Chapter 6 - Nic

"I'm done for the day," I say, peeping through the partially open door of Lex's office. He's been behaving strangely ever since he returned from the meeting with the other partners. Even now, he seems kind of preoccupied. His chair is facing the floor-to-ceiling windows.

"Lex?" I call out again.

He turns around and notices me standing in the doorway.

"Nic," he says, blinking a couple of times.

"I'm leaving. Unless you want me to stick around?"

"No, that's alright. In fact, why don't I drop you home?"

The way he is looking at me sets my heart aflutter. I resist the urge to press a hand to my chest.

"Uh… there's no need really. I'll take the subway as usual."

We have managed to keep it strictly professional for the last two weeks, so I don't want to tempt fate now. But at the same time, I do want to spend time with him outside of work, knowing full well that I'll be flirting with danger.

"Please let me. I insist. It's the least I can do after asking you to stay back," he says, getting up from his chair and striding purposefully towards me.

"But my place is out of your way!" I object feebly.

"No, it's not. I'm headed there anyway," he says, taking my elbow as we step out of his office together and head for the elevator.

"Oh." I'm thinking of reasons to refuse, but can't come up with any.

"Why are you headed to West Village? If you don't mind me asking, of course," I add hastily. For all I know, he might have a date. The sudden, unexpected stab of jealousy when I think of Lex going out on a date with another woman is surprising. And unreasonable. Why shouldn't he go out on a date? Just because we are attracted to each other, doesn't mean that he is not free to date anybody else. We have already established that there can be nothing between us.

"I have stuff to do," he says with a mysterious smile, his fingers skimming over my ponytail. Even his barely-there touch is making my breath hitch. I bite the inside of my cheek to suppress a moan.

When the elevator arrives, he lets me go in first. I stand with my back to him, pretending a keen interest in the view outside. He is standing so close behind me that I can feel the warmth from his body and smell his scent.

"What stuff?" I ask, keeping my face resolutely turned away as I dispel the image of Lex in the arms of another woman from my mind.

Grasping my shoulders gently, he turns me around to face him and traces the frown line between my brows, grinning.

"I have to drop you home, of course."

My face heats up under his dark gaze. He is looking at me like he wants to devour me. My eyes widen and I take a tiny step backwards.

"Lex, you really don't have to." I try to dissuade him again.

"I know. But I want to," he says, tracing a finger along my cheek. Sparks tingle all over my skin.

I'm relieved when the elevator comes to a halt in the private parking in the basement, and we both step out. Being alone with Lex in an enclosed space is a bad, bad idea. A few more minutes and I would've thrown myself at him.

I came to New York for a fresh start. To focus on my career. To forget Manuel, and to leave what happened in LA behind, I remind myself. The last thing I should be doing is thinking of sleeping with the boss.

When we reach Lex's car, he holds the door open for me. Once we are both seated in his luxurious Maybach, he instructs his driver Chuck to drive to my place in West Village after I give him the address.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" Lex asks once we start moving.

"Stay in, do my laundry, probably read a book," I say with a half smile.

For some reason, he looks pleased with my answer.

"So no hanging out at secret bars?" he asks with a wicked grin.

"No. I hardly ever do that!" I object. "I only went the last time because Penny made me."

"Why don't you go out? Is it because you don't know anybody here?"

"Penny tries to drag me to places, but I rather enjoy staying home." I shrug.

"Seems to me like you're avoiding meeting people," he remarks astutely. I look away and shrug again.

"Maybe," I say noncommittally. "What about you? What do you do on weekends?"

"It varies," he says with a shrug. "Hang out with the guys; visit my folks from time to time. Sometimes I stay in and do nothing."

"Oh? Is that all? No parties? No girlfriends?"

He leans in close and lifts my chin with his forefinger, gazing at me with such intensity that I'm unable to look away or move away even if I want to. I look back into his smoky gray eyes, mesmerized.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Nic. It's not my style to put the moves on one girl while I'm in a relationship with another. I don't date a lot; I have never been in a serious relationship in all of my thirty-five years; I attend parties only when I absolutely have to."

I nod and shift away from him on the pretext of looking out of the window. My heart soars when he says he doesn't have a girlfriend. But I'm somewhat alarmed to know that a smoking hot guy like him has managed to avoid being in a serious relationship!

"You haven't ever been in a relationship?" I ask wide-eyed.

"Why would I waste my time in a relationship when I know it would lead nowhere?"

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Because I never intend to get married," he says, looking straight at me.

I am taken aback by his answer. I want to know why, but I bite my tongue to stop myself from asking. Obviously, his reasons are deeply personal. He backed off, didn't he, when he realized I didn't want to talk about my past? I have to give him the same consideration.

I don't know why it makes me so sad to hear him say that he doesn't ever intend to marry. It's not like I was imagining a future with Lex. Well, that's not entirely true. While I am insanely attracted to him, I also feel something deeper, which scares me. I just don't know what it is I feel for him yet. And I will never know.

In a way, I'm glad that we had this conversation. I have never done a casual fling, and I don't intend on starting one now. And Lex wants nothing but a casual fling.

"That doesn't mean I don't have needs, Nic," he continues after a brief pause. His eyes have gone very dark again. My lips part as I inhale sharply.

"So what are we going to do?" he asks, speaking more to himself than me.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I know we decided that our relationship would be strictly professional, but this is killing me, Nic."

"Lex…"

"Go out a date with me."

"But you don't date!"

"I said I don't date a lot. But my need for you is driving me out of my mind. I know you're attracted to me as well."

"I don't think we should change the nature of our relationship. Anything romantic between us creates unwanted complications."

"Well, I had figured you for a girl who loves romance, but if you'd rather we go back to my place and tear the clothes off each other, that's fine by me as well," he says with a wicked grin.

"That's not what I meant at all!" I say as shock wars with lust. I want to go back to his place and tear his clothes off him.

"Then say yes to the date. I promise I'll not do anything you don't want me to do."

I am tempted, so very tempted to say yes. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? But I force myself to remember my promise.

"Lex, I'm not sure it's such a good idea. One thing leads to another and before you know it, things go sour and I'll be out on my ear, looking for a new job. I can't risk it. I simply cannot."

"Well, then let's not call it a date. How about I just show you around New York? You said you haven't seen much of the city yet."

"I don't know, Lex," I say, chewing on my lower lip.

Before he can say anything, Chuck pulls up in front of my apartment building. I am relieved and hastily step out of the car before either Lex or Chuck can come around to open the door for me. My defenses had almost crumbled. A few more minutes and I would have agreed to the it's-not-a-date date. It feels like I narrowly dodged a bullet.

"Thanks for the lift," I say, leaning in through the window.

He nods and smiles. Just as I am about to turn away, he places a hand on my wrist that is resting on the window. Then he moves closer and closer to my face till his lips almost touch my ear.

"I am not easily deterred," he whispers. I take a step back and stand up straight, staring at him open-mouthed. His whispered words sound like a promise and a warning all rolled into one. He winks as Chuck drives away.

Uh oh. I am in trouble, huge trouble.

Once I step into the foyer of my walk-up apartment building, I take off my heels off, hook them on my fingers, and walk up the four floors to the rent-stabilized apartment I share with Penny. The problem is, I want him to change my mind, even when I know it's wrong. I need to talk to Penny and make her make me see sense, because I don't think I will win the argument with myself for very long.

"Penny?" I call out as soon as I open the door of our apartment.

"In here," she yells from her room.

I drop the key into a hand-painted ceramic bowl on the table next to the door, throw my suit jacket on the couch, and go to Penny's room.

"Lex asked me out on a date," I say, falling face down on her bed, burying my head in her pillows.

Penny is trying out earrings in front of her mirror. She's already dressed to go out. There's almost never a weekend when she doesn't have plans. Ever since I moved here, she's been pestering me to follow in her footsteps, to meet new guys so I can forget what Manuel did. But I'm already so over Manuel. The only regret I have is that I didn't stand up for myself when things ended. There was no showdown where I told him exactly what I thought of him. Instead, I packed up all my things when he was at work and simply left him a note saying that I was leaving.

"Lex as in your hot boss? The Sitting Duck guy Lex with whom you almost slept?"

"No, Lex the archnemesis of Superman," I roll my eyes and sit up in her bed, hugging a pillow. My sarcasm has no effect on her whatsoever as she meets my gaze in the mirror.

"Wow, you lead such an interesting life," she says with an unrepentant grin.

Whenever I mention Lex's name around Penny, she makes it a point to allude to the fact that the guy I almost had sex with is now my boss. After I told Penny that the guy from the bar was my boss, she was shocked at first. But then she said something along the lines of you can't run away from your destiny. Am I really destined to have Lex in my life? I think not. He wants a casual fling, I want a relationship.

I told her that perhaps it wasn't my destiny taking shape here, but hers, since she had hit it off so well with TJ. There's nothing stopping her from contacting him. When TJ found out that Penny is my roommate, he requested that I pass on his number to her. What's strange is she tried to appear totally disinterested when I told her that he is one of the partners at Druk. But I saw through her charade. There was some anger and some embarrassment in her eyes when I gave her TJ's number. Did something happen between them? I tried to ask her, but she brushed it off.

She'll tell me when she's ready to talk. Meanwhile, I need her to stop me from doing something that'll leave me with my heart broken.

"Penn, what am I going to do?" I tap my head rhythmically against the pillow I'm hugging.

"Do you have a non-fraternization clause in your contract?"

"No," I reply cautiously.

"Are you so attracted to him that you have been obsessing over him secretly while pretending that you don't care in the least?" she asks wagging her eyebrows.

"Maybe," I say with a sigh.

"Is he insanely hot?"

"Yes! You saw him!"

"Do you want to jump him?"

"Yes!"

"There! You have your answer," she says, applying mascara to her naturally super long and thick lashes. Her blue eyes are sparkling mischievously.

"But Penny, dating my boss is a bad idea," I say as my brows knit into a frown.

"Why? You are two healthy consenting adults who are not breaking rules, even if sleeping with one's boss is frowned upon despite the absence of a non-fraternization clause," she says with an evil grin. "But that's what makes it all the more delicious!"

"You're not helping! You were supposed to make me see sense, not encourage me to give in to my fantasy of sleeping with the boss!" I object, frowning hard at her reflection.

"Where's the fun in that?" she grins.

"I already turned him down," I confess.

"What? Why? Call him back and say you changed your mind."

"No, it's too dangerous."

"But the danger makes it thrilling."

"I don't want any thrills. I want a nice, quiet life. I want to stay out of trouble. And it's too soon after what happened with Manuel."

"Look, Manuel was an ass-wipe. You can't live like a nun because you've had one bad relationship," she turns to face me with her hands on her hips.

"I'm not sure I'll be able to deal with heartbreak again," I say with my eyes downcast.

"Oh honey," she sits next to me, putting her arms around me.

"I know it can be tough, but you can't let one bad experience hold you back. You need to put yourself out there. Besides, I am not even sure you really loved Manuel. I always found him a little too slick for my liking," she shrugs one shoulder.

"Really? You never said." I'm surprised at her confession.

"Well, you were with him for what, three years? And I could see that at least you were trying to make it work. I didn't want to say anything and ruin it for you. Did you really love him?"

I have asked myself this numerous times after the break-up.

"No. I don't think I did. But the loss of love was not the heartbreaking bit," I say without looking at her. It is still too painful to think about why the relationship ended.

Her eyes cloud with sympathy as she hugs me tighter to her side.

"He wasn't the right man, sweetie. With the right man, you will have it all. Trust me."

"The reason I'm scared to go out with Lex is because I already feel as if it might turn into something more than a one-night stand," I finally confess to something I've kept buried in the deepest chambers of my heart for the past two weeks.

Her lips form an ‘O' and her eyebrows rise up her forehead.

"There's something deeper that is pulling me to him. I can't define it. And he has explicitly said he doesn't want anything other than a casual relationship. If I do go out on that date, if I do end up liking him even more than I already do, if I do end up sleeping with him, I am not very sure that I'll be able to move away from it all."

"Then all I can say is you did the right thing by refusing. I am still not saying that you must live like a hermit, but take some time and figure out how you feel," she advises.

I sigh and stand up.

"I will. You're the best," I say, hugging her briefly.

"I know," she grins. "You sure you don't want to come out with me to this party? My friend from work guaranteed that the single men to single women ratio would be skewed in our favor."

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm going to draw a bath, have a glass of wine, read a book, and sleep like a baby," I say, stretching my arms overhead. But I know that there's no chance of sleeping like a baby, not with the sexy dreams I've been having, all featuring Mr. Alexander Hutchison III.