12. Teddy

Waking up with my head on a warm body gives me a deep sense of Deja vu, and I think back to the morning I woke up in Mexico on our last vacation. What a difference two years makes.

Hell, my world has been turned upside down in the past two days.

If anyone had asked me on the first couple days of this cruise, I would have fessed up to being a straight man on vacation with my straight best friend. We made a mistake in booking but would never judge any of the guests. I had questions, but I never thought anything less of men dating other men.

Since then?

Fuck.

No woman I've ever kissed has made me get hard like kissing Jamie did, and I had no idea two dicks rubbing together was so hot. Even singing together, on a song I was sure had no sexual or romantic undertones, made me want to rub up against him.

Was I repressed and in the closet? No, I never even thought of doing these things with another man. But I don't fantasize about women, either. I've woken up with erections, and had women in bed with me before, but there was no real desire for more. Honestly, I don't even know what more would entail with a man.

Alright, maybe I am a little repressed. I didn't exactly have examples growing up in a Catholic household, attending Catholic school, and being told people could be gay, they just couldn't take communion. My family wasn't overtly anti-gay, they just talked about it like it only happened to other people in less stable families.

Am I gay? Or am I just confused because I spend so much time with Jamie? I feel like there is probably some in-between, gray area I don't know the name of.

My brain keeps showing me images of the hate people receive for loving outside of the norm, and I wonder if it's even safe to consider being anything but straight. Between religion, politicians, and uneducated people, opinions can shift from the conceptual to the harmful.

Jamie's arms are wrapped around me, with my head tucked under his chin while I use his pec as a pillow. His heart beats steadily as his chest rises and falls with each quiet breath. And I feel safe.

So fucking safe.

The fact that he turns me on may be a blip on the radar, but I can't deny I liked what we did the day before on the nude beach. We're surrounded by gay couples, so maybe this whole incident will be a memory by the time we return home.

The thought of going back to our apartment, where we spend so much time together, and watching Jamie go back to random hookups makes my stomach turn. I try to slip away and Jamie tightens his arms as he grumbles.

"Such a tease," Jamie's voice comes out gravely with sleep and he throws a leg over my hip.

His hardness brushes mine through our briefs and I take in that his nipple is at my eye level. How am I teasing him? He's the one holding me against his body. Is Jamie dreaming and doesn't realize I'm the one in bed with him?

"I'm trying to get up," I mumble into his waxed chest and try to pull my hips back. I may be questioning things, but I have no clue where Jamie's head is at, and he doesn't need to wake up like this again. "You're being an octopus in your sleep."

"You're warm," Jamie squeezes my body to him and thrusts into me. "And my dick wants to touch yours again."

Blinking, his words repeat in my head like an echo. Did he really say that?

"What?"

"You heard me," Jamie replies, and I can hear the smile in his voice. "I want to slip our clothes off and rub off on you again. Will you let me do that, Teddy?"

Swallowing, I find my mouth is no longer dry from sleep, but salivating. I can feel a wet spot on my underwear as well, letting me know my body is on board.

Jamie might not want to do this again. For all I know, he's having a little fun and trying this out to see what it's like. We should really talk first, but my hips and hands have other plans.

Moving the arm not squashed between us, I reach for the hem of his briefs as I return his gentle thrusting with my own. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah, Teddy," Jamie kisses the top of my head and moves his hand from over the shirt on my back to play with the hem of my underwear as well. "That's what I want."

Getting his briefs down until his dick and ass are exposed, I stop there and he follows suit. My dick juts straight out, tapping his erection and sending a shiver through me.

"Fuck, why does that feel so good?" Jamie asks, and I assume it's rhetorical because all rational thought has left me.

Jamie takes us both in hand, pulling my foreskin back to reveal my wet head. I gasp and lick my lips, accidentally catching his nipple and making him squeeze us tighter.

"Do that again?"

Jamie's body shakes as I lick his nipple and thrust into the ring he's making around our cocks. His dick is thicker than mine, and his fingers don't quite touch. There's just enough wetness to keep it from hurting, and I latch onto his nipple to keep myself from whimpering at how good it feels.

"Oh, fu–More, Teddy. Please?"

He's begging, and I feel pre-cum leak out of me at how hot his need for me is. Our knees knock and Jamie intertwines our legs but doesn't let up. We're both canting our hips while he keeps his hand still, and the pressure is beyond words. Stars flash across my closed eyelids and I can feel my orgasm coming only seconds before it hits.

Hot, wet, cum shoots out of me, and I can feel it on Jamie's hand and dick as he continues his movements. My dick is sensitive, but I redouble my efforts on his nipple, sucking and flicking it with my tongue.

Jamie grunts and stills before I feel his orgasm pulsing through his dick against mine. He curses into my hair as his cum covers my lower abdomen and the base of my dick in hot spurts. Letting go of his nipple, I kiss the swollen flesh as he comes down from the high.

"Fuck, Teddy."

What do you say after your buddy gets you off for the second time in less than twenty-four hours and you're having a full queer panic?

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Jamie chuckles and releases the mess in between us, kissing my head and letting his lips linger. The gesture is sweet and so like him to be free with affection, but in the new context it confuses me. "Do you want me to give you space now?"

"I–" The thought of not touching him right after such an intimate act feels wrong. I shake my head and hide my face against his chest, "No, not yet."

Jamie rubs his clean hand up and down my back and kisses my hair again, "Don't overthink it, okay?"

Easy for him to say.

He seems to sense my mood, or maybe Jamie's on the same page, because he leans back to ask, "Join me in the shower?"

Words escape me, but I finally meet his eyes and nod. I've never been clingy with someone I had sex with, the impulse foreign to me, but I can go with Jamie's suggestion and see where it leads.

I almost whine when Jamie rolls away, hops up and steps out of his underwear. I fight not to stare at his now-flaccid dick, fascinated at how his girth felt against my length only moments before. He holds out a hand and smirks, leading me into the bathroom and turning on the water. He only lets me go to reach for the hem of my shirt.

Without thought, I lift my arms so he can remove the material. He continues to remove the scrunched up material from around my upper thighs and I catch my breath at the sight of him on his knees for me.

Jamie holds my gaze as he leans in and kisses my stomach up to my chest, leaving soft pecks up to my neck until he reaches my ear. "Don't think, just tell me if anything doesn't feel good."

We walk into the shower and I let Jamie wash me from head to toe. It's erotic and intimate in a way I never knew was possible.

My fumbling attempts with women never felt like this.