Chapter 12 - Kaius

I want so much to fight her on this, but the tone of Julie's voice is beyond cold. It sounds so close to the frigid ice that my ex had used when she told me to go. I retreat out of the house, and dread settles into the pit of my stomach. Merl smells foul, and not in the "one too many at the bar" way. It smells like infection; a sickly sweetness and the acrid smell of flesh flood my senses.

I retreat to the woods and do a couple passes around the house, making sure I don't pick up the scent of any other dragons while I wait impatiently for the ambulance to arrive. I watch from the trees as they load Merl onto the ambulance and Julie climbs in with him.

Waiting a few moments for them to back out of the driveway and around the bend, I stride for the house with renewed purpose. I want to check out the interior of the house. Everything looks like it's been turned over, but not thoroughly. This was definitely done in a hurry.

I turn and shut the door behind me and make for the house. I need to get back and update everyone on this and see where everything else stands. Cyrus and Evander should be back from the council meeting now.

As I approach the area near the main house, I see Evander, Cyrus, and Milo out on the porch. I join them and give them the update on at least the less graphic nature of events for the past two days but tell them about the focus Eclipse has on the Harris family and the injuries that Merl has sustained.

Cyrus and Evander have just returned as well, and I can't help but wonder how long I will have before they ask why I took off instead of staying and fighting. No one has asked yet.

"Four of the different clans challenged me. They're definitely out for blood right now, but I won everything without much effort, truly. Eclipse is working double time to spread the rumor that we are hiding something. I'm not sure if they'll push for an investigation or not, but once they have settled all their infighting, I have a feeling it will become a priority," Cyrus says.

"There's definitely enough chaos to keep them busy for a little while longer, though," Evander adds with a shrug, "They're even more of a mess than before."

Rufus and Orion come bounding up the steps, offering at least another slight distraction from my wandering thoughts. They struck out as well on their search for the trail up the canyon and were snowed in. I am doubtful their time together hiding out from the storm was nearly as enjoyable as mine.

Cyrus, Milo, and Orion step away to talk about Milo's patrol updates and I'm left staring at my boots as Evander and Rufus seem to just wait. I glance up, and they're both staring at me expectantly.

"What?"

"Come on, Man, you spent two nights in a cabin with her. You're broody and weird. We can smell her on you," Evander says, with a single shoulder shrugging awkwardly.

"Don't want to talk about it."

"That's utter bullshit," Rufus sighs, "You've been pining after her for weeks. You're not as stealthy as you think. What are you so afraid of? That she may see past your bullshit?"

"Fuck you," I snap as I turn to walk away, and Evander stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, we just want to know why it's eating at you, Man. You know all of us are going to be supportive of whatever you want to do. There's just an obvious mood coming off you. We want to make sure you know that if you need us, we're here for you."

"I'm fine. Just want to get back to my patrol," I snap, shrug his hand off my shoulder, and jump off the porch, setting off for the woods. I am not in any kind of mood to have a heart to heart with them that starts with "We can smell her on you."

Fuck.

I feel a massive form slam into me from behind, slamming me to the ground. The air flies out of me in a whoosh as Rufus's body crushes me to the ground. I drive an elbow back into his ribs, and he rolls off me with a growl.

"Why are you being such a shit?" he snaps as I push up to my feet, fists raised, taking a swing at his jaw that he blocks easily.

"Why do you fucking care, Man? What's it to you?"

"Nothing if you like her. Even if you don't like her, to be fucking honest. I don't want to end up getting ambushed again because you're off with your head in the clouds. You think we don't see that you keep everyone at a distance? Now, come on. We're sparring or talking it out, your choice, Cupcake," Rufus taunts as he bounces his weight back and forth on the balls of his feet.

My eyes flick up to the porch where Evander and the rest of the guys are watching, and it pricks at the rage bubbling beneath the surface. I don't understand why they're pushing me so hard.

"This is such bullshit," I spit as I duck another swing and counter with a quick jab toward Rufus's ribs that he left exposed. My fist connects, and he grunts and takes another cheap shot at my face.

"Why? What's bullshit about us caring that you aren't a broody shit?"

I land a series of jabs with much more force than is strictly necessary for friendly sparring before Rufus finally gets his guard up, "None of you really care what I'm doing."

I draw my hand back again, and it stops as someone's hand wraps around it. I turn and find Cyrus holding it. The look in his eye is intense but concerned. Rufus lands one cheap shot to my side as Cyrus holds my arm back, but it's not even remotely close to his full strength. At best, it's a love tap.

"Hey, you're family. We care either way. Just blow off the steam healthily so it doesn't impact your focus, deal?"

"You can't tell me you wouldn't have me out of here in an instant if I fell in with a human?" I spit at him with a brash shrug. "There's no need for someone on your core team who isn't furthering your clan. Literally, with all the changes, you'd be well within your right to replace me."

Cyrus drops my wrist and steps back, tilting his head as he inspects me. I drop my guard, trying to figure out what it is that has him backing down and Rufus lands a solid hit to the right side of my face. The metallic tang of blood fills my mouth. I spit, trying to clear the taste.

"Do you really think that I'm going to cast you out over having a relationship with a human when my own mate is a human? I thought I've proven myself enough times over to you that you would understand that's not the way I do things," Cyrus sighs.

"No," I groan. I know he's right, but that is a truth that I don't particularly want to acknowledge yet. It's doing nothing to improve my mood, either.

"I can tell you again if you need to hear it. You have a home here as long as you want a place here. We aren't the type to offer a place in our family lightly. Maybe you need to do some digging and see if it's really what you want, especially if you're still questioning it. We aren't going anywhere either way."

Cyrus grabs Rufus by the neck and steers him away without waiting for any kind of response from me. They leave me standing here, mouth bloodied and with more dark thoughts clouding my head than ever.

I move for my cabin, feet feeling heavier with every step. I hate that they're right. I find it even worse that if I admit to myself that the idea of not being accepted is just my own insecurity, the only barrier then to pursue anything with Julie is entirely in my head, and my own behavior is preventing it.

Using my foot to kick the door shut, I flop down on the bed and pull my phone off the table where I'd left it to charge. No messages. I'm not surprised, but the twinge of disappointment is there. I send a text to Julie, asking how Merl is doing and apologizing for any part of my actions that landed him in this situation. I tell her I'm happy to help in any way she needs. She leaves my messages on read and doesn't even type this time.

I don't know how I can be so close to having that sense of home and peace I have craved for so long, yet keep personally shoving it further and further from my reach.