Chapter 18 - Kaius

She looks at me, curiosity mingling with hesitation. "How?"

"With my magic," I start, measuring my words carefully. "I can look into someone's memories, but it can be invasive. I need you to focus only on that vision. I don"t want to see anything else you don"t want to share, and if you don't keep your focus, I'll end up seeing quite a bit more than you'd likely want anyone to see."

She hesitates, biting her lip. I am not even certain I want to do this, but the idea of being able to get any other information about the keys and the relic could be huge.

"But it would help see what else was there in the vision, things I didn't notice?"

I nod, my gaze steady on hers.

"If you trust me to do it and trust yourself enough to keep your focus on that memory alone."

After a moment of contemplation, she exhales slowly and nods.

"Okay. I trust you."

Rufus gives me a look, his bright green eyes pinched, and shakes his head. I set Roscoe down on the floor and put a handful of nuts on the coffee table for him, glancing down as he scrambles to grab a nut from the pile in his tiny, black fingers.

"Kai, I don't know if this is the best idea, Man," Rufus cautions.

He's not entirely wrong. Even on practiced dragons, having memories read can feel a bit like having someone scrape around in your mind, especially if I force them to avoid straying. For a human? I do not know how hard this will be for her to stay in control.

"We need to know more about these keys, though, right?" Julie asks Rufus, her hands on her hips. "Isn't that the whole point? If you can find the keys, you can lock the magic thingy that caused all the problems and drew the snakey guy?"

"Snakey guy?" Rufus asks with an arched eyebrow. "You called the Naga a ‘snakey guy'? What the fuck has he been telling you?"

"My words, not his," Julie explains with a shrug, "As I understand it, there's some sort of magical thing that you need to find, which needs to have protection, and these keys are part of that. And this is why they're after us, right?"

"Right, well. You aren't wrong about needing to find the other keys. But what you're talking about doing isn't a walk in the park, Julie. I wouldn't let him in my head. If he fights you to keep you in a single memory, it's kind of like having a cheese grater dragged through your mind."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Bro," I sigh, "I won't hold you to a specific memory for that reason. So, the entire need to keep focus will fall on you so that it doesn't hurt."

"Just telling it like it is," Rufus says with a shrug. His warning stings, reminding me just how badly people tend to react to me once they know about my ability.

"Why?" she asks, looking to Rufus for further explanation.

"Well, I was the guinea pig for him to show his powers when he joined us. Me and my big mouth, I volunteered. Never been one to let a little fear stop me. I let him have a go, and he ended up so deep in the memory of my parents dying of scale-pox that I came out of it scratching at stuff that wasn't there."

"I mean, you didn't even try to mentally block me. If you had just tried even a little to keep your mind focused on one thing, you'd have been fine," I explain, "It's not like I'm trying to dig through your mind. When I do this and try to dig for information from someone, they usually end up catatonic after. It's kind of like catching water. I can let it just pour over me, or I can cup my hands and try to catch it. If I catch it, sometimes it's a little uncomfortable for the recipient."

"Catatonic?" Julie asks with a worried look.

"Oh, yeah, no. He's not doing that to you, Hun. He rarely even does that in the field. Would be kinder to lobotomize someone, I think," Rufus mutters.

"Not helping, Man," I say with a shake of my head. "No, that is very different from what we're talking about here. I don't like to do it. I can't get people out of my brain for months when I have to."

"What do you mean, get them out of your brain?" she asks.

"So, the way this works is that it's kind of like I am a sponge. I absorb a little of whatever you show me. If it's just that memory, I just get a copy in my mind for a short time. The other side of my powers… It's more like… I'm a vacuum. I"ll take it all in."

"Terrifying, right?" Rufus asks. I smack him in the shoulder at the same time Julie does.

"Really not helping," she groans. "Just give me a minute to think here."

Julie looks from him to me and back a couple times. She takes a single deep breath, then nods.

"If it'll help, let's do it. I know there was something else there, but I just can't remember what it was."

"You sure? Absolutely sure?" I ask, and she steps up to me with a confident nod.

"Close your eyes, focus on that memory. Don"t let your mind wander."

She closes her eyes, and I place my hands on her temples, feeling the warmth of her skin under my touch. I let my magic flow through me, searching for the thread of memory she's focusing on.

It starts with the vision she had from the cuprite key—the younger Merl and Lena's grandmother in a dimly lit room. Their argument echoes in my mind, and I can feel the desperation in the woman's voice as she hands the key to Merl. There's a map in the background… I can almost see it. I'm trying to stay in the moment, but something is shifting away.

I'm drawn into flashes of Julie's own memories.

The moment we shared in the cabin tonight just before Merl and Rufus returned. Then, it shifts back to the movie night and the feelings she had—the sheer rush of doing something so naughty in such a public place.

Next, she's back in the cabin. I'm seeing myself through her eyes, and the fascination and attraction is overwhelming. I wasn't aware that she feels as strongly as she does.

Then, it fades to something darker. Luke. Her ex-boyfriend's voice echoes, full of disdain.

"You're too sensitive, Julie," he scoffs when he sees her upset over something he did. The look on his face is ugly and warped.

"No wonder you can't hold on to anyone," he mocks when her parents are being dismissive, shoving her away from him.

"Why do you eat so much? You're disgusting…" he remarks over what looks like her birthday dinner.

I see flashes of her making herself sick, her body easily a solid thirty pounds lighter than she is right now and looking sickly. Crying in the bathroom. Crying in her bed.

I see her as a child, trying to make herself as small as possible while boys shove past her, calling her names. One of them shoves her down into the dirt. Another flash. They take her book, holding it high out of her reach and sneering at her. Embarrassment, choking her with anxiety.

Then, the disappointment and shame as she overhears people laughing at the market after one of my offhand comments. My words are like knives, gutting her.

The pain in these memories chokes me, palpable and rotten. My heart aches for her.

I quickly pull back, not wanting to invade her privacy any further. I step away from her, releasing my hold on her temples. Julie opens her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Julie, I—" I start, but she cuts me off.

"Don't," she snaps, her voice shaky. "I don't want to hear anything from you right now, okay?"

"Julie, I'm sorry," I try again, but she pushes herself away, brushing past me as she makes her way out of the room.

"I don't need your commentary on my crying or anything else," she throws over her shoulder before slamming the door shut behind her.

I'm left standing there, my hands hanging uselessly at my sides. My own words echo in my mind—the careless comments I've made, the teasing I didn't think twice about. But they affected her, cut her deeply, and I didn't even realize.

Rufus shakes his head and claps a hand on my shoulder. He sighs and offers me a partial smile.

"Hey, just give her some time. It's not an easy thing to be on either end of."

I stoop and scoop Roscoe up, and we head for the front door, stepping outside into the cool night air. I lean against the railing of the porch, staring out into the darkness as he curls his body into me. I need to keep watch and make sure no one else from Eclipse is lurking around.

"I'm going to stay and keep watch," I tell Rufus as we close the door behind us. "Can you let Cyrus and everyone know?"

"Yeah, I'll go give him a report. I'll come swap you out in a couple hours so you can get some sleep later, yeah?"

"Sounds good. Thanks, Rufus." I'm more thankful than I care to admit that he doesn't push and pry further.

I pace back and forth on the small porch, eyes scanning the yard. Roscoe falls asleep, his body warm against me. My thoughts keep drifting back to Julie, to the tears in her eyes, the pain in her voice. I didn't realize how much my words had been hurting her. It was my defense mechanism, my way of keeping people at a distance. I've always hated letting anyone get too close, afraid they'll see the parts of me I try so hard to hide.

I remember my childhood, being shuffled from one family member to another, each rejection a knife to the heart. They couldn't understand my magic and didn"t want to try. I relied on myself, fighting for my place in the world. I have finally proven I am worth something and that I can be trusted, but that came with its own cost—the constant fear of losing everything I've fought for.

And then there's Julie. She's different, not like anyone else I've met. I feel like she's the first person who has cared to ask more beyond the mask I wear for everyone. Now, I've hurt her, made her feel like she's not enough, and I hate myself for it.

How can I make it right? How can I show her that I see her, that I care?

The hours pass by slowly as I keep watch, with Roscoe sleeping in my arms. I'm on edge, my senses heightened, but no one comes. I'm left alone with my thoughts, the guilt and regret weighing heavily on me.

The first light of dawn creeps over the horizon, casting a soft glow over the trees. I let out a long breath, running a hand through my hair. I know I need to talk to Julie, to apologize and try to make amends but I'm not sure she'll even listen.

Rufus arrives to swap places with me, and I'm relieved to see he's brought Cyrus with him. I'm glad he's got backup, so I head back to my cabin on tired, leaden feet. My mind is still buzzing with thoughts of Julie and the mistakes I've made. I sink onto the bed, laying Roscoe down with me.

I'll talk to her when she's ready. Until then, all I can do is wait.