Chapter 12

Arianna

I can't help it. Big fat, shameful tears roll down my cheeks and I let out a sob. All of the stress, the tension, the buildup to finally trusting and letting Nikolai in. The way he touched me and the orgasm he gave me was better than anything I could ever have imagined. I was ready. Totally and completely ready to give myself to him. And he rejected me. I didn't think he would mind that I'm not as experienced as the other women he's been with. But I was wrong. He must think there's something wrong with me. That I'm not desirable. That I will be bad in bed. Shame and embarrassment flood me when only moments ago I felt incredible.

I've not long been awake. But all I want to do is crawl back into bed and hide. To sleep this day away and pretend it never happened. Drying myself off, I put my pajamas back on and climb into bed again. It's clear to me now that Nikolai doesn't want me in the same way I want him. That he was just trying to get information out of me, but he doesn't really want to be with me. That he can't bring himself to pretend to enjoy sex with an inexperienced virgin.

I need to talk to him soon. To stop putting things off and tell him what he wants to know. I have to hope that I'm at least right in thinking he is an honorable man, that he will grant me my freedom once I've told him everything. I don't belong here. I need to leave as soon as possible. Get far away and pretend I never even heard the name Nikolai Kuzmin.

***

After wallowing in self-pity, I fall into a fitful restless sleep. In my dreams, I overheard Nikolai laughing with Endo about how pathetic I was.

"How could she possibly think I'd have feelings for her? That I'd be having sex with her for enjoyment and not just as a means to an end?" dream Nikolai sneered, his face twisted into a mask I didn't recognize.

At around lunchtime, I'm woken by a soft knock at the door.

"Arianna, is everything okay? I haven't seen you all day. You haven't eaten, would you like to join us for lunch?" Dimitri calls out softly.

"I'm not hungry," I mumble from under the covers, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Arianna…"

"Dimitri, please, just leave me alone."

I hear him hovering by the doorway for a moment longer, contemplating knocking again. But then I hear him sigh and the sound of retreating footsteps.

At dinner time, the same thing happens again. This time it's Endo who's trying to make me get up.

"Come on, princess, you can't stay locked away forever. You gotta come out and eat sometime."

"I'm not hungry," I sulk, though my rumbling stomach disagrees.

"Now, I know that has to be a lie," Endo chuckles.

When I don't respond, I hear him let out a long sigh. I think he's about to leave but then he continues speaking.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you and Nikolai earlier, and I don't need to know. But he'll kill me for not looking after you," he says.

"Like he gives a shit," I reply bitterly.

"Arianna, you don't know Nikolai very well. But I do. He's different around you. He might not be the best at expressing himself, that kind of comes with the job. He has a lot on his shoulders, everyone in his life looks to him to make all the decisions, and to keep us safe and strong. Trust me when I tell you, he cares for you more than he's willing to admit. You wouldn't still be here otherwise. He'd have forced the information out of you and gotten rid of you by now, one way or another."

Endo's frank speech causes me to stop for a minute, I want to believe him. But then he doesn't know what happened this morning, why Nikolai no longer wants me in that way. Endo's casual mention of how he would normally deal with me doesn't comfort me, it has me contemplating if that will be Nikolai's next move. I'm even more resolved that I should throw myself at his mercy and tell him what I know before it's too late.

"Endo. I appreciate what you're saying, and I promise, I will tell him my information soon. Just not right now, I can't face him today."

"Oh shit, sorry. It probably woulda made this whole conversation a lot faster and convinced you to come out right away if I'd said. Nikolai isn't here. He's gone out. He won't be joining us for dinner."

I'm ashamed to admit that I feel a pathetic stab of disappointment that he won't be there before I remember that's what I want.

"So, you coming down? We ordered pizza," Endo says, doing his best to tempt me out.

My stomach growls again and I decide, what the hell. If I'm not going to bump into Nikolai and be humiliated further, I might as well come out and eat. It might even take my mind off things.

"Okay, let me take a quick shower and get dressed first. I'll be downstairs in a few."

"Atta girl," Endo replies, I can hear the smile in his voice.

***

A little over an hour later, I finally feel like I'm starting to relax and forget about this morning. Endo and Dimitri are tactfully avoiding asking me any questions or mentioning Nikolai and have been keeping up a constant stream of small talk and easy-going banter. I was hungrier than I realized as I've already demolished three slices of pizza and I'm about to scoff down a fourth.

As I'm biting into it, laughing at something Dimitri just said, Endo gets a message on his phone. He glances at it and stands.

"Sorry guys, duty calls," he says grabbing another slice to go.

He then proceeds to speak to Dimitri in rapid-fire Russian. It makes sense that Endo would speak Russian, seeing as he's part of the Bratva and has been friends with the family from a young age, but it still mildly surprises me to hear it coming out of his mouth. I wish I knew what they were saying. Neither seems to be particularly anxious or concerned, but the abruptness of their tones in the foreign language sounds harsh and foreboding to my ears. Endo leaves, and only a short while later I hear the front door opening. Assuming it must be Endo coming back, I don't think much of it.

It's only when I hear the unexpected sound of a woman laughing that I look up. Standing in the entrance hallway is a stunningly beautiful woman. Her long poker-straight black hair is loose, framing her heart-shaped face with high cheekbones, full lips, and almond-shaped eyes. She's fairly tall for an Asian woman, I'd estimate around five foot eight, and slim yet athletic looking, a model meets gymnast. She's wearing no makeup and a simple yet impossibly classy outfit of cream silk trousers and a matching blouse. She oozes elegance and sophistication.

I am painfully aware of how I must look in comparison wearing a baggy t-shirt dress with a pizza stain down the front. When I put it on the first time, it seemed so cool and edgy to me, the kind of thing those rocker chicks wear and make sexy despite being covered up. Now I feel like a toddler in a nightgown compared to this glamazon.

Next to her, laughing and smiling like he doesn't have a care in the world is Nikolai. She places a hand on his upper arm and I feel rage and jealousy course through my veins. Rage because who the fuck does he think he is, bringing another woman here to flaunt in front of me when only this morning he was finger fucking me in the shower. And jealousy because she's so clearly the better choice for him. They look perfect together. The way he's smiling and laughing with her shows that they know each other well and are comfortable in each other's company. On her ring finger, I spot an enormous diamond ring.

Oh god, does he have a fiancé? A wife? Have I been fawning over a taken man this whole time and he's some vile cheat that just wanted to toy with me and have some fun while she was away? The fact that there's a suitcase next to her certainly supports that argument.

I'm vaguely aware of Dimitri getting up and heading over to greet them.

"Pakhan," he says with a small bow before turning his attention to the woman. "Kimiko, how wonderful to have you back with us. I trust you had a fruitful trip?"

"Dimitri, so good to see you," she says in a musical voice that matches her beauty, leaning in and hugging him.

I even feel a stab of juvenile jealousy and irritation at this. Dimitri is my friend. It also dawns on me with sickening clarity that I can't sneak away to my room. I'd have to walk right past them to get to the staircase. But maybe I can hide out in the library until they've gone somewhere else. No one seems to have noticed me yet.

It seems that the universe has other plans. I don't know what I've done to deserve further humiliation, but my chair squeaks loudly across the floor as I get up. Immediately, all three pairs of eyes are on me.

"Arianna," Nikolai says, a look of surprise and something else I can't place crosses his annoyingly handsome face.

Why do I still feel the pull of attraction to him? The man has quite literally brought his wife home without caring that I'm here.

Nikolai clears his throat. "Kimiko, this is…" he begins.

"I'm nobody," I say, striding over toward them more confidently than I feel. "You must be Mrs. Kuzmin. A pleasure to meet you," I continue through a forced smile, shooting daggers at Nikolai for putting me through this.

Before anyone can speak, I quickly dart past them, running up the stairs, and slamming the bedroom door behind me. I'm faintly aware of the sound of the woman, Kimiko laughing. How mortifying. She must know how women fawn over Nikolai and think we're pathetic, wanting something we can't have. Tears sting at the corner of my eyes and I will myself to not let them fall.