7. Harmony

CHAPTER 7

Harmony

D irty talk is my kryptonite apparently. My clit is pulsing like a wild thing and my whole body is tingling with desire.

But even as I'm so turned on I could light up a small city with the lust flaring up inside me, there's a tiny spark of fear.

He loves women. All women. I'm nothing special and there's no way that I believe that I'm every man's wet dream. Hell, I couldn't even keep the one that vowed to love me for the rest of our lives. He took off and had his dick buried in another woman before we even split.

And he promised to love me forever. Drake hasn't even promised to love me for one night. He's just promised that I'll come a lot.

As tempting as that sounds, I'm not ready to have sex with random men. Jeff was my first and honestly…it wasn't like fireworks went off with him. It was good. It might have been better than good if he'd done some things for me.

But Jeff didn't like oral. He liked me to go down on him but he wasn't able to reciprocate without making a face and wiping his mouth off as soon as he was done. Eventually I just stopped asking because there's nothing worse than thinking that the guy who loves you is doing something he doesn't like just to please you and it makes him sick to do it.

I can live without that particular scar anymore, thank you very damn much.

I yank at my arm and walk ahead of him, my head held high. "I'm not looking to be one of your harem, Drake. Find another woman for that pleasure."

"Hey!" He reaches out and yanks me back as I'm about to run into a door. "I'm not a harem man. I love one woman at a time and I want one woman to love for all time."

"That woman isn't me," I huff and yank at my arm.

"Baby, you're getting all worked up over semantics. Let me walk you up to get breakfast and then we'll find something fun to do on this floating party barge."

"Why?"

"Because deep down inside you, you're curious if you can still feel anything. You want to. But you're afraid that you can't and that's why you're fighting being around me. Because you know that I can make you feel something and it terrifies you."

His dark eyes are more serious than I've ever seen him. Usually he's joking around and just generally being an idiot. Or an ass.

But he looks like a man who's telling the truth. A man who has hidden depths that have nothing to do with sexy times. A man who wants something more.

I sigh and cross my arms over my chest. "Drake, I've already told you that I'm not interested in you or any other man."

He grabs my hand and pulls my arm through his. That flush of heat along my bare skin makes me grit my teeth. Why does this keep happening?

He starts to walk and ignores the fact that I'm literally dragging my feet to keep from going with him.

"Have I told you why I'm on this terrible ship?"

I look up. "I thought you liked cruises."

He snorts and glances down at me, his eyes dancing. "Do I look like the kind of guy that likes cruises? I'd sooner jump in a shark-filled pool."

"So why are you on this ship?" I guess it's a ship. I find myself curious even though I don't want to be.

"I had a girlfriend. She was my best friend's sister. She was also older than me. A beautiful woman."

My heart sinks. I'm no beauty. I'm not an idiot.

"I've always known that I love older women more than younger. There's just something about them. Anyway, this woman asked me out and even though I had doubts because I didn't want to ruin my relationship with Diego, I went. I won't tell you what happened but it was good. It felt like it might be something."

He sighs and his eyes turn inward. "I had some misgivings. Because of Diego mostly. But I also noticed that she didn't mind going days without even talking to me. She went on a business trip and didn't even tell me she was going. I called her and heard club music and thought she was just out with some friends."

I wince. I have a feeling I know where this is going and it's gonna be about as pretty as my story.

"Anyway, she came back and after about four months like that, I noticed that she seemed distracted and angry. I finally asked her what the problem was. She told me she was pregnant. Told me that she was going to give it up for adoption as soon as it was born because she had no intention of settling down with any man. She liked to travel for her job and she didn't want to be tied down."

He pauses and there's a look in his eyes that I know very well from looking in the mirror.

"I asked her to let me adopt the baby and raise it as my own. I wanted that baby so damn bad…". His voice trails off and the longing in his voice makes my heart ache for him. "So she asked me why I would want to do that since it wasn't mine."

My whole body freezes because this sounds damn familiar. And fucking painful as hell. Ice coats my insides when he groans and runs his fingers through his hair. It falls across his forehead and he sighs, deeply, painfully.

"I thought I was going to be sick. I made love to her the night before. I was with her multiple times and she never even bothered telling me that she'd been with other men. And that one of those men obviously had been unprotected since she got pregnant.

"I'm so sorry," I breathe. I know that as soon as Jeff told me what he'd done I went to my doctor and had them run tests. I didn't trust the arrogant bastard to tell me if he did get an STD.

His dark eyes meet mine and the look in them is so familiar. My heart aches for him. "So you see, I know how much you're hurting right now. I've felt those same feelings of betrayal. I've felt all of it. I promise you that I will never hurt you like that, angel. I can't do that to you or anyone else. Because I know what it feels like and it fucking sucks to be betrayed like that."

"So trust in me and my own feelings of betrayal. We're in the same boat…err ship."

I lick my lips and make a decision that I hope I don't regret.