Chapter 1

Impulsivity and I had never mixed well, and the proof was walking out of the club bathroom before I"d even fixed my skirt. No thank you or an offer of future hookups, just… gone. My only reminders were embarrassment and a sore ass. Why did all my hookups end the same way? I"d never had one man who wanted to claim me as his. What did I do so wrong?

When my best friend and I packed up our old, shared car and drove across several states for new jobs and lives, Freida said I needed to loosen up. Halfway through our trip I"d changed into a pretty dress, removed the tie from my hair and applied just the smallest bit of makeup. Trinity was born, for twenty-five years I"d existed as a caricature of myself, and two of those I"d kept I"d started gender affirming care a secret.

Freida told me it was time, ordered me to pack my things; we were leaving. A year passed, I had a job I loved surrounded by supportive people and I was going to school. Romance was the only thing I hadn"t gotten around to. And I knew that wouldn"t happen in some club bathroom, but to be honest, I was a healthy mid-twenties woman and I"d wanted to get laid. Just a thanks would"ve been nice.

I made sure I was presentable and exited the stall, and glanced at myself in the mirror. Washing my hands, I checked to make sure my makeup wasn"t messed up. I forced back tears at my feelings being hurt. Straightening my long, dark hair, I left the restroom to head to the bar. A few drinks seemed in order and I"d go home, and forget all about that night.

I sidestepped my way through the crush of the crowd. Club Q was the hottest place to party in Carlson Harbor. Being a college town, they were always packed every night I"d come in, granted that had only been a few times. Freida had a date and I hadn"t wanted to sit at home.

I found a spot at the bar—it was surprisingly empty at that end—and leaned my forearms on the shiny surface as I waited for one of the bartenders to notice. It wasn"t like I was in any hurry. An ear-shattering whistle broke above the music. I jerked my head around to find a slim woman in a dark suit and baby blue dress shirt.

"You rang, boss?" A massive drag queen glared at the stranger.

"Babygirl needs service." The woman"s voice was husky, an intriguing rasping tone.

I turned as the bartender said something to me. "Excuse me?"

"What do you want to drink, darling?" she asked.

"Vodka and soda, thank you."

"Gigi, put babygirl"s tab on mine."

"I can pay—" A perfectly arched brow and the disapproving tightening of her lush lips cut me off.

"I didn"t ask if you could pay, babygirl."

"Best to just let Rogue have their own way, they don"t listen to anyone else anyway."

"Slander. I listen just fine."

I picked up on the gender-neutral pronouns. Also, the extreme amusement hidden in Gigi"s gaze with long lashes that swept sharp cheekbones above a well-shaped beard.

"When who"s talking to you is pretty, sure," Gigi said as she made my drink and instead of giving it to me, placed it in front of the stool beside where the strange woman sat. She asked for my name and I gave it to her, and Gigi disappeared to the touchscreen register.

I brought my attention back to Rogue and debated leaving, but they weren"t saying anything, just sipping at their drink as they waited me out. I rolled my eyes and eased closer, until I slipped onto the stool beside them.

"Thank you, but I"m not fucking you for one drink."

Instead of looking shocked, a slow smirk spread across Rogue"s lips.

"I have no intention of fucking you. I bought a beautiful woman a drink. You could"ve taken it back to have with your friends. That—" Rogue pointed to the glass "—came with no strings attached. You"re new."

"You know everyone who comes in?"

"For the most part."

"Are you really the boss?"

"I like to pretend to be, but my employees rarely take me seriously. Comes from being the kid of the original owners. They made me take over about five years ago; mom and dad were quite insistent that I run one of the family businesses. I told them this one, but I wouldn"t run the others."

"What"s wrong with the other places?" I didn"t know what made me ask, but Rogue piqued my curiosity. There was a mystery—a puzzle to be solved. I"d always had a weakness for those.

"Biker bars, roadhouses, all over the country. They were originally my dad's and as a biker who was constantly on the move, he just traveled from one to the other. I love my bike but had no intention of living on it. You didn"t answer my question, new?"

"About a year, I applied to school here, my best friend and I found jobs, and moved. We couldn"t imagine being separated."

"Good to have best friends. Liking the city so far?" After Rogue asked, they casually sipped their drink and never took their attention off me. Rogue"s intense focus made me slightly uncomfortable but not in a way I felt endangered.

"Haven"t seen much of it outside work and school. Freida, that"s my best friend, she had a date tonight and I"d been here a few times." The other times it was to dance and check out the scene, that night was the first time I"d purposely sought out a hookup. The fact the guy hadn"t even bothered to try to get me off brought back that moment of shame. I dropped my chin and was shocked when fingertips pushed under my chin.

"No, babygirl, none of that. Not having fun?"

I shrugged. "I had a quick hookup and no goodbye afterward." I darted my gaze to Rogue and couldn"t believe I"d admitted that to a stranger.

"Rude, someone shares their body with you, allows you to have the ultimate intimacy… if you disrespect that then you"ve shown your character. Casual sex isn"t shameful. According to my mama I"ve had way more than my share, but at least I"m polite enough to offer breakfast." Rogue winked over the rim of their glass.

"Did the bartender call you Rogue?" I asked, tensing as Rogue leaned in.

"Yes, only because I will not answer to Henrietta. I have no idea what my parents were thinking, some family name bullshit."

I choked on the sip I"d taken from the slim, red straw. "That is a terrible name."

"I know. Trinity: real name or secret identity?"

"Real."

"Beautiful name. Want to get out of here?" Rogue asked.

"I said I wasn"t?—"

Rogue tsked at me and shook their head to cut me off.

"When I said I wasn"t fucking you, I meant it, but I"m not averse to sharing a meal with a beautiful woman."

"I don"t know." I set my drink down and realized my hands shook slightly.

"I"m Rogue Barrister, a thirty-three-year-old nonbinary lesbian, they/them pronouns who runs a Queer club and hasn"t willingly seen the sun in over a year since I left my corporate gig to do this full-time. I know a great place that"s quiet and private, and the music won"t make your ears ring."

"I"m straight."

"I"m Queer, are we just stating facts about ourselves? I hear straight people occasionally share meals with other people. We can almost say straight people are… normal. What they do in the privacy of their bedrooms isn"t my business."

I snorted and I didn't know why but I agreed to go with Rogue. I had a few casual friends from work and school. Yet Freida was the only one I"d ever truly felt comfortable with. And I wanted to end my night on a high note.

We argued for a few minutes over Rogue taking care of my entire tab. It was only three drinks, but on principle alone I"d tried to pay. The bartender and Rogue ignored me until Rogue grabbed my hand and led me from the club.

The night air was cool and the sudden drop in decibels was disconcerting as the bass still pumped in my ears until it slowly faded out completely.

"That"s better," Rogue said as I walked beside them.

When we passed the parking lot, the industrial section transitioned into a quiet residential street. "Where are we?"

"Home," Rogue motioned to a brownstone with a dark, discolored brick front. "I said private and quiet, no more quiet than my place."

I opened my mouth to argue but I followed them up the stone steps, to the landing and walked into a beautiful space. Where I assumed walls used to be, pillars stood instead. Everything looked elegant but strangely casual. It wasn"t a showpiece, but a home.

"You lived here long?"

"About ten years, it was my college graduation present."

"Expensive gift."

"With massive strings attached. My parents live behind me." I didn"t hear any heat in Rogue"s voice when they said how close in proximity Rogue was to their parents.

I watched as Rogue emptied the pockets of slim dress pants; keys, wallet and phone all placed in a bowl on a thin table beside the door with a mirror above it. Rogue caught my gaze in their reflection. Something about the intensity of that simple look caused me to turn my focus elsewhere.

"You want to take a shower?"

"What?"

"After your hookup, do you want to get cleaned up? I think I have something that"ll fit you."

I was about to say I was fine, but once we left the club, I could still smell the subtle scent of sex and the not-so-faint stench of cologne.

"Do you mind?" I asked.

"Of course not; you can leave your stuff here." Rogue pointed to the table and I removed the strap of my small clutch purse from around my wrist. It was only big enough for my phone, house key and a few items to touch up my makeup if needed.

"Don"t freak out, but the best bathroom in the place is mine." She spoke casually as we ascended the stairs with a patterned runner down the middle. "After you"re done cleaning up you can find me in the kitchen. There"s three floors, my bedroom is on the third, second has two bedrooms and a bathroom, and the living area is on the first. The kitchen is all the way at the back of the house."

"This is a lot of space for one person."

"I used to have roommates," Rogue explained as we took the last flight of stairs and stepped out onto an open space. "They were some college friends, they"d gotten jobs locally and lived with me until they could afford to get their own places."

Rogue went to a dresser and searched through one of the drawers while I awkwardly stood by.

"Here."

Rogue pulled out a pile of pink silk and I darted a glance at them.

"My mama"s. She left them here a few weeks ago. Dad was out of town and they"re together so much she doesn"t like staying alone when he"s off with his friends. Bathroom is through there." Rogue handed over the clothes with their left hand and pointed to a closed door with the other. "Help yourself to whatever. The extra toothbrushes are in the bottom drawer. Do you have any food allergies?"

"No."

"I"ll change once you"re in the bathroom. Take your time, it"s only eleven, still early."

With their job, I wasn"t shocked Rogue thought eleven was early. I crossed the room, opened the door and stepped into a spacious bathroom. I found the light switch and pushed the button. The room could"ve been featured in a design magazine. It was nearly as large as my room at home. A massive shower stall with stone seats and multiple shower heads. A black clawfoot tub.

I closed and locked the door behind me. I gathered everything I needed and started to strip away my clothes. The more skin I exposed, I studied myself in the mirror. Two years of hormones had softened my once-lean frame. Gave me subtle curves to my hips and belly. I remembered for months after starting my medication, I"d spent hours looking for even the tiniest change.

The giddiness over growing out of an A-cup to a small B had me running to Freida to show off. It hadn"t been easy hiding what I was doing. But since the move, I didn"t have two sets of clothes. One hidden away while I hoped and prayed no one found them. I just wanted to be me and my move had been all about making sure I could live as myself. I just wished I didn"t suck at it so badly.