Chapter 5

Another shift came to an end and me and a few of my co-workers sat at the bar finishing up the side work so we could get out of there. I rolled the last set of silverware, then placed it in the tray to take to the station in back for the private meeting room. With a heavy sigh, I pulled the tie from my hair. I slipped it onto my wrist and then rested my chin in my hands, my elbows balanced on the edge of the bar.

"You"re quieter than normal." Janine slid the bus tub with the napkins neatly folded into glasses and leaned forward to look me right in the eyes.

"Have a few things on my mind."

"Anything you want to talk about? Gene is completely useless, but I give spectacular advice."

I chuckled as Gene, a thin man in his early twenties tossed a pen at Janine. We"d gone out for drinks or to grab some greasy diner food after work a few times. I didn"t know if I"d consider them good friends, but I enjoyed their company.

"You know Club Q?" I asked.

"Everyone knows Q. It"s the place to be no matter your sexuality or identity. It"s been a staple for about fifteen years now. My older sister used to try to sneak in all the time. Not to mention the newish owner is really hot."

I rolled my eyes. No wonder Rogue"s ego was out of control, but I couldn"t disagree that they were beautiful. The longer time passed without answering the texts, I grew insecure and just kept closing it out without hitting send. Over a week had gone by—wouldn"t it be weird to text out of the blue? They'd probably used their act on at least a few more women already. I didn"t understand why the thought of that made me a little sick to my stomach.

"What do you know about the owner?"

"What most people know. Rogue. Nonbinary. Lover of the ladies. According to social media posts, business and personal, they are very popular. Now, rumor and behind the scenes, nice as hell. Not as romantically active as some assume. Only child to Bruiser and Charlotte Barrister, both staples in the LGBTQ community."

"Bruiser?"

Gene laughed. "And he looks like one. Charlotte is a Trans Activist in the city and he"s her personal bodyguard. We"re a city, but not a massive one and the LGBTQ community is pretty tight. Especially if you"re around the center. Charlotte is a fixture there and she loves bragging about Rogue. She runs a support group for transitioning people. Did you have a run in with Rogue?"

"I met them the other night. Rogue gave me their number. It"s been a week and I feel awkward sending a message now."

"I know some ladies who would kill for Rogue"s number," Gene said.

"That"s the issue, I"m not the hookup type. And they seem really popular." It wasn"t as if Rogue had met me at my best moment.

"They are, but, come on, Rogue is nice. What could it hurt to send them one little text?" Janine tapped the tab;e surface right next to my phone. "Do it."

Gene and Janice kept egging me on and I rolled my eyes as I picked up my phone, stroking my thumb over the screen. I pulled up the message that I"d attempted to reply to an embarrassing amount of times. Did I just send a hi or something more? I nibbled on my bottom lip as I looked up from the screen to find them watching me.

Me: Hi, remember me?

I hit send before I went into a full-blown panic attack and set my phone aside. As I started to gather my things and shoved my apron in my backpack, my phone vibrated.

"Read it," Gene hissed at me.

They were both invested, as if they were the ones waiting for the text.

Rogue: Hey, babygirl. Miss me?

I rolled my eyes and I could almost picture Rogue"s small smirk. Why did their confidence make me feel more insecure?

Me: You probably call all the girls that. Tell me my name.

Rogue: You wound me, there"s only one babygirl for me.

As I was about to reply with something sarcastic, another message popped up and I dropped my chin to my chest to hide my smile. Why did I feel like a teenager with my first crush when Rogue wasn"t even my type?

Rogue: But if it makes you feel better. Hey, Trinity, did you miss me?

Me: No.

I"d barely set my phone down after replying before she responded.

"Seems you"ve got someone"s attention." Janine grinned at me.

I shrugged my shoulders because I still didn"t know what I wanted to do about it. Even if Rogue was no more than just a flirty person, I was flattered by it. Indecisiveness made me irritable. Once I left my hometown, I promised myself no more doubts or second-guessing what I wanted. I was who I was, but I still didn"t feel like I was enough. The pressure I"d put on myself to stay in the closet, and then to live openly and authentically, no longer that person I didn"t recognize as me, scared and unsure.

"Hey, what"s wrong?" Gene asked as Janine walked off to make sure everything was locked up, and the accounting was done for the night.

"I don"t know, I"m all mixed up. I"m overthinking everything," I said as I picked up my phone but didn"t check the new text.

"You"re newly out, right?"

"My best friend has always known, but, yeah, just since I moved here."

"Hell, you"re still a baby. Some people never know what they want or they"re always in flux. What we are today isn"t always what we are tomorrow. You like Rogue, nothing shameful about that. Just because you"d never been attracted to a woman or a female-assigned-at-birth doesn"t mean it"ll never happen. Rogue is really nice and more importantly, you know what they do?"

"No, what do they do?"

"Make you smile. Could be just meeting a new friend, but what if it could be more? Think about that. Okay, I am out of here, the boyfriend should be home soon."

"What does he do?"

"Firefighter. He just asked me to move in and we"re going to look at getting new furniture and all to make his place our place."

"He sounds sweet."

"Very sweet, the first time I saw him I thought he was going to kick my ass. He"s huge compared to me. But he"s a cinnamon roll, he just looks a little scary. Good luck with Rogue. Don"t talk yourself out of at least hanging out if Rogue asks."

"Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime."

I slid off the stool, grabbed the trays, and put away the silverware rolls and glass folds. I looked up as Janine reappeared. We always walked out together when we worked the closing shifts. I pulled out my phone to order a car and the app said it was ten minutes away.

We spoke a bit longer and she walked to her car farther down the block. As soon as I saw her get in, my ride showed up and as I slid into the backseat, I pulled out my phone.

Rogue: You still working, babygirl?

Why did that endearment make me feel almost giddy? Maybe Gene was right and that I should at least see what happened. Transgender women didn"t have the easiest lives. All the news reports and articles, I"d lived in fear especially in my small, conservative town. I hadn"t seen any positive representation and I was always too scared to do searches on my computer.

My parents were loving people but extremely strict and my screen time had been severely limited unless it had something to do with school. I"d used Freida"s to find a doctor who would see me to start my transition.

I shifted on the seat and was thankful to find a silent driver. Small talk made me uncomfortable, and I never knew what to say. Even with voice lessons to make me sound more feminine, it was still new to hear my softer and higher tone. I tapped the screen for the keyboard and answered Rogue.

Me: I just got in the car to head home.

Rogue: Call me next time and I"ll come get you. Being the boss has its perks.

Me: You slack a lot for being the boss.

Rogue: That"s why they"re perks. You going to take me up on dinner again?

Me: I was thinking about it.

Rogue: Promising. What would make your answer a yes?

Me: I"ll have to think about that.

I grinned as I hit send and the car came to a stop outside my building. It was just before last call in the bars, so the streets weren"t overly busy yet. I closed out of my messenger app, tipped the driver, and told him to have a goodnight. Once I entered the building and walked to the elevator, I pushed the button as I swiped the screen.

Rogue: Why do you gotta be mean to me, babygirl? I"ll be a complete gentlethem.

I snorted reading the message as I made my way up to the tenth floor where my apartment was. The doors opened and I stepped out, digging in my backpack for my keys. They jangled as I used them to unlock the door. I found Freida still up.

"Hey, how was your night?" Freida asked as she took her attention away from the TV.

"The normal. I closed with Gene and Janine, and it always goes smoothly with them. How was work?"

"It was work. We had a new manager transfer in from another location. He"s a complete ass. None of us are fond of him and I"m glad I only have one more day until the weekend. You have plans this weekend?"

"No, I have classes tomorrow, and then I have some papers to write this weekend. You going out again?"

"Maybe, the new guy is promising. He has no interest in a romantic relationship. I mean seriously, why is it so hard to just meet a man who wants to hook up for sex occasionally? I keep finding romantic men. It sucks."

I chuckled at her frustration. It was a long-running complaint on her part. She"d assumed men would be more open to a sex-only relationship.

"Must be hard to be wanted so much." My phone buzzed in my hand and I woke it to check, reading another message from Rogue.

Rogue: Are you home safe?

Me: Yes, I just walked in the door. I was talking to Freida.

Rogue: You go relax. Whenever you"re ready for dinner let me know. No pressure, babygirl. Goodnight.

Disappointment hit me as they said goodnight, ending our communication. Even if we didn"t head into a romantic relationship, I needed to figure out what about Rogue had me so confused and distracted. I couldn"t remember another person intriguing me that much. I"d never developed a connection with anyone in my past like Rogue. I was just about to type goodnight when another text popped up.

Rogue: And don"t hesitate to text me. I know you were nervous.

Me: Goodnight.

I tapped send and then instantly started typing again.

Me: I don"t have plans other than homework this weekend. I may need a distraction Saturday.

Rogue: I"ll pick you up at eight. No, don"t ask, because it"s a surprise.

"Rogue?" Freida interrupted my texting with raised brows.

"Yes, we"re getting together Saturday at eight. They"re going to pick me up."

"I knew it." She shook her head. "Don"t be so closed-minded. Even if it just turns into a one-off, at least you get laid."

"Of course that"s your take. Maybe it"s just friends hanging out." I walked toward my bedroom with her cackling maniacally behind me.

Part of me was excited for the non-date and maybe a night of just us, and I looked forward to it. What that meant I still wasn"t sure, but maybe Saturday I could figure it out.