Chapter Thirty-Eight

Ellesandra

Sleep doesn't find me as Queen Guinievere's words echo through my mind.

Although I've heard nothing about her in the last four centuries, rumors of her illness spread across the continent shortly after my coronation. No name was given to her sickness, but my lady's maids believed poison was the culprit.

Though Sianna spoke of her brother on occasion, I can't recall a single mention of her mother. While I thought it strange for a time, I dismissed it as a wound she didn't wish to reopen.

Now, I know the rumors of Queen Guinievere's mysterious illness were to cover up her husband exacting revenge. Revenge for her attempts to save my mother's life.

I curse under my breath as a cool breeze skitters across my arms and gooseflesh prickles at my skin. As much as I wish it weren't so, the slash that maims her throat speaks the plain truth. I exhale a long breath with the thought.

The resentment I've held toward my mirror soul for these years has been a lie. The war. The blood spilled. All of it in the name of a folly cause. Felix took no part in my mother's death.

Even if her death came by King Ofor's hand, it changes nothing. I can't stay here. I can't marry him. To do so would mean the suffering I've endured for five centuries was for nothing.

The mirror soul bond aside, our relationship is irreparable. We've caused one another far too much pain and sorrow to ever find a semblance of happiness together.

I shiver as the breeze picks up. Seeing that the stars have yet to show their face, it'll be quite some time before the Risian King finishes his duties. At least I'm warm when he's lying beside me.

With a long sigh, I push the furs back. Another chill wracks my body when my feet meet the cold stone. Even with the hearth, the temperature is much cooler than I'm accustomed to. The hem of my silk dressing gown rises as I wrap my arms tightly around my middle.

I move across the chamber quickly, praying Nuelle had the foresight to understand the climate of this stars forsaken kingdom. Unfastening the latch, I bend and rummage through my trunk. Although Felix was displeased to find out I refused to make use of the closet space in the chamber, this is not my home. My clothing doesn't belong there.

A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as the tips of my fingers skate over the thick velvet material. I tilt my head in confusion when I pull the dressing robe from the trunk and a thick stack of parchment tumbles to the floor.

Cold sweeps over me as I pull on the twine that binds them. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of pieces of parchment here. Each piece I shuffle through is torn and held together by threads of gold stitching.

A dry swallow works down my throat when I notice the familiar scrawl. I give little care to the cold stone that meets the backs of my legs as I sit down in front of the trunk and begin to read.

I knew Nuelle kept the letters, but I never imagined she kept this many. Months turn into years, then to centuries as I start with the first letter at the bottom of the stack.

It's the first day after my mother's death. A battering ram strikes the thread in my chest as I make my way through the stack and the Risian King's demands turn into pleas filled with desperation.

My coronation. The day of my wedding to Calor. The fiftieth, then hundredth year of my reign. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and drip from my nose onto the cream-colored parchment with each letter. My soul feels as if it's being cleaved in two with the vulnerability behind my mirror soul's words. I notice a pattern of emotion behind each letter, even the ones that are filled with anger.

I raise my head when a light tug resounds through my chest. The chamber door opens and the Risian King steps inside with my next breath.

His eyes widen as his gaze flickers from my face to the letters that are strewn about on the settee.

"You kept them," he breathes.

"N-No." I swallow back the emotion in my voice. "Nuelle did."

His gaze flies to my face. "And you read them?"

I nod, fearing the tears that sting my eyes will fall. A ragged breath falls from my lips as Felix strides across the chamber.

I crane my neck upward to look at him as he comes to a stop before me. The same emotion that laced the words on the page lies in the depths of his bright blue eyes.

He kneels in front of me and cradles my face in his hands.

A golden tear streams down my cheek as his forehead comes to rest upon mine. "I've missed you, Lumina."

And though my soul echoes the sentiment in kind, the choice has already been made.

I must go.

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I blink against dusk's rays as a rap on the chamber door echoes through the room.

A cold bed greets me when I turn my head to the right. Wrinkled bed linens and the lingering scent of pine are the only signs my mirror soul was here at all.

I frown when a second rap sounds."Yes?"

Sianna breezes into the chamber the moment the word falls from my lips. "Good morning Ella!"

When I gape at her, her smile falls into a frown. I'm unsure of what time it is, but I'm certain it's much too early in the day for such enthusiasm.

"What? Is there something on my gown?"

Propping up on my elbows, I roll my eyes. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

It would do little good to tell her I'd prefer to be left to peace. The stars know Sianna is a morning person and would likely brush my request aside.

She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth as she moves to sit on the bed beside me. The movement does little to hide the excitement that dances in her bright green eyes. "Today's the ceremony."

A ceremony I won't be attending. The bond's dejected cry ricochets through my chest with the thought. It's much too late now though. No matter if my soul longs to join with its mate or not, the decision has already been made. Cold seeps into my bones as I give Sianna a small smile.

"Yes, it is."

The tension in her shoulders ebbs and her hand comes to rest atop the furs. "Nuelle should be along with the gown soon. It's positively stunning, Ella."

A gown I won't be wearing.

"Of course you'd look splendid wearing a grain sack, but it's going to be so beautiful." She beams, though my smile falls. "The lake of starlight is most glorious at twilight. And the flowers!"

The joy that illuminates her face smothers my soul. I close my eyes when the bond's voice suddenly echoes through my mind. We shall remain joined with our mate, it hisses in disdain.

Despite my softening heart toward the King of Risian, I must go. Even if our souls are entwined until the end of my days, no amount of pretty words or lovely sentiments can erase the grief that's etched into my being.

Sianna keeps me company as dusk gives way to night. Hope's glimmer shines in her eyes as she goes over the ceremony in agonizing detail.

An image of the Risian King and I standing before one another in the lake of starlight flashes through my mind with each word that passes from her lips. Ache lances through my chest as the bond makes its wishes clear.

A light rap on the chamber door blessedly interrupts her endless chatter. The first silver star appears in the night sky as I glance out the window.

"Come in," she calls in a singsong voice.

The fragments of my soul are crushed into thousands of crystalline shards as Nuelle sweeps into the chamber. My breath hitches as my gaze falls to the ivory gown she carries in her arms.

Even from across the chamber, I know it's the most beautiful gown ever commissioned for me.

An abundance of gossamer skirts that look to be spun with moonlight brush the stone as Nuelle places the silver hanger on the back of the bathing chamber door. Hundreds of small crystals adorn the plunging lace bodice and flow elegantly down the length of the sleeves.

"It's magnificent," Sianna breathes, drawing my stare away from the dress.

Cold sweeps over me as Nuelle glances over her shoulder and pins me with her gaze. "Certainly fitting for the future queen of two kingdoms, wouldn't you say?"

fter soaking in a milk bath and scrubbing my skin until it's raw and pink, Nuelle helps me step into a clean dressing gown.

Numbness seeps through the cracks of my soul as I stare into the mirror above the basin. It nearly steals my breath.

My skin glows in the soft candlelight that illuminates the bathing chamber. The shadows of purple that once marred the skin under my eyes and attested to many sleepless nights are nowhere to be found. Ringlets of chocolate curls that frame my face are lustrous and soft beneath my fingers.

My lady's maid is right. Given my reflection, none would know the shadows of despair that haunt me.

"Come along now, we must start on your hair. The ceremony is to begin soon," she says, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

As she opens the door and reveals the chamber, I realize Sianna has gone. A frown tugs at the corners of my lips. It's strange that she wouldn't be here to help me dress, given her excitement.

Guiding me onto the settee, Nuelle settles into her place at my back. My gaze latches to the crackling embers of the dying hearth as her fingers run through the length of my curls. The jagged edges of my soul pierce my lungs, each of my breaths aflame with sorrow's affliction.

Tears gather in the corners of my eyes as Nuelle begins to plait my hair. The tune she hums is reminiscent of a similar night. It's the same song she used to soothe me with as I lay with my head in her lap, my tears of anguish seeping into her gown. Pieces of wood aglow with orange in the hearth become a blur as a tear falls down my cheek. This time, however, my soul is grieving what lies ahead rather than the past.

Nuelle pins a plait to the crown of my head. "What troubles you, My Queen?"

"Nothing." I inhale deeply through my nose to steady my voice. "Where has Sianna gone?"

Nuelle's fingers still. "I'm not sure, Your Grace. Though, I do recall earlier she mentioned choosing the jewelry that will compliment your gown."

I swallow back the emotion that rises in my throat as I twist around to glance at her over my shoulder.

"Find her, I'd like her to help me dress." The words are the sourest fruit rolling off my tongue.

Although her lips purse into a thin line, she doesn't voice the suspicion that lies in the depths of her chestnut eyes.

Agony rips through the organ beneath my rib cage as she sweeps a stray curl from my brow. "Someday, you may look back on this moment and realize that life didn't come to an end."

Gooseflesh raises on my arms as her palm comes to rest on my cheek. With the corners of my eyes stinging, I lean into her soothing touch. The skin around her eyes crinkles further as a sad smile stretches across her face.

"I'll return shortly, then we'll get you dressed," she says gently, standing and smoothing the skirts of her gown.

We both know it's a lie.

I nod, afraid that, if I speak, insatiable tears will stream down my face. A fortnight ago, I believed her to be among those slaughtered when the Risian King laid siege to my home. It's almost laughable, in truth. Although she's alive and well, it's because of my mirror soul that I'm forced to let go of someone I love yet again.

The bond's silent screams echo in my mind as she reaches the chamber door and glances over her shoulder.

Her gaze flits to the ivory gown, then back to me. Sorrow reflects in her eyes beneath the low burning candlelight. "Be firm in the path you choose, My Queen."

I stifle the sob that wracks through my body as my lady's maid disappears into the hall and the chamber door snicks shut behind her. To succumb to my grief would only further amplify the depths of despair.

Blinking back my tears, I sniffle and turn toward the window.

It's quiet. Another twinge of pain lances through my chest as the pearlescent waters of the lake of starlight shine in the distance. Silver leaves on the white-barked trees that surround the lake glow beneath a pale moon. The stillness that accompanies the night is peculiar. Seeing that the ceremony is to begin soon, people of the court should be—

I whip my head around when shouts ring out from outside the chamber door. Heavy footfalls running down the hall soon follow.

Gathering my remaining unbound curls in my hand, I twist them into a loose knot at the nape of my neck. My heart thunders in my chest as I toe on my slippers. The bond is a deafening roar in my ears when I quickly move toward the chamber. Do not do thissss.

I close my eyes and push the dark whispers into the back of my mind, willing the walls of my resistance to stand tall. The bond's furious hisses morph into pleas of desperation that fill each of my senses as I haul the chamber door open.

No Risian soldiers are to be found in the long, narrow corridor. The smell of smoke hangs heavily in the air as my feet begin to move. Fire. My strides quicken as I realize that the smell doesn't belong to the sconces on the wall.

The envoy.

Tumultuous thoughts race through my mind as I turn left into the main corridor of this level of the palace. The Brealan envoy said he'd wait for me tonight, but said little else.

I don't know where in the castle the fire is, but I pray to the stars that it's not on my path to the lake's edge.

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I sigh in relief and thank all the stars above when King Alardin's envoy appears, leading a black stallion out of the shadow a few feet from the lake.

"The carriage is just ahead. We must hurry, Your Grace," he says, extending a midnight cloak in my direction.

I nod in silent understanding and slip the thick, wool material over my shoulders. The energy coursing through my veins cares little that it's a man's cloak, my mind coming to focus on the fact that it hangs loosely at my ankles and swallows my dressing gown whole.

Felix is likely to raze the entirety of the continent when he discovers that—

A sharp tug in my chest ricochets through my lungs.

"Your Grace,"he says, his eyes widening with urgency when voices filter into the air from the distance.

My eyes snap downward as he extends his gloved hand. It's weathered with wear, the leather peeling on the tips.

I have to go. I've come much too far, fought too hard and long, to stand beside the Risian King for all eternity. He makes me vulnerable, weak in a way that will bring me to my knees if I allow him.

The wind swirls around us as the envoy extends his hand further. A cry of despair sounds from the bond as I place my hand in his.

Another tug, softer this time, makes me hesitate. It's unlike any other tug I've felt before. Gentle warmth cocoons the bond and stretches beneath my rib cage.

It's in this moment that I'm powerless to resist the temptation to do the thing I swore to never do.

I turn my head ever so slowly, peering over my shoulder at the lake of starlight to find cerulean eyes upon me through the darkness.

Stay.