Chapter 48

Anya"s head throbbed in pain, and her vision blurred as she tried to sit up. Honaw was on the other side of the kitchen, the wall broken where he had collided with it.

"Oh my God, I"m so sorry," she said.

"Holy shit," Honaw murmured, staring at her with wide eyes.

Anya winced and touched the back of her head, her hand coming away wet with blood. Panic and magic rushed through her, and she cried out as flames burst out of her skin.

Oh no, not this again! The flames went higher, responding to her emotions, and everyone backed away. The kitchen door swung open, and Trajan appeared beside her.

"Get back, Trajan," Izrayl warned. "She doesn"t need you getting burned."

"Anya, you"re okay. It"s just your magic," Trajan said calmly.

Anya wrapped her arms around her knees and started to rock. Through the dancing flames, Anya saw Yvan come into the kitchen and move Trajan out of the way.

"I"ve got this one," he said. Yvan"s arm licked with the firebird"s flames, and he reached out to take Anya"s hand.

"Shalos?, look at me." Anya put her hand in his, and their flames mingled. "Calm your mind and turn the flames off. You can do this." Anya nodded slowly and closed her eyes.

Focus on your peaceful memory,Katya prompted mentally to her.

Anya breathed deeply as she let the memory of the firebird in the night sky fill her mind. As her heart slowed, the flames began to fade, pulling back inside of her.

"That"s it," Yvan said. Anya"s eyes opened, and she fell forward into his strong arms.

"Get me out of here. I don"t want them to see me cry," she whispered. Yvan scooped her up without questioning her.

"Give us a moment," he said to the others. Yvan carried Anya through the house, finally placing her on a soft couch in the library.

"Just shoot me now, will you?" she muttered as he wrapped a blanket around her. He bundled together a wad of tissues and gently pressed it to the wound on her head.

"You seem to be more than capable of hurting yourself without my help. You shouldn"t be so hard on yourself either. You"re untrained and have a lot of power. These sorts of things happen."

"To whom?" Anya sniffed, rubbing the tears off her face.

"When Vasilli first started learning magic, he blew up the top of a tower. All you did was set yourself on fire."

"The poor twins. I make such a good first impression, don"t I?" she groaned, putting her head back in her hands.

"The first time we met, you tried to hit me with a poker," he reminded her. "They got off easy with the fire."

"In my defense, you were naked and sprawled out on my floor."

"Aren"t you lucky? Now, turn around so I can check this cut," Yvan said, and she choked down a laugh. He lightly brushed her hair back over her shoulder and leaned in to inspect the damage just above her ear.

"It doesn"t seem to be very deep," he said, his breath tickling her neck. "The firebird can heal it if you like."

"I would appreciate it. I"m meant to be learning magic and seeing if the Twins know about controlling gates. I can"t do that with a blazing headache. Though I"ll be surprised if I still have teachers after that introduction."

"You will, don"t be so dramatic. Now, hold still." Yvan placed two fingers on the wound, and a warm charge of power flowed into her. "Good as new."

"That"s amazing," Anya said, touching the healed place.

"The firebird doesn"t like to see you in pain. I"m not keen on it either."

Anya turned and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on the top of her head.

Yvan asked, "What else is wrong?"

Anya"s sense of dread from earlier in the day washed back over her. She and Cerise had gone for a walk to try and alleviate the nausea her nightmares had left her with. Now her inability to control her magic had brought that feeling back to claw at her.

"I feel like something"s coming for me. A darkness is closing in, and I won"t be able to stop it when it arrives. I"m afraid that I"ll be forced to watch you all die because of me," Anya admitted.

"Battles are coming, but that"s no reason for you to fall into despair," Yvan said gently. "What we do with this time now is we train, we learn, we make our plans so when the battle comes, we are ready for it. No sides in a war are without losses, but you can"t shoulder the burden of seeing that as your fault. You didn"t ask for any of this. The ones who stand beside you are the ones who love you. You would die for the ones you love, so don"t expect any less of us."

"What am I going to do? I"m not a hero," Anya said against him.

"You are going to go and wash the tears from your face and the blood from your hair. You"re going to get your runes and your drum, and you"re going to go to the Twins and get some training. That"s the only way you will feel more in control. Make yourself too busy with learning to think of anything else. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Prince Yvan," Anya chimed and kissed his cheek. "Whatever would I do without you to give me such good advice?"

Yvan smiled her favorite smile, the rare one he only ever seemed to show her. "I don"t know, be really irresponsible and get into lots of trouble? Go on, you had best get moving."

No one was in the hallway when Anya hurried upstairs to her room. She went into the bathroom and looked at the fright that was her bloody hair. She stuck her head over the bath and turned on the taps.

"Do you need some help?" Trajan asked, and Anya yelped in surprise. "I"m sorry I didn"t mean to scare you."

"You are far too quiet for your own good." Anya looked up at him through a tangled curtain of bloody hair.

"Let me help," he said and rolled up his shirt sleeves.

"You will get blood and water all over you."

"It doesn"t matter, Anya," he said firmly and knelt beside her. "I feel useless enough to help you as it is. At least I can do this."

Anya didn"t argue with him as he began to pour the warm water over her hair.

"You don"t need to worry about the cut. The firebird healed it," she mumbled.

"It"s good that Yvan is here to come to the rescue and carry you away," he said with a touch of coolness.

"I could"ve burned you alive if you had tried to touch me. Just because I didn"t burn the bed the other night, doesn"t mean my magic won"t change and hurt you. Don"t be jealous that Yvan stepped in. He was the only one who could help."

"I"m not jealous of Yvan," Trajan said and then laughed. "Okay, maybe I am a little. It"s definitely a new emotion."

"Don"t be. You know that Yvan and I aren"t like that," Anya said as she tried to relax enough for him to finish cleaning the blood from her hair.

Trajan was slowly and methodically massaging conditioner in and detangling the strands as he went. Anya had never had her hair washed by someone else before, the act strangely intimate. The fact that he was touching her so casually made heat blossom in her chest.

Trajan gently dried her hair, and she peaked at him through her wet strands. He was wearing finely tailored navy pinstripe pants, with a pale blue shirt rolled to his elbows and slightly damp.

"What? What are you smiling at?" he asked as he continued to dry her hair with the corner of a towel.

"You."

"I don"t understand," he said, frowning in confusion, and that just made her smile more.

"Don"t let it worry you. Thank you for your help."

Trajan found the fresh scar in her hair and slipped on his glasses for a better look. "I didn"t know the firebird could heal like that." He studied it for a moment before he leaned closer, pressing his nose softly in behind her ear. "I love the way your hair smells."

Goosebumps rose up her arms as he kissed the new scar.

"For someone who claims he had limited experience with women, you are rather good with them," Anya said softly.

"I read," Trajan replied, and she felt him smile against her skin. "Voraciously." Anya fought the spicy images that were suddenly bombarding her.

"How promising, but I need to go and apologize to the Twins, and I can"t do that if you"re determined to distract me," Anya argued, keeping the blush from her face.

Trajan smiled and kissed her forehead. "Try to remember to have fun. You loved your magic once and you never feared it."

Anya only wished she remembered that and not all the horrible feelings she had that she was going to be the one to kill them all.