Chapter 27 Shea

I stood outside a dingy motel, wondering where I'd gone wrong.

I was supposed to be meeting Julian. When he'd given me this address, I assumed he'd moved or something. But now? I glanced down the street, wondering if I'd transposed the numbers of the address.

I pressed forward anyway. He'd given me a room number, after all. No sense in looking for a better place if I didn't at least verify that this wasn't it. And if it was, why? Had he decided to take me up on my offer?

A rush of scintillating excitement shot through me, but I shoved it back. After what happened with Caesar yesterday night…how could I continue doing anything with Julian?

I'd barely lifted my hand to knock when the door swung open, and a cold hand yanked me inside.

I stood breathless in the dim light, waiting for my eyes to adjust and hoping I hadn't been pulled into a room housing some psycho. But the hand had been cold. If it was some random psycho, there was a good chance it was a vampire, in which case I should already be dead. Right ?

My eyes began to adjust, and to my relief, it was definitely Julian.

Still, I jumped and yelped when something rubbed up against my legs.

"Shea, calm down," Julian said, though he sounded about as on edge as I felt.

"Why are all the lights off? And the curtains drawn? And why do you have a cat here?" I could just make out the outline of the cat, still weaving against my legs. "Is that Rainbow?"

He shrugged, flipping on the light for me. "Sorry, I didn't want to be disturbed."

I picked up the door hanger and waved it. "That's what this is for."

He grabbed the do-not-disturb hanger from me and briefly opened the door just a crack to slide the thing on. The cat gave an angry yowl, shooting him a warning look.

"It's okay," he reassured the cat. "That was the last time."

"What's going on?" I asked, shrugging off my shoulder bag. I started unwinding my winter clothes and depositing them on the bed.

Okay, yeah, so this was kinda weird, but I trusted him. He seemed a bit cagey, but he'd never done anything that made me feel threatened. At least, not in a way that I didn't like.

"Are you…thirsty?" I asked because I couldn't resist, even though I had no idea what I would say if he said yes.

But he only shook his head. "No. Actually, I was hoping to talk with you about a couple of things."

I let out a breath, but then my brow rose. "Okay. What's up? "

While I was cool and composed on the outside, I was burning with curiosity—and other things—on the inside. Could this be it? Was Julian going to stake some claim on me, too? I mean, we were in a motel! What was going on in that gorgeous head of his?

"My apartment is no longer safe for you to visit."

"Of course." My head bobbed up and down, as if this was exactly what I'd expected him to say. Even I almost believed my little bobblehead act. Almost. "And why not?"

"First, I need you to tell me how you know Arya."

Arya? "You didn't... I mean, you're not the one..." I put a hand over my mouth, an icy dread spreading over me. Had I misjudged? Is that why he'd befriended me? To get to Arya? And if so, that likely meant... "Her mom?"

Understanding dawned on his face. "No. No, I didn't kill her mom. I had nothing to do with that."

I took a deep breath, hoping to calm my thumping heart. Of course, he didn't have anything to do with that. What was I thinking, jumping to the worst conclusion so fast? Just like Caesar did last night. Come on, Shea, you're better than this!

"So, how do you know Arya?" Julian continued. "I've known for some time that you're acquainted with her, but I need to know how deeply."

"I'm her friend. From before...well, everything, I guess. She'd just moved to town, but we were instant besties. Even though she's going to that school, we still talk and hang out all the time. Why?"

He ran a hand through his hair, then absently picked up Rainbow, who had begun running figure-eights across his legs. "The vampire who came after her is the leader. Hadrian. And he's got footage of you with her. They don't know who you are yet, but it's just a matter of time. "

I plopped down on the edge of the bed, my mind reeling. Of course, I knew about Hadrian's relation to Arya. She'd told me everything. That wasn't what had my heart pounding anew.

He was saying that, because of my friendship with her, I had gotten on the vampire leader's radar. And that scared the shit out of me.

"I'm trying to prevent Hadrian from getting to her," he went on. "But you can't be seen with her. Not now."

And note panic rang in my head. "But she's my best friend! And she still needs me." Yes, it terrified me that I could become a target of the vampires, too, but I refused to abandon Arya now. Quit, run, and hide were not words in my vocabulary.

"Your friend is fine. Caesar is making sure of it." He paused, letting the cat down. "But you can't come to my apartment. Hadrian has left an Initiate in my care, and she's with me most of the time."

A pang of jealousy spiked through my belly, though I had no right to feel it—for oh so many reasons. "And where exactly does she think you are now?"

"Grabbing a bite." He flashed me a smirk, and any other time, it might have made my heart flutter, but I was too busy wrestling with my conflicting emotions.

He sat next to me, putting his hand on mine. The contact sent heat flooding through me despite the coldness of his touch.

"I need you to promise me you'll be careful. Don't visit Arya. Stay out of Chicago."

I looked into his eyes, desperate to find something meaningful in them, a reason to even consider what he was asking. "Why? "

"I need to know you're safe," he said, though I could see more words swimming behind his dark eyes. I needed to pull them out.

"Why? Just because of my magic? Or my blood? Is that all I am to you?"

I knew my inner bitch was rising to the surface, and that I shouldn't even care after the promise I'd made to Caesar—well, that he basically forced me to make when he claimed me kinda without my verbal consent—which was really hot, but that wasn't the point!—but dammit, I couldn't fucking navigate these overwhelming feelings!

He closed his eyes, like my words physically hurt him. Then he shook his head.

"Dammit, Shea, don't you get it?" he asked almost pleadingly, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

"Get what?" I asked, all sass.

With a growl, he shot up and stomped across the small space, pacing as he raked his fingers through his hair. My heart fluttered with anticipation as I watched him, hardly breathing while I waited for him to finally say it.

Suddenly, he was in front of me, kneeling at my feet and holding my face in his hands. I swear my heart fucking stopped.

"You mean more to me than anyone has in a very long time," he hissed, his eyes suddenly feral, his irises rimmed in red. "I can't stop thinking about you. Not just the taste of your blood or the promise of what your magic can do for me. And it destroys me inside how much my obsession with you seems to be eclipsing my love and devotion for Alice."

I stared at him in stunned silence, the only sound that passed between us the quick, shallow breaths that made it through my tight throat .

I didn't know what to say. What the hell does someone say to a declaration like that? That I couldn't stop thinking about him either? That I was just as obsessed with him, even though I was also obsessed with, and now officially claimed by, his close gryphon friend? That I felt guilty for making him want someone other than his dead lover, among so many other things?

So instead, I asked, "What was she like? Alice, I mean?"

A sad smile spread across his lips, and he lowered his hands from my face. "She was strong and gentle. She was always helping out wherever she could, even if it about killed her to do so. She stood by me when I was turning and worked tirelessly to find something—anything—that would help me in my altered state. She never judged me for what I became."

I swallowed, trying to find the words to ease his sorrow. But that's never been my strong suit. "So, why continue to search for a way to bring her back? Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly romantic, but...why not move on?" With me.

He sighed. "Have you ever felt a connection with someone that transcended everything else?"

I didn't respond. I couldn't. Because deep down, I knew that I had. Twice. And I was a fucking fool for at least one.

"She keeps me grounded, even now." Julian brought something out of his pocket.

It was a pin—a green leaf with glinting gold veins, tiny gems providing a frame that sparkled despite the dim motel lighting. But it was the cameo in the middle that arrested me. Something about the profile of the woman—so stoic, so reverent—made me feel like I knew her.

"Whenever I feel I'm losing my way, this reminds me I have something worth fighting for. "

I nodded, admiring the somber beauty of his while he stared at the trinket. How this vampire could pull me in so completely without even trying made my head spin. Even now, my fingers itched to feel his cool skin, my lips ached to taste his icily hot kisses. And he was talking about his dead lover. The one he'd been pining over for who knew how long.

"You actually remind me of her," he said, a soft half-smile on his face as he put the pin back in his pocket. "The day I found you, I thought you were her. You look so much alike. And then I sensed the magic in you. I should thank you, Shea. You've given me a hope I haven't felt in a long time."

I met his gaze, his eyes so full of heartache and promise that reached out to tangle with my own. Was he seeing me now or the woman he'd lost?

"W–what if you finding me was a sign?" I breathed, hope twisting in my chest like a writhing nest of snakes. "What if you're supposed to move on with me?—At least until I can bring back Alice, I mean. Don't you think she would want you to be happy in her absence?"

Why the fuck am I saying any of this? I'm with Caesar! I told him I was his. Why am I trying so hard to change Julian's heart?

But my stupid mouth wouldn't stop. "What if my resemblance and similar magic are her giving you permission to be happy?"

He pursed his lips, his bottom lip pouting out in a way that was entirely too heart-throbbing. "I have considered that… I have also considered that you might be fate's latest and cruelest trick." He collapsed so that he was sitting on his bent knees, his shoulders sagging as if with a heavy weight. "I just know that I can't stop trying, not until I know for sure that bringing her back is impossible."

"Then what?" I couldn't stop from asking .

He looked up at me. "Then I guess we'll see. But…I…can't keep myself from wanting you, even with all that. I don't know where that leaves me, except for in a hell of my own making." He frowned, pain and indecision making his bottom lip tremble.

I wanted so badly to ease his suffering, so I offered my own in return. "Then I guess we're in the same sinking boat. You should know that…"

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for this confession and whatever repercussions it received. Squeezing my eyes shut, I blurted it all out in one long string of neurosis.

"I've been kinda sleeping with Caesar, and he knows about my involvement with you—all of it—and I want both of you so much I can't think about anything else, and all of this love triangle shit is driving me completely insane!"

When the room was silent for several beats after my outburst, I slowly peeked through my lashes at him.

Suddenly, he burst out laughing. I opened my eyes fully, furrowing my brow in confusion as I watched him slap his knees in an amusement I didn't understand.

"We make a fine pair, don't we?" he said when his laughter subsided. "Or trio, I suppose."

Blood rushed to my cheeks, but his mirth was contagious. "I guess we do."

"That explains Caesar's cryptic texts to want to talk to me," he said, still smiling. "That will certainly be an interesting conversation."

I bit my lip. These men just kept surprising me.

The cat jumped into Julian's lap and began purring again, this time an awful growling sound accompanying the gentle hum .

"What the heck is wrong with Rainbow?" I asked, instinctively flinching away from the cat. He sounded agitated, though he looked relaxed in Julian's arms.

"Ah, that's the other thing I needed to talk to you about."

I sat up straighter, cocking my head. "What about him?"

"He... He seems to have gone through a bit of a transformation." Julian looked a bit disturbed, maybe even hesitant. "I believe he's a vampire."

" What? " I stood up and whirled on Julian. "What do you mean? Why would you think that?"

I started running the spell through my head, trying to figure out if I'd done something wrong. My pronunciations had been flawless, of that I was certain. Mostly. But changing things like I had...and using Julian's life force to resurrect the cat...

"You think I turned him into the undead."

Now that he mentioned it, the eyes did look a little red, some fang-like teeth poking over his lower lip. Holy shit.

"He got sick after you left," Julian said, running his hand over the feline's back. "When he showed an adverse reaction to light, I locked him in the bathroom until he could stand the artificial lighting, though that seems to be remedying on its own. In all that time, he never ate or drank, and he never used the litter box. I've found there's only one thing he will eat."

"Aw, crap." I let my head fall back, and I stared at the ceiling. "I can't believe—Aw, man. What are we going to do with Vamp Cat?"

"His name is Rainbow, remember? I'm planning on keeping him. As long as he remains in my care, I believe he'll be fine."

I widened my eyes at him, incredulous. "Are you serious ?"

"Yes. Why not? "

"Because he sounds like a gremlin when he purrs like that, and he's a freaking vampire !"

"His purr is pitch perfect," he said, his tone soft and low. "It's middle C."

"Excuse me?"

"Middle C. It's a musical—"

"And that makes it okay to bring him here? With me ?"

I was livid. This was a mistake. Julian had to realize that. My magic had created a monster, and Julian wanted to keep the thing as a pet?

"I fed him before you got here. You don't have to worry."

Feeding.

I slid my hand over my mouth, unable to keep out the thought of Vamp Cat licking up a bowl of blood. "Okay, so what if he gets out? Will he start turning people? Other animals? Crap, this is so not what I had in mind."

"I don't think so." Julian shook his head. "You generally have to want to turn someone in order for it to happen. I imagine a cat working off instinct would have little need for such a thing and would probably have greater control over whether he turned another or not."

"He's a cat, not a philosopher," I deadpanned.

He chuckled. "Actually, he escaped already and found himself a mate. But she's been the only one he's turned, and it seemed quite intentional."

My brows shot up again, my eyes bugging so badly I almost expected them to pop out of my head and start bouncing around .

Julian cradled the cat closer against his chest. "It'll be okay. I'll keep an eye on him."

"Like when you kept an eye on him as he turned Mrs. Vamp Cat?" I snapped.

"That was one mistake, which will not happen again now that I know the signs."

I folded my arms. "And your Initiate is okay with this?"

He shrugged, his gaze falling to the cat still purr-growling in his arms. "She actually wants to be a vampire."

"She wants to be a vampire?"

He nodded, his expression grim. "She and a lot of other people, actually. There's a whole Initiate program designed to lure in the best and brightest human minds to recruit into the vampire hive."

"Brilliant idiots." I sighed. What would a girl who wanted to be a vampire that much do? I had a few ideas, myself—not that I wanted to be a vampire, but the thought had crossed my mind. On more than one occasion.

"I was hoping you'd be able to find the spell that allows vampires to daywalk," Julian said. "You know, for Rainbow's sake. I have to put him in the bathroom during the day, as well as his lady friend who's still suffering the ill effects of the transformation."

I sat on the edge of the bed again, covering my face with my hands and throwing my head back until I hit the mattress. This was a nightmare. I'd actually turned Julian into a cat person. Except it wasn't regular cats, it was a monster cat. Or two. And I'd created those monsters.

Which meant they were, unfortunately, my responsibility.

"Do you know where she wrote the spell down?" I asked, lifting my head and peering through my fingers at him .

He smiled. "No. But I'd recognize her handwriting."

I sat up, resigning myself to this new task. "Okay. Got a few minutes?"

"Yes. I'm not expected back for at least an hour."

"Then let's give this a shot."

I grabbed my bookbag and pulled the book out. I tossed the grimoire onto the bed, scooting up to the headboard to sit. Julian hesitated a moment, but then sat beside me. I almost ragged him for it, but decided against it. I'd take whatever I could get from the vamp. For now.

"So the book is divided into three sections," I began, angling it so Julian could see. "The first is the simple spells and a little on history and techniques. Obviously, your spell wouldn't be in there."

I flipped forward a few pages, the smell of ancient oils and magic tickling my nose. "The second section is a little more advanced, and certain pages are sticky. I think it's the magic holding them together. It could be in there, but most likely it would be in one of the sticky bits."

I thumbed forward until I came to a block of pages that were either completely blank or refused to budge. "The third section is completely inaccessible until I can figure out how to unlock it." I looked at Julian. "Have you done any research on your girl's family?"

I had a feeling there was some plant-based magic in the mix, but whether it played into unlocking things was hard to tell. If I knew more about what they did or favored, I might be able to start unlocking the grimoire's secrets.

He shook his head. "I haven't had the time. And I don't know how she unlocked it. All I know about Alice's family is what she told me, which didn't extend much past the general abuse she received at the hands of her sisters. Maybe let's just try the second section and hope it's in one of the non-sticky areas?"

I nodded, though I had a feeling we'd come up empty-handed. I had never heard of a spell that helped vampires, so I figured that one would be buried deep.

Together, we scanned through page after page, but nothing jumped out at me, and Julian didn't seem to recognize anything either.

"If you don't mind me asking," he said, making me notice how close he now was, his shoulder pressing up against mine and his mouth a breath away from my ear. "Just how serious are you and Caesar?"

I looked over my shoulder at him, my insides coiling with the desire for him to come even closer. "Well, after I told him about you, he basically pinned me down and told me I was his."

He nodded, his eyes not breaking from mine, and the look inside them was impossible to read.

"And, how do you feel about that?" He drew closer, his cool breath caressing my cheek.

My breath hitched. "Like I still really want you to kiss me anyway."

But he didn't close the distance between us, just kept staring at me. I could feel those eyes pulling me into a trance, but I resisted the tug, wanting to be fully alert for this moment.

"Why do you ask?"

He sighed softly, his eyes sliding down my body. "Because I guess I want to know just how fucked I am." He lifted his hand and gently caressed his fingers over my cheeks, trailing a line of ice in their wake .

Rainbow jumped onto the book, breaking whatever spell had been cast. Julian grabbed the cat and stalked away from the bed, the cool emptiness warming beside me.

I shook my head, focusing once more on the book. The sticky pages—the ones where I couldn't read the spells caught between—annoyed me enough that I almost wanted to rip them out.

Overwhelmed with frustration, I slammed the book closed. "We're not going to find anything powerful without unlocking this thing. And I should get home anyway."

He looked up at me while he stroked the vampire cat in his arms. "I'm sorry."

I snorted. "For what?"

Julian didn't elaborate, but the look in his eyes said everything. So I just nodded with a pouty smile.

I threw the grimoire into my bag and grabbed my winter gear to suit back up. Then I slung the bag over my shoulder and headed for the door. "I'll let you know if I find anything."

He smiled, a truly brilliant and beautiful smile. "Thank you, Shea. For everything."