Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

brIAR

F luffy white snowflakes rain down from the ceiling, already accumulating in some parts of the room. My lashes have a few flakes clinging to them, and I'm sure my hair is speckled with white. Inhaling sharply, I realize the whole room smells heavily of lavender and sunshine, which is my scent.

Did I do this? Did I somehow cause it to snow indoors?

While mages generally have an affinity for a natural element, like water, fire, ice, or earth, mages can't create something out of nothing. If I were outside, I could theoretically pull on the water droplets in the clouds, freeze them, and cause it to snow. But inside, there's no natural source of precipitation that I can use to make snow.

At first, the snow was strange. Then it was kind of cool. Now I'm just freaking out. In my panic, books start floating off their shelves, surrounded in an ice-blue glow. Yep, I'm definitely the one causing the freaky indoor snow. The books begin to dance around the room, not helping the situation any.

"Saint!" I shout, unsure if getting up or moving will cause my magic to start doing more weird stuff.

I hear footsteps pounding in the hall before Saint and Xander barge through the frosted-glass French doors to the office. "What do you need—" Saint breaks off as he takes in the absolute insanity of the room. "Oh. Hmm. Yeah, I can see why you need help."

"You think?" I squeak as more and more books start floating.

Malachi and Bastian also run into the room, their wide eyes taking in the snow and books. "What's going on here?" Malachi asks.

"I wish I knew! One moment, I was reading another letter from my mom. The next I look up, and it's fucking snowing inside!" Of all the problems I thought I would encounter today, indoor snow was definitely not one of them.

"Did anything in the letter make you emotional?" Saint asks gently.

"I mean, I was reading a letter from Mama, so, yeah, you could say I got emotional," I rasp, trying hard to hide how much my mom's letters get to me. On one hand, I crave every scrap of my mom I can get. On the other hand, reading her letters from when she was still alive makes me wish so badly she were here. I'm sure she'd know what to do.

Me, however?

I have no idea what I'm doing or how I'm supposed to fix the world's problems.

"I'm sorry, little shadow," Saint whispers.

He moves toward me, and I hold out my hand to stop him. "Stop, Saint. I don't know what the hell is going on, and I don't want to hurt you."

A small smile tugs up one corner of his mouth. "You won't hurt me. And you've somehow gotten your magic. Nan's potion worked faster than it was supposed to, and your strong emotions let your magic out for the first time. It happens to every mage."

I scoff. "I'm pretty certain every mage doesn't conjure a snowstorm in their dad's office."

He huffs a small laugh as he comes to kneel in front of me. He takes one of my hands in his, instantly calming me a little. "You're right. I can't say I've ever done that, but I did set my kitchen on fire, torch a classroom, and almost burn down the forest behind my family's house. I'm pretty sure all of those are more destructive than what's going on here."

"But at least all that's normal. Why can't anything I do ever be normal?" I ask in a small voice.

At my pain, the Wyldharts cautiously move closer to me, taking care to dodge the floating books. Malachi kneels beside Saint and holds my other hand. Xander stands behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders comfortingly. Bastian kneels to my left and wraps his warm hand around my upper arm.

With all my mates touching me in some way or another, I start to feel the panic and heartbreak and worry recede. As my emotions calm, some of the books float back over to their shelves and slide into place quietly. It's still snowing, though.

"Oh, little shadow, being normal is overrated. And, honestly, I'm not sure any of us are truly normal. No one fits into the perfect ‘normal' mold society sets out for all of us. We all have our struggles, hardships, and abnormal parts of us. That doesn't necessarily help you not feel like an outsider, but there's not a damn thing wrong with you."

I let out a watery chuckle. "There's a lot wrong with me, Saint. But all of it can wait. How do I fix this?"

He presses his lips into a thin line but doesn't waste his breath disagreeing with me. "You'll need to look in yourself and find where your magic is. Then you'll have to visualize it flowing back into you. Closing your eyes will help you concentrate."

That gives me an idea. Squeezing my eyes shut, I call on Dido. Hey, Dido?

"Yes, child?"

So, apparently, I'm some sort of wolf-mage hybrid, and I just got my magic. It's wreaking havoc. Can you help me control it?

"I am sorry, child, I cannot. I was never a mage, only a wolf."

My shoulders slump at that news. Looks like I'm going to have to figure this out myself. But I have another question for Dido before I do. Can I ask you another question?

"Yes," she responds simply.

What happened to your mates? Do they reincarnate like you do?

She's silent for a moment, and a deep sadness invades my mind. "They have been gone for a long time. My mates had passed before I met that conniving snake, Aeneas. As such, they do not reincarnate with me."

That must get lonely.

"It does."

I'm sorry, Dido.

"It is what it is, child. Perhaps you should focus on controlling your magic now?"

I snort. Yeah, probably. Thanks for all your help with everything.

She gives me a small nod in my mind before fading away. My heart hurts at the soul-deep pain coloring Dido's words. I can't imagine losing any of my mates, much less all of them, and continuing to exist for thousands of years more. Reincarnation sounds cool, but it seems like it'd be more of a curse than anything if I had to do it alone.

With my eyes still shut, I try to shake off my sadness for Dido and focus on wrangling my magic. My wolf feels like she lives behind my breastbone, so that's where I look for my magic. In my mind's eye, I wade through my body until I see a wolf curling protectively around an ice-blue flame the same shade as my eyes. The wolf with matching icy eyes peeks one open as I approach her. When she sees it's just me, she goes back to sleep.

Walking closer to the flame, I hesitantly hold my hand out to it, expecting to feel heat. Instead, I feel soothing cold emanating from it. Instead of being off-putting, the cold makes me want to curl up under a blanket and stay here forever. Staring at the flame, I feel a weird sense of peace that's a bit too easy to get lost in.

Shaking myself from the trance I'm starting to fall into staring at what I hope is my magic, I feel momentary relief that I think I found it. Then I realize I have zero clue what to do. Do I ask my magic politely to stop turning my house into a ski resort? Threaten it? Offer it cookies?

Sighing deeply at the messes I always seem to find myself in, I look over at my wolf. You got any ideas?

My wolf lazily blinks at me before covering her face with her fluffy black tail. I'm going to take that as a no, then. Saint said to visualize pulling the magic back into myself. I picture tendrils of magic flowing back into the flame, but nothing happens. The flame doesn't so much as flicker from my visualization.

Well, that didn't work.

Awesome. Just what I wanted. Weird magic that doesn't listen to anything I tell it to do.

Growling in frustration, I slam both of my hands on top of the flame. Instead of just going through it like I thought, my hands smother the flame. It winks out of existence as my hands hit the ground in my mind.

Oh shit.

I don't think that's supposed to happen.

Did I just get rid of my magic permanently?

It'd be just my luck to be the first wolf-mage hybrid in thousands of years and accidentally make myself just a wolf.

As I'm having an internal freakout, my wolf chuffs at me in amusement. I narrow my eyes on her, wondering what she finds so funny. She blows out a breath, and a tiny flame lights in front of her. After a few more exhales, the flame is the same size it was when I first saw it. My wolf stops what she was doing and promptly falls back asleep.

I'm kind of jealous how easily she falls asleep, which is weird because she's me. Or am I her?

But that's not really the most pressing issue right now. Mentally preparing myself for what I'll find, I hesitantly open my eyes. When I don't see any snow actively falling, I have to resist the urge to fist pump.

Locking eyes with Saint, I grin. "I did it!"

"You did, little shadow. You did an excellent job. Now you know how to pull your magic back in the future."

I grimace slightly. While my magic isn't going on a winter wonderland rampage anymore, I have no clue how to pull back anything. "Not exactly." When Saint raises his eyebrows at me in a silent question, I sigh. "I kinda sorta almost killed my magic." I give him a small shrug as he stares at me with utter confusion.

Same here, dude. Same fucking here.

I have, oh, about zero idea what I'm doing. The more I learn, the more questions I have. A scared, lost, out-of-her-depth part of me aches for my parents. I want someone to know what I'm supposed to do. I want someone to have answers. I want someone to be responsible for everything instead of me.

But no one else can do it. I just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done. That's what I've been doing for years, so I can do it for a little longer. Maybe one day I'll get to a point in my life where I can just live instead of struggling to put one foot in front of the other. To do that, I need to figure out the prophecy.

Saint tries to fight his grin, but a small smile tilts up the corners of his mouth. "I'm gonna need you to explain that one."

"I honestly don't really know what happened. When I found my magic and my wolf, the magic wouldn't listen to me. So, I accidentally smothered the magic flame in frustration. My wolf brought it back to life, though." I shrug and put my hands up in a what-can-you-do gesture.

Saint blinks at me in confusion a few times. "Huh. Well, I haven't heard that one before." Of course he hasn't. My magic just has to be unique—and not in a good way. "Why don't we go outside and practice a bit? Maybe that'll help."

Glancing around the room, I take in the tens of books lying carelessly on the ground and the few small piles of snow. The books must've dropped when my magic pulled back abruptly. "We should probably get this cleaned up first."

"Before we do, what was in the letter?" Malachi asks, his warm hand still gripping mine. His mouth is turned down in a slight frown as he stares at me with concern.

A lump forms in my throat thinking about Mama's letter. "We need to go to Paris," I croak, unable to force more words out. Looking away from Malachi's too knowing gaze, I grab the letter and hand it to him.

Pushing up from the chair, I busy myself with putting the books away as they each look over the letter. I'm kneeling on the ground picking up the last of the books when Malachi crouches down next to me. "How are you doing?" he whispers.

"Fine," I rasp, while studiously avoiding looking at him.

"You should know better than to lie to me by now, baby girl." Malachi's tone holds a note of warning that sends a shiver up my spine.

I clench my jaw and stare blankly at the book in my hands. "We don't have time for me to be anything other than fine."

"Says who?" he presses.

"Says everyone!" I hiss in frustration. "You read the letter. You know that I have to somehow pull the solution to a thousand-year-old problem out of my ass. The future of an entire fucking species rests on my shoulders. There's no time to be overwhelmed or uncertain or wondering how the hell I'm going to do this. I just have to get over it and fix the problem."

Malachi growls softly before capturing my chin with his hand. He turns my head so I'm looking at him. "I don't give a fuck about the species, Briar. All I care about is you. And it is okay to be overwhelmed and uncertain. That's a huge task to undertake. Anyone would be struggling in your position. Female wolves haven't been able to shift for a thousand years. The wolf shifter species will be fine for however long it takes you to find the answers. If you never do or decide you don't want to, that's okay too."

I'm already shaking my head before he finishes. "I can't just ignore the issue because it's inconvenient for me."

"I know. You're not the type of person who can ignore other people's suffering. But you aren't going to find the answers by pushing yourself until you break. Right now, all we even know is that we have to go to Paris. So, let's just focus on that one task for now. Sound good?" Malachi waits for my small nod before swooping in for a hard and fast kiss that leaves me dazed.

When he pulls back, I just blink at him in confusion. His mouth kicks up in a smirk, and he takes the book from my hand. "Go practice your magic with the mage. I'll handle cleaning the rest of this up."