Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

brIAR

B astian keeps my head nestled against his neck as he storms out of Xander's office, but I'm able to get a last glimpse of Xander as we go. His face is turned up to the ceiling, and his hands are laced behind his head. With his mouth set in a grimace and his eyes squeezed tightly shut, he doesn't look like he feels any better than I do.

I swear I see a tear run down his face, but that doesn't make any sense. He's the one that doesn't want me, not the other way around. Even though I know he'd push me away, I still have the urge to hug him.

We're in Bastian's office before I have a chance to do something stupid like ask to go back to comfort Xander. Bastian kicks the door closed and walks over to his desk chair. He plops into it while still holding me. I move my legs so I'm kneeling over him to avoid them getting squished.

Bastian leans his forehead against mine. "I'm so fucking sorry, sweet girl."

"For what?" I ask through the tears trying to choke me as I fight to keep them from falling.

"For my dumbass twin. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with him." Bastian pulls back to press a lingering kiss to my forehead. I briefly close my eyes as I savor the comfort I find in his arms.

"Nothing has to be wrong with him for him not to want me. I can't exactly say I'm a catch." Maybe if I were different, Xander would want me. If I were normal or weren't fucked up or so awkward, he'd be willing to mate with me.

"First of all, you sure as hell are ‘a catch.' My brothers and I are so damn lucky to have such an awesome mate. You're smart, kind, wicked funny, the prettiest woman I've ever laid eyes on, and so much more." Bastian stares me down, daring me to disagree with him. I just shrug but can't keep my cheeks from heating at his sweet sentiments. "Second, he does want you. Trust me. That's definitely not his problem."

I stare at Bastian skeptically. "Did you hear the same conversation I did? Because I'm pretty sure Xander said he didn't want to mate with me."

"No, he said ‘can't.' Big difference." Bastian sighs before continuing. "I know I've mentioned it before, but Xander's… fucked up. He's always been the one who has his shit together. But, lately, I'm starting to realize he was shoving all his broken pieces down to take care of me, Kai, and even our parents. Around you, I don't think he can hide it as well. So, you get to see parts of him no one else does. Unfortunately, that includes him being an utter dickhead."

I snort. He's not wrong about Xander being a colossal dick at times. But there's also the sweet, caring Xander who carefully stitches me up, wipes my tears, and cuddles with me on the nightly. The tender moments I have with him are what makes the times he can't stand me hurt so much.

Absentmindedly rubbing my chest to soothe the ache from Xander, I focus back on what Bastian said. I guess he's right about Xander's wording. "Why can't he mate with me?"

"Fuck if I know. The only one who understands why is Xander. I wish I could just fix things for you with him."

"That's not your job, Bastian. Yes, you're his twin, but my relationship, or lack of, with Xander is between me and him. You can't control him, nor are you responsible for his actions."

"I know, but I can't stand when he hurts you."

"That's life sometimes. Some days life is easy. Other days bring you to your knees, and you wonder how you'll ever get up again." I shrug as I explain this hard-learned lesson. I'm no stranger to life hurting. Bastian doesn't have to worry about me handling it.

"Is that how Xander makes you feel? Like you don't know how to get back up?" Bastian asks, his eyes pinched with concern.

"I can't—" My voice hitches, and I have to look up at the ceiling to gather myself for a moment. "I can't talk about this right now, Bastian. Please." Everything with Xander is still too fresh and raw. I also have two other classes I need to get through today, so I can't afford to fall apart right now.

"You never, ever have to beg me for anything, pretty girl." The vehemence in Bastian's voice catches me off guard. "You don't wanna talk about it, we won't talk about it. How 'bout we go annoy Kai for a bit before class? I'm sure between the two of us, we can make you laugh."

My lips kick up in a small smile. Bastian flashes me a huge grin in return. Without warning, Bastian stands up while still holding me. I quickly wrap my arms and legs back around him so I won't fall. "Despite what you guys think, I can actually walk."

Bastian snorts. "I know that, but I have to keep my hands off you most of the day here. Let me enjoy holding you when I can." He walks out of his office toward Malachi's still carrying me. I don't even know if it matters if anyone sees us together. The Wyldharts practically own WHU. Other wolves also go here, so I wonder if student-professor fraternization is allowed when mate bonds are involved.

But that's a problem for another time.

Pushing through Malachi's office door, Bastian steps inside. He sets me down in front of Malachi's desk. Spinning to face him, I'm surprised to see Malachi's eyes narrowed on Bastian and his nostrils flaring.

"Really? You couldn't wait until you got home?" Malachi grinds out. He grips his desk edge so tightly that it creaks in protest.

I glance between them, trying to figure out what Malachi's talking about.

Bastian holds his hands up in surrender. "Don't blame me! It's Xander's fault. I just walked in during the middle of it."

Malachi tilts his head as he studies Bastian and me. "Where is he then?"

"Fucking shit up with pretty girl, as usual," Bastian replies, frustration coloring his words.

Before Malachi can answer, I cut in. "What are we talking about?"

Both Bastian and Malachi stare at me in confusion, until Bastian's eyes light with understanding. "Ohhh, she doesn't know."

"She doesn't—oh…." Malachi trails off. He scrubs a hand over his face before meeting my eyes. "Wolves, especially your mates, can smell when you're turned on and when you've come."

I open and close my mouth at a complete loss for words.

Christ on a bike.

"What do you mean you can smell it? Every wolf can? How long will I be a walking billboard advertising that Xander made me come?" I squeak. My face feels like it's on fire I'm blushing so hard.

This would've been helpful information to know. I had no idea they could tell when I was horny. Minus one cool point to being a wolf. I like having privacy with my feelings, not having everyone able to smell them.

Bastian chokes on a laugh. Malachi pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation before explaining. "You're not a ‘walking billboard' telling everyone that you came. Unless someone regularly pays attention to your scent, no one will notice. Since I'm your mate, I spend a lot of time thinking about your lavender and sunshine scent. I know what you smell like when you're aroused, so it's easy to tell that you've come recently. So what happened with Xander?"

Bastian looks down at me. I shake my head, and he gives me a small nod in acknowledgment.

"It's none of your business. What happened is between me and Xander."

Growling, Malachi stands up from his desk and stalks over to me. "It's my business when he hurts my mate."

I crane my neck back to look at him. "Nope. Still not your problem. And I never said he hurt me." He did, but I'm not telling Malachi that. I have no desire to get between the brothers. The last thing I want is them fighting because of me.

"I can tell, baby girl." Malachi's features soften, and his tone gentles. "You're good at blanking your face whenever you feel anything, but I can still see the tightening around your eyes, how your lips are turned in a tiny frown, and the slight downward slant of your eyebrows."

"Oh." I didn't realize Malachi paid that much attention to me to notice the small changes.

He shakes his head at me like I should've known how closely he observes me. He opens his arms for a hug. I step into his embrace and sigh as I'm wrapped up by him. Being in any of the Wyldharts' arms feels like finally taking a deep breath after holding it until my lungs are screaming for air. There's nothing quite as settling as being held by them.

"I won't force you to tell me, but I wish you would," Malachi whispers into my hair. He lets go of me to walk over to his couch, lowering his massive frame to the center seat. Bastian follows and flops down next to him.

Malachi motions me over to the sofa. Once I'm in front of him, he lifts me up by my waist and deposits me on his lap. I'm straddling him the same way I did Bastian earlier. Bastian looks like he wants to laugh at our encounter, but he's holding it back.

I raise my eyebrows at Malachi. "You could just ask like a normal person instead of manhandling me."

His lips kick up on one side in a half smile. "I could, but I prefer my way."

"Of course you do." I give him an eye roll.

"You're such a brat," Malachi tells me through a grin he's trying to fight.

"I'm not!" I protest. "You're just bossy."

Bastian barks out a laugh. The smile Malachi was trying to suppress breaks out across his face for a moment. His eyes flick between mine after his grin drops before he bands his arms around me and crushes me to his chest. "I missed you," he rumbles softly.

"You saw me, like, an hour ago," I point out.

"I still missed you. Any time you're out of my sight, I miss you, baby girl." My heart melts at his quiet admission.

"I missed you too, Malachi," I confess. I miss all of them whenever I'm not with them.

Reaching one hand out to Bastian, I hold his hand. "I missed you, Bastian." I don't want him to feel left out or like I only miss Malachi.

Bastian flashes me a genuine grin that makes my heart skip a beat. Seeing the shadows lift from his eyes and true joy lighting up his features makes me feel on top of the world. "I missed you, pretty girl."

I'm content to sit with them like this until Bastian's class. While I enjoy the closeness, I can't help but think about how much I need the three of them. I've never needed anyone like I need them, and it freaks me out.

No one stays around forever, even if they don't leave by choice. Needing someone is like walking into battle with a chunk of your breastplate missing. Luck might keep you safe initially, but eventually, you'll get a sword or arrow through the heart. I can't shake the feeling that the Wyldharts will shatter my heart just like my mom did. Only this time, I don't think I'll survive it.