Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

BASTIAN

W ith one last glance over my shoulder, I quietly leave Xander's hospital room. I close the door behind me with a soft snick, not wanting to wake him up. The numbskull needs all the rest he can get because he jumped in front of a fucking bullet for me.

Who even does that?

My idiot twin, I guess.

There are only a few moments throughout my life where time seemed to stand still. When I woke up and discovered that my family found out about Father Simon. When Briar went missing. And when my twin was shot in what I thought was his heart. All the moments tilted my world on its axis. Nothing has been the same since any of them.

When I thought Xander died, all I wished was that it was me instead of him. He's the twin that has his shit together. He's responsible, reliable, and holds our family together. Xander's never caused my mom to stay up all night worrying, embarrassed my dad in front of his allies, or added to Kai's never-ending list of problems to deal with.

Me, on the other hand? I'm the Wyldhart family fuckup. I've made enough mistakes for a hundred people. Sure, I can make people laugh, but beyond that, anything I can do Xander can do better.

Yet, he thinks no one needs him and we'd all just move on without him?

Xander needs his head examined because I've never heard a more ridiculous statement in my entire life.

One thing that's super clear, Xander's been hiding how he actually feels from all of us. He's a fucking expert at making everyone think he's fine. But as his twin, I should've known, goddammit.

It feels like the walls and ceiling are closing in on me as I try to process just how much pain Xander's hid from everyone. My breathing speeds up, and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as I try to rein in my emotions. When that doesn't work, I know I need Kai.

I take off at a jog through the infirmary, but I'm not sure where Kai would be. He left five minutes or so after Briar did. While she tried to pretend she was fine, both Kai and I could tell that something was wrong when Briar abruptly left the room. Kai went after her to make sure she was okay. Seeing Xander get shot screwed with her head, too, I bet.

I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or worried that our mate is just as messed up as the three of us. I don't think our issues will send her packing, but I also wish she'd lived the cushy kind of life she deserves. I'm determined to give her the carefree life she always should've had going forward.

When I reach the stairs, I decide to check Kai's room first. After I bound up the stairs and down the hallway, I push open Kai's door. I accidentally shove too hard, and it bangs into the wall. Whoops.

Shrugging at the door that totally overreacted, I glance around Kai's room. My gaze lands on Briar's wide icy-blue eyes staring at me from over Kai's shoulder. "Pretty girl? Whatcha doing here?"

Briar's pale cheeks redden at my question. She ducks her head but not before I catch her pretty blush. My own brows rise at her reaction. What exactly have they been doing that has her embarrassed?

I cross to stand in front of the couch and behind Briar. I raise an eyebrow at Kai, wondering if he'll tell me. He gives me a small shake of his head, and I nod in response. I'll never make Briar talk about something she doesn't want to. Having been on the receiving end of Kai's attempts to get me to talk before I was ready, I know how much it sucks.

"You need something, Bastian?" Kai asks as he rubs Briar's mostly bare back with one hand. His other is squeezing her waist comfortingly.

My dick starts getting hard at the sight of her in only a sports bra and shorts. Christ. It apparently takes nothing at all for me to get aroused when it comes to my mate.

"Yeah. I need, uh, help…." I trail off, wondering how much I should say in front of Briar. It isn't normal to need my brother to beat me up when I feel overwhelmed. While I want her to like me for who I am, I also realize I'm an acquired taste. I don't want to show Briar too much of me at once and scare her off.

Not that any of us would let her go, but that's beside the point.

Kai knows what I'm asking without me having to say the words and nods at me. "In the ring?"

"Yeah," I confirm.

Briar twists around to look at me before glancing back at Malachi. "You're not spanking him, right?"

My mouth pops open in surprise. "What?" I ask in confusion. I'm not sure what kinks Briar thinks I have, but my brother spanking me is hardcore not one of them. Anyone spanking me isn't really my thing.

Kai snorts. "No, baby girl. That's only for you. Bastian needs more pain than you do, so we practice fight."

Briar's face flames bright red when she realizes Kai just answered my question of what they were doing. I fight not to let the intrigue show on my face. If Briar's into spanking, I wonder what else she'd like to try. Being tied up can be a calming experience. At the thought of tying Briar up, my cock gets even harder. I try to adjust my erection, but it's pretty hard to hide in sweats. Clasping my hands in front of my groin is the only thing I can do.

"You ready now?" I ask him.

"Yeah. I just need to get changed." Kai tenderly kisses Briar on the forehead before standing up. She squeaks at the position change, and I smile at her cute noise. Once Kai lets go of her legs, she slides down his body.

After Briar steadies herself, she turns around. I'm standing so close behind her that she bumps into me. "Sorry," she gasps as her gaze connects with mine.

"You can fall for me any time, pretty girl," I purr and give her a flirty wink. Today's been a zero out of ten, would not recommend type day. We could all use some cheering up. If I can do that for her, I will.

She rolls her eyes, but her lips twitch up. Her small smile makes me feel on top of the world. I grin at her and dart in to press a quick kiss to her forehead. Before she can react, I stride out of Kai's room.

It only takes me a minute to strip out of my sweatpants, throw on my fighting shorts, and wrap one of my hands. While I'm wrapping the other with the lime green fabric, I walk out of my room, intending to head back to Kai's. But Briar and Kai are waiting for me in the hallway.

Kai's winding one of his dark blue wraps between his fingers. "After wrapping around your palm, you want to make sure to wrap in between all of your fingers. That'll help keep the small bones in your hand from breaking. Then, you'll wrap it around your wrist multiple times for stability."

Briar's watching Kai intently.

"You interested in fighting, pretty girl?" I ask.

She jerks her gaze up to mine and gives me a shrug. "I don't know. Self-defense would be nice to know."

"We can teach you that, no problem. Setting up a training schedule would work best. We can figure that out over winter break in a few weeks. That work for you?" I'm probably grinning like a lunatic, but I'm excited to share something I enjoy with her.

While fighting's almost gotten me killed more times than I'd like to admit, it's also what saved me. Without an outlet for all my pain and rage, well, I don't really want to think about what would've happened. One thing I know, though, is that I probably wouldn't be here.

"Yep, that works." Briar's voice snaps me out of my dark thoughts.

I give her a slightly dimmer smile in response. Briar's brows scrunch as she notices the change in me, but she doesn't ask about it. While she's staring at me with worry tightening the corners of her ethereal eyes, Kai finishes wrapping his hands. "You wanna come with us, baby girl?"

"Yeah, if that's okay with you, Bastian?" Briar peers up at me through her thick, dark lashes. Her eyes shine with vulnerability, like she's not used to people wanting her around. I want to both wrap her up in the biggest hug ever and kill everyone who's made her feel like that.

Since I don't know who to kill, other than Patrick who's a dead man already, I settle for giving her a huge hug. I open my arms in invitation and wait for her to step into me. Briar eyes my arms for a moment before walking into my hug. I squeeze her tightly and murmur into her hair, "Of course, sweet girl. I always want you around."

I think I hear a sniffle, but I don't comment on it. If she wants to talk about her emotions, she will. After a moment, she steps back, and I reluctantly let her go, immediately missing the feel of her against me.

Shaking my head at how sappy I am over my mate, I sling my arm around her shoulders and start walking down the stairs. Kai's footsteps thud softly behind us. We walk to the gym in silence, all of us lost in our thoughts.

When we reach our gym in the basement, I steer Briar over to a bench against a wall. It faces the sparring ring we have set up down here. Once she's settled on the bench, I pad over the squishy black mats to our makeshift sparring ring. It's not a traditional MMA octagon. Instead, it's just a boxing ring with ropes on all four sides.

Before hopping into the ring, I snag a pair of boxing gloves. I don't want to hurt Kai when we spar. In the heat of the moment, I sometimes forget to pull my punches. The padded gloves are extra insurance.

I also put on my workout playlist, and "Bleed" by Connor Kauffman starts blasting through the speakers, the pounding beat thumping through my chest.

Kai is already in the center of the ropes. Once I climb in, Kai holds out his wrapped fists. I tap them with my gloved ones. We back up and start circling each other. Making the first move, I dart in and jab his side lightly. I intentionally don't move back fast enough and get a jab to the ribs. His fist lands with a loud smack that echoes in the quiet gym.

Pain blooms across my side from the hit. I suck in my first full breath since Xander got shot as the pain zings through me. I don't know what Father Simon twisted inside me, but ever since him, I need pain to deal with difficult emotions.

After I almost died in the ring one time too many, my parents forced me to talk to someone. It helped, and I need pain less often than I used to. But nothing has really made it go away completely, especially not after something like my twin almost dying in his attempt to save me.

I hear a quiet gasp, but I'm too focused on dancing back out of range to check behind me. Kai and I keep trading punches and kicks until Kai lands a hard roundhouse to my left shoulder. The blow knocks me off my feet, and I land on the mat with a thud. My breath wooshes out of me as I stare up at the ceiling in a daze.

Kai's face appears above me, his brows furrowed and his mouth set in a harsh line. "You good or you need more?"

"I'm good. You can go," I croak without getting up. Everything hurts a little too much to move right now. He gives me a sharp nod and strides out of view. I hear him jump over the ropes and storm across the gym. A minute later, Eric Church's "Record Year" starts blasting through the gym, and I hear Kai start pounding on one of the punching bags.

I throw my arm across my eyes and let out a harsh exhale. This is Kai's angsty playlist he only puts on when he's really struggling. I hate that I do this to him. He doesn't enjoy beating up his little brother, but he does it because it's safer for me, regardless of how much it eats him up to hurt me.

"Are you okay?" Briar asks softly from my left.

I lower my arm and turn my head to look at her kneeling on the mat next to me. Briar's raven hair is falling in gentle waves over her shoulders and around her heart-shaped face. Her glacial blue eyes peer down at me, worry swimming in them. I'm sure I look like a mess with newly forming bruises all over my torso. "Yeah, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me, pretty girl."

Her lips briefly inch up on one side at the nickname. Briar's eyes dart to something behind me and back to my face. She pulls her lips between her teeth as she repeatedly looks back and forth between me and who I assume is Kai. "Is Malachi okay?"

It's cute how she still calls him Malachi. At least she's stopped calling me "professor" outside of class. When I process her question, I sigh. "He will be. Sparring with me is hard on him." Briar nods at me but doesn't tear her gaze away from Kai. "You can go to him if you want, you know."

"But you're hurt."

"I'm not. I'm fine. Kai said you need pain, too, sometimes. While I hurt physically, I'm doing much better emotionally than I was before," I try to explain.

She nods in understanding. "You don't mind?"

"Not at all. Helping him helps me anyway. So go, sweet girl."

Briar stares at me for a moment longer before bending down to plant a sweet kiss on my cheek. She nimbly gets to her feet and hops over the ropes. As I listen to her hesitantly pad toward Kai, I can't help but think how much the three of us need her. And the crazy thing is that she has no idea.

We'll need to fix that—right after we get the memories her mom erased before she died for a still unknown reason and figure out why the Knights of Aeneas want her.