Chapter 20 - Cyrus

I settle in on the couch next to Lena with a sigh of sheer exhaustion. We got all the survivors out. They've all been patched up as best Milo, Lena, and Rosie can manage, which is actually pretty well. We also sent all but the worst few injuries back to the Miller house to help with the severe lack of space in Lena's small cabin. Even the Miller place is going to be overflowing. It is a six-bedroom that already has four occupants.

Amelie and Lukas are sharing Lena's room, and Milo is keeping watch on them tonight to make sure their healing goes well. Broken arms and burns aren't quite as straightforward even as shifters. We won't know until later how Amelie's arm will heal. It's got the potential to go either way still.

Rosie is back in her old room for the night and has one young girl her age in there with her.

"I'm sorry you're getting kicked out of your bed," I sigh as Lena folds in around me, pulling a blanket around us. The cold from the storm is settling into the house despite the fire that's going. Snow is blanketing everything outside. It would otherwise have been a beautiful night in the mountains, but everything just feels tainted.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I really wish that were true."

"I don't think you're being fair to yourself," Lena sighs and leans her head down on my chest. My eyes are staring out at the fire but are unable to focus on it at all.

"I don't think I have actually registered how bad this is yet. Only twelve of them made it out. We have a couple outliers in the field, but we have gone from about sixty total members, if you include the handful who don't like to live close, to twenty-two."

I let out a deep sigh, and she squeezes my hand in response.

"My father didn't make it. I really hate that I never got a chance to fix things with him."

"What do you mean fix things with him?" she asks and turns to look up at me. I raise my hand up and start gently tracing it through her hair.

"Ev told you that it was him who ordered me back. I had to follow the direct order then. He was Alpha at the time. I was devastated and challenged him out of pure anger when I got back. I won, but we never really got to a point where we could talk about it. I don't think I will ever forgive him for it. For taking that from me. Us."

She's quiet. Something about her silence is more unnerving than anything else at this moment. Her hand is idly tracing a pattern of some kind on my knee.

"I have a question. Can you promise me something first, though? Can we both just agree to tell the truth tonight? No secrets? It's been too long of a day for that."

"Deal."

"Why didn't you come back once you were Alpha? That would have ended his ability to order you not to contact me, right? That's the way Ev explains it anyway. Why didn't you ever even call?"

The hurt in her voice is pronounced, and I hate that I am the cause of it, even if it was in the past. It feels like an almost completely different version of me who made those decisions.

"I think I was scared that you couldn't feel as deeply as I could. You're meant to be my mate. I knew that from the first time I saw you. That bond is something deeper than I can really explain. It's like I found the other side of my soul."

Lena stops drawing her pattern and is still but listening. I don't know if it's the day, her proximity, or just everything combined, but it's all hitting harder than I want to acknowledge right now.

"There was also this very real issue that once I won that challenge, I had everyone relying on me. I didn't know if that life… all this… was even something that you and Rose should be dragged into. Look how this is turning out."

"I wish you would have given me a chance to know and make my own decision."

"Do you really think you'd have wanted to leave your life here for all this? Honestly?"

"I don't know," she admits as she turns to look at me, "I would have done anything at that moment to be with you. It wasn't one-sided, you know. You left, and it was like I was ripped in half."

I reach my hand up to cup her face, brushing away the tear on her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes have that dark, stormy look that I can lose myself in. I pull her closer, kissing her and enjoying that there's nothing else in it for once. No hurt, frustration, or pleading. It's raw and honest for the first time since I've been back.

She pulls back for a moment, and I open my eyes. I search her face for some indication of whether I've done something wrong this time, but the expression she has on her face is as honest and open as the kiss felt.

"I need you," I whisper as she pulls me closer again, "But there are so many people here."

A light groan escapes from the back of my throat as her hands keep pulling me toward her, one pulling up at the edge of my shirt and lifting it over my head. I lift my shirt off the rest of the way and drop it on the floor as she pulls me down toward her on the couch.

"I have always needed you," she sighs around a kiss in a whisper, "We'll just have to be really, really quiet."

I graze my lips lightly across the sensitive skin of her neck. A small gasp escapes her mouth, and I can't help the small grin that tugs at my lips against her skin.

"I'm not sure you know how to be quiet."

Her hands explore my chest, shoulders, and back, with nails lightly grazing here and there, feeling electric without any magical ability. It feels like her fingers leave a trail burned across my skin, marking me hers as much as I may ever think to claim her as mine.

I have so much stress weighing on my shoulders; it's beyond what I needed to just lose myself in her and find that comfort. I feel my breath catch as she dips a hand beneath the waist of my jeans and trails a finger lightly down the length of my shaft. A shiver runs through my body. I need her so much closer than this.

I kiss her in a frantic need for that closeness, grinding my hips forward toward her hand and her body. She works quickly at the waistband of my jeans and slides them down as I pull her pajama pants off in one quick motion. My hand slides down the length of her thigh to cup the curve of her ass possessively.

I position myself so the tip of my cock is stopped just at the soft, wet lips of her pussy and stare down at her. Wanting so much to just find that release quickly, I feel a shift in something between us. There's something very different right now than the last time we fell together in frustration. She's looking up at me with such a different look in her eyes.

"Truth still, right?"

We're whispering in an attempt to avoid letting anyone overhear, but I don't know if I can focus enough to even care if they do hear.

She sighs, frustration and tension pouring from her body, but nods and bites her lip in agreement.

"Why do you keep running away emotionally after?"

She bites harder on her lip, and I'm a little jealous it's not me, so I dip down and pull her into a kiss and nip at it myself as I keep that tension and placement of my cock just out of reach from where she wants me.

"If I run away emotionally, I can't get hurt again. Or at least I thought that would be the case. But I don't know if that's working either."

"Promise me something?"

She winds her hips up toward me, trying to force me to enter her, but I pull back again. I raise my eyebrow as I look down at her. I need her to consider this. It's important to me.

"What?"

"Just don't run away this time. Please. I can't handle it if you do again."

Something about that vulnerability shatters me when I say it out loud. I don't know if she can see or sense it, but something in her face changes. She looks so serious. Her hands reach up and cup both sides of my face.

"Okay, I promise. No more running away."

With relief, I bury myself into her as far as I can in one long thrust and hold there for a moment before pulling back and enjoying the feeling of her body clenching around me as I move in and out of her slowly.

She moves in time with me, her hands falling to my chest and sliding down to my arms as her fingers dig into my biceps. The faint tickle of real electricity follows as she's getting closer and closer to release. Her breaths come in shorter pants.

My name is slipping from her mouth in a series of whispers and yeses, and I want so much to make this last longer, but the sheer desperation in her voice and my need to just lose myself over to her and erase all the chaos and pain from the day is too much.

I lean down, and her breath whispers against my ear. I twist my hips in a circular motion that causes a louder gasp of my name.

"Lena," I groan as her body clenches hard around me and her hands grip tighter, and I feel the tension of all this want and stress building low in my body. I need this release, but I need her to tell me it's both of us together.

She arches her back as I run a hand up, gripping lightly at her breast and pinching at a light pink nipple as she grinds against me. I keep the slow, steady rhythm, building slightly more pressure with each stroke as she starts to wind her hips deeper with each thrust to meet me.

"Cyrus, I'm going to—Oh God, yes," she whispers lightly, and my mind finally gives my body that permission it was so desperate for. With another two long, deep strokes I feel her body stiffen with mine in unison, my world-shattering out of focus as I spill into her. I make it last just long enough for her body to clench around me in two aftershocks before I have to pull out of her because it's just too sensitive.

A tired sigh escapes me as I collapse into her chest. I don't want to move. I just need to lie here. That's all I need.

"I really have missed this," I sigh into her as she slowly catches her breath.

"I've really missed you," Lena whispers as she trails a hand through my hair.

We shift around enough to get her pants back on, my pants put back right, and a blanket around us before curling back together on the couch. Her body and mine are entwined, legs wrapped around each other. I can't help but feel the comfort I so desperately needed as I hold her to me and sleep pulls at us both.

Loud sounds from the kitchen break us both out of our slumber as my sister's familiar, snarky voice carries through the living room, matched only by the banging of a mug on the counter and Evander's voice trying and failing to calm her.

"I don't care if they're sleeping. Maybe that's been the problem all along here. He's so busy playing house with his human that he stopped caring."

Lena is stirring in my arms, and I'm more annoyed now that Amelie has disturbed her sleep than anything else. I have just about had my fill of her petulant toddler act.

"Amelie, if you value your position in this clan, or your ability to breathe right now, you will kindly shut the fuck up before I remind you to show some respect to my wife or face the consequences," I shout across the back of the couch in the direction of the kitchen.

Lena's gray eyes are sleepy but are blinking up at me with an amused smile at the statement.

"Good morning to you, too, Captain Cranky Pants," Lena whispers with a small shake of her head. I don't want to leave this warm, comfortable cocoon of being wrapped up in her. I can forget the stress, the loss, and the pain here with her. Out there, it will all come crashing back.

She seems to see something in my face that gives her pause. Her face looks more serious for a moment, and she leans forward and gives me a slow, chaste kiss on the cheek and lays a hand against the side of my face, running her hand lightly against the stubble that's grown since yesterday.

"You're going to be fine. We've got this," she whispers with a smile as she starts unwinding herself from me and the blanket. We both manage to detangle and rise from the couch looking relatively presentable, which is helpful since there's a full crowd in the kitchen around the breakfast bar sipping on coffee.

"Can we finally get down to business now that Sleeping Beauty and his wife have joined us?" Kaius laughs.

Lena and I join everyone in the kitchen, and she moves over to the coffee maker and starts making more coffee. I lean back against an empty spot on the counter and survey the group in the room. It's my team, Amelie and her two officers who came in last night, Ryker, and Xander.

Evander throws a cautionary look at Kaius and shakes his head. It's one thing to roast me in our small group, but it's an entirely different one when we have the rest of our clan around. Kaius dips his head in apology as Lena makes her way across the kitchen to me. She holds out a mug for me as she sips from her own.

I gratefully gulp down some of the hot liquid, hoping it will jolt my brain cells into some semblance of functionality. Lena turns to face the room and leans back against me, folding herself into the small space between my hip and my arm on the counter. I slide my hand around and pull her more snuggly against me with that hand while the other maneuvers the coffee one more time.