32. The Emotion Building

Chapter 32

The Emotion Building

The Siren

T he realization dawned across his face like a dagger to my heart, and I didn't know if I could bear it. The way his body had tensed at my words, how he now understood just how dangerous I truly was, and how he now knew I'd been more than capable of murdering him and his entire crew on multiple occasions. His handsome face hardened as he sat next to me, even though he couldn't know that my powers were still developing.

As soon as his crew had joked about the gods fighting, I'd known it to be true. I could see it in the set of the storm that Poseidon had found me. Everything I had done to keep that ship safe and out of the reach of Poseidon had drained me, and I knew I didn't yet have the power to fully take him on. I wasn't sure if I ever would be strong enough.

I couldn't bare to look at Kipp now that he knew. He knew I was the worst kind of monster imaginable, a goddess of the sea. Poseidon's daughter. He would never look at me the same again. I didn't know why that troubled me so much, but as I brushed my fingertips across the sensitive skin of my neck, where he'd claimed me with a bite, I couldn't deny that it didn't bother me.

"I think it's best if we split up. You and I can travel the rest of the distance to Scylla while they repair the ship. They will meet us somewhere safe afterward," he announced as if the revelation about who I truly was meant nothing, but I knew different. I'd already seen the shock cross his face, the way his jaw had hung with my confession.

Emotions plagued me that I'd never worried about before, doubt, shattered hope, disappointment. When I'd been in Atlantis, none of these emotions crossed my mind. I had a duty, and that was all I'd thought of when I'd been deep below the sea. Now, though, every time I looked at Kipp, my heart raced. I should have been clawing his heart out, not thinking about how his hands had felt when they'd roamed my body.

Kipp didn't wait for me to respond, and I watched in silence as he walked away to inform his crew of what he'd decided. Patton glanced my way as Kipp spoke to him, and I watched Camilla wander off to search in one of the crates they'd pulled ashore. She walked back toward her captain with a bundle of fabric in her hands.

I felt my lips twitch as he returned, presenting me with new clothes. The ones I wore now had been torn as I'd shifted forms when Kipp's ship hit the reef and tipped.

"Put these on," he said gruffly as his gaze scanned over my body, his fingers gripping the strap of the pack Patton had given him onto his shoulder.

I fought the urge to turn from him as I pulled off my damp, torn clothing to step into the damp clothing still in one piece. Even though I knew everything had changed between us, I relished beneath his gaze as it traveled up and down my body as I obediently followed his orders. I tied the shirt at my hip so that it didn't hang down my hips, and I pulled my hair out from beneath the collar, layering the still wet locks over my shoulder as he watched every movement I made. Did he watch me with lust still? Or fear? Perhaps a mixture of both…

Kipp shook his head, his untied hair swinging around his jaw as he said, "You are going to be the death of me long before this darkness takes me."

A smirk lifted across my face as I swayed my hips seductively, letting the tips of my fingers brush along the sliver of skin left showing of my waist.

"I can see it now," he said, tilting his head toward the heavens above. "You're a damn temptress goddess. Are you sure you're not also related to Aphrodite somehow?"

I shook my head, pressing my lips together to hold back a laugh. I was her cousin, much like Dionysus, though we'd never met. He didn't need to know that though.

We left his crew along the beach to repair the ship and spent the last fading hours of daylight traveling across the island. The journey on land seemed never ending as we walked in tense silence for two days, only occasionally speaking when the need arose. Talking to Kipp now, with everything he'd learned, was difficult. He was like a magnet, and I was constantly pulled into his orbit even as I tried to drift away. It felt like an impossible task, something I needed to protect myself from if I wanted to save my people, and so we walked without breaking the silence forming around us.

Besides, he wanted to break the curse, the darkness that called to me from within him would not be a factor for long. It was that wickedness that had drawn me to him, not the man himself. When our quest completed, would I be left here shattered and broken, or would it make it easier to breathe and deny whatever it was that had grown between us.

As much as the both of us tried to stay away from the other, we failed. Our shoulders would brush while we walked, our fingers grazing as we stepped carefully through the forest. Even when we'd sleep, with ample room in the bed between us, we'd still wake in the morning with me tucked perfectly in his arms.

Kipp cut through the forest, trampling the overgrowth to create a path for me as I trailed behind him. My gaze watched the sway of his hips and the swing of his arms. It lingered on his wide shoulders and the way his hair clung to the nape of his neck. I'd caught him shooting looks over his shoulder at me too, but only to ensure I hadn't fallen behind. Still, desire pooled in my core at the wicked thoughts of my lustful siren nature. If he had been thirsty, I would have gladly offered him something to drink.

"Shut up you wanton hussy," I uttered under my breath as we trudged on through the thick canopy of trees, hoping the other side of the island would soon present itself so we could finish this everlasting walk through the muddied woods.

"I'm sorry?" he said, his deep baritone voice sending shivers up my spine as he shot a glance back at me.

I stopped, pressing my thighs together to quell my need as I shouted, "Nothing!" Then I lowered my voice, straightening. "Nothing, I was just complaining to myself."

Before Kipp turned around, I caught that damn dimple winking from his cheek as he smirked knowingly. I wanted to groan, but I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

Soon, the thick trees gave way to a sandy beach with palm trees. Kipp stood there, still and rigid.

"What?" I asked, my brows furrowing as I tried to hide my unease at the sudden stillness of him. Did he know something that I didn't? Before I could fully process it, he whipped around, catching me off guard.

He ran his hands through his dark hair, pulling the strands from his low ponytail as the wind caught them. "I don't want to play this game…" His dark inky gaze burned with a heat that had my breath catching. "I want you. I don't care if we are only temporary allies, and I don't know what my future is when we finish this, but I do know one thing. Out of all my years on this plane of existence of seeking power, love, and wealth…I have always been left wanting more, something different, something new. You're different, though. You make me only want you more. It has been driving me crazy with need, and I'm tired of fighting it."

He moved forward, his eyes locking onto mine as he watched me carefully. I gulped back the emotion building in my throat as I took a step back. My mind was in denial at his words, but my heart pounded within the cage of my ribs at the admission. He took another step forward, not letting me place any distance between us as his hand reached for me, pausing before he connected with my face. "This might be a mistake, but I want you," he finished.

"It is a mistake," I replied harshly, stepping back again.

His face flashed with pain before it hardened, his lips pressing together as he turned away from me. My mind reeled at his revelation. I didn't know what to do with it. I simply knew that I couldn't let myself be with him. It was impossible. I couldn't give into the overwhelming human emotions that plagued me because that would mean giving up everything. I needed to end this game now, be cruel if I needed, whatever it took so that he would understand that this couldn't happen. I had to think of what my people needed, and what they needed was me.

I stepped out onto the sandy beach, tugging off the oversized boots so that I could dig my toes into the warm sand. The frothing waves that kissed the shore was like music to my ears, and it sent a longing through me for a home I hadn't seen for weeks that seemed to stretch out endlessly before me. I needed to be my siren self, cold and indifferent, not this weak human with weak human emotions.

As we made our way down the beach, I couldn't help but feel a growing sense of unease. My heart raced with an intensity that was almost painful. My rejection had settled the matter, but inside, my stomach churned as if in protest of my choice. I clenched and unclenched my hands, feeling my claws break free as they sliced into my palms, my blood trickling along my palms as I hissed.

Kipp didn't turn around or even ask if everything was okay. His frame was tense and his movements almost jerky. Just as my eyes traveled up his frame, taking in the wide set of his shoulders, his powerful arms, and the way his backside was defined… I wanted him, a fact that was made obvious by the throbbing desire building within my core.

You can't give into these feelings, I reminded myself. You have a kingdom to win, and your people need you. A sensation akin to what I believed was hollowness consumed me. Is this truly what I wanted? I couldn't help but question my own motives as the feelings within my heart clearly warred with those within my mind.

I'd hated it. All of it. I'd never wanted the responsibility of running the kingdom at such an early age. Even when my father had forced the kingdom into my hands as he'd had to travel the seas, I'd been annoyed with having everything left up to me. Proteus had asked me long ago what I'd really wanted, and I'd told him then that I'd wanted freedom, adventure, and love. Hadn't I experienced almost all of those in these past few weeks?

I'd found a man who had loved me and stolen his heart to claim these powers, awakening my godly gifts and creating a storm I could barely contain. Kipp had forced me on this adventure where we'd traveled all across the ocean and experienced insane feats I'd never forget. Freedom… well I supposed that was a work in progress.

And now there was Kipp, a man who'd declared he wanted me even though he knew I was a monster, a siren. If he hadn't bound me to him, if my life hadn't been tied to his, my siren self would have massacred his entire crew without blinking. I'd sunk an entire ship to steal the identity of a merchant's daughter. There was no good within me. Even plagued as I was now with these human emotions, I was still a predator.

Yet, so was he. The darkness within him was what called to me. When our gazes locked together, it was as if his monster stared admiringly out at mine, liking what it saw.

I gave my head a shake, dispelling these weak thoughts. I needed to reclaim my throne and save the sirens. It was what my mother would have wanted. And to do that, I would need to be cunning, ruthless without mercy, and I couldn't allow these soft feelings get in the way of my goals.

Kipp paused as I stepped beside him, studying the sound of waves as they ebbed closer and closer. The rocks along the beach were sharpened, stretching along where the water danced like shards of glass. I pulled my boots back on, realizing we'd found what we'd been looking for.

These rocks led to a cave along the edge of the island, a cave known to be one of Scylla's haunts. With every step forward, we came closer to the end of this journey.

I pushed past Kipp, refusing to meet his gaze. My heart waged a war within itself, torn between the desires standing behind me and the duties that lay ahead. I felt his gaze on the back of my neck, his presence lingering closely behind as we moved closer to the danger, closer to everything we both wanted ahead.

So, why did it feel like I wanted to drag my feet, to make this take longer, to turn and run and say to hell with it all? Why wasn't I ready for this to end yet?