Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

QUINCY

I 'm so amped up over my performance tonight. I appreciate everyone wanting to celebrate, but all I really want to do is get lost in Ripley's body. I tried to proposition her, but she reminded me that we've already had our finale and that her mom is staying with her.

It's nearly one in the morning when everyone leaves to go home. After an hour of tossing and turning, I head over to Ripley's. I know Arizona is staying at Layton's so June can use her bedroom. There's no risk of her being there.

I have a spare key and quietly let myself in. I tiptoe into her bedroom and see her fast asleep, spread out on top of her blankets. The best part? She's wearing my jersey. My heart just about explodes seeing her like that.

As I get closer, I see a file and a bunch of papers laid out over her like she was reading them before falling asleep. I start to clean them up for her when my eye catches a few key phrases. Dissolution of Marriage being the biggest and boldest at the top. Looking closer, I realize they're divorce papers with both our names on them.

Why does it fucking hurt so much? I shouldn't care, but I do. On some level, I always knew this was inevitable.

I initially gather the papers and place them on her night table. Then I jam them under several magazines, hoping she'll forget about them. After a few seconds of thought, I decide it's best to rip them up and place the evidence in my pocket for disposal. Yep, that should do the trick.

I then look back at Ripley with her bare, long legs on display. Her perfect profile. Her porcelain skin. A sense of sadness runs through me realizing that one day I'm going to have to watch her walk down the aisle to another man. I look at her covered stomach. One day another man's child will grow inside her. The pain of both of those thoughts is almost too much to bear.

Time is running out for us. She's going to leave town and be out of my life again. This time, I know it will be for good.

For the briefest of moments, I let my mind travel to somewhere I've never once let it go. Could I ever be the man she deserves? Could I ever give her what she needs?

I immediately flashback to my own childhood. The feelings of abandonment. Feeling like I didn't matter. Never seeing a parent in the audience of a school assembly. Never having a parent come to a school art show. Never having a parent at my games. The soul-crushing feeling of loneliness. I vowed to do my best as a brother so Arizona would never feel half of what I felt. I know I succeeded. She wants normal things in life. Her pain doesn't run deep like mine. If I've done nothing else good, shielding and practically raising Arizona is the one thing I've done right.

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I need to cherish every moment with Ripley, for each one could be our last. I know I'm on borrowed time with her.

I strip down to my boxers and slip into the bed. I can't help but stare at her beauty. Her hair is wild, and her cherry-red lips seem kiss swollen. I have a moment of panic and look around, but I know no one is here. That's how they get in her sleep. I've never been more familiar with a woman's body than I am with hers.

Not able to help myself, I lean over and start to kiss her. My tongue moves into her mouth before she begins to stir.

Her body stiffens in shock until she realizes what's happening. Once she does, she relaxes, threads her fingers through my hair, and moans into my mouth as she kisses me back.

I pull her body flush to mine and grab her leg over my hip. We kiss and kiss with no sense of urgency. Our familiar tastes and tongues weave in practiced unison. I crave this connection with her. We're two pieces of a puzzle that fit so perfectly together. Physically. Emotionally, I'm the broken round knob on one of those pieces, meaning I'll never fit in with the rest.

After a few minutes, she breaks the kiss and breathlessly whispers, "Hi."

I whisper back, "Hi. I'm sorry, but I needed to be with you tonight. My mind is on overdrive, and I need to feel you."

"We can't—"

"It's not about that. I won't lie and say I don't want it, I do, but what I want more right now is to be with you after the best night of my life. To share it with you." I sink my nose into her neck. "Let me breathe you in. For one night, let me be close to you. Let me hold you. I promise to behave."

I see her internal battle. Her heart and head want two different things. Eventually she nods. "You have to leave early."

"I know. My alarm is set."

"And you need to keep it in your pants."

"I know."

She lets out a breath as she relaxes into me. Our bodies are still pressed together. I see a small smile form on her lips. "Tonight was incredible. You were incredible. I'm so proud of you."

"I've heard other players talk about the adrenaline of the playoffs, but I don't think I ever understood it until tonight. It's a high I've never imagined possible."

She aimlessly runs her fingers through my hair. "I'm glad I was there to see it."

I rub her bare hip. "Me too." I continue staring into her eyes. "I…umm…got the plans back for the house this week."

"And?"

"They're so perfect. Jade is brilliant. I can't wait to break ground. Collin said he knows people in the permitting office and can probably start within a few weeks. He wants to get the shell up before winter hits."

"Wow. You're all in."

"I am. No place has ever felt more like home."

I don't just mean Philly, but I don't say that.

"What about you, Shortcake? Where do you see yourself in five years?"

She shrugs. "I'm not sure. I really like this town, but…" she swallows hard, "you know why I can't stay. I imagine Arizona will live here though. That will be nice for you."

"What makes you say that?"

She rolls her eyes. "They're in love, Quincy. Real, soulmate, storybook love. She's going to marry him one day. You must realize that."

I sigh. I suppose she's right.

She has a dreamy look on her face. "He loves her like every woman in the world wants to be loved. You should be happy for her. For him too."

"How does every woman want to be loved?"

Without any hesitation, she answers, "Fully. Wholeheartedly. Without shame. Like nothing and no one else matters."

I'm contemplating her words when we hear female moans from the other room. I initially wince thinking it's Arizona until I remember June is in there.

Ripley mouths, "What the hell?"

And then we hear a deep male voice. "Oh fuck, June. That's so good."

I smile while trying to contain my laughter. "That's Dutton."

Ripley simply shakes her head. "Leave it to my mother to be in town for less than twelve hours and have the hottest man in her age bracket in her bed."

I pinch my eyebrows together. "Dutton is hot?"

She bites her lip and mock shivers. "Hell yes."

"I don't think he dates much. His wife died a long time ago, but he still loves her and is attached."

She shrugs. "June St. James, everyone. She could make The Pope visit a whore house. "

I chuckle before moving a stray strand of hair from her face. "Are you nervous about your game?"

She shakes her head. "Not really. I'm not a nervous person. I play better when I'm relaxed so I try not to allow myself to get too worked up."

"I wish I was like that. I make myself crazy."

"I know you do. You're having the best season of your career. Try to enjoy it. Just a little bit."

"I'm enjoying being here with you."

"We shine in the darkness, you and me."

I know that's a loaded statement. I'm too much of a chickenshit to respond.

We lay in bed and talk for hours about nothing and everything. It's probably the most intimate night of my life.

At some point, I hear her breathing even out. She's fast asleep, nuzzled into my chest.

I fight sleep, not wanting to let go of this moment with her in my arms, but eventually, it finds me.

The next night, we're all at the ballpark watching the Anacondas game. Cheetah is up to his usual antics, dancing for the cameras. June is sitting between me and Layton.

She crosses her arms as she eyes him. "You know, Arizona is like a second daughter to me. What are your intentions with her?"

Layton smirks as he looks her in the eyes, and, without an ounce of hesitation, declares, "To love her, to marry her, to have children with her, to grow old with her."

I think back to what Ripley said to me last night about the way he loves my sister. She wasn't wrong. Just a few months ago, Layton was sleeping around with no intention of playing into this notion of happily ever after, yet here we are, just a relatively short time later, and he wears his heart right there on his sleeve. He practically lives for Arizona at this point and doesn't care who knows about it.

June slowly nods. "I can live with that answer. Just don't fuck it up."

He chuckles. "I won't. I promise."

She turns to me and whispers, so no one else can hear, "Speaking of fuckups, what about you and my daughter?"

I didn't know June was aware of anything between Ripley and me. Not having any clue how much she knows, I try to play it cool and respond, "What do you mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean. You popped her cherry all those years ago and you've been dragging her along ever since. She loves you. She always has. If you don't feel the same, you need to let her go. I won't let her waste her life pining after a man who's unattainable."

"You don't know anything about us. Not to be a dick, but I'm fucking thirty-three, June. I don't owe you an explanation."

"I don't care how old you are. You've been jerking my daughter around for over a decade. Shit or get off the pot, Quincy. At a minimum, you must care about her as a person. If you're not looking to see this through, cut her loose. It's not fair to her otherwise. "

I briefly close my eyes, tormented by her words.

She gives me a look of surprise. "You do love her. I didn't think you did, but I was wrong. It's written all over your face."

Tightening my jaw, I spit out, "I never said that."

"I know you don't want a family and that's the biggest obstacle. I imagine you know nothing of my past, few people do, but I won't see her suffer the same fate. A lifetime of loneliness. Do you want her to end up like me? Hopping from man to man because I can't have the one I truly want. Closing my heart off to the possibility of love so I never have to feel the pain I once felt. Cut her loose. It's time. If you truly love her, give her a fighting chance to find what she's looking for while she's still young."

"I…I can't seem to let go."

"You're a selfish prick. You don't deserve her."

Truer words have never been spoken.