Chapter 15 - Julie

I see heads turning. That's it, I'm out. I need to crawl into a hole. What the hell has gotten into me? I spring up from Kaius's lap, flailing and blushing furiously.

What the hell was that?

The blanket is clutched in my hand, and my breathing is still coming in shallow little gasps. I turn and can see the evidence of all my grinding quite clearly in the soft light of the movie through the soft fabric of Kaius's pants. Fuck. I throw the blanket back at him.

"Sorry, folks," Kaius says in a hushed voice to the Hendersons, who are staring at me like I grew horns, "I pretended to be a spider crawling on her arm. Couldn't help it."

He points to the screen with spiders hanging from the barn and shrugs as if he's just an innocent schoolboy playing pranks. Mrs. Henderson glares at me and turns back to the movie.

Innocent schoolboy routine, my ass.

"You and Rufus can take Merl home. Don't let him get drunk," I hiss at Kaius and turn for the woods. I stride off before he can argue and before I give any more thought to sitting back down and letting him do that again, which sounds like both an amazing and terrifying idea simultaneously.

It's not a very far walk from Uncle Merl's, only about fifteen minutes at the pace I'm moving—maybe not the best plan in the dark, but I need air and space to figure out what I am thinking. The little trail between Lena's and Uncle Merl's is well-traveled and clear of anything crazy, as long as I don't trip on thin air.

My phone is buzzing in the pocket of my coat, and I ignore it. I'm guessing it's Kaius trying to make up a reason for why I should come back. He's overwhelming. That's the only word I have for it. I'm a simple girl. I just want my romance books, maybe to dive into some local history from time to time, and to quietly fade into the background. Kaius seems to thrive on attention, getting laughs, and excitement.

You can't deny that he's giving you those romance book scenes you enjoy so much.

My traitorous mind and body remind me that he's definitely delivering on the passion part of the romantic dreams. I'm doing things with him I really didn't think I would ever do, tonight included. There's something about Kaius that feels as safe as it does dangerous. I just can't help wondering if it's all an act.

I am challenging him to prove he's not a jerk like Luke, and since the move, he really has been trying to step up. He helps with things around Uncle Merl's and even runs into town to get groceries for us since the argument with my parents.

I just don't know how to reconcile some of the very different pieces of our personalities. I inhale deeply, enjoying the crisp air that is brisk but not frigid. It's helping me focus and finally center my thoughts. I haven't had a minute away from Uncle Merl, worry, or chaos since that night so many weeks ago.

I kick at a stone in the path, skipping it ahead of me for a few steps as I think about just how different everything is right now. I still can't believe that I'm not working at the store. Greg is also home—I don't know how that came about, but it's good for my parents. If they want to leave him the shop, then he can take care of it. It makes far more sense than me being there.

I'm positive that being the only girl out of my siblings and cousins, as well as being the youngest, set me up for a fair share of the bullying that I received from the guys growing up. It's why I love reading. As soon as I could read, I could escape. I didn't have to miss out on their fun because I could dive into my own worlds, and in those worlds, I wasn't the mousy, embarrassed girl fading into the background… I was the heroine.

Reconciling this feeling of needing to fade into the background is next to impossible when I'm around Kaius. He doesn't want to make me fade into the background. He wants to make me light up, and it's a weird feeling. I'm still not sure I'm entirely comfortable with it. I can't dispute what we just did is insanely hot, and the idea of anyone turning and catching us just makes it so much better.

Am I really ready to embrace my inner slut like this?

Something snaps in the trees behind me, and I hear leaves crunch. I turn to see if I can figure out what made the noise. My eyes flick back and forth in the darkness, but I can't make anything out. I pause for a couple moments, hoping that it was just a bird or small animal. I hear the faint sounds of the wind rustling through the branches but nothing else.

Probably another raccoon.

I continue walking. I think I have been spending too much time around Kaius and all his nonsense because a feeling like I'm being watched creeps up on me. It's like eyes on the back of my neck. I turn, the hairs rising on my arms, despite finding nothing again. I walk at a faster pace. While I have walked this path enough times in my life that I could walk it blind or drunk, I also know that there's something to be said for not lingering in the dark.

My foot comes down on a large stick, and I feel it roll forward as my weight shifts. I try to course-correct the shift in my balance, but I fall.

Shit.

I lean too far to my right, trying to avoid rolling my ankle all the way, and stumble onto my other foot, but my center of gravity is off. I fall and feel a crack as a branch smacks against my arm, and I begin falling down the hill that leads off the right of the path.

I roll down, feeling rocks and branches scrape and jab into me. The descent is chaotic and disorienting, and I come to a crashing halt against a tree trunk, my breath knocked out of me. Pain flares in my side, and I struggle to catch my breath.

The pain in my side anchors me the moment I pull myself into a sitting position, wincing at the dull ache I feel. My arm stings from the scratches, and I rub the dirt away, wincing at the sting. The woods are still and silent around me, save for the rustling leaves. I look up the hill, but in the dark, I can't see where I fell from. My heart pounds in my chest, the same way it does when I'm around Kaius, and I shiver at the thought of him, feeling the chill in my bones.

What was I thinking? Letting him get that close, losing myself like that, and in front of other people no less. I hate the idea of anyone seeing that, of anyone judging me. I want to hate that I enjoyed it, the thrill that I can't shake even now. Yet, I don't, and that terrifies me.

With a grunt, I push myself to my feet, my legs unsteady as I brace against the tree. I'm sore and shaken, but I need to keep moving. The cabin is still a way off, and I can't just sit here. I brush the leaves and dirt from my clothes and start making my way back to the path.

The woods are unnervingly quiet, and I feel a chill in the air that has nothing to do with the temperature. I pick up my pace, my heart thudding in my chest as every shadow and rustle makes me jump. I cast nervous glances over my shoulder, but there's no sign of anyone following me that I can see.

The thoughts of Kaius cloud my mind again, his touch and the warmth of his gaze. How he makes me feel—alive, seen, wanted. I've spent so much time hiding, fading into the background, but with him, I can't do that. He pulls me into the spotlight, and I'm terrified and excited by it.

I trip over a root, catching myself just in time to avoid another fall. My breath comes in shallow gasps, and I feel the panic rising in my chest. I just need to make it back to the cabin, to safety, and then I can sort out this mess.