21. Kirsten

The longer I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to see Tinsley again. I'd looked through every book and had found multiple ways to cure Eren's friend, but I had no idea which one would work best. Nothing about Eren made me want to help him, but if doing a quick spell could get him off my and Jace's back, it would be better for us all.

Before Jace had left after telling me that he would be breaking the news to the pack, he'd patrolled the property to see if anyone was or had been snooping around. If I went to the city, he'd want to know, and I didn't want him to worry. When I called and told him my plans for the day, he'd raced over.

"I want to scope out the perimeter and head up and down the main road, too. Check for anyone lurking," he said when he arrived.

"Are you sure Eren is having me watched?" I asked, shivering a bit at the thought.

He looked out into the woods around my cabin, and I sensed he wanted to say something important but shrugged it off. "No telling, but better safe than sorry. I wouldn't put anything past that fucker."

Once Jace had ensured nothing was amiss, he kissed me goodbye.

"I'll text you when I'm on the way home," I said.

"Be careful. I'll see you later."

Seeing him standing there, waving as I pulled away, I recalled our talk the day before. I'd been happy to have him ask me to be his mate, but it was all so fast. I'd read stories about people who met, fell in love, and married all in one month. That was fine for them, but I didn't think I could handle that. It was all too much.

My brain wouldn't shut off the entire drive to St. Louis. A tickle at the back of my mind, a scratch in my throat, tempting me to speak out, to sabotage all of this. The main thing that scared me was that I'd trusted men before and ended up disappointed. What if I trusted Jace and the same thing happened? It was terrifying having this new thing between the two of us. Something I'd never felt before, and it scared me.

To get my mind off it. I called Tinsley's shop to let her know I was coming for a visit. I didn't want to drop by unannounced.

"Inner Enchantments, this is Tinsley. How may I help you?"

"Hey. It's Kirsten Holly. I've been up there a few times."

"Kirsten, oh my gosh. Yeah, is everything all right?"

"Yup. I'm coming to the store. I just didn't want to barge in like the last two times."

"Can't wait to see you. It's been a bit dead, so I'll enjoy the company."

"Cool. Um, before I get there, is there any way you can get some books or stuff? I have a specific problem I want to look into."

"Of course. What do you want to check on?"

I bit my lip, knowing how this was going to sound. "I wanted to, uh, look at spells and potions to cure infertility?" I ventured.

A pause, then a chuckle on the other end of the line. "I see. That's exciting. Well, I guess we can get more in-depth when you get here."

"It's not what you—" I stopped speaking. She'd already hung up. "Ugh." Embarrassing.

The store was empty when I arrived. Tinsley already had several books and what looked like magazines out. Those were actually soft-bound books that looked like they would have been new around the time Moses led his people from Egypt.

"So?" she said when I entered. "Already getting baby fever?"

"That's not what this is about," I said. I gave her the lowdown on what was going on with Eren and what he wanted me to do.

Tinsley's face grew somber as I spoke. "Are you sure you want to help this guy? He sounds kinda scuzzy."

"I don't want to help him, but it may be the easiest way of getting him off my case and leaving me alone."

She patted the stack of books. "If that's what you want, I think we can find something here that will work for you. Do you think this friend is actually someone else, or are we thinking it's really the Eren guy who needs help?"

"From the way he's been bugging me, I'd have to say it's him. The friend story is probably so he can have plausible deniability or something."

Tinsley rolled her eyes. "Shifters. They're so wrapped up in alphas and heirs and mates, it's a wonder they ever have time for anything else. All right, let's get to work."

We flipped through and studied the books, Tinsley taking breaks to help customers who trickled in. By lunchtime, she thought she had an idea about what his trouble was.

"I think this guy has azoospermia," Tinsley said.

"What now?" I frowned at her.

"He's shooting blanks. No swimmers. His balls aren't making sperm, is what I mean."

"Oh." I wrinkled my nose. I did not want to think about Eren's sperm.

"It's a modern medical term, but in this book here, an ancient Italian witch was dealing with the same issue with a Roman senator. The guy had tried having kids with his wife, his neighbor's wife, a prostitute, and, according to the notes, a servant girl. All to no avail. The witch took a sample of his semen—"

"Gross!"

"I know, but bodily fluids can help create very strong spells and potions. Tears, urine, menstrual blood—"

"Got it, got it. Say no more, please, before I barf."

"Vomit works well as an ingredient in a pretty nasty revenge potion I've read about, too," Tinsley added.

"You gotta stop, seriously. What about the Roman guy? What did she find?"

"See did a scrying spell over the fluid and determined that…" She skimmed the passage with a finger and read, "‘The seed of life was not present in the fluid.' That sounds like he had no sperm in his semen. She has a remedy here that actually fixed the issue for the guy. Later passages say he and his wife had six children before he died. From what I'm reading, it's actually fairly simple. More of a green witch herbal remedy, with a bit of magic sprinkled in with a few incantations spoken over the mixture while it stews. From what I see, it is the easiest and most effective recourse. This same mixture the witch in Rome used is mentioned again and again in later writings, and each one says it works most of the time."

"Awesome. So it should be pretty easy, then?"

"Easy-ish. But yes, we should be able to create this."

That was a relief. So far, nothing about any of this had been easy. The next question was far more personal.

"What about Jace?" I said. "His curse? Have you thought about how to break it?"

"Are you still of the opinion that your great-grandmother cursed him just to make sure you two could be together?"

"Nothing else makes any sense." I didn't mention the doubt that had crept into my mind about what would happen if things didn't work out between Jace and me.

"I do know of one specific potion that can break most curses. It's very strong and a bitch to make. It's tough, and that's part of why it isn't done more often. It's not simple and requires a lot of magic. So much that it'll probably leave you light-headed… in fact, there's actually a good possibility it'll cause you to faint, and you'll be drained for a few days afterward. Are you sure?"

Jace had lived so long with that curse hovering over his head, I couldn't imagine letting him continue on that way. Plus, I had no idea if the curse would prevent him from having kids even if we worked out. That thought was too much to really dwell on. What I did know was that Jace didn't deserve whatever was happening to him. Whether he and I really ended up together or not didn't matter. It was still the moral thing to remove it.

"I do. Let's do it."

"Okay, I'll need a few things. I'm not sure if you'll have what I need, though," Tinsley said.

"What do you need? Everything's here, right?" I gazed around at the myriad of vials, jars, and packets of every conceivable herb, plant, and ingredient one could imagine.

"For the basics of the potion, yes. But I'm breaking a curse that was created by one person for another. I need DNA from the person who created the curse, which is simple enough since you share DNA with your great-grandmother. We'll just use a few strands of your hair. But the curse was for Jace, so I need some from him as well."

"Shit," I muttered, glancing at my watch. It would be a two-hour drive to get back to Crestwood, get some blood or hair from Jace, then two hours back. It would be a very long day.

"Unless…" Tinsley added hesitantly.

"Yes?"

She sighed and made a face like she didn't know how to proceed. "Um, have you two, perhaps…" She raised a suggestive eyebrow. "You know?"

It took a second, but then it dawned on me what she was asking. I blushed. "Oh. Uh, yeah, actually. A couple nights ago."

"Condom or no?"

Jeez, it was getting super-personal. "No condom. I'm on birth control, and, uh." I shrugged helplessly. "It was pretty spur-of-the-moment. Didn't really think about it."

"Perfect!" She clapped her hands together. "His DNA will be in you. Your body will have absorbed anything that didn't, you know, leak out."

"Good God, there is a lot of talk about bodily fluids today," I said in disgust.

"Don't worry about it. It'll be fine. I'll just need a little blood from you. That should do it."

We were really going to do this. It was happening. Fear swirled in my stomach. I wondered if it would hurt. She'd said it would drain me, but I wasn't sure what all would happen.

"I'll whip up this special tea potion for this Eren guy," Tinsley said. "While I do that, do you want to go down the block and grab us some lunch? There's a great Middle-Eastern place that makes the best falafel flatbread sandwiches you've ever had."

"That sounds good," I agreed. "And I could use the fresh air."

I left, taking deep breaths as I walked to the restaurant. By the time I returned, Tinsley was finishing up, whispering some kind of words over a small pot of a dark green boiling liquid. We ate as it cooled, and then she bottled it in a glass jar, tightening the lid.

"From everything I've read this, stuff has a ninety-percent success rate," she said. "Your problem guy should be shooting with full ammo soon as long as he uses this the right way. He needs to drink half of this at midnight and the other half at sunrise. The next day, he needs to sleep no more than seven hours but no less than six. I'm glad we have modern alarm clocks," she added. "Makes that part much easier. After that, he's good to go. It's gonna taste like shit, so warn him first. If he spits it out, it won't work."

"Got it," I said, tucking the sealed jar into my purse.

"The next part, for the curse, is going to be more difficult. I told you it was tough. It needs a ton of ingredients." She gestured toward the door. "Go ahead and close up. This is gonna take some time."

Once the door was locked and the "closed" sign put up, Tinsley pulled out a much larger pewter bowl and placed it on an electric burner. The first thing she placed in it was a few tablespoons of red wine, followed by the contents of a jar. It looked like clear liquid.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Sea water. Specifically, water from the Dead Sea. The high salt content will help bind the potion."

"You just randomly have Dead Sea water lying around?"

Tinsley grinned at me. "Wait until you see what else goes in this thing."

She was right. The number and breadth of ingredients were startling. Dried frog liver, powdered bone from a cobra's skull, my hair and blood, of course, and what looked suspiciously like a desiccated human finger. The smell was, for want of a better description, fucking awful.

Once she'd put my blood and hair in the cauldron, it was as if an invisible string formed between me and the potion. Almost immediately, I could feel magic draining out of me. Tinsley was doing the heavy lifting when it came to the incantations and ingredients, but I was the one fueling the magic within.

"One final bit," Tinsley said, pulling out a packet of white powder. "Don't tell anyone about this. It's only used for spells."

"What is that?"

"Erm, well… this is gonna sound weird, so don't freak. It's pure cocaine."

"What the fuck?"

"Relax. It's the coca leaf. It was used in South America for magic and ceremonies for centuries before the drug dealers got involved. Powerful magical plant. It's what will give this the strength to break down a curse as powerful as the one your great-grandmother created."

"I guess," I said, eyeing the powder as she sprinkled it into the cauldron.

As the magic drained out of me, I felt dizzy, almost like I'd gone a few days without eating. Across from me, Tinsley looked pretty green as well—the spell must have begun pulling magic out of her, too. It went on that way for another ten minutes.

It was all I could do to stay standing when Tinsley finally nodded. "Done."

She collapsed into a stool beside the counter, and I slid to my knees on the floor. Holy shit, I was exhausted, barely able to keep my eyes open.

"It needs to simmer for five or six hours," Tinsley said.

Summoning my strength, I stood, helping myself up by holding onto the counter and gazed into the cauldron. The weird, lumpy, thick concoction had transformed. Now, it was a smooth and thin light blue liquid.

"Wow," I whispered.

"It needs time to concentrate. Most of the liquid will cook off, leaving the completed potion. By tomorrow, it'll be ready."

"I guess I should go," I said. "Come back tomorrow." My voice sounded slurred even to my own ears. Almost like I'd been drinking.

"No way," Tinsley said. "Not in your condition. I wouldn't trust you to ride a bike, much less operate a car. Why don't you stay here tonight? I live in an apartment above the store, and there's a spare bedroom. I insist."

Part of me wanted to argue, the part that was self-assured and independent. Then I took a step toward the door, and all my remaining energy fled my body. I nearly tumbled to the ground.

"You know what?" I said. "Good idea."

Tinsley helped me up the stairs, though it was more like we helped each other, and then we each collapsed onto the couch in her small living room.

"I feel like I've run a marathon," I said, panting for breath.

"You don't know how much of a part of you your magic is until it gets drained," Tinsley said.

Before either of us knew it, we'd passed out on the couch, too drained to move. I awoke several hours later. The light coming through the window had the slanted fading look of early evening. My phone had about a dozen missed calls and texts from Jace. I called him right away as Tinsley stirred awake.

"Kirsten! Are you okay? Where the hell are you?" Jace sounded two steps from full-blown panic.

"I'm still in St. Louis."

"Still? You've been gone for over eight hours. I thought you'd be back home a long time ago."

I checked my watch. It was almost seven o'clock. Damn, I really had been wiped out.

"Sorry. Tinsley was teaching me some new magic, and it totally exhausted me. I fell asleep on her couch and lost track of time. I meant to call." My body still fought against the weariness and grogginess that threatened to drag me down. I hadn't slept long enough to fully recover yet. "I think, to be safe, I'm gonna spend the night here and come home in the morning."

I didn't tell him about the potion. I'd have to find a good time to give it to him. Part of me wanted to wait until I knew for sure that what was going on between us was real. If he didn't want me, then I'd still give him the potion, but I wanted to wait until we'd spent some more time together. After that, I'd give him the choice.

"You're sure you're okay? When I didn't hear from you and you didn't answer your phone, I thought the worst."

"I know. Like I said, I'm sorry."

He sighed heavily, and I could almost hear a shudder as he did, like he'd been on the verge of tears. A lump formed in my throat, and I again wondered why it was so hard for me to believe this man truly cared for me. What was wrong with me that I couldn't let go of old fears and hang-ups?

"Just call when you're on your way home, okay?"

"I promise."

"See you tomorrow, and be careful."

"I will. Bye."

I flopped back down on the couch.

"All good?" Tinsley asked.

"Yup. I think so, anyway."

"I'm gonna order a pizza. Are you down?"

I'd never been so hungry in my life, and I wondered if it had to do with my magic being drained out of me. "Sounds great."

An hour later, the pizza arrived, and we devoured it in record time. Then, I collapsed onto Tinsley's spare bed. It wasn't even nine o'clock, and I was out in seconds.

The next morning, I woke at eight, having slept nearly twelve hours—not counting the four-hour nap in the afternoon. Even with all that, I still felt sort of run-down and tired, but I was close to being back to normal. I had no fear of crashing my car on the way home from exhaustion, at least.

"Good morning," Tinsley said as I trudged into her kitchen.

"Is that coffee?" I asked, staring at the pot in her hand.

"It is. Very strong, and I may have added a few little magic enhancements to it. If you feel as tired as I do, you'll need it."

"Hand it over. I've got a two-hour drive ahead of me."

Downstairs, we checked on the potion. The cauldron was nearly empty, only holding three or four tablespoons of liquid. It had gone from a light, almost transparent blue to a dark and thick purple.

"It's a success," Tinsley said with a smile. "Hand me a spoon."

I handed her a small spoon and watched as she delicately ladled the potion into two small glass vials. All those ingredients and what was left wouldn't have filled a teacup. Tinsley sniffed the potion once it was in the vials and smiled.

"This is very potent. It was done with good intentions, which will always impart more magic, but I think some of it also has to do with the strength of your magic, Kirsten. You're gonna be a really powerful witch once you have full control of your magic."

She handed me the two vials. I wrapped them in some tissue paper and tucked them into my purse alongside the potion for Eren.

"Come here," Tinsley said, pulling me into a hug. "I feel like you're my own granddaughter. Such a good witch."

I allowed the embrace and hugged her back. It was still hard to believe this young woman holding me was old enough to be my grandmother. I'd lost Nana, but I'd met some pretty incredible people since then. It was still heartbreaking that she was gone, but I was happy to have made friends who could replace that small part of my heart that had been torn away.