Chapter Seventeen

Victor

I cracked a yawn and walked to the balcony door to open it and step outside. I could seriously get used to the view and the tranquility I'd not expected. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, basking in the warm scented air as it bathed my face. The hum of the ship, for the moment, was the only sound, so I stayed put enjoying the peace.

Unsure how long I stood like that until voices broke my trance, I blinked slowly, grinning at someone reflecting my thoughts on the peacefulness. I lingered for another moment, staring at the beautiful expanse of water. I slipped a hand down my shorts to tug on my sac when my bladder and morning wood interrupted my quiet moment.

On a sigh, I returned inside and shut the glass door, going to the bathroom. It took three attempts to pee when my upper brain sent all the happy blissed out feelings the day before had brought. Basically, I had a chubbie since Denton had declared how special I was to him. I eyed my dick and shook my head. It was going to be—hard—impossible to keep my appreciation to myself.

Inside the shower, that felt enormous when it held just me. It was the same when we'd returned to the ship after the day trip, and I'd had a quick shower—alone at Denton's insistence—before we'd gone for dinner and dancing.

My hope we might have done more than cuddle when we got back to the room last night had crashed and burned with how exhausted we'd both been. Neither of us had kept our eyes open for more than a few seconds when we'd gotten into bed. When I'd woken alone, I'd expected it as Denton had explained he liked the gym facilities on board. As they were right there, he explained he was going to take advantage, so there was no guilt for eating all the extra delicious food.

The sigh that slipped out this time as I soaped my cock was pure disappointment at how it meant I probably was going to wake alone every day. The upside was he didn't expect me to join him, it really wasn't my thing. It was one more plus to add to the growing list of things that made Denton a great guy. Top of the list was ‘not pushing at me for anything', and it was great… if not a little frustrating.

My balls throbbed in agreement as I tugged my sac gently and glided my soapy hand up and down my shaft. Pleasure, wave and wave swamped me and, despite my disappointment at being alone, my whimpers increased. My eyes slammed shut thinking about what Denton had said on the bus. The pressure built in my balls and I groaned anew at Denton's passionate declaration.

"Fuck, yeah… love me," I demanded as I trembled, driven past the point of no return. Cum splattered the tiles as I slumped back against the wall, dragging in steamy, sex scented air in deep gulps. Fuck, I really wish I'd been able to see his face at the time. I could only imagine how hot he'd look all passionate in one of the most memorable, wonderful moments of my whole life to date.

As my brain came back online, it was quick to remind me what the circumstances were that brought about such a declaration in the first place. And, yeah, Mr. Polished evoked the strength of reaction, but Denton's way of dealing with it left me floating on a damn cloud of bliss. Just recalling that got my dick twitching once more and me eyeing it with worry. If I wasn't careful, I'd be spending the rest of the cruise pitching a tent.

Blowing out a breath, I finished washing myself, trying to think of anything other than what had happened. It was too damn easy to circle back to what had gone down. Had Denton really told Mr. Polished he loved me?

"What I love…"

He'd said that aloud—like I hadn't imagined it—those words had come out of his mouth?

Dancing beans took up residence in my gut as I once more ran over the conversation driving myself batty. Out of the shower, towel around my hips I scurried through to the cabin to find my phone. I needed some perspective that wasn't my own. I sucked my thumb into my mouth and eyed my WhatsApp group chat with Ollie and Leeson.

Vic: Help! I'm driving myself mad, overthinking what happened yesterday.

Message bubbles appeared.

Ollie: I'm having breakfast on the top deck. I booked a table up here if you wanna join me?

Vic: On my way.

Or I would be once I'd gotten dressed. I didn't obsess—or not much as I shoved on a pair of shorts and a black sleeveless T-shirt as I tried to recall what the plan was for today. It was hopeless when all I wanted was to get to the top deck and talk to Ollie. Everyone had been together last night, so there'd been no chance to talk to anyone, alone. Right now I just wanted to check, I somehow hadn't dreamed the whole thing up. And maybe talking about it out loud would stop my brain from overthinking. Because, who tells a bunch of strangers they love someone when Denton hadn't said it to me?

It needed discussing, pulling apart, and for someone to tell me I wasn't delusional. So the topic of Denton's love, absolutely had to be on the top of my list of today"s activities or I drive myself mad.

Leaving a message for Denton telling him where I'd gone, I darted down passageways, trying to recall where the gym was and avoiding the possibility of bumping into Denton when I wasn't actually aware how long he'd been gone for.

The ship was enormous, but the signage was easy to follow, and it only took me ten minutes to find Ollie sat on the top deck under a sun umbrella with a plate of pastries and two large glasses of what looked like grapefruit juice in front of him.

My stomach rumbled in appreciation of his choices, and I grinned, giving him a wave as I weaved through the tables set up for breakfast. The top deck was nowhere as near as busy as it had been the night before, full of men, dancing and drinking. The pool got covered over so they could create a dance floor, which was a little weird at first when I knew there was water beneath my feet!

I made sure to not slow as I passed guys having breakfast, they, like us, weren't missing the opportunity of an alfresco breakfast. Offering polite smiles, I aimed for friendly in case anyone had been on the bus the day before and witnessed what happened. It was possible, as I'd had several men come up to talk to me last night and mention it. Denton had been right there giving them back off signals. Gay men could gossip with the best of them.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting. You could have eaten without me," I said before I'd come to a stop, seeing the plate in front of him was empty.

"It's not an issue. It's not like we're in a rush, are we?" Ollie said, his grin appearing more forced than normal.

Was he not happy we were staying on the ship today? This was another day at sea, so more of a relaxed vibe. Or so it should be.

Before I had a chance to take the seat opposite him under the sun umbrella, when I recalled I'd forgotten to put any sun cream on, he visibly gave himself a shake. "You look happy," he said, his head tilting to the side as he eyed me.

I took the bait, knowing that Ollie wouldn't let me push him into telling me what was wrong until he was ready. "I am happy," I swept my arm wide, pointing to the cloudless blue sky and expanse of jade colored water, "what's not to be happy about with this? Two great friends have paid for us to have a holiday. I'm here with you and Leeson—"

"And Denton," he pointed out, grinning as he pushed the plate of pastries towards me. "I got a selection of what they had on offer."

"Yes, Denton," I replied around a wide grin and nodded at the full plate. "Thanks, they look delicious," I murmured, pursuing the choices before I reached for one which had apple slices fanned out on the top.

I pushed the plate back towards him and nibbled on the corner of the pastry. I groaned at the attack of flavors of cinnamon and crusted filo pastry that were a taste sensation on the tongue. "They sure know how to make a pastry!"

Ollie shrugged and didn't pull the plate back to him to take one.

The larger bite I'd taken, I chewed slowly, eyeing Ollie. "What's with you?" My eyes narrowed on him, getting a sinking feeling when he shrugged and looked away. "Aren't you hungry?"

"No, I'm not… hungry this morning."

I snorted before I could think about my reaction when he returned his attention to me wearing a sad expression. "Ollie, what gives? I know you love breakfast, what's changed in three years? Isn't it you that told me breakfast is the meal you love the most?" His lips thinned, making the sinking feeling increase when a thought crashed through my head at rocket speed. "Beckett hasn't said something about your weight, has he?" I demanded, more worried for my friend that eating suddenly wasn't my priority as my indignation rose at the possibility Beckett might have been an ass to Ollie.

"No… no." He rubbed at his reddening cheeks and glanced away once more before looking back at me with a defeated expression. "I look so different to him when I'm naked. He's all buff and toned. Me, I'm soft and squishy."

Setting down my pastry back on the plate, I got out of my seat, dusting off my fingers as I came around the table to sit in the seat right next to Ollie so I could take his hand. "Look at me."

He sighed loudly. "Do I have to?"

Although even as he said it, he shifted to face me. His fingers were icy even in the heat and I squeezed them, attempting to warm them, my worry growing by the second. Any thoughts of talking about Denton were long gone when my friend"s concerns about himself became more important. "You and Beckett, have you…" I blushed and pushed on when talking about sex wasn't something I was comfortable with, especially after the possibility of what Ollie was into, "been naked… together… alone?"

He blushed too and nodded so slowly it was like he was in slow motion.

"Did he criticize you? Say something demeaning?" I held my breath, hoping I hadn't read Beckett wrong. He'd seemed like a decent guy. But then I wasn't the best judge of character, as my past had proven.

"No, he'd never do that," Ollie snapped, wearing a frown.

I breathed out like a balloon popping. "Then is this you feeling… uncomfortable with your body?" He had issues with how others perceive him, and I got it. I'd had many judge me because I'd stayed with Davey for so long when he beat me. Davey's lawyer had hammered that point home when he was calling me a liar.

Ollie blew out his breath and sagged into his seat. "Why can't I resist all the foods that makes me fat? Why can't I find the willpower to get off my ass and exercise enough to get rid of the rolls of belly fat?"

His weight was a delicate subject for him, and I understood it never mattered what anyone else said, Ollie needed to believe that he was beautiful despite what society deemed as perfect. The problem with perfection, it wasn't real. It was unattainable and what someone saw as perfection wasn't someone else's idea, making the entire perception of perfection pointless.

I'd learned we have to look in the mirror and be happy with who we are because inner happiness is the sexiest thing on the planet. Mr. Polished had given me a hard reminder of just that, along with a little help from Denton. It wasn't Mr. Polished who had the power to make me insecure, but my own feelings of self-worth and the power that came from claiming that back. I'd done that after Davey, but sometimes with emotional attachment, it was harder to remember this when I'd clearly let Mr. Polished words cut at my self-esteem.

"I can"t answer that," I said gently. "What I can ask is, are they the right questions you should ask yourself? I see a gorgeous man who would give away his last dime to help someone out. A man who has a love of life and yes, that includes food. What's wrong with that if it makes you happy? Who gets to tell you differently? No one. Only you get to decide what's right for you, except for you." I came forward and kissed his cheek when he looked ready to cry. "I could say a thousand times how wonderful you are. How beautiful you are and none of how I perceive you is because of how much you weigh. I'm sure that Beckett feels the same.

"Problem is, until you can be happy with who you are, then no matter what anyone tells you, you will not believe them. Trust me, I know. Davey told me often enough how worthless I was. You, Leeson, Garrett, and Denton helped me see differently, but in the end, I had to believe it for myself."

"Bravo," came a male voice from behind us and I darted a look over my shoulder at Beckett.

Oh shit!

How much had he heard?

By his expression, I'd have gone with nearly all of it and I couldn't find it in me to be cross if it meant that Beckett got some insight into Ollie's insecurities without my friend having to explain them.

"Erm… thanks." I gave Ollie's hand a quick reassuring squeeze, deciding that it was time for me to leave. "I think I'll go find Denton and leave you to it."

Ollie gave me an imploring look. "Didn't you want to talk to me," he asked, his eyes beseeching me to stay, "alone?"

When I met Beckett's gaze, what I found there made it a simple decision. My friend deserved the unreserved affection Beckett didn't hide when he looked at Ollie. There was something more I wasn't able to pinpoint, but nothing bad. So I took a chance, hoping against hope I wasn't making a huge mistake and Beckett was as strong and dependable as I thought. Being older, too, didn't hurt. It was something Ollie liked about the men he found himself attracted to.

I bent and kissed his cheek, murmuring, "Talk to Beckett about how you feel, I think he'll surprise you." On that, I rose and nodded at Beckett, speaking loud enough this time for him to hear me. "Please be careful with him."

Ollie gasped, releasing my hand, so I darted off, hoping my friend would still be my friend at the end of the cruise and deciding it was time to follow my own advice and face some of my demons.