Chapter 19

Nikolai

W hen I first took Arianna into the room I had set up for her in my New York apartment five days ago, I could tell she was more than a little intimidated. In the bedroom, there was an array of sex toys, lingerie, handcuffs, a swing, lubes, and plenty of other fun exquisite torture devices for me to use on her. I might have agreed with Kimiko to take Arianna out of the house, but that didn't mean I couldn't have some fun while I was at it. She tried her way. Now I was going to try mine.

Arianna soon got over her trepidation and embraced the sweet torture I had in mind for her, and we have been locked away in the apartment since then. Five incredible days of fucking. Of course, we've had to eat and sleep in between, and with the sexual tension between us finally being released, we've been getting along better than ever.

But she still won't tell me the information about her father. She's got quite the resolve. If the thought of hurting her didn't make me want to tear people limb from limb, I'd have considered trying actual torture by now. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm having too much fun to be too worried.

Every time we fuck, I'm hungry for more.

She's insatiable. Incredible. Mine.

We're in the playroom, panting and sweaty from our latest session, lying down on the bed. Arianna gets up before heading into the bathroom. I'm just toying with the next way that I can torture her when Arianna surprises me. She walks back into the room, dressed in an incredibly sexy lingerie set.

I can see her perfect rosebud pert nipples standing to attention through the black lace bra and her slim waist is highlighted by the suspender belt that attaches to her stockings. The only thing missing is her panties. Her perfect pussy is exposed, bare in all its glory. My cock instantly springs to attention, beginning to harden again.

"I think you forgot something," I say.

"Did I?" she giggles, knowing full well the effect she's having on me.

Before I can go over and ravage her, she walks toward the bed. She climbs up, straddling me.

"I think it's my turn to tease you," she says with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"That's not how this works," I reply with a grunt.

"No?" she asks, tilting her head and pouting playfully as she slowly slides down the length of me, taking me inside her wet and ready entrance.

I let out a sharp hiss of breath. She feels so fucking amazing. Every time with her is like the first time. I can't get enough of her. As much as I'd like to take control, the sight of her on top of me like this is too good to miss. Watching her discover her sexuality has been almost as enjoyable as fucking her.

She grinds slowly on me, feeling the sensation and watching my reaction. I don't take my eyes off her. I stay still, using all my willpower, and let her be the one in charge for a moment. It's a completely new experience for me. One that I'm thoroughly enjoying as I watch her throw her head back and moan in pleasure.

"Touch me," she demands.

I'm only too happy to oblige. My hands explore her body, teasing the nipples through the fabric of her bra and she lets out a moan that makes my cock twinge inside her. I grip her waist feeling the rhythm of her grinding on me before grabbing her ass and moving her faster, enjoying how it jiggles in my hands.

"Fuck, Nikolai," she moans.

I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing her say my name like that.

She looks at me with those alluring green eyes, checking for my reaction before hesitantly leaning forward. It's at that moment I realize she's about to kiss me. And I let her.

Our lips meet and it starts slow before deepening, our mouths and tongues exploring each other. She tastes like peaches. We've kissed before, but it's been different. Sexual, controlling, possessive mouth fucking. This is nothing like that. This is exactly the kind of kiss I try to avoid. But god help me, I don't want to stop.

We're still kissing as we both reach a slow, intense climax that rolls through our bodies like waves. This too is different. This wasn't just fucking. It was something more.

God help me.

***

It's the middle of the night and I'm lying in my bed, wide awake and plagued with thoughts of Arianna. I don't know how I should feel about our sex earlier. I need to fuck her hard again to shake this, and soon. Her scent lingers on me no matter how much I shower and just knowing there's only a wall separating us drives me insane.

When we first got here, I would just go and wake her up. The second she'd open the door, looking adorably disheveled and grumpy I'd pick her up and carry her into the playroom and fuck her until she was wide awake and screaming. But, after two nights she started getting bags under her eyes, yawning constantly, and I begrudgingly conceded that I'd let her get some rest. So now I'm lying here staring at the ceiling with a rock-hard cock, rubbing it and thinking of her. No matter how many times I have Arianna, it's not enough.

The sound of a scream pierces through the apartment and I could swear my heart stops.

Arianna.

Grabbing the gun from my bedside drawer, I sprint to her room and throw the door open. It takes me a moment of frantic scanning to fully comprehend the fact she's alone. There's no intruder.

In the bed, Arianna is sleeping, tossing and turning, she cries out in a nightmare.

"No, no…"

The rest babbles off into unintelligible speech. Her face is scrunched up in terror and tears are pouring down her face. Watching her suffer, even if only from a dream, is like a knife to the heart, and without thinking, I climb into the bed and hold her.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, you're safe I'm here."

She quietens her expression slowly relaxing as she snuggles in closer to me. With her head resting on my chest, she falls back into a deep, peaceful sleep.

It's at this moment I realize I've done the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't.

I've let her in.

***

"Nikolai?" I hear Arianna's sleepy voice say.

I wake, disorientated. I'm not in my bed. I blink my eyes open and turn my head to look at Arianna's beautiful face, a small furrow of confusion on her brow. Last night comes flooding back to me and I realize I must have fallen asleep.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

She doesn't sound bothered by my presence, merely confused. It was me who set the ‘no sharing a bed' rule after all.

"You were having a night terror," I explain.

"Oh," she replies, still looking a bit confused.

"I came in because you were screaming. I thought someone had broken in, but you were just having a bad dream, so I calmed you down."

"How?" she asks.

"I held you, Arianna."

A soft flush reddens her cheeks. "Thank you," she murmurs.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to stay, I must have fallen asleep."

"I'm glad you did," she says shyly.

"What was your dream about?" I ask gently, sensing that there's something fragile and tender between us here and she might finally start opening up. She hesitates, still uncertain around me. For all of our conversations and sex, we've not ever spoken about deep, meaningful things. Neither of us are willing to share too much of ourselves.

"Something my father did to a friend a long time ago."

She stops and I think she isn't going to elaborate further. But then she takes a deep breath and continues.

"When my sister and I were young, my father brought a girl from Bulgaria to be our maid, I say brough, but she was trafficked. She was only a year older than my sister, a child herself. We became close, she was like family to us. My father learned to use that to make us behave. If my sister or I ever acted out, he would hurt the other or Maria to punish us. That was more effective. By that point, we'd grown used to his beatings. But watching someone you love being hurt, that's a different kind of pain. When I was sixteen, I tried to run away. I begged my sister and Maria to come but they were too afraid. I should have known Father would punish them for my mistake."

I tense my jaw and clench my fists, trying to calm the rising rage I feel against De Luca. I knew he was a bastard, but to do that to your own kids is a new low.

"They tortured Maria. They couldn't touch Adelina, not with the wedding suitors lining up to meet her, but Maria was fair game. She tried not to tell them where I went, but they broke her. When they brought me back home, she was almost unrecognizable. Father took great pleasure in telling me that he'd sold her off to a brothel. She can't have survived long. Knowing it was my fault that she'd been sentenced to such a horrific fate has haunted me ever since," she says, a tear escaping and trailing down her cheek.

I reach up to wipe it away, "It wasn't your fault."

She brushes my hand away and shakes her head. "It was. If I hadn't run away, Maria and my sister would still be alive. Adelina was married off to De Stefano early because of it, to take the last person I cared about from me."

"How long ago did she die?" I ask.

"More than seven years, I miss her every day."

"I lost my mother almost seven years ago," I surprise myself by admitting.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, moving closer and leaning her head back on my chest.

I know it's an empty platitude most people say, but she says it with such feeling, like she somehow feels responsible. Seeing how much she cares makes me open up and talk about it. Something I haven't ever done before. The fact that I don't need to look her in the eye as I tell it, that I can just feel her and look away, makes it easier.

"We were sitting having lunch at a café for her birthday. As usual, my father was busy with work and running late. I didn't see the shooter until it was too late. He fired twice. One hit me in the shoulder. I killed him before he could fire again. My mother wasn't so lucky. She died in my arms. The hit was most likely against me and my father, she was just collateral damage," I add bitterly before continuing.

"The man who did it had a Tanaka Yakuza tattoo. They were our closest allies, like family to us. Her death and the betrayal broke my father. He hunted down and killed all of the Tanakas in New York, apart from Endo and Kimiko. I convinced him to spare them. They'd lived with us since they were young after my parents adopted them both when their father died as part of our alliance with the Tanakas, there was no way they had anything to do with it."

"My father became delusional, paranoid. He turned against everyone close to him. He became convinced that it wasn't just the Tanakas who plotted to kill us. He believed his own brother had been involved and had him tortured. Dimitri was lucky to escape with his life, he managed to overpower and kill the man, but not before losing an eye."

Arianna's mouth pops open in an ‘o' of surprise. "I didn't realize Dimitri was your uncle. I should have known, you're so close. So he wasn't…?" her voice trails off, uncertain of how to phrase it.

"No, he wasn't involved. I'm certain of it. He spent twenty years in prison and never once gave up my father or the family. He was nothing but loyal. He would never have betrayed the Kuzmin family. Heck, he was still in prison when my mother was killed."

My jaw clenches, reliving the rage I felt back then.

"When my father decided that I too could have been involved, that I would kill my own parents to become Pakhan sooner, I knew he'd lost his mind. No amount of reasoning would work. Things became physical. I had no choice but to defend myself. I killed him. I killed my father."

I say this emotionlessly, I'm numb to it. I don't regret it. I would do it again if it meant saving my life and the lives of everyone else my father was on a warpath against. But it haunts me.

"I'm so sorry, Nikolai, I had no idea…" she trails off.

I don't blame her. What the fuck can you say when hearing about my shit show of a life.

"I became the leader of the Kuzmin Bratva at only twenty-one. I argued that Dimitri would be the better leader, but he disagreed. He said his partial blindness and age would make him seem weak. That we'd lose everything. So, with his guidance, I threw myself into building the family business, to repair the damage my father caused. The upside of murdering my father is that our failing Bratva became pretty fucking powerful under my leadership. People tend to not want to mess with someone who killed their own father. Most don't know the reasons, only that I did it," I state blankly, trying to dismiss and minimize the situation.

I can't bear for her to pity me. I also don't want to talk about it further. For her to try to comfort me. Something's shifted between us and I don't know how to handle it. I feel vulnerable and exposed. Something I hate.

I move away from her, getting out of bed. Thankfully, she seems to realize I need some space. I head toward the living area.

"Finally, you're up!" Endo's voice chimes out from where he's sat, lazing on the sofa. "We thought we'd have to burst into your little love nest if you weren't up soon. It's gone midday."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I growl.

I'm so not in the mood for Endo's bullshit today.

In the kitchen area, Kimiko is busy making lunch. "Did you forget? Today's the big engagement party. And you've got to look your best for your potential brides," she calls out.

Fuck.

This is the last thing I need. I don't want to dress up and parade around pretending to like a bunch of pretentious pricks. And I definitely don't want to choose a wife.

There's only one woman I want. And I can't have her.