28. Jace

I skidded to a halt in the forest, turning in a circle, anger and a savage disappointment making it hard to concentrate. Out of frustration, I threw my head back and let out a mournful howl at the moon. The milky crescent looked almost like a blade. A knife arcing down to finish the job of tearing out my heart.

My wolf whined and gnashed his teeth, more in response to my own feelings than the heartache he was experiencing. Pawing at the ground and tearing at the grass with my teeth, I thrashed about, trying to work out my pain with a wolfish tantrum. It was too much to handle, too much to fathom. I'd lost my mate. Those words, like boiling hot oil, poured down my throat, seared my soul, tore at my mind, and made everything awful. The wind rustling my fur? I wanted to rip it apart with my teeth. The sound of bugs chirping in the evening? I wanted to crush all those little bodies under my paws. And that damn moon? I wished I could yank it from the sky and dash it to pieces like a porcelain plate.

Another angry howl burst from my throat before I took off again. Pushing my body as hard as possible, I surged forward, paws hissing over the grass and moss of the forest, bobbing and weaving between trees at breakneck speed. Faster, faster, faster. Part of me hoped my heart would explode, or maybe I would take a wrong step and accidentally bash my brains out on a tree trunk. Both options were better than what I was living with now. So much pain and sadness. I'd thought nothing could be worse than losing my parents, but I was wrong. That, at least, had been an accident. Bad luck and nothing more. This? I played out a million ways I could have done something different. This was my own doing, not like with my parents. There was no one to blame but myself. Even I couldn't twist logic enough to say fate had something to do with how things had turned out.

No. It was all on me. It was an agonizing torture to endure as I ran back home.

I arrived, safe and sound, back at my home. Shifting back, I collapsed to my knees, gasping for breath, sweat dripping from my nose to the dirt between my hands. Sitting like that, I looked up at the sky. Stars twinkled like gems in the inky, black velvet sky. A perfect summer night. All the while, my life was a disaster.

Late the next morning, I sat on my porch, nursing a beer, when Shayna pulled up in her Jeep. Raising the bottle as a greeting, I didn't rise from the chair.

"How are you doing, big brother?"

"How the hell do you think I'm doing?"

She raised her eyebrows and climbed the steps. "You're pleasant this morning."

"What's that?" I asked, nodding toward the small box she carried in her hands.

"This," she said, as she took a seat on a rocking chair opposite me, "is a little parting gift from your lovely lady witch."

I stared at the box in suspicion. Shayna opened the container, revealing another vial of purple liquid tucked between wads of tissues.

"Don't destroy this one," she said.

Seeing the potion set me off again. Kirsten had made a second one? All to be totally sure she could end things before they ever began? She'd been very thorough, apparently.

"Give me that shit," I hissed.

I lunged forward, but my reflexes weren't what they should have been, and Shayna pulled the box back before I could grab it from her.

"Are you a fucking idiot?" she barked at me, glaring into my face, while putting the lid back on the box. "Like, how dumb are you?"

"I'm not in the mood, Shayna," I said, shaking my head. "Let me stomp on that damned thing. I want to be rid of it, now and forever."

"You know what? I don't give a shit if you're in the mood or not. You are gonna hear me out. Understood?"

She stood there, one hand holding the box, the other a fist jammed into her side. She was angry at me for something, God only knew what. It seemed like everyone was pissed at me. That was funny, since no one could be as mad at me as I was at myself. They could be pissy with me, glare at me, tell me I was a dumbass, but nothing could compare to how I felt about myself right now.

Finally, I took another swig of my beer and waved at her to go on. Let her say what she had come to say, then I could get back to feeling sorry for myself.

"Did you even ask Kirsten why she made this potion?" Shayna asked.

"Why the hell should I? It's obvious. She never believed in what we had. She made a back door. A way out. Simple as that."

"Holy shit, you are, like, such a man!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I tossed my empty bottle to the side. It hit with a thunk and rolled across the porch, coming to rest under another rocking chair.

"I mean, she didn't create this potion as a way out. Not really. She made it to give to you so that you could choose your own mate. She never wanted you if it was all because some curse was dragging you two together like a couple of magnets." Shayna sighed. "Think about it, Jace. If you were in her place, would you want to be with someone who was only there because a spell brought you together? Or would you want that person to choose you? To look at you, see you, and say, ‘Yeah, that's the one I want?'"

Her words drilled through the alcoholic haze that had drifted over my mind. Like pins in a lock, my thoughts snapped into place. A sudden and surreal realization came to me. She was right. If Kirsten had come sniffing around, infatuated with me, but all of it had been nothing but a spell, could I have truly believed her? As much as I cared for her, I'd still want her to be free to choose me willingly. Outside magic, outside curses, outside everything, I'd want her to want me. And she'd wanted the same from me.

"Oh, shit," I muttered.

Shayne reached forward and poked my forehead with her finger. "Did it get through that thick fucking skull yet?"

"Tell me how the hell my baby sister got so damn wise all of a sudden?"

"I didn't," she said with a shrug. "All I'm doing is telling you what Kirsten told me when I went to pick this box up from her. She called me early this morning."

"Son of a bitch," I growled and buried my face in my hands.

If I hadn't lost my mind the night before, if I'd given her a few seconds to explain, all this could have been avoided. Even that had been too much. I couldn't give her even a few seconds to talk before freaking out.

"I'm a piece of shit," I moaned and looked up at my sister. "I didn't defend her when the pack and Eren started shouting all that shit at her last night. I didn't give her time to explain. I didn't do anything." I punched a fist onto my thigh.

"Oh, very healthy. Self-harm. Women find that super-sexy."

"Goddamn it, Shayna, can you stop being a sarcastic ass for one second? I'm getting my heart broken here."

"You need to fix this," she said sternly. "I don't want to worry you, but there were a bunch of suitcases and packed boxes at the cabin."

"I saw them, too. Last night, when I was there."

"Well, you know what that means, don't you? You've got to go stop her."

"Can't," I said, staring off into the distance. "She's made up her mind. Nothing more I can do. It was in her eyes last night. She's as good as gone already."

Crack. My head rocked back, cheek stinging, tears springing to my eyes. I almost fell from my rocking chair.

Cradling my face, I gaped up at my sister. "What the fuck, Shayna?" She'd slapped the ever-loving shit out of me. My cheek throbbed, and heat pulsed over my jaw.

She winced and shook her hand, her palm obviously stinging. "There! Is that better? Did that wake you up? In all these years, I've never seen you be so pathetic. My big brother?" She knelt down so her eyes were level with me. "The guy who was everything to me? The massive force of nature that made me so proud? I'd point at you and tell everyone, ‘That's my brother.' Like you were a superhero. You always knew what to do. You were a dad to me. You raised me. Hell, I'm more a daughter to you than a sister. My whole life, I wanted to be like you. To be strong and sure, just and kind. The only thing I didn't want was your sadness. Jace." She put a hand on my thigh. "I've seen it my whole life. You think you hide it, but you don't. Every day, I saw the hurt in your eyes, the loneliness. It broke my heart. I tried everything I could to be the one to fix it for you, but I wasn't enough. You needed someone else. The last few weeks with Kirsten? I finally saw that sadness start to disappear. You'd found your person."

She cleared her throat, tears clouding her eyes. "I don't want my brother to be lonely forever. And I never want to see you give up. You're the one who taught me not to give up. How can you sit here and do the thing you always told me to never do?"

Turning away, she bent over, lifted the lid of the small box, and pulled the vial out, holding it out for me.

"Fix it, Jace. Fix it, or you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. Drink."

"What if it's not what I want it to be? What if drinking this erases everything I feel for her?" I asked miserably, wiping my own tears away.

"You know the truth," Shayna said, leaning forward to press her forehead to mine. "You know, but you have to do this. Then, once and for all, you can show the woman you love that you really do love her. That it isn't just some curse forcing it on you. Do it."

The vial was cool when she pressed it into my hand. Shayna moved back to watch me as I stared at the liquid. It was viscous, coating the glass of the vial. Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled the small cork stopper out, put the thing to my lips, and tilted my head back.

A taste like minerals, herbs, and the coppery tang of blood filled my mouth—unpleasant and strangely warm. I swallowed the whole thing, trying not to gag. Once done, I looked at Shayna.

"Well?" she asked. "Anything?"

I thought about it for a second, taking stock. "I don't think—"

Like a flood, the world cracked apart around me, shuddering and convulsing.

"Oh God! Do you feel that? Can you hear it?" I shouted above the roar in my head.

"Hear what, Jace? I don't hear anything."

The vibrating went on as though the entire world was rattling apart. Shayna sat staring at me like I'd lost my mind. As though she could feel none of what I did.

With one final shudder, the world went still. The sensation was immediate and shocking. Like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. I couldn't explain it, but I was different. Lighter, less burdened. My God, had I been holding all that for a hundred years? The freedom that suddenly filled me made me want to shout for joy.

"You're smiling. Is that a good smile?" Shayna asked, still eyeing me suspiciously.

My wolf howled in joy, the sound echoing through my mind. I nodded. "Yes. It's good. It's gone. I think I'm… free."

"Well, how do you feel?"

"I feel great." I laughed.

In fact, I couldn't remember ever feeling better. Honestly, this was the best I'd felt since Mom and Dad died. And all I could think about was getting to Kirsten. I was ready to run, to shift and sprint toward her cabin, but before I could, my cell rang.

"Dammit," I grunted, pulling the phone out. Waylan.

"What do you need, because I gotta—"

"Jace, the town hall's on fire!" Waylan shouted.

"What?" His words barely registered, so out of the blue and bizarre that my brain was having trouble comprehending them.

"The town hall is on fire, dammit. Get your ass down here, there might be casualties. We don't know yet. Fucking hurry."

Before I could respond, he'd hung up. Shayna shook my arm. "What the hell was that? You look like you saw a ghost."

"Drive me to town hall. It's on fire. Hurry."

Shayna's jaw dropped in shock. She must have looked just like I did. Rather than question me, she simply obeyed, rushing to her car and flying down the driveway with me in the passenger seat. For the moment, my need to see Kirsten was trumped by life or death. Waylan had said there might be casualties. Who could have been in the building? Langston had a small office there; there were a few ladies who took payments for the area utilities, a janitor. Who else?

As soon as we rounded the corner and hit the road that led to town, a column of smoke became visible in the distance. My stomach sank. It was huge, massive black plumes rising into the sky. That did not look like a good sign.

"Hurry," I whispered.

"I'm going as fast as I can," Shayna hissed. "It's a Jeep, not a Corvette."

Sirens wailed in the distance. The county fire trucks must have already arrived on the scene. I clenched and unclenched my fists as Shayna took a right onto Main Street, and that was when the town hall came into view. My brow furrowed. No flames engulfed the building, just massive columns of dark black smoke pouring from three of the back windows. How could there be so much smoke yet no flames? Maybe the actual fire was deeper inside the building?

I leaped from the Jeep before Shayna had even come to a stop and sprinted toward the building. Spotting Waylan, I veered toward him.

"What the fuck happened?" I shouted.

He turned, relief at my arrival evident on his face. "Firemen are in there now. Not sure how it started. I saw the smoke when I was at the grocery store and just came running."

"Where's Langston? The employees?" I asked, clutching Waylan's shoulders, trying not to shake him but failing.

He gestured toward an ambulance behind me. "Over there. When I got her, Betty Daniels had gotten out. She told me Langston was still inside, looking for any stragglers. That's what I meant when I said there might be casualties. We're good, though. Langston got everyone out. They're treating him for smoke inhalation now. That appears to be the extent of his injuries."

Betty had been the secretary here since we'd built town hall back in the ‘30s. Even for a shifter, she was getting older. I was glad to hear she'd gotten out okay.

Leaving Waylan, I rushed to the ambulance. Langston sat on the bumper, an oxygen mask pressed to his face. In the back, three women and another man were doing the same.

"Langston, are you guys all right?"

He removed the mask and nodded before a cough racked his body. "All good, boss," he said when he'd recovered.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

He took another pull from the oxygen and shook his head. "No clue. The building was just suddenly full of smoke. I yanked the fire alarm and hollered at everyone to get out. Some kind of fire, I guess. No clue where it started or how it began."

"You didn't see the fire?" I asked.

"Nope, just the smoke. It was everywhere, thick as all hell. Gotta be a fire. What else could do that?"

A finger of unease began to poke at the back of my mind. Something didn't add up, but I couldn't connect the dots yet.

"Mr. Stone? Mr. Stone?" a gruff voice called out from behind me.

Turning, I found the captain of the fire brigade.

"Yes?"

"A moment, please?" he said, waving me over.

Frowning, I left Langston and joined the captain. Waylan walked over as well, obviously as curious as I was.

"How bad is the damage?" I asked.

"Damage? Interesting you say that," the captain said.

"Why?" Waylan asked, casting a nervous glance my way.

"No damage, really. A little charring on one wall, but nothing too bad. This looks staged to me."

"What?" I waved at the building, at the smoke still pouring out of the windows. "That's not a fire?"

He shook his head and waved for one of his men carrying a smoldering metal bucket to come over.

"This was pulled out of one of the back rooms of the building," the captain said. "There's probably two more in there, at least. We're taking care of them now."

I looked down into the bucket, seeing only greasy black water and inky wisps of smoke rising out.

"What the fuck is it?" Waylan asked, taking the words out of my own mouth.

"Have to wait for a full analysis, but from what we can tell, it looks like a homemade smoke bomb and a helluva big one. Made with potassium nitrate and sugar. Easy as you please to make. You can buy both items at the grocery store. Makes a shit ton—er, pardon my French—a ton of smoke. Anyone looking would assume it was a raging fire." The captain looked at me. "You or your town got any enemies, Mister Stone? Looks like someone is screwing with you. Trying to freak you all out with a mostly harmless scene."

Waylan and I looked at each other. Confusion at first, then slowly, dawning horror. A distraction? Something to get us all here, in this spot. A trick to ensure the actual prey was helpless.

"Eren?" Waylan asked.

"Kirsten," I gasped, already turning, sprinting away.

"Keys are in my truck!" Waylan screamed.

I made a beeline for his car and jumped in. Shayna was shouting at me, asking me what was happening, but I ignored her, my heart pounding in my ears. Beads of panicked sweat were already breaking out all over my body, making me feel clammy and greasy. Kirsten would have been safe, but only if she stayed at the cabin. She'd planned on leaving, though. Had she already left?

All of this was Eren's plan. He'd torn us apart with his little show the other night. He must have known she'd leave. God, he could have been waiting in the woods for her to go beyond the ward. All I could do was pray she hadn't left yet. Maybe all this was just Eren fucking with me. Nothing more. Maybe.

The truck nearly went up on two wheels as I turned into Kirsten's driveway a few minutes later. No car.

"Shit!" I slammed my fist into the steering wheel and dug out my phone. Opening the door and running up the steps, I tried calling her. No answer. Almost ripping the door off the hinges, I barged in. The suitcases and boxes were already gone. Panicking and trying to call Kirsten again, I checked the whole house. Bathroom cleaned out, kitchen clean, trash taken out. Nothing. And no answer on the second call.

She was gone, but where? The interstate? The highway? One of the back country roads? There were half a dozen routes she could have taken to go back to Houston. Which did I choose?

I ran back to the truck, climbing in and calling her one more time. With no way of knowing, I decided to assume she'd do what I would do—use the old mountain road that would lead to the interstate. It was a much longer and circuitous route, but it was the best way to avoid Scottsdale.

All I could do was choose an option and go with it. I'd have to pray I chose correctly.

The phone rang and rang as I slammed the truck into reverse and turned. Finally, she answered.

"Jace?"