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Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

brIAR

U ncle Vale comes to stand next to me as we watch Abbie and the brothers file out. Each of the Wyldhart brothers give me a questioning look before heading inside. I give them a short nod to let them know I'm fine. With one last searching look, Malachi leads Xander and Bastian into their mansion.

"Yeah. What's up?" I ask once we're alone.

He motions me over to the gray stone wall I sat on with Bastian. He lowers his large frame onto the rough stone. Even though I'm fairly tall for a girl, I still have to do a little hop to get up next to Uncle Vale. Once we're settled, he turns to me. "I am so very sorry about Evie, Bee. I failed to protect her and you. You'll never know how much I regret it."

"Uncle Vale…." I trail off, unsure how to respond. His voice is drowning in guilt, and I just want to reassure him. "It's not your fault. You didn't know, right? There wasn't any way you could have stopped it when you didn't know."

"No, the stubborn woman didn't tell me. But I should've fucking known! She was my fated mate, goddammit!" I'm stunned into silence at him swearing in front of me. He never did when I was a kid. His voice also breaks at the end, and the anguish in his words tears at my heart.

"How should you have known if Mama didn't tell you? Is mind reading a fated mates thing?" I ask, hoping for the love of everything that's holy that it's not. I so don't need the Wyldharts hearing my every thought. What I say out loud is embarrassing enough. No need to add my unfiltered inner thoughts to the equation.

He lets out a rough chuckle. "No. When the mate bond's complete, some mate groups can sense each other's emotions. Evie and I never completed the bond, though."

"Was that hard? Not completing the bond?" I'm unsure if that's an appropriate question, but I'm not sure who else I'd ask about mate stuff. I have no clue how any of it works.

"It was agony having her in the same town but not mating with her," he tells me frankly while staring off into the forest, his gaze unfocused. "The pain from the bond wanting to be completed eased some when she moved to Hawthorne Grove. In its place was a new heartache from being too far from her. Loving Evie, even if it wasn't as a mate should've loved her, was pure pain. But I wouldn't trade the too brief time I had with her for the world."

"Why didn't you mate with Mama?" Even just learning about mates, I can't imagine ending up without the Wyldharts. Each of them fits a part of me that no one else ever has. Or probably ever will.

He sighs deeply. "There was no winning. I was going to hurt someone, Bee. Either I left the woman I was so in love with and my boys, or I rejected the woman who was my perfect match. Your mom took the decision out of my hands when she flat-out refused to mate with me. Abbie and I both tried to change her mind. Rejecting your mate isn't something wolves do. But, as you know, Evie could be damned stubborn when she wanted to be."

My lips tilt up in a small smile at the thought of my mom's iron will. Once she set her mind to something, there was no changing it. "Do you ever wish things had turned out differently?"

"That's a complicated question. I wish I had met your mother earlier in my life. She was strong, funny, witty, kindhearted, empathetic, and everything I could've ever wished for in a mate. A part of my soul will always be fractured without Evie. But I love Abbie with everything I am. I can't imagine not having her in my life. Plus, the boys, you, and Ava are my world. Without everything happening as it did, all of you wouldn't be here. Sometimes I wonder if fate ever wanted us to be together or if we're just star-crossed."

"What do you mean?" I question.

"I wasn't your mom's only mate. Connor, your father, was also her mate." I gasp as Vale drops that bomb. "I'll never know for sure, but I think my brothers were her mates too. If the universe wanted us to be together, why were Wes and Leo killed? Why was Evie forty years younger than me? Why was Connor thousands of miles away? Maybe the five of us needed to have so much heartbreak to pave the way for you and my sons. I'll never regret all the pain if it means you four can be happy."

"Uncle Vale…," I whisper past the lump in my throat, at a loss for what words will ease his pain. I'm not sure there are any. "Were you upset when Mama found another mate?"

He laughs softly. "Not at all. I was so relieved when she told me she met Connor. I couldn't take care of Evie the way she deserved. Her finding happiness with another mate was the best outcome I could've hoped for the situation. Seeing your mom so happy with Connor and you eased some of my guilt, I suppose."

"Guilt over what?"

"Not fighting harder for Evie. Not waiting for her. Not living the life we should've had together." Uncle Vale hangs his head as he speaks, shame sitting heavy on his shoulders.

While I could reassure him that it's not his fault, I don't know that it'll help. That's the funny thing about guilt. Even if you know you couldn't have done anything differently, you still feel guilty. Logic doesn't seem to make much of a difference when it comes to guilt and regret and wishing life had taken a different course.

Instead of responding, I change the subject. "What happened to your brothers?"

He gives me a sad smile. "Leo was the baby of the family. He was only fourteen when he was killed. The Knights of Aeneas got to him when he was at a bonfire on the edge of our land. Their ambush killed seven of our pups and wounded dozens more. We now start training our pups to defend themselves before they can shift, so they have more of a chance than Leo and his friends did.

"Wesley was twenty-two when he was killed. He was a born peacekeeper. Two drunk wolves were fighting, and Wesley tried to break it up. It was a freak accident that one of the wolves shifted and shoved his claw straight through Wes's heart. We weren't able to get him help in time. He died in my arms."

He blows out a heavy breath as he looks over at me and takes one of my hands between both of his gigantic, tattooed ones. "Don't cry, Bee. It happened a long time ago. Who knows, maybe my little brothers finally got the chance to meet Evie up there, wherever they all are." His lips curl into a small smile at the thought of his brothers and my mom.

I didn't know I was crying until he mentioned it, but I can't help it. He's lost so many people in his life. Thinking about losing Ava makes me want to curl up into a ball and die. Yet Uncle Vale has lost two siblings and his mate and is still here and functioning.

"Just because it happened in the past doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. There's not a day that goes by that Mama being gone doesn't hurt," I rasp while trying to stem my tears.

"It'll always hurt, Bee, but time does dull the pain. One day, you'll realize it's been a whole day since you thought about Evie. Then two days, then a week, and so on. Eventually, you'll think of the happy memories with your mom instead of the sadness of losing her. It's a process—a slow, painful, and often grueling process—but it will get easier," Uncle Vale reassures me.

I nod, but I'm not sure he's right. It's been seven years, and it hasn't gotten any easier. "Has Mama being gone gotten easier for you?" I ask, wondering if I'm just slow to move on from her death.

"No, but losing your mate is a pain I hope you never have to experience. It's unlike anything else. Losing my brothers, which was the worst part of my life before, doesn't hold a candle to the utter agony of losing Evie. Sometimes I wonder how I'm still here and how my heart still beats without her in this world." Uncle Vale squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head down. Even with his face partially hidden, I can see the heartbreak twisting his features.

"I'm sorry," I say for what feels like the hundredth time in this conversation.

"It's not your fault. But there is one thing I want you to promise me."

When he doesn't continue, I take my eyes off the evergreen forest and turn to him. His sapphire eyes, that are so like Malachi's, stare unblinkingly back at me. "Sure. What is it?"

"Live your life selfishly. At least more selfishly than your mom. Evie was the most selfless person I knew. She sacrificed her own happiness and well-being over and over for everyone else. And I bet she didn't tell me about Patrick because she didn't want to cause problems in my pack, but I could've protected her if she just told me. Don't repeat her mistakes, Briar. Don't try to handle everything yourself or avoid going after what you want to keep others happy," he tells me, echoing some of my mom's letter.

I nod because I can't force the words out with my throat constricted by the tears that want to fall. How much different would our lives be if Mama had told him Patrick was blackmailing her? Would she still be here if she had?

I don't know that any of us will ever know. All we can do is try to pick up the shards left by her death and cobble them into something resembling acceptance, happiness, or peace.

"I can do that," I finally manage past the lump in my throat. "Are you happy?"

Uncle Vale pauses for a moment and seems to deliberate on what to say. "That's a hard question to answer. Happiness isn't binary. It's not that I'm happy or unhappy all the time. I find moments of pure joy and happiness and love amidst the moments of grief and rage and sorrow. Some days, my heart feels full, like when I watch you with my boys. Other days, I can barely get out of bed, weighed down by the pain of everyone I've lost. You will be happy again, Bee, I promise, even if you still have hard days."

I cover my face with my hands as the tears drip down my cheeks, hating that I'm crying in front of him.

It feels so impossible to ever be happy again without my mom. I'm a grown adult, so I shouldn't need her still, but I do. Her absence is a chunk broken off my heart that's never fully healed. Even when I'm smiling and laughing, I still hurt. It feels impossible to ever be happy again with the pain of her being gone. Or with the fractures in my soul from Patrick's beatings.

Uncle Vale lets me cry silently for a few minutes. Once my tears dry up, I angrily wipe my face with the backs of my hands, trying to erase the evidence of them.

When I tilt my face up to the sun, Uncle Vale puts an arm around me and pulls me into a comforting side hug. "Ready to go inside? The boys are probably getting antsy having you out here so long."

A ghost of a smile crosses my lips from thinking about Malachi impatiently waiting for me, Bastian making fun of him, and Xander wanting to be done with the whole thing. "Yeah. I love you, Uncle Vale."

"I love you too, Bumble Bee, so very much." He offers me his hand. When I take it, he pulls me up effortlessly.

After talking with Uncle Vale, it's easy to feel like things will all work out, but nothing's ever been that simple in my life. I don't know what the future holds, but something tells me it'll have a lot more heartache before we get to the happy parts—if I even survive long enough to reach them.

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