20. Raven

TWENTY

RAVEN

Asudden jolt beside me stirs me awake in a panic. My heart races as I pry my eyes open to find Brax sitting up in the bed. Even in the darkness of the room, I can still make out the crinkle of his eyes, the tightness of his shoulders, and the smallest tremble to his hand as he runs his fingers over his cropped hair.

“Brax?” He startles at my voice, his head whipping around to face me in an instant as he frantically searches my gaze. “Is everything okay?” I whisper, knowing it’s a dumb question.

He slumps back against the headboard as the other guys sleep around us, dragging his hand down his face as he exhales. It takes a moment, but when his eyes find mine again, I see the truth before he even speaks it.

“No.”

My heart aches the moment the word leaves his lips and I shuffle to sit up beside him, trying my best not to wake Eldon as his arm drops from my waist. Brax stares up at the ceiling while I watch his chest rise and fall with each breath, slowly calming with each repetition.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I finally ask when his head tilts my way once again, and he sighs before nodding ever so slightly, but no words follow. I give him a few minutes to try and piece it together, but when he exhales in frustration I know it’s not going to be as simple as that. “Do you want to talk about it now or in the morning?” I prod, trying to get a read on what he actually needs from me. I want to reach out and lace my fingers with his but I can’t tell if that’s going to make the situation better or worse.

He purses his lips, taking another deep breath. “I’ve been having dreams.” His voice is groggier than I expect, a hoarseness I’ve never heard before, and it twists something inside of me. His emotions are thick with whatever this is. A few minutes pass, but I don’t push. He needs me to be patient with him right now, and if it’s time he needs, it’s time he’ll get. “Dreams where I see my parents.”

Fuck.

I can’t help it, I reach for his hand, and despite the worry blossoming inside of me, when my fingers touch his, he turns his hand for my palm to touch his. I squeeze, trying to silently communicate how much I’m here for him, and to my surprise, he returns the gesture, warming my aching soul.

“What kind of dreams?”

“I don’t even know if they’re actually dreams, I just don’t know what else to call them,” he admits, making me frown.

“What do you mean?”

His tongue sweeps over his lips as he tries to find the right words to explain. “I think that I’m traveling to wherever they are.” My eyebrows furrow deeper as he looks at me, the question clear in my eyes so I thankfully don’t have to ask. “The Realm of Shadows.”

“The Realm of Shadows?” I repeat slowly, barely more than a whisper, as he shakes his head in disbelief.

“Apparently.”

“Where is that?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “They said it, and then I woke up. Again.”

I hate to be the one to question it, but I need him to be sure. For his sake more than mine. “Do you trust in—”

“I’ve dreamed about them three times since you brought me back from the dead, Raven.”

I gape at him.

Well, fuck.

“You think it’s linked?” I ask, silently scared of the answer, and he shrugs.

“I can’t be sure,” he murmurs, but I know he feels it in his gut because Brax isn’t the kind of guy to voice his thoughts if he doesn’t believe them to be true.

“But it makes sense,” I breathe, worry clawing at my insides.

“None of it makes sense, Shadow.”

Damn. That’s fucking true.

“What are you thinking?” I ask when a couple of minutes pass. I can practically hear the cogs turning in his mind.

“I’m trying to find where I remember the mention of an emerald gate. If it can lead to the Realm of Shadows, then fuck, I could visit without being asleep. I have no control over any of it. I’m completely helpless and I’m always ripped away too soon.”

“Do you want me to look with you?” I offer. Sleep is lost on me now, just as it is on him. There’s no point pretending otherwise.

His hand tightens on mine. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” I reply quickly. “Whatever you need, I’m here.” He turns to me, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly as he nods. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

He’s not. I know he’s not.

“Are you sure?” I hate that I’m pushing, but mentally berating myself isn’t working. It seems my filter doesn’t work in the midst of the twilight hour. “If there’s anything—”

“I’m good,” he interjects, and I know I deserve the blunt nudge to shut the fuck up.

Silence descends over us, but his hold on my hand doesn’t change, so I shuffle closer, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Do you still see the shadows?” he asks, catching me off guard.

“Yeah.”

“Now?”

“No. It seems I’m as helpless to them being here as you are to the timing of your visits to the Realm of Shadows,” I state, and he huffs in agreement. We sit side by side, basking in the silence for a little while longer until he speaks again.

“Do you think you’re going to go back to sleep?”

“No,” I admit. My mind is too wired for me to even consider going back to sleep.

“Do you want to sneak out and continue training with your mirror magic?”

This man knows me far too well.

“Yes, please.”

My body aches.We’ve repeated the process again and again to the point that the sky is starting to lighten. I hate that the sun isn’t visible. Ever since Erikel arrived, it’s been clouded by whatever shit he’s doing. After growing up in Shadowmoor, I clung to the sun here. It was a sign that my life was changing, that I was growing, and now it’s gone again. At least it’s not complete darkness, but it’s still tainted.

“That’s it, Shadow. Let the feeling run through you this time. You’re so close to controlling it completely,” Brax encourages, and I take strength from his words as I calm the panic growing in my chest.

My eyes are closed tight, every inch of my body acutely aware of the fact that it’s turning to stone. It’s one thing to let your arms shift and the weight knock you off balance. It’s something else entirely to let it consume your whole body.

I feel like I’m going to fall backward at any moment, the weight of my body completely knocking me off balance, but it makes me feel strong too, so I push on. Brax’s encouragement and praise are helping. I like him snappy and all alpha when he’s between my thighs, but right now, in this moment, when his tone is softer and his words more gentle, I like him even more.

“That’s it. Now open your eyes and try to focus on your balance.” I exhale slowly before I try, and it takes a few attempts for me to finally settle my gaze on his without falling to the side. The smile on his face is a rare one; one I’m committing to memory for all of eternity. “Perfect. Now, do you think you can take a step forward?”

I balk. “No way.” The sound of my own voice startles me. It’s raspier than usual, deeper, and it’s strange to even associate it with myself.

“You’ve got this, Raven. You know you do. I’m right here with you.”

My gaze narrows on him. I think I take back every positive thing I said about his encouragement and praise. It’s starting to drive me insane. It stops me from backing out and quitting, and as much as I need it, I don’t want it. I want to give up like a baby, maybe even throw a tantrum, but I know he won’t let me get away with that.

“Come on, Shadow. If you can walk to me, I’ll let you punch me in the gut. Gargoyle fists and all,” he offers, and his persuasion instantly has my interest piqued.

That definitely does sound enticing.

The grin on his face makes it clear he knows he’s got me right where he wants me, and I’m a damn sucker for him once again.

Exhaling, I turn my attention to my feet, toying with the weight as I attempt to lift my foot off the ground. It’s worse than the whole moving my arms situation the last time we were doing this, but he definitely lured me in with the desire to get him.

“You need to stop thinking about how heavy it is; you’re letting it become a whole mind-over-matter scenario, which is only going to make it all feel heavier,” Brax points out, and I give him my best death glare, which does nothing to affect him.

Fucker.

I let go of his magic and the power I was drawing from him quickly disappears, leaving me to sway on my feet for a second before I regain my balance.

“I need to start fresh then,” I state before he can moan at me for dropping the magic. “I need to grab the thread and move straight away so I don’t get in my head,” I add, and he nods in agreement.

“Realistically, that’s how you’re going to attack in a real-life situation.”

“Who knew you had such words of wisdom?” I snark, and he folds his arms over his chest, cocking his brow at me while I smile at him from ear to ear.

“Do I even want to know how long you two have been out here?”

I spin to see Creed in the open doorway leading into the house. His hair is messy, his eyes tired, and his smile soft as he glances between us.

“Longer than I want to admit,” Brax grunts, relaxing his magic.

“Have you been practicing mirror magic again?” Creed asks, and I nod. “Am I the only one you haven’t done this with now?”

“Yeah.”

“Want to give it a try before we have to leave for classes?”

I’m not looking for permission, but my gaze travels to Brax. We were about to go again, channeling his gargoyle, and I don’t want to cause an issue by switching it up.

“You’re good, Shadow. It’ll be good for you mentally. Next time, you can come at it quicker, and hopefully, you’ll smash it.” He squeezes my shoulder, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, and I bask in the feeling.

“I’ll smash you,” I say with a smirk, and he chuckles.

“You wish,” he retorts before heading for the house, leaving me to gape after him.

“That’s not what I meant,” I holler, my cheeks heating with embarrassment, but both Creed and Brax just laugh at me.

“If that’s what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, then okay,” he says with a grin and a wink before disappearing inside.

Such a fucker.

“Are you ready? Or do you need a minute?” Creed asks with a cock of his brow, and I flip him off. He chuckles, and even though it’s at my expense, the sound makes it all worthwhile.

“Get your ass over here so I can use your magic,” I say with a pout, which makes his smile grow wider as he approaches.

“I love it when you use me,” he murmurs, coming to a stop in front of me as we’re toe to toe. Fuck. I gulp, my mouth drying as I lose words once again. “Come on, let’s focus before we get completely distracted,” he adds, like he’s not the reason for my distraction, as he pulls me from the thoughts in my head, and I nod.

“I’m nervous,” I admit. “With Brax, sharing a piece of my mind with him was a complete accident. I’ve seen what you can do. I don’t want to fuck it up and hurt you.” I think that’s secretly why I’ve been holding back from him. Circumstances made it easier, but now I can’t hide from it.

“You won’t hurt me, Raven. Not even by accident.” I part my lips, ready to push back, but his fingertips cover my mouth as he stops me before I can even begin. “I’m going to talk you through it, okay?” I shake my head, but he gives me a pointed stare until I sigh. Relenting, I nod instead. “That’s my girl,” he breathes, dropping his hand back to his side as he takes a step back. “The best way to focus is to stare into my eyes, think of what you would like to see, and if my barriers are down, you’ll see it in your mind. For you to hurt me, that’s got to be what you envision.”

I exhale, shaking out my arms as I nod once again, trusting his word. “What are you happy for me to see?” I murmur, my pulse ringing in my ears with nerves.

“Anything at all.”

“Will you know what I look at?”

“I will, but those without psychic abilities wouldn’t.”

Nibbling on my bottom lip, I tilt my head. “Do you want me to see if I can delve into what happened in Pinebrook?”

He stares deep into my eyes, caressing my soul with his dark, onyx eyes as he considers my offer. After the other day, he has to know that it doesn’t matter to me, but I can see the way it’s haunting him and I hate it. I hate it so much it hurts. If I can offer him even a glimpse, I will, even if it’s painful to see.

For him, for any of the Bishops, I would give my all, no matter the consequences. It should be embarrassing because I really haven’t known them all that long, but there’s no turning back now.

“Please,” he rasps, his eyelids shuttering a little at his admission.

“I’ll try.”

Nerves rack my chest as I watch the flickers of magic dance around his head. It’s so elegant it’s almost distracting watching the charcoal-gray swirls beckon me closer. My fingers tingle, curiosity getting the better of me as I reach up to grasp it.

The second I latch on, my eyes slam shut and the world goes black. All I can hear is the sound of my breath as even the breeze around me comes to a stop. I choke up, stuttering over what I want to envision. I feel like I’m intruding, which I technically am, but at his request. It just takes a moment for my mind to understand that fact.

Inhaling, I fill my lungs with so much air that my chest burns before I exhale softly.

I want to see what happened in Pinebrook.

I’m unsure if I’m being too vague or not, but the second I think about it, smoke seems to fill my vision. My heart gallops in my chest, my nerves getting the better of me.

Clouds form in my mind, the sound of screams consuming me as nausea swirls in my gut.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Dread fills my veins, and horror rocks my bones, but a blanket of safety consumes me.

A flicker of gold among the carnage catches my attention and I settle my focus on the shine of it under the warm sun. “Stay here, son. Stay safe until I tell you it’s okay to move.” Wide onyx eyes flash before me, the owner of them settling before me, and I gasp. “I’m sorry about this,” he adds, lifting his hand to my face, then he’s gone.

Gone.

The screams continue, the chants and roars of anger mingling with the fear as I remain rooted to the spot. A minute passes into what feels like an eternity until a whisper breezes against my ear.

“Now, son. Come now.”

All at once, my feet are moving before I can understand, the scenes before me overwhelming my senses as death stains every inch of the cobbled street I stand on. I search for him, for the onyx eyes I’m so familiar with, but a knock from my right side makes me stumble. Another glimmer of gold and everything goes black once more until I’m hovering above a pile of dead bodies.

I stumble back with a gasp, my heart racing in my chest as I stare at Creed, who is looking back at me with the same level of surprise on his face that must be showing on mine.

“Creed,” I breathe, my hand pressing to my chest as I try to calm myself down. “Is that… was that…”

“My father. He protected me from it all.” He runs a hand through his hair as his face tilts toward the ground. “But that doesn’t make sense.”

“It does, Creed. It makes complete sense. The reality of the situation is just a little more complicated than we even considered,” I reply, but he still keeps his gaze downcast. I can’t even imagine what he’s feeling right now, but if he knows what I saw, then he knows exactly what I know.

His father protected him in Pinebrook. Kept him away from the destruction and made sure there was no blood on his hands. When all was said and done, he wiped the surface of Creed’s memory.

Those aren’t the actions of the golden warrior everyone fears. Those are the actions of a father who loves his son.