Chapter 24

The week after the market, Rachel walked around in a haze. Isla and Cat persuaded her to take a few days off from work, and so she spent them mainly sleeping. But each day she tried to go out for a walk.

There were walks by the sea—which were always delightful, because frankly who didn't want to hear the sound of waves shucking pebbles along the shore?—but also, Brighton sat at the foot of the South Downs, which meant that if Rachel got a bus, she could walk along Ditchling Beacon.

It was slightly muddier than she was entirely comfortable with, but the views were spectacular. Huge rolling hills as far as the eye could see, with little clusters of homes here and there.

It was very calming.

Well, when it wasn't raining. And of course, being summer in the UK, there were sudden storms which would drench you, if you were caught unawares.

Even so, it was nice, being able to take her time and not rush straight back into work after running an exhausting, if successful, event.

And it had been successful. Tel had already let her know how much the café had made, the Rachel had received multiple emails from different vendors, all raving about the experience, and saying that their sales had been really, really good.

It was satisfying to know that all their hard work had gone so well. Although knowing that she was going to have to do it all over again in a month was more than a little overwhelming. Emma had messaged her already, to let her know that she was around to help out more, and Cat seemed pretty keen on starting to organize demos and talks from the vendors themselves, so it would all soon be moving in the right direction.

The most odd thing, however, was how weird she felt when she went to bed that first night after Isla had returned to London.

Even with her bedtime story and their chats, it all felt… off.

Rachel had found herself lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Silently contemplating the shadows.

She missed her girlfriend.

She missed Isla.

It was too soon to be thinking about moving in together, she knew that. But for some reason, somehow, she was considering it anyway.

"I don't know if it will freak her out though," she explained to Tel. The two of them had become fast friends, and Tel had come over for dinner in the courtyard. "It's that stereotypical thing, isn't it? Two lesbians meet, fall in love, and move in together."

"Is it all that stereotypical though?" asked Tel. "I mean, the two of you have been friends for over a decade. You know each other, inside and out. You even bubbled together during lockdown! It's not exactly like you're rushing into this."

That was true.

"But how do I broach the topic? Do I wait ‘til she's here, in person?"

Tel gave that thought. "Yeah, I think so. It'll be easier then to gauge what her reaction is, than trying to decipher it through a phone screen. And it will also allow you to highlight the fact that you're not pressuring her to do anything she's not ready for, more that you want to open the lines of communication around it."

Rachel nodded. "Excellent plan; thanks."

"Any time," they said.

"And what about you? I realized that I don't actually know your relationship status."

Tel laughed. "Well, it's a little complicated for me. I'm demiromantic; means that I can have all the sex in the world without blinking an eye, but I rarely catch feelings. In order to catch feelings, I need to truly know them and become friends with them. And a lot of the people I'm sexually attracted to are quite happy with casual sex, so it never really develops into much more than that." They looked awkward. "People always say that you just need to meet the right person, and that's somewhat true for me. But the reality is that I need to meet the right person, shag them loads, become their best friend and then maybe, maybe, I might fall in love. But there's no guarantee."

"That makes sense," said Rach.

Tel looked slightly taken aback. "It does?"

"Sure it does! I have friends who are demisexual, why wouldn't it work the other way round?"

The relief on Tel's face was heartwarming. "Thank you. A lot of the kinky and poly friends I have get it, but often people can be quite judgmental, as if there's something wrong with me because I don't fall in love at the drop of a hat."

"Well that's shitty," said Rach. "And speaking as one of the drop of a hat people, I can confirm that it is exhausting and not at all fun sometimes. Getting to know someone first, before trusting them with your heart…" Her words trailed off, and she blinked, remembering how terrified Isla had been when she'd blurted out her feelings. "That way you at least know that if they don't return your feelings, they won't be cruel or callous about it."

"Exactly," said Tel. "Just keep that in mind. You've got nothing to worry about; even if Isla's not ready to move in yet, she loves you, and she would never do anything to hurt you. It'll be just dandy."