Chapter 2

I stood in the middle of the empty playroom in my house and glanced around. The very room that many boys had played in, but I'd kept sealed like a tomb since Dougie left. He took a handful of toys with him, though he didn't need to. His new Daddy spoiled him rotten, not that I hadn't as well. The remainder of the toys I donated. All that was left was the furniture and I'd even given away the bed. Every boy should have their own bed and new toys, not another Little's hand-me-downs.

Would Jamie want to be my new boy?

Hope.

Something I'd shed long ago. I'd spent the last year reflecting, trying to figure out where things went wrong. What made me decide to go to Cordes tonight after all this time? No clue, but fate surely had a hand in it after I'd stopped and started to go many times.

Could I have another boy, or would it end in heartbreak, too?

I didn't think I could survive that again.

Over the months following Dougie's departure, I'd buried myself in work and volunteering. I'd donated more hours with the mobile spay-and-neuter clinic than I could count. Don't get me wrong, I was more than happy to do it, though when I came home each time the house was dead silent. How I longed for it to be filled with laughter and happiness.

Soul-crushing loneliness.

I should've seen Dougie's departure coming. I was just as much at fault as he was. I failed him as a Daddy. Instead of talking about our issues, I stayed at the clinic well past closing knowing when I got home, he'd be asleep. For weeks I did this like a fucking coward. Meanwhile he took his Little time to the club and found a new Daddy.

How could I criticize him for that?

What in the world made me think the same wouldn't happen with Jamie?

Just from our brief conversation during dinner I knew he'd had bad Daddies. Hell, if Dougie and I had overshared or even had a conversation at all, that would've helped us. Jamie's oversharing was a non-issue for me.

Who was I kidding? Dougie and I were doomed to fail. Both searching for something we hoped to find in the other that probably wasn't there. This was a case where the boy was smarter than the Daddy. Dougie had enough, packed his bags, left me a note and was gone before I got home.

And I'd moped ever since.

Wow, and I called myself a Daddy.

I was anything but.

Opening the door to this room gave me pause, but only momentarily. As I stood here, taking in the nearly empty space I thought, I wonder what kinds of toys Jamie likes? Dinosaurs? Cars? He played both with Henry at the club. Animals. I envisioned him curled up with numerous stuffed friends, his big blue eyes peeking out between them. Would he suck his thumb? Use a binky? He was so tiny it'd be easy to lose him beneath a mound of stuffies. How adorable would that be?

A game of hide and seek until his snickering led me to his location. I'd sneak up and tickle him into a breathless giggle fit. Dougie and I never played like that. How was it that I saw these acts so clearly with a boy I hardly knew? I admit to my mistakes with Dougie but maybe I'd matured enough to deserve a boy such as Jamie.

Dougie would color or play with cars but grew bored fast, then he'd get into things to get my attention. Would Jamie be the same way?

Comparing them wasn't fair, especially when I knew very little about Jamie.

Time to change that.

I backed out of the once depressing room that I now saw with a fresh set of eyes and pictured a certain sweet boy playing on the floor. Sliding the phone from my pocket, I fired off a text.

Me: Happy Saturday, Jamie. What are you up to?

He'd mentioned having to work today when I read his bedtime story last night, though I didn't ask what hours. Could be a while before I heard from him, no use making myself nuts awaiting a reply. A potential new boy needed his own outfits and toys. With that thought, I was off to my home office for a bit of online shopping, though the voice in my head warned me not to put the cart before the horse.

I wondered if he'd like to go to the San Diego Zoo or SeaWorld or for that matter. Maybe both. We could take a week off and spend it traipsing around San Diego. It'd been so long since I've been there. Sun, surf, and sand, what a great trip it would be.

And I was off and running, ignoring that niggling voice.

I fell down the wormhole of a fabulous site I hadn't been on in far too long and bookmarked way too many things for Jamie when my phone vibrated beside me.

"Hello, sweet boy, how was your day?"

With a heavy sigh, Jamie replied, "We were so busy, Daddy T, and my feet hurt." The whine in his voice nearly had me grabbing my keys to go take care of him only I realized I had no clue where he lived.

"I'm so sorry you had a rough day, is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, I'm gonna shower and pack my bag." I could hear him opening and closing drawers, I assumed gathering his clothes.

"Are you going on a trip?" He'd not mentioned it to me, but technically I wasn't his Daddy and he owed me no explanation, though I'd hoped we'd made a bit of progress.

"Silly Daddy T, no. I'm having a sleepover at Henry's."

"Oh." I was at a loss for words, unsure what to say and suddenly… sad.

"Daddy T, are you still there?" the perky boy I longed for asked when I'd been silent too long.

"Yes, yes, I am. Have fun tonight. Call me tomorrow if you want."

"Okay, bye."

The tab for the little store was still open and one by one, I deleted each item from the cart. Click. Click. Click. Yeah, got too far ahead of myself for sure. When all the cute outfits were gone, I shut it down and fixed myself a strong drink, tapping in for a long, lonely night binging a show I'd been meaning to watch.

Midway through the first episode my phone vibrated with a text alert.

Jensen: I'm told there's a sad Daddy that needs a hug. Will dinner and drinks at our house work instead? Not that I won't hug you if you need it.

Did that silly boy rat me out to my friends?

Me: Thanks, but you don't need to do that. I'm fine. Just keep an eye on Jamie for me please.

Should I have said that? Jamie wasn't mine so maybe that came out wrong.

Me: Not that he's mine, I didn't mean it that way.

Jensen: Shut up and get your ass over here. If you're not here in twenty, I'll hunt you down.

You've got this, Tim. Just be yourself.

I changed, grabbed a bottle of Pinot from the fridge and headed out. Twenty-three minutes later, I rang their doorbell.

"You're late. But you brought wine, so you're forgiven." Jensen smirked. "Come on in."

"Timothy, good to see you again." Mitchell shook my hand.

"Thanks for having me. Here, this is for you or dinner. Not sure what the plans were."

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," Henry came sliding around the corner into the entryway. "Oh," he skidded to a stop. "Hello, Daddy Timothy."

"Henry!" Jamie called out but when he tried to stop, his socks kept going. I scooped him up before he landed face down on the tile.

"Daddy T, you saved me!" He squealed in my arms and wrapped his around my neck.

"Yes, sweet boy, but if you hadn't been running inside the house you wouldn't need saving." I gave him a squeeze and set him down.

"Same goes for you, Henry," Mitchell warned his boy.

"Sorry, Daddies," the boys apologized in unison.

"Now, Henry, what is it that had you running at full speed?" Jensen asked him.

"Oh, can we have a juice box, please?" Jamie stood beside Henry, bobbing his head up and down.

"Yes, boys, take a seat on the barstools." Jensen led the boys to their seats. Jamie followed behind Henry. He was too damn cute in his little giraffe outfit. Shorts and a matching top, but the bottom of the giraffe was on the shorts and his neck curved around the side of his top with the head sitting to the right side at the top. It was adorable.

While Jensen got the boys situated, Mitchell poured the three of us a glass of wine. "Thank you."

Jensen tapped his glass to mine. "To secret crushes and happy Daddies."

Lord how I hoped so. "Cheers."

"Daddy T, you're not sad anymore." Jamie munched on his carrots and celery, singing his dippy song as he dunked them in the ranch and his tiny tush swiveled the barstool back and forth.

"No, sweet boy, I'm not, but I will be if you get hurt." I put my hand on the back of the chair to steady it, and my nerves. "Are you having fun?"

"I am. Henry has the bestest playroom ever!"

"My Daddies made it for me." Henry grinned.

Now to see this room, I might have to up the ante and refill that online shopping cart. "If you could have your dream playroom, Jamie, what would it be decorated in?" I'm pretty sure I knew the answer and when he shouted it out, he confirmed it.

"Animals. A farm. Lots of sloths and koalas. Trees for them to climb on." He ticked each off using his fingers. My mind whirled like mad with all the ideas.

Yeah, that cart I'd put before the horse was way ahead of us on the racetrack.

Jensen and Mitchell eyed me curiously, knowing grins spread across their meddling faces.

Their puppy raced in through the doggy door and straight to me. "Who do we have here?"

"That's Nallie Bear. Daddies got her for me for Christmas. Best Christmas ever!" Henry excitedly cheered.

"Hello, Nallie Bear." I scratched behind her ears and the little wiggle butt wagged her nub. "I love boxers."

"Did you know Daddy T is a vet?" Jamie proudly announced.

"We did not," Jensen replied. "But we've been thinking of switching vets so that's good to know."

Much like Jamie, animals were my kryptonite. I was the person you invited to a party who sat on the floor and played with the owner's pets all night. Right off the bat Jamie and I had something in common, a love of animals. If I wasn't already enamored with him, this assessment would've been a plus whereas now it pretty much sealed the deal for me.

"The boys wanted chickie nuggies for dinner but don't worry, we made a salad to go with it, so they'll have their veggies." Mitchell set the oven to temp. "And steaks for us."

"Ooohhh, do you have dippy sauces for them? I like ranch, and buffalo, and mustard." Jamie ticked them off.

"Mustard?" Henry made a yucky face.

"Yes, it's really, really, really good. You should try it."

"Um, I think we have those things?" Mitchell glanced at Jensen who shrugged. It took all I had not to laugh.

"Daddy T, are you sleeping over?" Jamie bounced up and down in the chair again.

"Sweet boy, you're going to give me a heart attack if you don't stop doing that. Please quit bouncing on an unstable chair." My heart literally raced. Tipping over with the chair and splitting his head open was an accident waiting to happen.

"Sorry, Daddy T, I'm just excited you're here."

"I am, too, Jamie."

"Daddy Jensen got the guest room ready so Daddy T could sleep over, too," Henry announced. Jensen winked.

"Oh, okay. I didn't bring a change of clothes, but it should be okay." I'd put these on right before I came over and as long as Jamie didn't spill all over me or no finger painting went awry, I'd be okay.

"We're sleeping in Henry's playroom." Jamie held his hands up. "All done, Daddy T."

"That's your cue." Mitchell tossed a container of wipes at me.

"Dear boy, how did you get ranch in your hair when we haven't even eaten?" I wiped it out before taking care of his ranch-covered fingers.

"Magic, Daddy!" When I finished, he kissed my cheek and hopped off the chair and off they went.

"Um, okay."

"That's a boy who knows what Daddy he wants and isn't afraid to go for it." Jensen laughed. "Better go catch him, Daddy T."

I wandered down the hall, following the string of giggles and whispers. As I approached the open door, it hit me that I was the source of all that.

"You like-like him," Henry sang to Jamie.

"I do. He's nice, he feeds me sushi, he likes animals. And he's nice."

"He-he, you already said that. You can't say it twice."

"Uh-huh, I can. But he smells good and likes my hugs."

That I did. "Knock-knock." I rapped my knuckles against the door frame. "What are you two up to?"

"Daddy T! Daddy T!" Jamie hopped up and ran over to me. "Tell Henry you like my hugs."

"I don't like your hugs, sweet boy, I love them." That was enough for Jamie to give me another.

He took my hand and led me over to their mess. "Henry loves unicorns. His favorite stuffy is a unicorn named Merlin."

"I can see that." He had an incredible one-of-a-kind playroom complete with a custom unicorn bed with a hooded overhang in the shape of a head and horn. "This room is amazing." The walls were painted in a pale baby blue with unicorns, rainbows, and cloud decals on two of the three walls and the third was lined with white shelves filled with toys, books, and stuffies.

"My Daddies are the bestest!" Henry cheered as the pony he played with galloped into a wall of building blocks. "Fall down, go boom."

Sweet Jamie clapped and cheered as his monkey swooped down from the heavens to stomp through the remains. Pure unadulterated pleasure. Not a care in the world did these two boys have as they played and knew full well their Daddies were here to protect and care for them.

I wanted to be that Daddy to Jamie with every fiber of my being.

"Someone's enamored with a certain little." Leave it to Jensen to call me out and in earshot of said boy.

"That's putting it mildly." I groaned. "What am I doing, Jensen? I fucked up my last relationship. What makes me think I won't do it again?"

"The way you look at Jamie says it all. You won't."

Too bad my brain thought otherwise.

"Come on, let's finish off that wine. No one's driving tonight and the boys are fine."

Thank fuck for that because my heart couldn't take being away from Jamie for too long. One week and I was already gone. What did that say about me?

Fucking heart…