Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

SAINT

" S o, you're her other mates." I'm at a loss for what to say to the wolves. I'm not exactly a people person, at least not after my parents died. I enjoy my own company and try to avoid spending much time with others. I'm good with Nan, Emmy and the Wards, and, of course, Briar. But other than that, I want to be on my own. I work alone, live alone, and relax alone.

"Yep, we are. You gonna try to tell us to stay away from her, mage?" the blond wolf with a fading shiner asks—Bastian, if I remember correctly.

I snort. "No. I knew my little shadow would have more than one mate." Briar followed me around everywhere when she was a kid. She was like my little shadow. It's felt like I've been in perpetual darkness since she left, unable to reach the light that would let me see my little shadow again. "I also don't have a problem with wolves. Not all mages hate other races."

Mages tend to be pretty elitest. Most mages think they're the pinnacle of magic users. Every supernatural species uses magic in some way. Mages use it to power spells, shifters use it to change form, fae use it to cast illusions and make bargains, and so on.

Since mages can shape the raw magical energy more than other species, a lot of mages think other races are beneath them. Because of the shitty attitude of most mages, other supernaturals aren't a big fan of us, understandably so.

However, I was raised to respect others. Ma would probably smack me upside the head if I spewed any of that "mages are superior" crap if she were still here. We were each given different abilities to contribute uniquely to the world. Mages aren't any better than anyone else. We're just different.

"Good. We won't have any problems as long as you don't hurt Briar. If you do, death will look like a sweet escape compared to what I'll do to you. Am I understood, mage?" the largest of Briar's wolves, Malachi, growls at me.

My eyebrows rise up in surprise. If the wolf thinks death scares me, he's going to be disappointed. After my parents were killed and Briar left, I went off the rails a little—or a lot. I got myself into some pretty dark stuff that took me a long time to climb back out of. The only good to come out of it is that I now have the skills to help others. "Understood, wolf. I would rather die than hurt her, so we won't have any problems. What pack are you from?"

"The Wyldhart Pack," the quiet blond one, Xander I think, tells me. I'm surprised he's speaking. He hasn't said a word since they arrived in Hawthorne Grove a couple hours ago. I don't know what's going on with him and Briar, but there's obviously something. They're both really tense around each other.

I rack my brain, trying to remember which wolfpack that is. "Shit. That's a pretty big pack, isn't it?"

"Yeah. The largest in North America. We're a few thousand wolves strong." Bastian lifts his chin with pride.

"Damn. That's a lot of wolves. Have you guys even met your alpha?" The biggest pack around here is the Nightshade Pack. They have roughly nine hundred or so wolves. Having thousands of wolves in a pack sounds like absolute chaos, but the Wyldharts manage to keep it pretty orderly.

Bastian laughs, and Xander's lips twitch up slightly. Malachi grins before responding. "You could say that."

I rub my hand over the back of my neck as I take in their reactions. "I feel like I'm missing something."

Bastian tries to shut down his smile but can't. "Yeah. Our dad's the alpha, and Kai's next in line."

I stop in my tracks. "Jesus Christ. Really?" When I get a nod from Bastian, I let out a low whistle. That's a massive fucking deal. The Wyldhart alpha and his sons are the most powerful wolves in this hemisphere. Even the Nightshades, who are psychotic, don't match them in pure strength. To the best of my knowledge, only the Russians, who are also absolutely unhinged, can match the Wyldharts.

It's not that much of a surprise that Briar has ultra-powerful mates, though. Her mom and dad were also super strong. We always knew her magic would be pretty powerful. Although, if she's a wolf, I guess she won't be getting any mage magic. I'm not sure why Nan had her take that potion.

"So, you grew up with Briar?" Malachi asks.

"Yeah. I knew her from the day she was born to the day she left with her mom." My throat tries to close up at the thought of that day.

I knew I wouldn't see Briar for a while, but I still had to give her one last hug and promise to see her soon. It felt like a fifty cal to the gut. I've simply been existing, just going through the motions of life. My heart only started beating again when I saw her for the first time today, even though she didn't remember me.

Holding Briar in my arms, it felt like I was able to take the first full breath in for over a decade. She's so much different than when she left. Gone is the adorably awkward kid. In her place is grown-up Briar.

Her tall frame with curves in all the right places, heart-shaped face, stunning ice-blue eyes, and full pink lips are no longer cute. She's hot as fuck, and I had an inconvenient boner from the moment I saw her today. Luckily, Briar didn't seem to notice. It would've been awkward to explain to her why a man she didn't know got an immediate hard-on when he saw her.

Bastian tilts his head as he assesses me. "Was that hard?"

"Would it be difficult to watch Briar walk away now that you know her?" They all look sick at the possibility. "Yeah, it was fucking agonizing letting her go, but her mom said that was the only way to keep her safe, so I didn't have a choice. Although, she wasn't all that safe, was she?" Her mom never told me what she needed to be kept safe from, but I assumed it was the Knights of Aeneas. All Evie said was that moving was the only way to keep Briar from the bad guys, and I couldn't stay in contact with Briar without risking her.

"No," Xander rasps.

My fists clench as anger flows through me. The magic in my chest sparks at my rage and tries to flow through my veins. Gritting my teeth, I shove it back down. Lighting something on fire or causing general chaos isn't going to help anything. "What happened?"

Malachi swallows a few times before he can force any words out of his throat. "Her stepfather beat her after her mother's death until he almost killed her."

At the knowledge that my little shadow has been hurting for years, my magic escapes its chains. The powerline above us sparks before I can stuff all the magic back down. I haven't lost control like this since I was a young mage just starting to figure out my powers.

Mages usually have an affinity, typically one of the elements. My magical affinities are fire and electricity, so that's why sparks rained down on some very confused and alarmed wolves.

"What the fuck was that?" Bastian narrows his eyes distrustfully at the powerline overhead.

"My magic isn't happy that our mate was hurting for years." That's an understatement if I've ever heard one. My magic feeds on my rage, making me even more livid. I can vividly picture how satisfying the destruction I could wreak to avenge Briar would be.

Going on a magical rampage until anyone who harmed her is dead is tempting. Very tempting.

"Saint," Briar whispers in front of me. I snap my eyes open, not even realizing I had closed them. I'm stopped on the sidewalk. The wolves and Emmy look on curiously behind her. "I'm okay, I promise."

I shove my hands in my pockets so I won't grab Briar and haul her against me. I don't know what she's comfortable with touch wise, so I'll keep my hands to myself unless she initiates it. "Are you? You have shadows in your eyes that weren't there before. You flinch at sudden movements when you didn't before. You watch everyone warily, like you never know where the next hit will come from."

"I'm different. A little—or a lot—broken, perhaps." Briar's voice breaks, and she looks at the ground instead of me. Clearing her throat, she continues. "But just because I'm different doesn't mean that I'm not okay."

I lean down until we're nose to nose. "You are many things, Briar, but broken isn't fucking one of them. Understand?" No one gets to talk badly about Briar, even herself.

Her lips inch up in a sad smile. "I am. I may have survived Papa and Mama dying and Patrick's beatings, but I didn't do it in one piece."

"May I touch you?" I grit out, struggling to keep from hugging her. When I get a nod, I wrap one arm around her waist and tug her until she's flush against me. I gently tip up her chin with my thumb until her icy blues are focused on my face. "You survived, little shadow. Sure, you've changed, but none of it broke you, because you're still here. You still get up every day and do what you have to do. You still keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm so damned proud of you, and you should be too."

She flicks her gaze between mine, trying to find the lie, but she won't be able to because I meant every word I said. She closes her eyes for a moment before croaking, "I don't know who I am anymore, Saint."

"Well, then we'll figure it out together. We'll find out who you are and who you want to be. Together," I vow.

"How?" Her voice hitches hopefully.

"By trying things and experiencing things and just living on your own terms. I promise you, I—and your other mates—will help you figure it out." I debate about what to say next. Blowing out a breath, I tell her, "But, honestly, I'm not sure any of us know who we are. We're all just muddling our way through life, making shit up as we go along."

Her forehead develops a cute little wrinkle as she processes what I said. "You always seemed to have everything figured out."

I can't help the chuckle that bursts out of my chest. "I'm about as far from having everything figured out as anyone can be. It's only in the last year or so that I've actually thought about having a future. Before that, I was just focused on making it through each day."

"Why?" she asks quietly.

I give her a bittersweet smile. "Because I lost the three people who mattered most to me. It didn't seem like there was much point to a future if I was going to be alone."

After my parents died and Briar left, I started isolating myself. None of my friends understood the ragged, gaping hole I had in my soul. None of them understood why I was suddenly angry all the time. None of them understood why I stopped playing basketball, video games, or doing things I used to be interested in. So, they were all too happy to let me fade away until I was only someone they saw in the halls occasionally.

Nan and the Wards tried to help me, but there wasn't much they could do when I didn't want to be helped. I just wanted to wallow in my pain. Hitting rock bottom was the only thing that made me pull my head out of my ass. Memories of that day try to surface, but I push them back down where they belong.

"Oh, Saint…." Briar trails off. Her bottom lip trembles slightly before she bites it. "I'm so, so sorry."

"None of this is your fault, little shadow," I reassure her. "There's nothing you need to apologize for. I just want you to know that most of us don't have our lives together, and that's okay. Somedays, all you can do is desperately try to keep your head above water. Other days, you can swim a little closer to shore, making gradual progress that keeps you going on days when you're just trying to survive."

She gives me a small nod before leaning her forehead against my chest. I thread my fingers through her hair, playing with it the way she always used to like. She relaxes into me. After several moments, she takes a few deep breaths and pulls back.

"You ready to go see your family?" I ask as soon as she looks up at me. My eyes flick to her mouth, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I shake my head slightly like I can dislodge my thoughts. Now's really not the time to be thinking about that, not after Briar just remembered a huge chunk of her life. She's still reeling from all of it and doesn't need me being a horn dog.

"Not even slightly, but let's just get it all over with."

I snort at her petulant tone, and she gives me a wide grin. I've missed seeing how her whole face lights up when she smiles. I've missed her. So much.

Offering her my hand, I wait for her to place her palm in mine. Once she does, I wrap my hand around her much smaller one and tug her toward the Wards' house.