Chapter Five

Victor

The sound of a door opening shifted my attention from the cell phone I was holding to Ollie, who appeared out of his bedroom scratching at his neck and cracking a jaw breaking yawn. He'd gotten back late last night and dressed as casually as he was in sweatpants and an old sweater that hid his shape, said he'd the day off.

He stretched his arms up and yawned again, then automatically tugged at the hem of the sweater that had ridden up to pull it back into place. Ollie had body image issues and he hated to talk about them, as I'd found out. It was hard not to say anything when he was super cute and one of the nicest guys that I'd met, except for Leeson.

Sometimes I wished there was some attraction between us, but we were too much alike in what we wanted from a relationship.

I sighed and side eyed Ollie when he came and slumped next to me on the couch where I'd come to sit after breakfast and had started mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. The debate I'd been having with myself over whether I should get a tattoo continued. In the meantime, I'd started following artists looking for inspiration. It was easy to admire the artwork when I didn't have to think about the pain folks went through getting them.

Ollie peered down at my hand and moaned. "Why are you looking at tattoos when you could be searching the dating app I downloaded for you for a guy to go on a date with?

"Dating? Don't you mean hook-up with? Swiping left and right makes me feel… like more of a loser when it comes to dating."

Warm pressure from Ollie's shoulder came with the scent of flowers from the washing detergent he liked to use. "You have to start somewhere. Weren't you the one who said they were ready to try?" he asked, looking worried. Ollie wasn't one to push and was being supportive, I got that.

"I did…" I rolled my eyes at myself. "I do want to try. And you didn't push." I twisted, digging a hand into the couch, hitting a spring as I moved to face him. I kept my complaint to myself because buying another wasn't on the cards with how much the cost of living was and how I was going to be digging into my savings for the cruise. I might not be paying for it, but I'd still need cash to spend for trips off the ship. "It's just that it feels a little harsh if you get a like, reach out and they come back wanting just a hook-up. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I want more than just that."

"Sex with no ties could be a good way to get yourself back into dating? I mean, it can't hurt, can it?" He groaned, his face bleaching of color as he reached out to take my hand. "Shit sorry, I didn't—"

His hand was clammy against mine, and I rushed to reassure him. "Hush, it's fine. We can't avoid the fact I got myself into a harmful situation. Or that I managed to get myself back out of it which my therapist, Betsy, pointed out. Davey was a lesson learned. He was an evil fucker who was all about control. And though I cringe at my behavior of wanting someone to look after me, Betsy worked with me to see there is nothing wrong with that. And maybe she's right, it's just hard to let go and trust my judgment on guys. I downloaded the app because I need to test the waters. I just haven't found the courage… yet." An image of Denton flashed into my head.

You'd find the courage for Denny, a small voice at the back of my mind pointed out.

The fingers clutching mine squeezed tightly. "I really am sorry. Davey was an asswipe and I should have pushed Leeson a little harder to go to the sheriff."

"We can't live on ‘what ifs'." Betsy had drummed those words into my brain. They were true, and I meant them as I spoke them. "It happened, and we stopped him from hurting anyone else."

I took solace from that even when the image of Denton got replaced with one of Davey. It was the day they'd led him from the courtroom. Dressed in a suit, looking respectable and law abiding, he'd worn a smug grin when he'd looked directly at me. He'd lost it eventually after a harrowing retelling of everything he'd done to me. The pictures they took at the hospital of my injuries, and my medical records supported my case. With the added testimony of Leeson, it sealed Davey's fate and he wouldn't see the outside of a prison for years. I was more than aware there would be parole hearings and I would need to go to prevent an early release, but that wasn't for worrying about now. I was safe right now and that counted.

"So, does this mean you might be ready to use the app?" he asked hesitantly, bringing me back to the conversation.

I grimaced and tilted my head, meeting his gaze. "I gotta say I'm not sure that the dating app is the way to go…" I paused and considered what I'd been thinking about since Leeson had asked me to go on the cruise. A cruise full of gay men. "But the cruise—"

He squealed, letting go of my hand to bounce off the couch and wiggle his ass. "Yes! Have you seen the brochure?"

I watched his back disappear into his bedroom before I could reply. Then, a second later, he was back carrying a glossy magazine with a large cruise ship on the front. He waved it at me, missing my nose by a hair"s breadth. "The ship, dear gods, it looks amazing. It's got ten pools!" He blushed deeply. "Not that I'll be using them."

I rolled towards him as he plonked himself down hard enough to make the couch groan. He didn't notice as he flicked open the magazine.

"Why won't you use the pools?" I didn't really need to ask when he gave me a skeptical glance before his eyes dipped down towards his belly. "No. Don't you dare say anything about your body. You're gorgeous. And if you're encouraging me to date, then I'm gonna do the same to you."

Briefly, Ollie had shown an interest in his boss, the owner of the gallery, but that had quickly fizzled out. I wasn't completely sure why and as I was going through the trial, I'd not paid proper attention. By the time the trial was done with, so was Ollie's attraction to his boss.

He grinned, though I noted it didn't quite touch his eyes. "Deal," he muttered, then looked back at the brochure. "Says there's capacity for three thousand people!"

"That sounds like a lot of people all in one place," I said, gawping at Ollie as I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach that wasn't all that pleasant.

He rolled his eyes at me. "It's a huge floating gay palace."

I laughed at his returning enthusiasm and quipped, "Maybe we'll both meet our prince charming amongst all that gayness."