Chapter Seven （I’m Just a Girl）

CHAPTER SEVEN (I'M JUST A GIRL)

HAZEL

I tried sleeping but woke up the next day still agitated. After ripping off the dress from the day before, I slipped on the standard white scrubs I found in the back of the closet. Then I rifled through the box of beauty products, still vibrating in anger from yesterday's therapy. I ripped open a calming sheet mask and slapped it on my face, arranging it until it looked like I was wearing someone's skin on top of mine. Next, I grabbed the notebook and gel pens that I'd requested and began rewriting The List.

The List was something I tried to always kept on me. Unfortunately, it had gotten lost somewhere between playing with corpses and jail. I had it memorized, but I wanted a physical reminder. At the top, I put Basil Fury. Next came a short list of names, my to-do list for work. These were the long missions—the ones that couldn't be killed right away. There weren't many. I didn't like to leave people waiting for our deadly date.

One person was the mission I had to put on the back burner because I'd found Baz. The second was a colossal pain in my ass that was far too good at hiding. He'd been sitting under my brother's name for a full three years now, and was destroying the respect I'd earned.

I was no longer considered an inevitability. This mark, La Volpe , had created the false idea that any dumbass who knew how to run could get away from me. It didn't matter how many people I found and killed, one bad job was destroying my reputation. When I found him, I was going to enjoy making a messy example of him.

For a moment, I stared at the names. Did I even want to be an assassin after Baz? I nibbled my bottom lip and decided now wasn't the time to have an identity crisis. I could enjoy that pleasure after leaving Verfallen.

At the end of The List, I added a new name: Doctor Orson. Fuck him. I was hiring myself for that. Everyone deserved a little treat now and again. I flung the notebook on my bed and started to explore everything in the box that they'd left here. Bath bombs had still made it into the box and I whined as I pulled them out. A bath would be perfect . The tension inside me was at a melting point and I wanted all the relaxation a molten bath could bring.

Attached to one of the bath bombs was a handwritten note. I pulled it out and found myself reading directions to the hydrotherapy room.

"They can be used like normal baths. No one will bother you." The handwriting was the same that I'd seen on my intake form. Zero had written this note. The sexy dream from before flashed in my head and my face heated.

I hadn't seen him since group therapy last week. The anticipation was starting to get to me. I knew something was coming, but what? Scientists and immortals never went well together, even if he was one.

I grabbed everything I needed for a hot bath and pulled out the group therapy list again. If I couldn't get the sick satisfaction from killing La Volpe while in here, then I could still kill someone at least. I chuckled as I thought about what I was going to do. Now this was what therapy should always involve.

A few moments later, I was trying to juggle my bath supplies and keep my face mask from sliding off. Shelby screamed and ran around the hall.

"You aren't that fast, just give up!" I yelled over her shrill wails, readjusting the mask. She began banging on doors as she went.

"She's wearing someone's skin on her fucking face!" She was in hysterics. I laughed—that was funny. The people sticking their heads out of rooms didn't find it as funny. Apparently, they also thought I was wearing someone's skin and that now I was laughing about it.

Shelby made it to the end of the hall and collided with the crowd in the big room. She clawed and screamed at people, looking back in terror as I got closer.

"Help me!" She begged. "Baz's sister is trying to kill me!" I burst into the room and she pushed through people as I chased after her. Everyone looked on silently, some standing on tables to get a better look.

In Shelby's case, terror wasn't the best motivator for getting away. She was tripping and falling all over the place as if someone had replaced her knees with taffy.

"Which death!" She screeched, seeing me gaining on her and losing hope.

"Sorry Shelby, but it's not the preferred!" She dry heaved. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her. Shattering a frozen body sounded invigorating—like chewing spearmint gum.

"Hello, Hazel," Gonzo said. I whipped around instantly. He stood in front of me with his disheveled hair and a confident smile. Gonzo had a self-assurance that most people only dreamed of aspiring to—the type of assertive certainty that could destroy a weak-willed person with little effort. I swallowed thickly and tried to keep my eyes from lingering too long on his face. Unfortunately, his body was just as bad and now I was taking the time to appreciate the power he exuded.

Shelby had gotten away while I was staring at Gonzo. They probably didn't have liquid nitrogen in the kitchen anyway. Had I ever met a distraction as bad as him? I sighed.

Gonzo had just interrupted self care time and I wanted to be angrier than I was. Instead, all I could think about was those strong arms holding me down in my dream.

The crowd was starting to disperse, their interest fading now that the Hazel Fury Murder Show was canceled. Gonzo smiled at me with his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised. I really couldn't do this with him. I readjusted the bath supplies in my arms and realized I'd dropped the bath bomb while chasing around Shelby.

"I thought I told you to fuck off," I said, brushing past Gonzo. He followed me halfway to my room before I turned around.

"Why are you following me around?" His lips looked carved from stone, the type of swoop and pucker you'd see on a Grecian statue. His jaw was sharp and square, his cheekbones high and sharp. When I realized he was staring at my mouth I couldn't help the butterflies it gave me. Gonzo was too handsome for his own good and he knew it.

Suddenly I was against the wall, his body caging me in. My bath supplies fell to the ground beside my boots. A handful of self-defense moves flashed through my head and I ignored them. I looked up at him with the knowledge that I was letting this happen. That I liked it.

"I want to be friends," he said. I was five foot eight but he was taller, having to bend down to get us eye to eye. I squirmed but he had a knee between my legs. If I tried to move too much I'd end up grinding against him.

"This isn't how you make friends."

I'd been in plenty of tight situations but none like this. I could smell him, feel him. My heart pounded in my chest. I was wildly touch-starved. Every year was worse than the last and now here was Gonzo—filling up my space and touching me.

What I wanted and what I needed were entirely different things. I wanted him to press against me—to feel his wide chest against mine. What I needed was for him to leave me alone. I couldn't afford to lose focus. This was the moment I'd been training for my whole life and I was duty-bound to accomplish my task. Nothing would stop me.

"Baz is really your brother?" His eyes dipped down, taking all of me in.

"Yes." Damnit, push him off, Hazel.

"You aren't the same as him," he said, leaning closer. His voice was even deeper when it was so close to my ear. His hands trailed down my arms and wrapped around my wrists. I felt his teeth sink into my earlobe and a yelp popped out of me, making him chuckle. I squirmed against the wall and found myself grinding on the knee between my legs.

"Shit," I gasped, my legs shaking as I tried to stop myself from doing it again. One time was an accident. Two times… maybe two times could be an accident too.

"I can touch you without dying."

"I wouldn't count on it," I responded. He dropped a wrist and spread his hand across my lower stomach. I was weak-willed and he was domineering. I pretended to struggle for my own benefit. All it did was make me grind against his knee again. I felt wet and turned on.

"Let go of me," I whispered.

"Or what? You going to scream?" He was taunting me.

"Maybe I will," I countered. His hand brushed the side of my face and a shudder rolled over me.

"Hazel…" he chuckled, "no one comes for screamers. Not anymore."

"What does that mean?" I asked. His thumb brushed my bottom lip and I sucked in a breath.

"I'm willing to tell you everything about Verfallen. You have no idea what you've dropped yourself into." Gonzo's dark eyes finally moved away from my mouth.

"It's a supernatural asylum for the criminally insane," I said. Talking was helping my horniness… I think. What I really needed was space. The feel of him was making me dizzy.

"Ruled by a few patients," he responded, looking down the hall as if expecting them to come rounding the corner. There was a golden glow in his eyes for a moment and his teeth all grew a little sharper.

"You've threatened the ones in charge, Hazel." His face split in a smile and I looked away quickly. The satisfaction I felt from impressing him was unsettling.

"You mean Doctor Stein?" I asked. Gonzo's lips curled in distaste.

"No. Your brother and his girlfriend. Along with a couple others," he whispered, looking around again even though there was no one else. "We should talk somewhere else." He moved us towards a nearby closet. My eyes bugged. A closet?! I thrashed, not wanting to be locked in a tight space alone with him.

"Guess what they say is right... redheads are feisty." He laughed as I tried to slip from his grip. Gonzo was far too strong—the type of steel power only a shifter could boast and I'd let myself get pinned like an idiot. His hands gripped my wrists with ease despite me pulling with all my might.

"What's got you struggling so hard, Hazel? What do you think I'm going to do?" His voice was raspy and deep while his eyes begged me to tell him. My body reacted, tightening in places it shouldn't.

"Get off—" His hand covered my mouth, muffling the rest of my sentence.

"Sorry, didn't understand you." His eyes were laughing as he let me go. I flung myself away from him with a growl.

"What's your issue?" I snapped. Gonzo belted out a genuine laugh then stopped when he saw the shocked look on my face.

"You're serious? You know where you are, right?"

With a huff, I abandoned my bath supplies and stomped my way back to my room. A moment later I heard him beside me.

"Can't you take a hint?" I asked in desperation.

"Let me be your friend."

"I can take care of myself."

"You don't know what's going on here," he replied.

The words fuck off were pressing against my lips but I couldn't make myself say them again. I was in deep trouble when it came to Gonzo. I didn't want him to leave me alone and apparently, he didn't want to leave me alone either.

"Look," I sighed, "I know exactly what I'm up against. My brother."

"Your brother has friends and I promise you, he's been keeping them in line for your benefit." I stopped walking and looked at Gonzo in disbelief.

"What are you talking about?"

"If you were anyone else, Bree would have destroyed you the moment you threatened Baz. And your therapist Orson? The first time he tried to rip your throat out. I'm guessing therapy went a little differently."

"You're suggesting Baz is protecting me?" I scoffed. "That's nonsense. All of this is nonsense. Baz can't have a girlfriend. He can't touch anyone!" I began stomping towards my room again. When I tried to close the door, Gonzo slid his foot into the doorway.

"Ow," he commented. He pushed the door open and slid inside. My heart rate picked up and I swallowed thickly. As long as the door stayed open I could handle this temptation.

He peeked into the hall before gently closing the door shut. Fuck . Act cool, Hazel. You aren't touch starved. You aren't horny. You aren't attracted to him.

"What are you doing in my room?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"You really didn't want to talk in that hall closet so I figured I'd let you choose the location. I don't blame you for the closet. I did have some awful things in mind." His smile was devious. Gonzo had a smile for everything—amusement, flirting, threats.

"Good to know," I grumbled, sitting on my bed. He moved deeper into my room. His eyes never left my body, soaking in every detail. He pulled my desk's chair closer before he sat down.

"So," he said.

"So," I said back. He smiled again and I looked away for a moment, worried I would blush.

"Your brother and his girlfriend, Bree, along with your therapist—"

"Dr. Orson?" I asked. Gonzo nodded.

"And Nemo. They took over the asylum." He watched me react. Which is to say he watched me not react at all. I wasn't sure I believed him.

"Nemo is the one who beheaded me?" I finally asked.

"Yeah." Gonzo grimaced. "He's abnormal. I think Stein did something to him. You saw the two rows of teeth."

" Something ?" I asked, my eyes widening. Gonzo looked green.

"Don't let the doctor strap you to his chair, you won't like what happens." Shit . Couldn't one single person tell me there was nothing to worry about with him? Instead, it kept piling up until dread was weighing my stomach down.

"It's not just your brother and his pack you have to deal with. The Wards are about to get in your way." Gonzo's eyes slid down. He appeared confused by the soft bedding.

"The Wards are gangs, right?"

Gonzo nodded, distracted as he looked at my box full of supplies. My eyes narrowed on him.

"What do you want from me?" I asked.

"What makes you think I want something?" His eyes sparkled in humor when he turned towards me.

"Are you looking for an ally? To integrate someone into your Ward —"

"I have no Ward."

"Tell me what it is you want," I insisted.

Gonzo lunged forward in a burst of energy, tackling me on the bed. His body blanketed mine. One hand held my wrists above my head and the other hand settled around my throat like a collar.

"I want you ," he told me. His dark eyes held me hostage. I swallowed thickly. I could feel him everywhere. Our legs were tangled, his chest was weighing down mine. He'd effectively captured me. His hips pinned my hips, his fingers caressed my neck.

"Okay," I agreed shakily. He raised an eyebrow.

"That was easier than I was expecting. I thought you liked playing hard to get." He dipped towards my neck. I felt his lips brush the skin below my ear and jerked.

"Information first," I gasped as his hand tightened on my throat. His tongue flicked against me. I'd never felt something like that before. It was wicked.

"In a minute." His breath fanned the side of my face as I felt a palm drag up my thigh. My hands trembled as I pushed on his chest.

"Information first!"

"Fine, fine," he sighed, rolling off me. I was not staying in bed another second with him and there was no agreement. I would get his information and keep telling him later. Perfect plan. It's not as if he was assertive and I was vulnerable to what he offered. Fuck .

Quickly, I scrambled off the bed. Gonzo tucked his arms behind his head and smiled at me. I wasn't sure how he pulled off an orange prison jumpsuit but he did it with flying colors. The short sleeves were rolled up to expose strong arms. He looked large in my bed, his biceps bulging.

"There are four Wards, gangs as you called them. Each one owns a main hall of housing rooms. They're made up mostly of their own types. The Rabids are shifters—"

"Why aren't you part?"

"I don't like organized groups." His eyes were dragging over my body with hunger. The look in his eye was thrilling and terrifying.

"You're living with Infernals—the demons. You probably saw their symbol on the walls."

"Is that going to be an issue? Me being here?" I asked. He took a moment to respond.

"Probably best not to find out. Luckily, I know a neutral place you can stay." He flashed me a smile.

"I'm not sleeping in your room," I rushed out.

"Shame. I think you'd really like what I can offer if you did." He winked at me. I looked away, horrified as the blush crept up my neck and face. My fingers twitched, wanting to rip back out the group therapy list and have a go at someone else right this minute.

"They'll be trying to recruit you," Gonzo said. He made a face and readjusted.

"Which one?"

"All of them. Everyone is going to be gunning for you." He reached under his back and pulled out my leather-bound notebook containing The List.

"Sounds annoying," I said.

"Asylum politics are very annoying," he agreed, flipping open the notebook.

"As interesting as this all is, all I want is information about my brother."

"A kill list, huh? I thought those were only in movies." Gonzo dropped the notebook as he got up. I swallowed and looked away as he stalked closer.

"You want information about your brother and what I want is you," he said, invading my space slowly. I licked my lips and looked at the door. His body brushed mine and his fingers slid under my chin, lifting my face to his. Dark eyes stared at my mouth. My heart was beating hard.

He was going to kiss me.

"Downturned lips are so sexy," he said, brushing my mouth. He was one to talk.

I'd never kissed anyone. I kept waiting for my arms to push him away as he leaned in. This wasn't allowed. I wasn't supposed to do this. My heart thumped loudly in my chest.

Gonzo's lips found mine. They were soft. He opened my mouth with his. I sucked in a breath and then he was everywhere.

I was overwhelmed, my head was spinning. His tongue caressed mine while his hand held my face. I wasn't sure what to do other than allow him to do what he wanted. I was trembling and twisting my fingers on the edge of his shirt. Slowly his mouth convinced me to play a part. I followed his example tentatively, pressing my tongue against his.

"Very good, Hazel," he rasped against my mouth. His body pressed against mine and his hand fanned out on my stomach. I found myself lost in his deep kisses. A moan filled my mouth and he swallowed it whole.

I never imagined my first kiss would be so slow and heated. That I'd feel destroyed by something so innocent.

His fingers began to crawl downwards, brushing the edge of my pants.

I pulled my mouth away from his, a shock of cold water on me.

"Gonzo." He kissed the edges of my mouth as his fingers teased the edge of my pants.

"I'll take good care of you, Hazel." I shuddered, not doubting his words at all. Gonzo sank his teeth into my lip, gently biting me as his fingers slid into my pants.

"I can't," I said. His mouth moved to my neck, sucking on the skin. I was burning up—desire was coursing through my veins. If he made it any further south, if he actually touched me, I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop.

"I'm celibate!" I blurted out in a panic. Gonzo pulled back with a shocked look on his face.

"What?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm celibate," I gritted out. Then I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand from my pants. He watched my embarrassed blushing face while I shot looks at the floor.

"You're serious," he commented. " Celibate ?"

"Yes, now back off."

"Wait but…" his brows furrowed. I stomped over to my bed and flopped down.

"Just leave," I groaned. The bed dipped as he laid down next to me.

"What are you doing!" I screeched. Before I could get away he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Look at me, Hazel," he insisted.

"No thanks," I said, eyeing the mold on the ceiling.

"I just want to discuss our arrangement. You did make a deal with me," he said. My eyes snapped to his.

"That's better," he said with an infuriating smile. I pushed on his chest, trying to get more space between us.

"Can you get off my bed?"

"Is that a rule of your celibacy? Can't sit on the bed together?" He asked.

"Of course not," I said.

"Then I'll stay right here."

"Look, obviously I lied so the deal is off."

"No, the deal is most definitely not off," he said, eyeing my mouth. "You kissed me." My eyes widened.

"Of course, the deal is off, I can't… do what you want ," I whispered.

"We can find something to do. You know, the Amish have this thing called soaking where you don't move."

"Don't move?" I asked. His smile widened.

"Yes, so when I'm inside you—"

"Ahh! No! No!" I pushed on his chest.

"Okay, so soaking is out. We'll figure it out," he said, his thumb brushing the edge of my mouth.

"We'll make a new deal," I said.

"I like this one." His arm tightened around me, pulling me flush with his body. "Kissings alright then?" He was staring at my mouth. I didn't want to tell him the truth… so I didn't.

"Yes—" his mouth pressed to mine. He devoured me this time, his arm a steel band around my waist as he pressed us together and took control. His teeth nibbled and bit, his tongue seduced. I was moaning in his arms.

"Fuck this is such a tease," he growled.

"I don't think…" I trailed off as he ran kisses up my throat.

"What don't you think?"

"That this is a good idea."

"I won't break your rules," he commented, biting my ear. I wasn't confident that I wouldn't break my rules considering I already was. Not even two weeks in Verfallen and I was making out with someone I'd found in a mental hospital.

"Tell me, Hazel," he whispered in my ear. "Are you the type of celibate that abstains from all sexual contact or just sex?"

"I…"

"Yes?" He asked eagerly.

"I think it's time we stopped." I pulled out of his arms and rolled off the bed. I didn't trust myself. I was ready to tell him lies so easily when his mouth was brushing my skin.

Gonzo laid in bed, dragging his hand over his face while regaining his composure. I'd never felt this type of power before. The kind that made a man struggle to get over kissing me.

"Next time," he finally said. "You better tell me my limits."

"There won't be a next time."

"There definitely will be a next time. You want my help, right? Verfallen is a big, bad place."

"I can handle myself," I sighed.

"What about Stein?" I whipped around. He smiled. "I noticed your reaction earlier when we brought him up. Want me to hurt him for you?"

"Oh please, I prefer hurting people myself."

"That I believe. Regardless, as a show of my… fealty ," his eyes roved over my body, "I'll pay him a visit tonight. On the house, no kisses necessary." I looked at his disheveled state in my bed and then looked away. He was far too tempting. I walked to my desk chair and plopped down. Gonzo patted the down blankets and the confused expression came back.

"He sent me all that bedding," I admitted. I wasn't sure why.

"Stein sent you this?" He asked. There was a strange look on his face.

"Yes."

"And all of that too?" He asked, jerking his head towards the box. I nodded. I think I wanted to make him jealous. It was such a new concept to me that I wasn't sure. But when I saw his jaw flex as he ground his teeth, excitement swelled inside me. Then again, maybe I really did just want help. Maybe Zero scared the shit out of me.

"He might be immortal."

"Immortal?" Gonzo's eyes widened.

"So the rumors go but he's not a phoenix and I'm not aware what else is immortal."

"I'll find out if he's immortal for you," he said, looking at the door. The words were sinister. There was no easy way to prove immortality other than a mess of malicious violence.

While he was lost in thought I looked at him again, all of him. I dragged my eyes across his chest and studied the tattoos on his arms. I looked at his neck and jaw. When I got to his mouth it was smiling. My gaze snapped up to see him watching me. I swallowed and looked away.

"Tomorrow, I'll bring you evidence of my talk with the big, bad evil scientist sending you presents. It'll be my offering for our continued deal. Then we'll seal it with a kiss."

"I thought you said no kisses were necessary."

"I've changed my mind." He winked.

"Won't you get in trouble, sneaking around at night and attacking the man in charge?" I'd never had someone offer to hurt someone for me. Or to take care of anything for me.

"I'm putting myself in a lot of danger but then you'll know I'm serious and capable. I'm going to help you, Hazel." I looked at him and felt odd. I'd never had help before and honestly, right now I think I needed it. This wasn't a normal job. I almost reached up and massaged my arm but stopped myself.

Gonzo seemed capable and intelligent. And if it was to be believed, he could shift when most others couldn't. But there was something I wanted to know.

"Why are you at Verfallen?" I asked. He got up and walked up to me. His hand brushed the hair from my face.

"Because I'm a pyromaniac." His dark eyes dragged me in. "That fight… you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen… and the most terrifying." His thumb caressed my lips one last time and then he left with the promise of tomorrow leaving his mouth. My stomach felt light and nervous—anticipation building for more time with Gonzo.

I smiled once he was gone. No one had ever called me the most terrifying thing they'd ever seen before. I felt like screaming into my pillow like a preteen with her first crush.

Shit, that is what this was. I had a crush on him. That wasn't good.