16. Freya

I'm slow to wake up, warm and cozy in a lightly air-conditioned room. I feel like I've just been in a dream, one of those really vivid ones that feels so real that it confuses you when you wake up, but what I experienced last night was no dream. It would take a strong dose of delusion to make me believe that.

Jackson's arms are wrapped tightly around me, strong and muscular and protecting. Right here, in his arms, in his bed, I feel safe and cared for, like not everything in the world is my responsibility. It's a feeling I haven't had in a long time, and I almost never want it to end.

But only almost, because as soon as the endorphins start to clear, I remember that I haven't looked at my phone all night and I have no idea how Matt is doing.

"Shit," I hiss, my eyes snapping open and darting across the room to look for my phone. Did I leave it in the kitchen? No, I think I left it in the bathroom last night at some point, in between kissing and washing and sleeping.

"Hey, what is it?" mumbles Jackson from behind me, squeezing me tighter and kissing my neck.

"I need to talk to my brother," I say.

"Can't you wait five more minutes?" He presses his body into mine in persuasion, and it so nearly works.

"It's tempting," I say, sighing and settling back into him. "If I didn't have to get up, I wouldn't."

"You don't," says Jackson, his breath dancing over my skin.

"Let me go check on Matt, then I'll come right back."

"Deal."

I can feel Jackson's eyes burning into my naked body as I get up, and though I shiver at the cool air of the bedroom, I don't bother to put any clothes on. Jackson's seen it all now anyway. I don't have anything to hide.

Fortunately, my phone is in the bathroom exactly where I hoped I had left it. I pick it up, and to my relief, I only have one message from Matt.

All good here. See you after school tomorrow.

I let out the breath I've been holding. I'd have felt terrible if he'd needed me and I hadn't been there.

I quickly write back, Sorry I didn't reply last night — went to bed early. Sorry if you worried. See you later, love you the most.

I hit send and almost immediately I get a thumbs-up in reply. I should tell him off for being on his phone during school hours, but I can't bring myself to be upset with him right now.

As the churning in my stomach starts to settle, I take a deep breath and set my phone back down. I give myself another minute in the bathroom, calming myself down, then pad back into the bedroom.

Jackson pulls the covers up to let me back in, and I crawl back into his arms without hesitation. "You're so warm," I say, nestling in as close as I can get.

"All the better to cuddle with," he says smugly.

I take another deep breath, trying to lose myself in the sensation of the here and now. "Jackson, what are we doing? What does any of this mean?"

"Is this your way of trying to tell me that you didn't have fun last night?"

"Oh, no. God no. It was great last night. Really, really great. Mind-blowing, actually. No one's touched me like that in a long time."

"Can't understand why," he says, his hand rolling down my thighs again. I giggle, my skin prickling with ticklishness. His lips find their way to my ear, and he starts nibbling on the lobe, sending a shot of desire straight to my core.

It's not that I want him to stop, not at all. I just need to be sure. "Seriously, though. What is this? What are we?"

"You had fun, yeah?"

I nod slowly. "Yes. So much fun."

"Me too. So, why make anything complicated? If it's fun, let's keep doing it. Do we need more words than that?"

I roll over to look at him, his face as soft and sincere as it gets. Like this, I can see exactly why he's a heartthrob, with his pouting lips and intense, deep eyes that you can get lost in. I don't really know what I was expecting him to say, but I don't think it was that.

Am I disappointed?

No, I don't think so. I mean, what was I really expecting — him to drop to his knees and propose? The idea of Jackson wanting us to be exclusive is laughable, when I think about it. But I guess it might have been nice if he would have been willing to commit, just a little more. Just so this could feel a little bit like ours.

But I'm not greedy, and it makes me dizzy to imagine doing this again. Besides, it's probably too soon to label ourselves as being in a relationship anyway. I don't want to put any sort of pressure on him, especially not when he's lying here telling me that he wants me.

It feels like such a long time since anyone wanted me like this, and I don't want to burst the bubble.

Dating in my situation isn't exactly easy. Most people think it's kind of weird that I live with my kid brother, and some people don't even get as far as brother before assuming he's my actual kid. It's hard to bring people home and know Matt's going to be there too.

Most people who have ever come home with me have stayed the night, and we've had a decent enough, albeit quiet, time — and then they leave, and that's it. Somewhere inside me, I believe that Jackson could be different, but I don't want to get my hopes up prematurely. Especially when he seems so hesitant to commit to anything.

If this is all we are for now, I can be happy with it.

"So, you do want to do this again?" I ask, trying not to sound as uncertain as I feel. I don't want him to think I'm pathetically insecure.

A slow smile spreads across his face. "You really think I'm a total player, don't you? You probably see me as some big sports star who can have any woman he wants and disposes of them the next day like they're nothing."

I chuckle a little at that. I never really got that impression about Jackson at all. Hell, I'm sure it's true that he could have anyone he wanted, and that many, many people have tried. There's just something about him that makes me feel like he doesn't rush into things. That when he commits, he means it.

I guess that's why it stings that he doesn't want to commit to me.

"I'm not like that at all," he continues. "I mean every word I say. And you, Freya, are beautiful, and I would keep you in my bed every single day of the week."

I giggle nervously, feeling my face flush hot red with embarrassment and desire in equal measures. "Okay, okay. Who are you, and where's Jackson gone?"

"I'm right here, baby," he says, adopting an awful dumb accent that just makes me laugh more. "I'm not all grump, you know."

"I know," I whisper, leaning in to kiss him again. "Just ninety-nine percent."

"Hey!" he growls, and before I know it, he's rolling me over and kissing me again, nuzzling into my neck and pinning me down, his cock hardening against my leg. "When do you have to be at work?" he whispers in my ear.

"I'm on late shift," I say, my heart leaping into my throat, gasping as his fingers start roaming over my bare stomach. He has such a light touch, such a way of setting my whole body ablaze and giving me moments of mindless ecstasy. I have a feeling that the second time with him is going to be just as good as the first.

"Good," he says, not giving up on his teasing. "So, that means you can stay all day?"

"Well, I was kind of thinking we ought to go out this afternoon," I say breathlessly as his kisses turn more passionate, his tongue roaming over my collarbones and down towards my breasts. "You know, get you some fresh air. It's good for you."

"You always know what's good for me," he hums, sending a vibration all the way through my chest. "And it's true that getting out is good — but I prefer this form of exercise."

With that he dips his head down and swirls his tongue over my hardening nipple, making me groan as the wetness between my legs becomes too much to ignore. "Fuck, Jackson," I moan. He's barely even touched me, and already I'm so sensitive and wanting that it's almost unbearable.

"Has it really been that long for you?" he asks when he finally surfaces for air again.

The temperature of my face ramps up another few degrees. I shouldn't be embarrassed by this, and yet… "It's been a while," I confess.

"I would never have been able to tell," he says, smiling into my skin.

I can feel my blush spreading down my neck now. "You flatter me," I giggle.

He catches my eye and raises both eyebrows cheekily, but doesn't say anything else. Instead, he just shuffles his way down my body, laying a treasure trail of kisses down my skin, over my belly button towards my sex until finally he puts his tongue exactly where I want him to, and sparks explode inside me.

I swear I never understood what that term meant until Jackson got his hands on me. He's doing things to me that I didn't even think were possible. He makes my eyes roll back and my hips buck and my vision blur as I come again and again, his endless stamina never wavering, like his only purpose is to lie between my legs and make me feel higher than I ever could have believed.

I shudder my way through another orgasm, crying out uncontrollably, the sound ripping out of me so loudly that it makes him come up for air. "Still want some more?"

"Please," I whine, needing it more than anything, "I need you inside me."

He sits up on his heels, drawing all my attention to how hard he is, despite the fact that I've been hogging all the attention. If anything, it looks like my pleasure has excited him even more.

He scrambles over the bed to grab a condom and rolls it over himself, throwing me a grin as he does. "Are you ready for me?" he asks, his voice husky and low.

"Yes! Stop talking and fuck me, please."

"Yes ma'am," he growls, then slides deep inside me, burrowing his face in the nape of my neck as he starts to move his hips. All I can do is cling to his back, gasping with every thrust as he brushes over my sensitive clit.

I come again around him, and he lets out a long moan, pressing a messy kiss into my cheek. "You're gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous," I say back, and though it isn't a great reply, it's true. He moans again and deepens his pace, and I swear neither of us have another single thought until we're both coming in unison, crying out and tangling our fingers, letting the pure pleasure of the situation wash over us as this climax hits.

Finally, once the wave passes, he rolls off me, flopping down, breathing hard. "Jesus, Freya, you're so good. You're delicious."

I cover my face, failing to hide my giggle, and blush. "What does that even mean?"

He shuffles closer to me, wrapping his arms tight around me and cradling me to his chest. "It means you're so gorgeous that I could eat you up all day, every day."

"I've never seen you like this before. I thought last night was a weird blip."

"You're not a blip," he says, squeezing, and I'm so glad he can't see my face right now because my eyes are tearing up like I'm about to cry.

"Jackson," I whisper, my voice cracking. "You're never like this."

"I've never felt like this before," he confesses quietly.

Neither of us quite knows what to say next, so we just lie still, wrapped in each other's arms, our breathing synchronizing in the stillness. This should be awkward, having just opened up so totally to each other, but it feels right. I don't want to push this any further because I don't want him to retreat, but it does make my heart flutter to know he's feeling all this for me.

And it's not a question anymore. I feel exactly the same for him.

I think I might even love him.

And much as I'd love to cuddle all day long, eventually nature starts calling and I roll over to face him. I press one gentle kiss into his lips then say, "I have to go pee."

He pouts hard at me, and I laugh. "I'll be right back."

"You'd better be."

I go as fast as I can, then jump back into bed. "What's the plan today, then?" I ask.

"What do you mean, the plan? Isn't having a sexy, lazy day enough?"

"A sexy, lazy day?" I scoff. "And there's the Jackson I know."

He sweeps me back up into his arms, and I feel myself melting again. "It's not all bad, though, right?"

And with that, I know I'm completely gone. "No," I whisper, kissing him and giving in. "It's not."