Chapter 9

Sawyer kept a firm grip on Piper's hand; it was the only thing keeping him from losing his mind from the pain as he was carefully loaded onto a makeshift stretcher and they started for the little cabin nestled into the trees on the far side of the pasture. He knew that the men were trying to be as gentle as they could, but the uneven ground was hard to navigate carrying his weight, and he let out a sigh of relief when they reached the front door.

Even as scared as she was, Piper barked out orders as they walked, sending the other men scurrying ahead of them, and he managed a little smile when she looked down at him. He blacked out for a few seconds when they moved him from the stretcher to the bed, but woke to Piper's pretty face looking down anxiously at him and reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks, hoping to reassure her.

"We have to get you out of these wet clothes," she said, stroking his face. "I'm sorry, Sawyer, but it's going to hurt when we move that leg."

"Just give me a second to catch my breath," he said, closing his eyes.

"I'm going to clean up the gash on your head while you're resting," Piper said, squeezing his hand. "I'll try not to hurt you."

When she was finished, he began to shiver, "We can't wait any longer, Sawyer, your body temperature is dropping. We have to get your clothes off," she said. "We'll start with your shirt and work our way down, just tell me if you need a break."

He made it through his shirt coming off, managed not to pass out when she removed his boots, but his jeans sent him back into the blessed darkness once again. "I think he's coming back around," he heard Piper say when he surfaced again. "He was out for a lot longer this time, I'm really worried about him."

"I'm okay," he managed to croak, holding his arm out to her. "Come here."

She rushed over to him, then gently sat down on the bed next to him and took his hand, "What can I do?" she asked. "I can't just sit here and watch you suffer."

"Just hold my hand," he managed to say before another wave of pain left him speechless, then brought on the darkness again.

When he surfaced this time, he was much weaker than he'd been before, and wasn't sure he'd have the energy he needed to heal without shifting. Opening his eyes, he fought to catch his breath, alarmed by how white Piper's face had turned while he'd been out, and realized he had to put an end to both their suffering. Closing his eyes, he gathered what strength he had left, reached out and took Piper's hand, then opened them again and took a deep breath.

"I know that you're not going to like this," he croaked, knowing he didn't have much time before the next wave of pain took him. "I need you to leave, I need to be alone."

"You want me to leave?" Piper asked, already shaking her head. "I'm not leaving you, Sawyer, you can't ask me to do that."

"I need to shift, or I'm not going to have enough energy to heal," he said, looking up at her. "You can't be here when I do, I don't want you to see me like that. It's not something I want to share with you, so please, just go away."

"Sawyer, it won't matter," she said. "I just want you to get better, it won't change anything."

He shook his head, feeling the next wave of pain coming on and desperate for relief, "Go away, Piper, leave me alone," he growled his magic already beginning to surge through his bloodstream. "This isn't something you should see. Get out now."

Stunned, Piper began to back away from him, but he was already lost in the pain and couldn't see the hurt in her eyes or the way her bottom lip began to tremble. He heard the door slam behind her, then the sound of Hank cursing as his footsteps crossed the room, and stopped fighting the magic that promised to take away the pain. A few seconds later, his broken and battered human body was replaced by a huge grey wolf. His magic sang through his blood, healing his wounds, and he drifted off into a dreamless, healing sleep.

Hank was slumped over, sound asleep in a chair next to his bed when he woke up the next morning, and a wave of disappointment washed over him when he realized it wasn't Piper. Then the feeling that he'd done something stupid settled over him, and he sat up in bed, the memory ticking his brain, but stubbornly hiding behind a cloud of haziness. When Hank woke up, he looked over at Sawyer then shook his head, his face filled with disapproval and his heart sank, but he still couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong.

"Where's Piper?" he asked. "Why isn't she here?"

"You don't remember kicking her out of here last night?" Hank asked, then sighed when he shook his head. "Then you probably don't remember telling her that you'd never share your shifter side with her either."

It all came rushing back to him, and he looked over at Hank, "I didn't mean that, at least I don't think I did," he said, then flopped back down on the bed. "I know I screwed up, but I was afraid……when I told Helen, she called me a monster and made me swear never to mention it again. I promised myself right then and there I'd never expose myself like that again, but Piper is different. She's not Helen, I have to fix this."

When he tried to get out of bed, Hank stopped him, "She's already gone," he said. "She slept outside the door all night long, but got up and left just as the sun was rising this morning."

"I have to go after her," he said, jumping out of bed, then sitting back down when the room began to spin.

"After you have something to eat," Hank said. "You used up a lot of energy last night."

***Piper***

Piper wrapped her hands around the steaming mug, hoping the warmth would seep into her and melt the ice that had formed deep inside her, but she knew that nothing was going to help. With a sigh, she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, then looked around the cabin, remembering how it had looked the day she moved in, smiling at the memory. She'd just turned eighteen and had been desperate for a job and a way to support herself after her parents kicked her out, and the little cabin had seemed like a haven after living in her car for a week.

It had taken her almost a year to fix it up, but it had become her home, and she hated to think of leaving it behind when she left the ranch. Holding back a sob, she told herself that she'd cried enough tears over Sawyer. It was time to move on, to put the loss of her dreams behind her and try to find some new ones. She'd gotten what she'd always wanted, or at least what she thought she wanted, and now she wondered if she had built Sawyer up in her mind, made him into something that he wasn't.

The truth was, it didn't matter, there was an entire part of himself that he would never share with her, and that was something she couldn't live with. If he couldn't trust her enough after all these years to show her who he truly was, no amount of time would fix that, she couldn't share her life with a man who was only half hers. It had taken hours to come to this point, hours of second-guessing her decision and trying to tell herself that it would work, that she could love a man who wasn't completely hers, for her to understand it was time for her to go.

Holding back another sob, she turned to go back to her bedroom, hoping sleep would ease the pain, but a knock on the door stopped her. Heart pounding, she turned around and stared at the door, telling herself not to get her hopes up. Sawyer had been more than clear the night before. When the knock came again, she squared her shoulders, hoping she was strong enough to resist the man she'd loved unconditionally for three years.

Sawyer was standing on her front porch, his face full of regret, when she opened the door, but she hardened her heart against him. "What do you want?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've had a very long day, and I'm tired."

"I'm sorry about last night," he said. "I didn't know what I was saying."

"Really, because it sure sounded like you meant every word," she said. "I can't be with a man who will only let me know half of who he is; I can't do it, Sawyer."

"I'm not asking you to," he said. "That's not what I want at all, I was scared and in pain last night. I don't know why I said those things, but I didn't mean them."

She studied him for a second, saw the sincerity in his eyes, and felt her resistance crumbling, "I feel like you don't trust me," she finally said. "We've known each other for six years, Sawyer. I've never betrayed you; I've never given you any reason not to trust me, but you shut me out. I thought we cared about each other, I thought we had something special, something deeper than just physical attraction, but I was wrong, wrong about you, and wrong about me."

"No, you weren't," he said, reaching out and pulling her into his arms. "Don't give up on me yet, Piper, don't give up on us."

He smelled so good, it felt so wonderful to be in his arms, but she shook her head, "I can't do it, Sawyer," she said. "I need all of you. If you can't give that to me, then there's nothing to talk about anymore."

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" he asked, looking down at her, then shrugged his shoulders. "Okay then, we'll do it your way."

He let her go, then grabbed her hand and pulled her out onto the porch, "Sawyer, what are you doing?" she asked, pulling back. "Let go of me."

"Only if you agree to come with me," he said, pausing on the porch. "This will only take a second, but we have to get away from the ranch so no one sees us."

"Sawyer what are you doing?" she asked, suddenly nervous, but let him pull her down the steps and into the forest around her cabin.

They walked for a mile, Sawyer's face full of determination, then stopped in a little clearing she'd never seen before, and he turned to face her. "I've never done this in front of someone who isn't a shifter before, but for you, I'd do anything," he said, then reached out and stroked her face. "I care about you, Piper, more than I thought possible. I don't want to hide the wolf inside me from you. I just want you to remember that I would never hurt you."

He stepped away from her, and the air around him began to shimmer, a burst of power washed over her, making the hair on her arms stand on end, then only a second later, a huge grey wolf was standing in front of her. She stood stunned, eyes locked on the huge predator, a little part of her brain screaming at her to run, but she kept her feet firmly planted.

Taking a deep breath, she studied the wolf, surprised to see Sawyer's eyes looking back at her, and the ice inside her melted away, replaced by a feeling of warmth that spread through her entire body. Without thinking she took a step toward the wolf, then another until she was standing close enough to reach out and run her hand over the soft fur on its head.

A rumble of pleasure came from the wolf's chest, and it rubbed up against her, nearly knocking her down, then looked back at her over its shoulder, and it really sank in that it was Sawyer. Throwing her arms around his neck, she buried her face in his fur, inhaling his unique scent, her entire body suddenly throbbing with desire. Gasping at the intensity of the feeling, she staggered back from Sawyer, sucking in deep breaths trying to get control of her body.

Only a second later, Sawyer was back in his human form. He pulled her into his arms, searched her eyes for a second, then slammed his mouth down on hers. He kissed her until the world was spinning, and her legs buckled underneath her, then swept her up into his arms and started back the way they'd come.