for me to let Evie accompany her to the dress store.

“And you didn”t think to inform me?”

“Come on, brother. It”s her day off from work, and since Mom isn’t feeling too strong to go to my event, she can take care of Sophie. Let the lady breathe a little.”

Irritation curved my lips. “Gwendolyn, this doesn”t make any sense. I have rules—”

My words were caught short when Sophie wiggled out of Mother’s embrace before she ran to Evie. Evie lowered herself with a smile. I raised a brow when Sophie started to trace a finger on her dress.

“You’re so pretty,” she whispered. “I like your dress.”

Her whisper was barely audible. But I heard it. And from the pause in the room, every other person heard it. Evie too froze. She didn”t expect it.

My daughter spoke. For the first time in a long time, Sophie said something more than a request for a snack. She spoke six words… two sentences.

My heart skipped many beats as I replayed her words. My chest constricted. It felt like I’d die, but I didn”t mind. I”d die a happy man.

Instantly, I rushed to her and picked her up. It was a struggle not to hug her fragile body too tight. But God, did I want to.

I buried my nose in her hair, just inhaling the revitalizing scent of hope. She spoke.

“Wow.” Mother spoke. I didn”t look at their faces, but I was sure their reaction was the same as mine.

“Yes, Mom, wow.” Gwendolyn followed.

Still holding my daughter, I finally spared a glance at Evie. Her hands were frozen by her side as her eyes remained on Sophie.

“Sophie,” I returned my attention to my daughter. She peered at me through her lashes. I didn”t know what to say without making it look like I was pressuring her. “Will you… do you…”

I struggled to find the right question. Before I could come up with one, Mother walked up to me.

“Ethan, you should go support your sister. I”ll take care of Sophie till you return.”

Fuck the fundraiser. I wanted to stay with my daughter. To listen to her talk. I wanted to regain those one-and-half years. I wanted her to speak to me.

I shook my head at Mother. “I”d rather stay home.”

My unsteady breathing filled the room as it became silent.

“Ethan w—”

“No.”

No. I wouldn”t give up this moment for Gwendolyn.

“Mr. Thorne.” I traced the small voice to Evie. “You need to let Grandma take care of Sophie until you return. By then, the pressure would be less on Sophie, and she wouldn”t feel timid speaking to you again.”

Sophie leaned against my chest. With her face curled deep against my suit.

Slowly, I loosened my grip, and Mother took her from my hands. It was hard to let go, but I had to listen to Evie.