Chapter 38

An hour later, Anya stood outside of Trajan"s door, trying to summon the courage to knock. She had tried to talk herself out of going to him, but after Cerise"s talk, Anya knew she wasn"t going to sleep until she did. She smoothed her hair back nervously and knocked, opening it a little to stop herself from running back to her room like a scared little girl.

"Trajan?" She stuck her head in and looked around the dimly lit room.

"Anya, what"s wrong?" Trajan walked out of his bedroom, holding a book, his glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. She had been right; he was definitely nerd hot with glasses on.

"Nothing is wrong. I was just...after a book. I can"t sleep," she stammered, feeling like an idiot.

"There"s a library downstairs you can help yourself to," he replied, turning the one in his hands over a few times.

"Right, thanks." Anya turned back towards the door, cursing her own cowardice.

"Would you like some company?" he asked, making her hand freeze on the door.

"Yeah, if you aren"t busy. Or tired."

Trajan smiled, and her toes curled in her slippers. "I"m not busy or tired. Take a seat, Anya. Would you like a drink?"

"Please," Anya said, sitting down on one of the couches that were arranged around a carved oak coffee table. Trajan turned on a tall, led light lamp next to her and placed a glass of vodka in front of her.

"What are you reading?" she asked as he poured himself a scotch. She looked over to the deserted volume. "Stories and Legends of Pagan Russia," she read aloud. "Are you catching up on Yvan"s biography?"

"No. I was actually looking for references to Yanka," Trajan said, sitting down beside her.

Anya frowned at the book. "I thought you knew Ilya. Wasn"t Yanka his mother?"

"According to Ilya, she didn"t stay with them for very long. He had memories of her until he was about five years old, and then she disappeared. I thought that if I could find out anything more about her, it may be able to help you," Trajan explained.

"You have all helped me too much as it is. I could never be able to pay back any of you." Anya sipped her vodka as she thought about it. If any of them were hurt protecting her, she would blame herself forever.

"We don"t do any of it with the thought of being paid back, Anya. We do it because we know you are worth it, even if you don"t think you are, so banish that ridiculous notion from your mind."

"I have a lot of ridiculous notions in my mind," she replied. The vodka was warming her and loosening her tongue. She shouldn"t have accepted another drink but felt like she needed it for courage. "I talked to Cerise tonight."

Trajan leaned back in his chair. "Oh, what about?"

"About thanatos and human relationships. She said you"ve never had one because you could accidentally feed on someone if you lose control."

Trajan"s dark brows drew together in annoyance. "Did she now? And what are your thoughts on the matter."

"You probably just need some practice," Anya said, making his frown change to a grin. "Is it true there"s never been a thanatos and human relationship?"

Trajan hummed and took another drink. "That she knows of, perhaps. I don"t see how what has happened with others pertains to us anyway."

"Well, for starters, she thinks that there is an us." Anya swallowed hard, her pulse in her throat. "Is there?"

"Ah, so this is why you were pacing outside my door," Trajan said and put his drink down. "Very well, let"s talk about facts first. Fact, I"m not human even though I look like one. I feed off life force and could very well feed off you if I lose control. That should worry you."

Anya shrugged. "It doesn"t. You don"t strike me as someone to lose control easily, either."

"I thought that too until you turned up on my doorstep," he said, making her smile despite her nerves. "Why would you even want to risk this?"

"Because I think you would be worth it," Anya said, pushing her hand through her hair. "Look, I"m terrible at this kind of thing, but I like you. I literally think about kissing you every time I see you. Of all the crazy shit that has happened in the past few weeks, you feel like a surprise bonus. With all my memories back, I feel like you and my magic have been the pieces missing my entire life, and I"ve finally got them back. Talking to you, being around you feels like the easiest things in the world, and I"ve never felt that way around anyone."

Trajan"s wine-red eyes were wide in genuine surprise as he stared at her, speechless.

Shit, too much, Anya, retreat. She put her glass of vodka back on the table and got up.

"That"s why I want to risk it, Trajan. Come and find me when you figure out if you are willing to do the same," she said and headed for the door. Her fingers touched the handle, and then Trajan was suddenly beside her, his hand holding the door shut. Anya turned to face him, her heart-stopping as his eyes glowed with heat.

"You said that I might just need practice touching people," he said, his voice going smokey.

"Y-yes?"

"Then I want to risk it, but you will have to be patient with me while we…try this out."

"Okay?" Anya said, her mouth going dry.

His hands moved to either side of her, pinning her back up against the door. Her breath caught as he ran his fingers along her cheek and down her throat. Anya"s hands went to his waistcoat, feeling the warm muscle underneath. Very slowly, Trajan pushed his glasses to the top of his dark hair and bent his head.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, breath warm against her lips.

"Yes," Anya answered, rising on her toes to press her mouth to his. His warm mouth tasted of spicy whiskey, and desire flushed down her body.

Anya"s grip on his waistcoat tightened as Trajan"s long fingers pushed through her hair, tilting her head back so he could deepen the kiss. Anya melted into him as his other arm came to her waist and pulled her up against him.

"Trajan, I—" Anya gasped as a sharp pain pierced her head, making her cry out, and her knees give way. Visions bombarded her of Katya, and blood and black feathers raced through her mind.

"Anya! What is it? What"s wrong?" Trajan asked, holding her up.

"Katya!" she gasped, clinging onto him. "I think Katya is in trouble!"