Chapter Thirteen

Zane thumped into the room and dropped the bag of snacks and drinks he'd just picked up at the quick mart down the block. He hadn't been able to sleep, and he was glad that some places were open at four in the morning. He tossed his jacket tothe side and headed tothe table tounload his gear.Heglanced overatTy,whocurled onhissideonthebed, apparently sleeping.As Zane watchedhim in the light from the street that filtered through the window, Ty growled in his sleep and rolled, tangling in the sheets as he did so.

Smiling slightly, Zane stopped tolook down athim. Tynever seemed tosleepeasy,exceptwhenZanewasinbedholding him.Hewondered what Tydreamed about. Usually Tywoke assoonasZanemoved. Thefactthathe was still asleep meant he'd either already been awake and discerned he wasn't needed,hewasverytired,orhewassick.Thoughtful, Zanetookcareofhis gun and wallet, setting them carefully aside.

Tymuttered inhissleepandtossedhisheadfitfully. Frowning, Zane walked overandcrouched downbeside thebed,looking overTy'sfaceasit twistedslightly.Zanewantedtowakehimjusttointerruptthebaddreams, buthewasn't going toreach outandtouch until theother manknew hewas there, just in case. Tyhad allkinds of ingrained military training that his body instinctively followed, andZanedidn'trelishgettingattackedbyaRecon Marine having flashbacks.

"Ty," he murmured, prompting the other man to wake up alittleas he shielded himself with the side of the bed.

"Hmm?"Tyrespondedashetossedhisheadagainandrolledback toward Zane.

"You'retossingaroundsomuch,youcan'tberesting,"Zanesaid quietly.

Ty'seyesflutteredopenandhelookedatZanewithoutseemingto recognize him. He stared for amoment and then closed them again. He sighed andshiftedslightlyinthebed,thenopenedhiseyesagain.Theywereclear when he met Zane's eyes. "Shut up," he muttered sleepily.

Zanechuckled."You'llbecrankierthanyouwerewhenyouwentto bed."

"I'm not cranky," Ty insisted drowsily as he closed his eyes again and rolledontohisback.Hestretchedwithrelish,yawningandcurlinghistoes contentedly."I was dreaming,"he muttered.

"Mm-hmm,"Zaneagreed,shiftingtositontheedgeofthebedand lay his hand lightly on Ty's abs. "Dreamingof?"

"Thedesert," Tyanswered inamumble. Heshiftedagain,arching up into Zane's hand like a dog getting his belly rubbed.

Zane started rubbing agreeably,watching Ty move. "Desert, huh?"

Tyinhaled deeplyandthensighed, opening hiseyes againtostareat the ceiling. "Makes my trigger finger itch."

"Sanddoesitch,"Zanerepliedblithely."OneofthereasonsIchose Miami over western New Mexico."

Ty turned his head slightly and looked up at Zane in confusion. Zane raised a brow. "What?"

"What?" Ty asked in a lost voice.

Zane shook his head. "You're definitely not awake. One of the reasons I refused the assignment in New Mexico is because I hate eating sand. And I don't like rattlesnakes."

Tyblinkedathimrapidlyandthenlookedaroundtheroombefore pushinghimselfintoasittingposition."WhatassignmentinNewMexico?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes.

Peeringathiminamusement,Zanedecidedtoexplaineventhough Tywasstilloutofit."The oneIwasoffered before theystuck meinMiami. Bilingual agents are scarce lately," he said.

"Oh, yeah," Ty respondedflatly with a little nod as he moved. "That's veryimportant," heassured Zane gruffly asheflopped back onto hisside and buried his head under his pillow.

Zane chuckled and pulled away the pillow. "Cranky?"he teased.

Tygroaned softlyandthenhuffed inirritation. "Can't amansleepin peace around here?"

"Apparentlynotwhenhedreamsofthedesert,"Zanedrawled.He leaned to press his lips to Ty's temple. "Sleep, then," he murmured.

"Ialwaysdream ofthedesert," Tymuttered sulkilyashepressedhis face against the mattress, refusing to be roused.

Zane's lips drifted to the corner of Ty's eye. "Why?" he murmured.

TytwitchedandturnedtoelbowZaneintheribs."That'swhereI lived," he grumbled.

Zanesmoothed hishandoverTy'sarminasoothing motion and turned his face to lay his cheek against Ty's for a moment.

Tysighed again andrelaxed under thepressure ofZane's body. "You're very high-maintenance,"he mumbled against the pillow.

Grinning, Zane curled his arm over Ty's back and rubbed slowly over his hip. "Yeah, so I've been told."

"Shut up," Ty ordered.

Zane coasted hishand over Ty's cheek androlled away. "Sleep, oh cranky one."

Tygroaned androlled backontohisback. "Well fuck,Garrett, I'm awake now," he muttered disconsolately.

"Sorry," Zanemurmured, letting hisarmfallbetween themand looking down at Ty.

Tylookedupathiminirritationforamomentbeforelettingthe fa?ade fallawayandsmiling slightly. "You're adamn sight better towake up to than what I usually do," he admitted.

Zane smiled crookedly."And what's that?"

"You don't really want to know, do you?" Ty asked dubiously.

"I already know about the woman who was screeching on the phone," Zane pointed out.

Tycleared his throat and looked away, staring upattheceiling with a frown."Usually," hefinallysaidwithascowl,"Idon'twakeuptoanything. So, I guess you'll have to do."

"Istherea complimenthiddenin theresomewhere?"Zaneasked mildly.

"Beggars can't be choosers,"Ty muttered with a small smirk.

Zane whapped Ty's hip. "I don't beg," he asserted.

Tyjerked andlaughed softly, turning slightlyawayincaseZane decided to smack him again. "I beg to differ," he snickered.

Zanesmacked himagain, alittleharderthistime."Ican'tthinkofan instance. Not a legitimate one, anyway."

"What's anillegitimatereason tobeg?" Tyaskedashecontinued laughing softly.

Zane's hand stilled, asdidhisface. Hiseyes shifted across theroom blankly. "They exist," he said vaguely.

Tynarrowed hiseyesupathiscompanion andthenrolledthemashe looked away. "Moody," he accused as he sat back up again and stretched.

"Moody?"Zane'sfacescrunched."Iwassortofthinkingaboutthe last time I begged for my life and couldn't really have cared less. Just figured if I told you, I'd get the violins treatment again."

"Youwereright.Andthat'snotanillegitimatereason,moron,"Ty told him as he swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

"Iwasreferring tothe‘couldn't reallyhavecared less'part,actually," Zane said, closing his eyes and letting his head lean back against the wall.

TysatwithhisbacktoZane,lookingattheoppositewallwithhis headcockedthoughtfully. "Fuck,"hecommented withaslightshakeofhis head.

Zane opened his eyes and looked atTy's back. "Maybe later," hesaid ashepickedupthefilefolderagain."ToldyouIwasfuckedupwhilewe were apart."

"Why not just let them kill you?" Ty asked. "Why beg at all?"

"Gut reflex, Iguess," Zanesaidquietly. "Didn't reallythink about it, exceptthattherewassomething I'dmiss.Wasscaredtoo.Beingshotinthe head doesn't appeal too much."

"It'd be quicker than alot of other ways," Typointed out as he turned around slightly andmetZane's eyes."Iwasalways afraid ofdying slow," he said thoughtfully.

Zane's mouth quirked. "Iplayed thatgame too."Hecurled hishand into a fist as his fingers started twitching.

"What game?" Ty asked in confusion.

"Figuringoutwhatwillkillyouslowandeasy,"Zanesaid,opening his fist and rubbing his palm against his thigh. "Pain wasn't a consideration."

Tystaredathimforalongmoment."Why'dyouwanttogoslow?" he finally asked.

Zane's mouth quirked. "So I could enjoy it."

Tyraisedoneexpressiveeyebrow.Helickedhislipsandlooked away. "My daddy used to mind the mines when I was little," he said suddenly. "IusedtodreamthatIwasstuckdownthere.Iwouldn'tmindfreezingto death," he claimed abruptly. "Going numb and then going to sleep. But I think I'd want itquick. Igottoomuch tolook back onand regret towant timeto ponder itall."Heglanced back atZane. "Just another thing wedon't have in common."

"Regrets? Maybe. Sometimes Ithink Ideserve alltheshitIwent through. Didittomyself," Zanesaid.HemetTy'seyes."Iwould think you wouldn't agree. You don't seem the type to self-flagellate."

"Let's pretend I don't know what you're talking about," Ty responded with aghost ofasmile.Hisregrets were onething hedidnotplan ongoing over with Zane anytime soon. Or ever.

Zanenoddedslowly."Allright,"hemurmured.Itwasobviouslya topic to avoid. "So you're saying you think I don't have regrets?"

"No. Just commentingon the fact that you'd rather have time to linger over them atthe end," Ty corrected. "This isamorbid conversation. What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked in a huff as he rubbed his hands through his hair.

"Me?"Zaneaskedindisbelief. "Ididn'tsayIwanted tolingerover anything. JustthatifIhavetodie,Iwanttoenjoyit."Heshrugged slightly. "You don't have enough focus toponder much ofanything hopped onheroin. That's the allure." His hand twitched again.

Tysighedandlookedawayagainwithashakeofhishead."How long ago was it?" he asked tiredly.

"How long ago was what?"

"The heroin?" Ty asked curtly as he glanced back over his shoulder.

"Four and a half, maybe five weeks, I guess," Zane answered.

"SoI'mtoassumeitwasn'taconstantthing?"Tyaskedtightly. "Since you're not screaming in pain from the withdrawal,I mean?"

Zanestaredathim foralongmoment. "No,itwasn't constant. Itwas allIhadtocutthepainwhenIgotshot."Hishandwenttohisabdomen, whereTyknewtherewasafresh,barelyhealingscar."IknowwhatIcan handle."

Tyexamined him for along time, and then turned his head to face the wallagain.Hesighedsoftly."Okay,"hefinallyacknowledged quietly.Itjust wasn'tworththefightitcouldturnintotocontinuetheconversation, andTy was getting tired of talking about it.

"Did you ever use?" Zane asked, curious.

"Never," Ty answered immediately.

"Butyoudrink,"Zanemurmured, lookingdownathishands, wondering ifthere wasanywayhecould explain soTycould havesome idea of what it was like to be addicted. "Ever drink too much and still want more?"

"Every time I drink too much I swear it off for a week," Ty muttered.

"But I pick the bottle up the next weekend. The next day. Maybe even thatnight,"Zanesaidsoftly."JustuntilIgetmyfill.Feelsgood,nothurting anybody. Once I've had enough, I'll stop. I won't drink too much this time."

Tyturned hisheadslightly, butdidn't quitelookbackatZane."I understand whatanaddiction is,"hesaidinalow,hardvoice."Noteveryone is that weak."

Zane'sbodywenttotallystill."Everyoneisthatweak.Evenguys who fuck a different woman every night just to forget somebody else."

Ty's shoulders tensed slightly as he looked back at the wall. "Touché," he said abruptly.

Zane raised a brow, staring at the other man. "Touché? That's it? Five months ago you'd have clocked me for that."

"Whatdoyouwantfromme,Garrett?"Tyaskedinfrustration.He turned his head slightly but still didn't turn to meet Zane's eyes.

Sitting up, Zane reached for him. "Look at me, Ty," he said firmly.

Ty glanced over his shoulder, his jaw clenching angrily.

"What were yougoing tosayfirst?Before yournewly installed conscience caughtyourbrainandhadyousaysomething else?"Zaneasked, fingers tightening.

Tylooked down atZane's fingers astheydugintohisarm,thenback uptolook sideways atZane. "Some creative version of‘fuck you,' I'm sure," he answered tightly.

"Thenwhydidn'tyousayit?Christknowsyou'vecalledmeabout everynameinthebook.Whynotnow?"Zaneprodded. IfTydidn'tletsome of that anger out somehow he was going to implode. Zane had seen ithappen. Zane had had it happen.

"Because,"Ty answered stubbornly.

"‘Because'?"Zaneparroted,refusingtobackoff."ThinkIcan'ttake it?"

"Areyoutryingtostartafight?"Tyaskedasheshookhisarmaway from Zane's grasp.

"Apparently. Andyou'redetermined tositthereallbuttonedupand nothurtmyfeelings," Zanesaid,catchingTy'sarmagain,thistimethe forearm. "Let it go. There's no one here to act for."

"Howmanyharsh wordswillittaketosendyouintoabottle?" Ty askedasheyanked hisforearm awayandsmacked atZane's hand."Nottoo damn many, I'm guessing."

"How many timesam Igonna have toripdown these walls you keep putting upbefore youfucking popand goballisticatprecisely thewrong time?" Zanesnapped,fingersgraspingand tighteningdespitethe smack. "Howlongcanyoukeepitallinside?'Causebelieveme,you'vegotno chance of doing it forever."

TyreachedforZane'shandsuddenly, squeezing hiswristtofreehis other hand. AssoonasZane's fingers letgo,Tyreached outandbackhanded him.

IfZanehadbeenasmallerman,hemighthavefallensideways under theblow. Asitwas,hischinsnapped tothesidefromthestrength ofit,and when helooked back atTy,hehadtolickatrickle ofblood offhissplit lip. When hespoke, hisvoice was strong andeven with thesurety ofhard-won personalexperience. "Ifyoucan'tlearntoletgooftheangerandfrustration somehow, itwilleatyouupinside," headvised. "AndIdon'tmeanhiding in the bottom of a bottle or between some stranger'sthighs."

Tyclosed his eyes andlooked away, visibly trying tocalm himself. "I'msorry,"hefinallymurmured.Heturnedslightlyandreachedbackto Zane, sliding hishand against theside ofhisfaceashewiped theblood away from Zane's lip with his thumb regretfully.

Zane pressed hischeek into Ty's hand, looking over him with softer eyes,andhismouth quirked. "Well, Ideserved it,"hesaid."Idon'twantyou to go through what I did."

Ty wasn't quite sure what to say in response, and it showed clearly on hisface.Instead ofsayinganything, heturnedhisheadandlethishandslide awayfromZane'sface.HepickedupZane'shandandturneditoverwitha sadshakeofhishead."You'requitesusceptible tothatmove,"hechastised softly as his thumb slid gently over the pressure point he'd utilized.

Grimacing,Zanerolledhiswrist."Yeah.I'vewornthesheathsso longthatI'mnotusedtohavingmywristsvulnerable. It'shardtochangea habit like that."

Tyhummedthoughtfully andsethishandsbackintohisownlap. "Where'd the knives come from?" he asked abruptly.

"Jack Tanner," Zane answered.

Tyraised aneyebrow andtiltedhisheadsohecouldseeZanebetter. "Youworked withJackattheAcademy?" heaskedinobvious surprise. Jack Tannerwasanex-SEAL, employed bytheBureautoteachagentsgoing through theAcademy thebasicsofnotgetting killedinhand-to-hand combat. By the time Ty hadgonethrough,Tannerwasoldenoughandgrouchy enough that he didn't teach classes anymore; he merely picked protégés to run the lessons and supervisedthem.

Zanesmiled slightly andnodded. "Ineeded thehelp,"hesaid. "Remember metellingyouabouthaving torepeat? Yeah. Jack's thereasonI didn't wash out the second time through."

"Ididn'tknowhedidone-on-one lessons," Tyremarked withasmall smirk.

"Onlyforspecialcases,"Zanesaid."That,andBeckywasareally good cook."

Ty noddedand lookedaway uncomfortably."Jackwas alwaysa sucker for a good ribeye," he muttered.

Zane tipped his head. "Another story there?" he asked.

"There's always another story somewhere,"Ty answered vaguely.

"Like why you want it to end quick," Zane said, deciding he'd pushed enough. Healready knew moreabout Ty'spastthanTyknew about his.He supposed hewasluckyinthatrespect.Sighing, herubbedhiseyes."Going numb and then going to sleep," he agreed finally. "I guess that appeals to alot of people in our line of work. We're more likely to be beaten up, shot, knifed, blown up, hit by a car, tortured..."

Tymerelynoddeddistantly,hisheadslightlyturnedashestaredout the window.

"Why'd you take this job?" Zane asked curiously. "After they ran you outofRecon?Whynottellthegovernmenttotakeaflyingleapandbuya coal mine?"

Ty scratched his chin and cocked his head. "'Cause I was afraid of the coal mines," he answered curtly.

"I knew you were a smart man," Zane said.

"Doesn't takeasmartmantobeafraid ofthecoalmines," Ty respondedseriously.

"What does it take? For you to be afraid?"

TyturnedhisheadquicklyandfrownedatZane."Youdon'tthink I'm afraid?" he asked.

"If you aren't, then you're way beyond fixing," Zane claimed. "I want toknowwhatmakesyouafraid.I'veseenit,afewtimes,inyoureyes.On your face. But I couldn't figure out why. Not really."

Tyshrugged andlookedawaybeforeZanecouldseeanything elsein his eyes. "I don't know," he answered defensively."Normal things, I guess."

"Ty," Zane said quietly, seeing the evasion for what it was.

"What?" Ty huffed.

Zanesighed andshook hishead, buthehadtolaugh justatinybit. "I don't think I have ever met someone as stubborn as you."

"Shut up," Ty said uncomfortably.

"It'snotaninsult. Hell." Zane sighed andleaned backagainst the headboard. HewatchedTyforalongminute.Themanlookedantsyand unable to settle. On edge. "Ty, chill."

"Youwoke meup,"Tysaidaccusingly. "Whydoyouwanttoknow? What does itmatter what I'm afraid of?" heasked, obviously unable toletthe conversationgo.

Zaneblinkedinsurprise."Itmatterstome,"hesaidquietly."Iwant toknow.SoI..."Hisvoicetrailedoffandheswallowed. "SoIcanprotect you."

Ty sniffed. "Protect me from being afraid?"

"Protect you when you're afraid," Zane corrected.

Tymuttered quietly to himself and shook his head. "Okay," he finally ground out. "You want to know what I'm afraid of?" he asked as he turned his head slightly and looked back at Zane. "I'm afraid of small spaces," he said as heraisedhishandandbegancountingoffwithhisfingers."I'mafraidof small,darkspaces.I'mafraidofsmall,darkspaceswithbugsand/orrodents inthem. AndI'm afraid offalling whenmyassisn't attached toaparachute. Satisfied?"he asked sarcastically.

Zanerefusedtobebaited."Thanks,"hesaidsimply,justwatching Ty,wondering whatwasmakinghimsocranky.He'dtriedpickingafight; he'dtriedreasoning withhim.ButTywasstilltense,unwilling orunableto justletthefrustration goandshout athim."DoIstillmakeyouthat uncomfortable?"he asked, sounding forlorn. "After all we've done?"

Tyclosedhiseyesandraisedhischinslightly,sighingquietly."A little," he admitted. "I'm not used to answering questions, okay?" he explained defensively."I just ... It's just weird for me."

Zane nodded from where he leaned against the headboard,and a bit of hisowntensionseepedaway."Comehere,"herequested,reachingoutan arm.

Tyglanced over athim toseeifhewasmaking light. When hedidn't seeanysigns ofjoking,henarrowed hiseyesslightly. "Fuckoff.Priss,"he offered with a small smile.

Zane'seyessparkled andhelaidhishandoverhispropped-up knee. "Who are you callin' Priss, Mr. Suited Up and Shiny?" he taunted.

"Ifthisisgoingtoresorttoname-calling, I'vealreadygotyoubeat, Spanky," Ty warned with a smirk.

"How do you figure that, Jarhead?" Zane replied.

"'Cause Irock,"Tyexplained inanevenvoice."Andyoudon't," he continued as he pointed atZane, pinky finger held out to the side daintily as if he were drinking tea.

Smirking,Zanesatup,grabbedTy,anddraggedhimdownontothe bed and under hisbigger body. "I'd poke you, but you'd beat theshit outof me."

Tyflailedbrieflybeforehewaspinned,andheblinkedupatZane suspiciously asheflexedhisfingersunderZane'sgrip."Powertrip,"he accused softly.

Zane waggled his eyebrows. "I gave you a chance to come peacefully."

"You're easily distracted,aren't you?" Ty deadpanned.

"Notreally,"Zanesaid smoothly,draggingone hand downTy's chest. "I'm still focused on you."

Tyshivered asZane's fingers raisedgoosebumpsalloverhisbody. "And that is the crux of our problem,"he reminded softly.

"Problem?" Zane echoed, his hand continuingits descent.

"Allkindsofproblems," Tyaffirmed. Hereached upwiththehand Zane had leftfree and smacked the bigger man gently onthe side ofthe head. "Focus," he chastised.

Zanescrewed uphisfacebefore looking down atTyseriously. "You're not a problem. Not to me."

"SureIam,"Tyargued. "Weknowthebareminimum abouteach other,andcorrectmeifI'mwrong,that'sjustthewaywewantit.Weknow we want totake each other to bed, but we don't have much else togoon. To me,thatspellsallkindsofproblems,"hepointedoutgently."Ididn'tsayI was complaining,"he added.

"Grady ..." Zanegroanedandrolledtohisside,thencurledonearm aroundhispartner'swaist."I'mnottryingtopickafighthere,butwhatdo youpropose wedoaboutit?Neither oneofusisallthatgoodattalking. In fact, I'd say we suck spectacularlyat talking."

"How about you stop asking somany questions," Tysuggested. "And I'llstartgivinga damnwhenyoulooklikeyouneeda hug,"headded cheekily.

"You already give a damn," Zane chanced.

Tymerelysmiled, hislipstwitching asifhewastryingnotto.Zane grinned and stole a kiss.

"Shutup,"TymutteredbeforejabbingZaneintheribsgentlyand rolling out of his grasp.

RestrainingtheurgetoyankTybackintohisarms,Zaneinsteadlet goandjustlaytherewatchinghim.Tysatupandswunghislegsoverthe edge of the bed, then cocked his head and stared at the far wall thoughtfully.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked after nearly a minute of silence.

Thatsilenceextended asZanestruggled withwhattosay."Notbeing there," he finally murmured.

Ty turned his head slightly to look back over his shoulder. "Not being where?" he asked in confusion.

Zane looked haunted. "I wasn't there when Becky was killed. I wasn't therewhenmyfirstpartnerwentstupidanddrovehomedrunk.AndIlost them both."

"Yeah?"Tyrespondedunsympathetically. "Iwastherewhenmy partnerwasshotandkilled,"hesaidquietly."Ieventookthebulletjustlike hedid,"hesaidashepointedtothespotlowonhisabdomenwhereascar toldthestoryofathroughandthrough."Stilldidn'tdohimadamnbitof good. Just 'cause you're there, doesn't mean it's any less tragic."

Zaneclosed hiseyesandshrugged alittle."IfI'dbeenthere,Imight have been able to do something. But I wasn't, and I lost them."

"And if you'd been there," Ty said softly, "I would have lost you."

Zaneslowlyopenedhiseyesto lookat Ty'sbackas his breath caught. "I'mnotletting youwalkaway again," hesaidtohimthicklywithout thinking about it first.

Ty gave alopsided shrug and then nodded, not turning to look back at Zane. "It's debatable,who walked away," he said softly.

Zane drew inadeepbreath, heldit,andletitoutslowly. "We... couldn't have done this then. We didn't know ..."

Ty nodded thoughtfully as he finally turned to look Zane over, but the look on his face clearly said that he might disagree.

"How?" Zane asked, tilting his head to one side.

"How what, Chief?" Ty asked softly.

"How would it have worked?"

Ty pursed his lips and shrugged again. "Same way itisnow, Iguess," heanswered, displaying thesortofnonchalance withwhich theTyofoldhad alwayshandledemotional situations. "Exceptwithoutthedrinkinganddrugs andcopiousamountsofanonymoussex,I'dimagine,"headdedwithacock of his head.

Zane'slipstwitched."Anonymous sex?Ithoughtyouknewallthose women."

"Well,Ididafterafewminutes,"Typointedoutwithahintofa blush.

Asmilebrokefree."YoudidbetterthanIdid,then,"theotherman muttered, though he wasn't at all self-consciousabout it.

"Idon'twannaknow,"Tysaidimmediately, closinghiseyesand shaking his head.

ZanechuckledandswipedplayfullyatTy'sarm."Comehere,"he said again. "We can sleep until Henningercalls."

"You sleep, I'llwake you upduring themiddle ofadream," Ty promised crankily.

"You were having a bad dream!" Zane insisted.

"Youknow whatIain't afraidof?"Tyasked. "Baddreams!" He swatted atZane'sgrasping handandthenbegancrawling toward himslowly. "DreamsmeanI'msleeping,andsleepingmeansIain'tlyingawaketrying togettosleep.Understand?" heaskedashegotrightinZane'sfaceand brushed his nose against Zane's.

"Iunderstand,"Zanerepeateddutifully,rubbingthetipofhisnose againstTy'sbeforeliftingjustenoughtopressasoftkissagainsthislips. "First night Isleptwithout passing outdrunk infour months wasthatnight at your place," he said, his voice barely audible.

Tyclosed hiseyesandsighed quietly, deflating alittlejustbefore he clambered to the side and flopped down beside Zane.

Zane knew Tydidn't want tohear it.But he'd said ittohim anyway; theclosesthecouldcometocommunicating howmuchhefeltheneededhis partner. He shifted and layalong Ty's side, letting his eyes close while he just focused on feeling him close.

Ty's arm snaked around him, pulling him closer. "After thiscaseis over," hesaidquietly ashestared upattheceiling andidlytwirled alock of Zane's hair, "promise me you'll get help."

Zane inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I promise,"he whispered.

Tymerelynoddedhisheadalmostindiscerniblyandcontinuedto playwith Zane's hair. "So, what exactly wasthepoint ofwaking meupand picking a fight?" he asked finally.

"Hmmm?"Zanegrunted.HeknewfullwellwhatTywasasking about.Fornow,Zanewasjustpleased tohavethecranky, gruffTyback.He could relatetohim. This Tydidn't scare him and make him feelincredible, baffling emotions he'd tried to shut away.

Tyrolledhiseyesandshookhisheadagain."Asshole," heaccused almostfondly.He was unableto stay quietfor long. "I mean,"he said pointedly,"IknowwhyIpokeyou.Butwhere'sthefuninpokingme?Why start arguments just for the sake of fighting?" he demanded.

Zaneopenedhiseyes.Heconsidered teasing,butthoughtitmightbe bordering oncruelatthispoint. "You're more yourself now than you've been since I saw you again," he said seriously.

Ty blinked up at the ceiling. "What the hell?" he finally asked.

Raising aneyebrow, ZaneraisedhisheadandrestedhischinonTy's chest as he looked up at him. He didn't answer, though.

Tynarrowedhiseyesagainandsighedheavily."You'retryingto drive me crazy, aren't you?" he finally asked.

"Depends, Iguess,"Zanesaid."Ifithelpsyoushakeoffthatdamn conditioning,I'll do whatever I have to."

Ty cocked his head and frowned. "Conditioning,"he muttered.

"‘Properbehavior'?"Zanesaid,soundinglikehewasparrotingfrom adoctor."Allthosethingstheshrinktoldyouweretherightthingstodo when you actually felt emotions?"

Ty'seyesnarrowed evenfurther andhegrowled softlyinthebackof his throat.

Zaneconsidered carefullywhattosay."There's apieceofyou missing. Orthatyou've buried. OnethatIthinkwe're going toneedforthis case."

TywassilentashepushedZaneoffhimandsatup,leaningagainst the headboardand staring at his partner expectantly.

"Don't you think so?" Zane asked evenly, watching Ty intently.

"Soyou'retryingtoeggmeon,"Tyrespondedwithoutanswering. "Make me cranky and somehow use me to solve an unsolvable case. What the hell are you, Zane, a Little Rascal?"

Zane's eyes flashed with alittletemper before calming, andhesatup tolook over attheother man. "It's your passion that's missing, Ty.You want tosolvethecase.Youdesperately wanttocatchabreakonit.Butthatdrive youhad... Ijustdon't seeit.Imean, forChrist's sake,youfigured outthe pattern the guy follows! That drove you insane when we were here before, but now you don't even seem to give a damn!"

Ty leaned forward and his nostrils flared angrily. "Maybe there's a lot of shit you miss with your head so far up your ass," he snarled.

Zanejustsmiled, watching Tywithsomething thatlooked like pleasure mixed with hunger and a tinge of amusement.

Tystopped shortwhenhesawthereaction, sitting backagainst the headboardsuspiciously."Don't look at me like that," he muttered.

"Why not?" Zane asked.

"Because," Tyhuffedasherolledoffthebedandbegantopace restlessly.

Zaneshookhisheadslowly,stillwatchinghim."Comebackhere," he tried, though he didn't move from his sitting position on the end of the bed. Tyshothimadirtylookandstoppedpacing.Hecrossedhisarmsdefiantly andpursed hislipstoseewhat Zane would do.But theother manjustwaited for a moment, then patted his thigh and raised an eyebrow.

Tysnortedandlookedathimincredulously. "Gofuckyourself,"he advised.

"I'dratherfuckyou,"Zanedrawled.Tymerelysnortedstubbornly andturnedtocontinuehispacing.Zanegrinnedandsprawledbackonthe bed. "Well, whenever," he added, tipping his head back against the headboard to look at the ceiling.

"So is the fucking a part of your little plan too?" Ty asked suddenly.

ZanebroughthischindownandfocusedonTy."Iwanttofuckyou, regardless,"hesaid."Youhaveanyideahowfaryou'vegottenundermy skin?"

Again, the hairs on Ty's arms rose and his chest tightened slightly. He shook his head wordlesslyand scowled.

"Goddamn it, Ty.Igetahard-onjustlookingatyou,"Zanesnapped. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

TytookaninvoluntarystepbackandblinkedatZanestupidly."I didn't," he insisted and shook his head as he finally looked away.

Zane cocked his head. "Does that bother you?" he asked, voice revealing his surprise.

"No," Ty answered defensively."I just didn't ... realize..."

"Didn't realizewhat?" Zane asked softly, sitting up to lean his elbows on his knees.

Tywasslowlyregaininghisbalance,andashedidsohesmiled slowly. "That you were so easy," he answered with a smirk.

Zane chuckled and leaned back again. "Blame the hookers."

Ty grew serious once more and took a step closer. "Is it the same?" he asked softly.

The smile on Zane's face dimmed. "Not even remotely close to you."

Tystopped asZanespokeandthentookanother stepcloser."Doyou haveanyidea,"hesaidinalowvoice,"howfaryou'vegottenundermy skin?"

Zane stilled completely. "No," he said honestly, voice low.

Tymoved closer andstood atthesideofbedinfront ofZane. "You should," hemurmured ashereached outandranhisfingersthrough Zane's hair.

Zane's darkeyesfocused onhim."How? Youdon'tbelieve thesame of me."

"I don't?" Ty asked softly.

Gazegoingsoft,ZanereacheduptotouchTy'shand,thoughhe didn't interfere with its movement."I don't know," he whispered.

Tysighed softlyandbentover,dropping hishandstoleanonZane's thighs. Heslidthemuptorestagainst Zane's hipsandhekneltthere, looking upathim."Thegirlwhocalledthatmorning atmyplace," hesaidsuddenly. "She was soupset because Ifucked her, then spent the rest ofthe night onthe balcony with a beer and a really fucking rare cigar. Thinking about you."

Zanecouldfeelhisheartpounding inthequiet.Hewondered ifTy couldhearit.HemovedhishandstorestonTy'sforearms. "Thinking about what?" he asked quietly. "Where I was?"

"Andwhoandwhat youweredoing," Tyanswered withaslownod. "What we had done, what we should have done..."

"I should have..." Zane stopped and shook his head. "I thought about you," he admitted.

"You should have what?" Ty pressed softly.

Zanesighed andclosed hiseyes."Ishould havestayed," hebreathed. "I just didn't know how."

Tywatchedhimclosely,frowning."Youcouldn'thavestayed,"he finally responded.

"I know," Zane answered. "Doesn't mean I didn't think about it."

Tyremained onhisknees,frowning atZanewithout anything tosay. Hepulled Zane's hand toward himandkissed theinside ofhiswrist impulsively. Zane'spulsewasracing,andTycouldfeelitjumpingunderhis lips. "Why are you nervous?"he whisperedin confusion.

Taking adeep breath, Zane letouthisgreatest fear. "Whatif something happens to you?" Itwas out of leftfield, for sure. But itwas eating at him from the inside.

Tyraised hisheadslightly, looking atZaneseriously ashereleased him.Heslowlyeasedhimself uptositcross-legged besidethebedandrested his elbows onhis knees. This allwent back toZane's wife, herealized. Itwas apretty common reaction when someone lost aperson they loved: to close off and trytorefuse tocare orletanyone close. The bitch ofitwas that there was no way to guard against losing again and again.

"I can't promise that nothing will," he finally answered with a shrug.

Zanenodded."Iknow,"hesaidinapainedvoice."ButIstillwant you."

"So what's the problem?" Ty asked gently.

Zaneraisedoneshoulderinaconfusedshrug."Yousaidit:weget along best when we're fucking. How do we make that work?"

"Noteverythingneedstobeplanned,Zane,"Tyansweredwitha tinge of frustration."Not everythingneeds a why or how."

"Sowejustseehowitgoes?"Zaneasked.Tyansweredwithanod andsmiled. Zanesmiled slightly inreturn, thevisethathadbeen around his chest finally eased. "I'll try."

Tyreached outandpatted hiskneealmostdelicately andthenhefted himself off the floor.

Zane's hands almost itched withtheneedtotouch Tyagain, but he curled them intofistsand cursed hisnerves. Seehowitgoes. Well, itwasn't going anywhere right this moment. He clambered off the bed and walked over tohisjacket,pokingthrough thepockets forhiscigarettes. Tywaswatching him silently,a crooked smirk curling his lips.

Zaneturned around. WhenhesawTywatching, hedidn'tmove;he just stood there with his cigarettes in one hand and lighter in the other.

"Those things'll kill you," Ty advised in amusement.

Looking at Ty ruefully, Zane shook his head and flipped him off as he walked to the door. "Leave me at least one of my vices?" he requested.

Tysighed andwatched himashereached thedoor. "Thepillsarein my bag," he offered quietly.

Stopping at the door, Zane looked back over his shoulder at Ty. Yeah, he wanted the damn pills. Just asingle thought and he was dying for them, for theartificialhighandconfidence hegotfromthem.Havingthemaroundwas likeaburrstuckinhisshirt,scraping hisskinraw.Heturned around. "Give them over, please," he requested quietly.

Tywaited foramoment andthen walked overtothebagtorummage through andfindthetin.Hehelditupandrattled it,thentossed ittoZane without aword. Zane caught thetindeftly andlooked down atitforalong moment. Thenhemoved, walkingpastTyandintothebathroom, wherehe worked to prythetin open. Tylowered his head, listening intently and hoping to hear the flush of the toilet instead of the running of the water to fill a glass.

Zanestareddownatthelittlepinkpills.Howbigadealwasthis? Theydidn't hurtanyone buthim... andTy.Zaneturned hischintoward the door. Because Tydidn't want him doing thedrugs. Caught inthatthought, he turnedthetinoverandwatchedthepillsfallintothetoiletandsinktothe bottomtolandonwhiteporcelain.Stone-coldsober,heflushedthemdown and tossed the tin into the garbage can with a clink.

When Zaneturned around, hesawTystanding there.Hetooktwo stepsandcapturedTy'smouthwithhisown,hishandsclosinggentlyabout his face.

Tyreturnedthekisswithfeeling,slidinghishandsaroundZane's hips and pulling him closer. "Good boy," he murmuredbetween kisses.