Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

RIPLEY

I 've spent the better part of the past few weeks packing up all my belongings and doing my best to tie up loose ends in Philly. I'm moving home for the time being. I need to get out of this town, away from Quincy Abbott.

My mom downsized a few years ago, so I can't live with her once the baby comes, but it will do for a few months as I figure things out. I need my mom right now.

I officially asked the Daultons for a trade. They encouraged me to wait until I was ready to return after the baby is born to make that decision. The baby is due a month before the next season, so it's not like I'll be able to play anyway, certainly not the first month or two.

While Kam and Bailey know I'm moving, I haven't told Arizona since she's on the other side of the world. I want to have this conversation with her in person. I owe her that.

She begged us all to stay here in Philly for Thanksgiving, so that Layton has a nice holiday since he's been so incredibly down without her. I want to give her this one last thing before I throw a wrench into our friendship. She's not coming home for another month. I'll fly back then and talk to her in person about everything that's gone on. Everything .

Thanksgiving is at Quincy's. It's going to be hard to see him, but I keep reminding myself that I'm doing it for Arizona.

I haven't seen him since I told him that I'm pregnant. In my mind, I knew how he'd react, but it becoming a reality hit me really hard. Seeing pictures online of him that night partying with another woman was the final nail in the coffin for me. Quincy Abbott is officially in my past. It's more than clear that he wants nothing to do with me or this baby. I've spun my wheels over him for long enough. It's time to change this car's direction.

My mom flew in two days ago to help me finish packing and to fly back with me tomorrow morning.

I look around the apartment with a sense of sadness, knowing I'll never live with Arizona again. I can only hope our friendship survives this. She's so important to me, and I pray I don't lose her. I know I've been less than truthful with her, which will hurt, but hopefully she'll understand and forgive me.

Mom plops down on the couch next to me and lets out a breath. "I think that's everything."

I wordlessly nod.

She rubs my face. "Are you okay, baby?"

I shake my head as tears sting my eyes. "No, I'm not. I hope I will be one day, but it won't be anytime soon."

"Still no word from him?"

"No. It's over. I'll be raising this baby alone. You did it. I'll do it too."

Tears drop down her cheeks. It's very rare for June St. James to cry. "I wanted you to have a better life than mine. "

I rub her arm. "I've had a good life, Mom. I know I was unplanned, but I never felt unwanted or unloved by you. I hope to make my child feel as loved as you made me feel."

She gives me a small smile of gratitude.

I shrug. "My father didn't want me, just like Quincy doesn't want our baby. I suppose it's a bit of history repeating itself."

She takes my hand in hers. "Ripley, your father wanted you. Very much."

Tears now fill my eyes. I've never heard this before. "Will…will you finally tell me about him?"

She takes several deep breaths before beginning her story. Our story.

"Lucas Beaumont was the most beautiful man you could ever imagine. Both inside and out. You have so much of him in you. He had an innate genuine kindness that I know you got from him. The desire to make other people happy. It's all from him."

Tears drip down my cheeks at hearing the name of my father for the first time in my life and knowing there's some part of him inside me.

"He was a politician and was assigned to oversee the Olympic team. We met about a year before the Olympics, and our affair started shortly thereafter. I say affair because he was married, not happily, but still married. I have a lot of shame over that."

I squeeze her hand, letting her know she has my support, no matter what comes out of her mouth today.

"He was in a marriage of convenience. She came from a wealthy, influential Canadian family. His family all but forced them together for appearances. They lived separate lives privately, but publicly maintained a united front. I fell hard and fast. So did he. So much so that he was willing to leave her, even knowing exactly what the political fallout would be. I was puking my guts out at the Olympics. I thought it was nerves at first, but shortly after, I realized I was pregnant." She smiles as if remembering something. "He was over the moon excited about it."

She grabs my face. "You may have been unplanned, but you were wanted. You were loved. I promise that you were conceived in the purist love there is."

I nod, too choked up for words.

"He told his wife he wanted a divorce, that he was in love with another woman, that she was pregnant, and he intended to marry me."

She takes a deep breath before continuing. "His wife threatened pretty much every nasty thing you can imagine, but he didn't care. We planned to build a life together in Toronto regardless of the damage to his reputation."

"Why didn't you plan to move out of Toronto? Away from the spotlight?"

She visibly swallows, clearly suffering with what's about to come out of her mouth next. "He had two young children with her. A boy and a girl. He couldn't move too far away."

I suck in a breath. "I…I have siblings?"

She nods. "You do."

"What happened? I don't even remember him. I've never seen a picture of us together. Nothing."

Her shoulders shake with sobs, and she briefly closes her eyes. I don't think I've ever seen her look so pained. Eventually, she steels herself to continue our story. "He died in a helicopter crash a week before you were born."

I hug her. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Mom."

"A part of me died with him. I never truly got over the loss of my soulmate. That's exactly what he was, my soulmate."

"I've never seen the name Lucas Beaumont on anything. Why isn't his name on my birth certificate?"

"His wife was a powerful woman. He never told her my name before he died. I couldn't have her finding out. But—"

"She eventually did."

She nods. "Yes. When you were two, she showed up at our apartment. She offered me a huge lump sum of money to move out of the country and agree to never contact her or her children or ever tell anyone who your father was. I refused, but for years she made my life a living hell. She made sure no one would hire me. She had me evicted from every apartment we lived in. Please understand that I was struggling to make ends meet. We moved around from shitty place to shitty place. He was gone. Her money would give us a fresh start. By the time you were five, I would go days without eating because I could only afford food for you. At some point, I gave in and took her money. It enabled me to buy us a nice house in a good neighborhood and give us the fresh start we needed. I was able to get a job and give you the life you deserved."

That explains how we went from small-apartment living to a four-bedroom house when we moved to the US. I suppose I never thought about it at the time, but now I see it.

She continues. "You were already showing signs of being a pitching prodigy. I chose California knowing the weather would be such that you could throw all year round."

"I'm sure my pregnancy brought some of this to the surface, but why now? Why are you telling me now?"

She smiles. "You got his brains too."

"I got your brains. You're no dummy."

She gives me a grateful look.

"His wife passed away a few weeks ago. When your brother and sister were recently going through her old boxes in storage, they came across the private investigator file on us. Apparently, she kept tabs on us for several years after we left. I assume to make sure I wasn't going back on our deal. They had no clue about you. They reached out to me and want to meet you. I told them you know nothing about your father. I'd first have to decide if I wanted to tell you everything about him, and after that, it would be your decision whether you wanted to meet them. I can tell you they seemed sincere on the phone, but I can't be sure."

I'm quiet for a bit. "I think I need to let this settle. I'm a bit of a mess given everything else going on. Let me get through the next few months, and then we'll talk more about it."

"No rush, my love. It's waited twenty-eight years. Whatever makes you comfortable."

Kam bursts through the door with a big smile. "Mama June is back in da house!"

Mom turns and smiles. "Honey Boo Boo is back causing trouble."

I look behind her and don't see Bailey. "Where's Bails?"

"Babysitting. Allegedly. She's probably having her pink fortress attacked. She said she'll meet us later at the group home."

Mom questions, "Group home?"

I nod. "Layton coaches a baseball team of orphaned kids. Arizona coaches with him too. We're going to drop by for an hour and wish them all a happy Thanksgiving. I'll come back here for you afterward, and we'll go to Quincy's together."

"Okay."

Kam looks around and sighs. "I can't believe you're really leaving us. I understand why, but I'm still sad."

I told Kamryn and Bailey everything right after my encounter with Quincy. They saw me in bed crying, and I couldn't deny it anymore.

"It's the right thing to do. I'll visit. Or maybe you can come visit me."

A few hours later, we're walking into Quincy's place. My heart is racing. I saw him briefly at the group home today, but we didn't talk at all.

I can hear several voices in there as we approach his door. I'm glad we won't be alone with him.

He opens the door and starts to open his mouth, but Kam practically punches him in the stomach with a bottle of wine. "Here, dickhead. You can shove this right up your ass. We're only here because we love Arizona. Oh, and thank you for having us."

He nods as if he was expecting it. Staring at me, he says, "Can we talk?"

I shake my head. "There's nothing left to say. Let's just eat and get this over with."

Arizona and Quincy's parents, Paul and Pamela, greet me warmly. When the time comes, I'll tell them about their grandchild. Perhaps they'll want to be in his or her life, even if Quincy won't.

As always, Quincy is cold to his parents throughout the meal, barely acknowledging his father. The whole thing is awkward, but Kam and Cheetah do their best to lighten things up.

As I'm exiting the bathroom after dinner, he pulls me into his bedroom and lets out a breath. "Alone at last."

I cross my arms. "What do you want? I hope this is to hand me signed divorce papers."

His jaw stiffens. "It's not. We need to figure things out."

"There's nothing left to say. I'm super clear on where you stand. I need to put you in my past once and for all. I'm moving home tomorrow. "

"Home as in Cali?"

"Yes."

"Where will you live?"

"With my mom for a few months while I figure things out. I've requested a trade. All I ask is that you sign those papers. If you care about me at all, you'll sign them and let me live my life."

He visibly swallows. "Can you give me a minute to digest this? You dropped a bombshell on me."

"You've had three weeks to digest. Five seconds after I told you, you were doing shots off some bimbo's boobs. I have to thank you for that though. It was exactly what I needed to finally let go."

"Is that what you've done? Let go of me?"

I'm trying to be strong, but tears fill my eyes. "I've loved you nearly every minute of my life. Despite your words and your actions telling me we wouldn't ever be anything, I never truly lost hope in our happily ever after—"

"Good."

"Until three weeks ago." I clutch my chest. "You broke my fucking heart. I don't know if I'll ever recover from it, but I want to try. Honestly, Quincy, you're not good enough for me."

He nods. "I know. I've always known that."

I wipe a few tears that have managed to spring free and roll down my cheeks. "If I can love a man who doesn't love me back the way I love you, imagine how hard I could love the man who truly does. I know he's out there."

"I…I…I think I do love you."

"Then I need you to love me enough to finally let me go."

He briefly closes his eyes.

"Like I've told you many times before, I want, no, I deserve , to find someone who will love me in the light. I know it won't happen anytime soon, but I'll never give up hope of finding the man who wants forever with me. Who loves me openly and proudly."

"That's not—"

I shove my finger into his chest. "Don't fucking insult me with excuses. Relationships are a two-way street. I've always given more than I've received with you. I won't accept that in my life anymore. I don't want to teach our child that it's okay. It's not. It never was. I was too weak to admit it, but not anymore."

He blows out a breath. "Tell me what you need."

"The only thing I need from you is to sign those papers. The rest of my needs became inconsequential the moment I found out about our child. That's what parents do. I want nothing to do with you ever again. I'm leaving town tomorrow. I'm only returning for one day when Arizona comes home, so I can tell her everything in person."

"What about money? You need money."

I'm so angry right now. "Money? You think I want money from you? Have you even read those divorce papers? I want absolutely nothing from you ever again. Goodbye, Quincy. Have a good life."

At that, I turn, walk out of the room, grab my mother, and leave Quincy Abbott in my past for good.

QUINCY

"Goodbye, Quincy. Have a good life."

She means it this time. I can tell she does. I've officially broken her .

I want to pull her into my arms and never let go, but I know I'm no good to her as I am right now. So without another word, I let her walk out the door. I've never been in more pain than I am right now. I've never hated myself more.

Everyone eventually leaves until it's just me and my parents. Mom smiles dreamily, oblivious to the obvious evening-long tension. "Layton loves Arizona so much. I can't believe he plans to propose to her someday soon. She finally found the right guy."

Layton pulled my father and I aside to ask for our blessing to propose to her sometime in the near future. My father didn't earn the honor of being asked. I understand that a woman's father is traditionally asked, but he didn't raise her. I did. I more than appreciate that Layton knew enough to ask me too.

She continues, "And it was so sweet that he included you, Quincy."

My anger has been simmering all night. They're clueless, and that comment is my official boiling point. "Well, I fucking raised her, so it makes sense that he'd ask me. What did you do, Dad, show up after she went to sleep at night and leave before she woke up? Quite a fucking father."

My father's smile fades. "What's your problem, Quincy?"

"You're my problem. I'm completely fucked up about marriage and kids because of you. Terrified of making my own wife and child feel as inconsequential as you made me feel. I can't be in a normal relationship because of you."

"I worked hard for this family. Every day and every night of my life. "

"I'm more than aware that you worked every day and every night. So hard that we never saw you."

"How do you think we paid for your Little League and your equipment needs? Your dog and the clothes on your back. Your food and school trips. Money doesn't grow on trees for real people. It takes hard work and dedication."

"I'm a fucking professional baseball player. Don't you think I know about hard work and dedication? Not that you've ever come to see me play. Do you know that I'm probably the only pitcher in the major leagues who didn't spend hours throwing to his father in the backyard? In fact, I've never once thrown a ball with you. Do you even realize how messed up that is?"

"You think you'd be a pitcher if not for me?"

"You had nothing to do with it. Arizona spent hours upon hours with me. My little sister. At seven years old, she should have been having fun with her friends, instead she was crouched down getting bruised while I tried to learn a curveball."

He turns to my mom. "Maybe it's time for us to go."

I shout, "No! I've bottled it all up for years. Arizona always defended you and told me to let things go, but she's not here tonight to defend you. You're going to listen to everything I have to say. You two are so fucking clueless as to the damage you've inflicted. Do you know why Ripley is moving back home?"

They shake their heads.

"Because of me. She loves me. She's always loved me. And I can't love her in return. Not in the way she deserves. All because of you. Because I decided as a little kid that I would never get married and make my wife and kids feel as bad as you made me feel. "

Mom's crying now. Dad looks on the verge.

With a trembling lip, Mom manages, "Do you love her?"

I shout, "Of course I fucking love her. I've probably loved her for my entire adult life. She is the only woman I will ever love. And I love her enough to let her and our child walk away because I know it's best for them."

Mom gasps. "Child? What child?"

"Did I forget to mention that?" I ask with a load of sarcasm. "Ripley's pregnant. Enjoy ignoring your grandchild as well as you ignored your children. Take a fucking Uber to the airport in the morning. I don't want to see either of you again. Ever. You ruined my life."

I turn, walk into my bedroom, and slam the door behind me. In some ways that felt good. It was thirty-three years in the making. But the burden hasn't disappeared. The heaviness still weighs on me. The sadness blankets me.

Early in the morning, I hear my front door open and close. I'm glad they left. Good riddance.

A little while later I walk out of my room and into my kitchen to see my father sitting there. My jaw tightens. "I thought you left."

"I sent your mother home. You and I are going on a little trip."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Pack your fucking bags, Quincy. We're going."