75. Clear-eyed

Clear-eyed

I t was maybe a little bit irresponsible to sprawl in hot springs and have athletic sex from dawn until late afternoon, but in my defense, I'd had to ride a horse and watch my soulmate die. I felt entitled to some amount of relaxation before facing the music back home.

Cass, who remained a responsible adult despite my best efforts, finally groaned, scrubbed at his face, and announced that we should probably get back before Vad and Dani did something recklessly heroic in our defense. Despite wanting very much to stay, I acceded. I did grumble about it, but I let him chivvy me out of the hot springs and make a door back home.

It was as easy as making a door in the palace. No matter the distance, Cass' body was his, and between his healing and my binding, we were so tightly linked to the Court of Mercy that we might as well have been one creature. Stepping from the far south of Mercy to its heart took no more effort than scratching my ankle.

We did have to make an appearance at some point, but Cass was stark naked and my clothes weren't fit to be seen, so we portaled straight to our enormous bathroom. Cass blew out a heavy breath, the sheen of ice on his wings melting, and turned on the shower.

"Gods," he groaned, dropping his head back. "I never thought I'd say this about the Clement Palace, but it's good to be back home."

I laughed and dumped my ruined clothes in a heap. My sword went onto the counter for later tending. "Looking forward to more hot water, splendor?"

He gave me a wicked smile. "Looking forward to—"

The door flew open with a bang. Cass shied and I squeaked, whirling to face the door. Vaduin stared back, his ears dropped and brows slanted.

His eyes flickered down my body, color rising on his cheeks. "You're back," he said, sounding strained.

Bemused, I set my hand on my hip and cocked a brow at him. "What did I say about knocking, mister?" I asked in an arch voice.

Vad did not stop staring .

Cass cleared his throat. His amusement curled through my blood. "See something you like, Vaddy?"

He let out a low whine and dragged his eyes back up to mine. "What happened to your scar?" he asked, halfway to panting, his wings mantled and tail lashing.

My expression softened at the obvious upset. "He did," I said, pointing over to Cass with my thumb.

Vaduin's bicolored gaze slid over to Cass. An expression of total bewilderment settled onto his face, his tail drifting slowly down to lie on the floor in serpentine curves. "You…" he started. He made another low whine. "Chevalier, you… what happened to you? Your scars, your… you had claws ."

Steam started drifting up from the water pounding down from the showerhead. Cass bit his lip, then stepped over and wrapped his arms around Vad, tugging him up against his broad chest. "I died, sunshine," he said softly. "I had to make myself a new body." When Vad whined a third time, an animal sound of fear and pain, Cass kissed him on the temple. "It's alright. I'm alright."

"You died ?" Vaduin sounded like he'd been gutted. "You— You—"

"It's alright, chanson," Cass said, his voice gentle. "You haven't lost me. I'm right here. My body's simply a little different than when you last saw it."

Vad's tail slid over and coiled up Cass' bare leg. His arms slowly went around his friend, clinging to him.

Practicing some fae politeness, I averted my eyes, snagged a towel, and wrapped it around myself. Fae might not have cared about nudity, and I was pretty comfortable with being nude in front of others, but it felt a bit too weird to do emotional conversations while naked.

"Hey, is everything okay in… there…?" Danica's voice trailed off as she came to a halt outside the bathroom, looking a bit like a deer in headlights as she stared at the panorama: a naked, perfectly healthy Cass hugging Vaduin while steam fogged the air and I stood by in a towel.

The sight of her coming from my side of the suite caught me up short, my skin going cold as everyone I'd left behind came crashing back in. "Oh, holy fuck. Liyn. Kat. Are they—"

"They're fine," Danica assured me, reaching out to grab my hand. "We found Katerina in the morning when we arrived from Mirage. She had some rope burns and bruises, but nothing that couldn't get spruced up by a healer. She told us what happened, that you and Yllana got taken, but…" Her throat worked. "Liyn woke up around noon, made some noises about Cass, and passed back out. The other healers said he'd be down for another couple of days."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and nodded. "Yllana's dead," I said, clinging to Dani's hand. "She killed the Misted Duke for getting Tarra killed. For—hurting Cass." I swallowed, hard, my throat aching. "Mutually assured destruction. I couldn't save her."

I'm so sorry I didn't tell you first , I thought to Cass, guilt wrenching at me. I locked it all away so I could function, and then everything happened, and…

It's alright, love , he sent back. His sorrow hung between us, like silt in still water. We haven't had a time to sit and get the story unspun yet. I understand . Aloud, he said, "Why don't you let us rinse off, and we can all share our words after?"

A low whine was Vaduin's only answer.

Cass kissed his cheek and stroked his hand down the feathers of his back. "It's alright, sunshine," he murmured again. "I'm still here. Don't be afraid."

I watched them for a long moment, then turned and met Dani's emerald eyes. "There's not an easy way to tell your best friend you died and had to reconstitute a new body," I said, my throat going thick at the memories—at the way my soulmate's heart was breaking for his closest friend. "It's a long story. We don't have to shower. We can just talk if that's the best thing."

"Can I stay?" Vad asked, his voice throaty. "Can I— I just—"

Please? Cass asked me silently, as if I would ever say no.

"Of course you can." I walked over and set my hand on his arm, looking up at him. I stroked my thumb along his skin. "Whatever you need."

He nodded, still holding onto Cass. Some of the tension eased out of his posture, though, wings lowering and breathing easing. The very tip of his tail brushed against my bare leg in a gentle caress.

I didn't know his past – didn't know who he'd lost to have such grief wound through his soul – but I didn't have to know the details to see the pain. Hadn't I felt exactly like that after my dad had died? Spent years terrified to let my people out of my sight, in case they never came back? We should have come straight home , I sent to Cass ruefully.

He gave Vad a nuzzle and released him. Probably , he sighed back. I didn't think of how scared Vaddy would be. He's lost people before.

Vaduin let go of Cass and sat down on the ground, one arm held across his own chest. Dani came over and sat down in his lap; Vad wrapped himself around her like she was a talisman against danger, burying his face against her neck.

She mouthed thank you at me and started petting Vad's hair.

Of course , I mouthed back, and got in the shower with Cass.

We didn't luxuriate in showering. The mineral water of the hot springs was too crunchy to leave on our skin, but with Vad and Dani sitting right outside the shower, there wasn't any point in lingering. I washed off the last traces of blood and gave my hair the world's most cursory shampooing while Cass maneuvered his wings to get all the feathers rinsed off. We were out in fifteen minutes at most.

Vad had settled in the meantime, so that when we got out of the shower, our friend only looked up at us, his arms wrapped loosely around his soulmate as he rested against the wall.

Cass sauntered over towards the wall of greenery and shook himself like a wet bird, his feathers roused. I bit my lips to keep from smiling at Cass watering the flowers to dry off.

What? he sent through our bond, flashing a wry smile in my direction. I have to get dry somehow . No reason to waste perfectly good water.

By the time we got dried off and dressed, it was getting towards dinnertime, so on a whim we flew down to the Dove's Roost for dinner. Though the rooftop dining area was closed for the winter season, we got shown to a private back room—a lovely space, complete with a crackling fire in a brick fireplace and beanbag-like lounging pillows set in front of it.

A few murmured words to the hostess, and the room was ours for the night and into the morning, if we so desired. There were some benefits to being royalty, and for the sake of our friends, Cass was more than happy to draw on his unasked-for status.

We told the story over dinner. It wasn't an easy task. The agony of it was so raw, and even with Cass keeping his physical reactions to the remembered fear and pain dampened, our connection meant that it was easy for those emotions to get into a feedback loop and amplify. We had to stop several times, breathing with care to settle ourselves, and begin again.

Dani was our saving grace. She seemed to have a sixth sense for when to interject a question or a lighthearted comment, and it kept us out of the mire. Once she chivvied Cass and Vaduin out of their mutual grief, they kept their heads above the water, and the whole thing turned from a grim recitation to more of an adventure tale. Every laugh and smirking comment put a little more distance between us and the pain, and anchored us in the ending of the tale: good food, good friends, and the certainty of victory.

When we got to my rampage, Danica laughed and clonked her head against Vaduin's shoulder. "Twinsies," she said, flashing me a bright smile. "How many walls did you leave standing?"

I bit my lip, glancing sideways at Cass. "I have no idea," I admitted, with my soulmate smirking down at me. "Most of it was still standing when we left, but, um, the Court was pretty pissed off. There might not be a lot left."

Vad let out a weary groan. "Ruekh's mercy, Cass, what rules of magic aren't you setting on their heads?"

"Tch, don't blame me for that one." He settled his arm across my shoulders, his smug pride radiating into me. " Quyen's the one who yoked the Court so damn tightly. It was reflecting her emotions, too, even before we balanced. That's probably why my impact on the Court got so much more intense once she made it to the palace."

" Really ," Vad said, looking at me with interest. "I hadn' t even heard of that happening with the Monarchs of newborn Courts. I thought it was just more of Cass being weird."

I made a face. "Apparently I'm a mage of some sort. At least, that's the going theory."

Cass squeezed his arm across my shoulders, giving me a half-hug. "I don't know of a name for how Quyen's source manifests—"

"So there probably isn't one," Vaduin inserted wryly.

"—but suffice it to say that she forged her own connections back along our soulmate bond and our tie to the Court," Cass finished, his pride radiating into me. "I suspect we'll be discovering what, precisely, that means for years to come, but it certainly means that the Court is more prone to acting on our emotions."

"Neat," Dani said, flashing me a bright smile. "It's nice to have another mortal mage around. Tell me about the rampage."

So I did.

When we'd finally exhausted the stories and Vad had finished grousing about us fucking in hot springs instead of coming straight home to tell him we were okay, Cass tossed back the last of his wine and flashed a wicked smile at his friend. "Let me make it up to you, snake-eyes," he suggested. "One hour of cuddling for every hour you had to needlessly suffer while I celebrated being alive."

Vad's ears dropped down in shock.

Dani started laughing, looking up at her soulmate. "Ooh, he's got your mark, hissy-kissy." She tousled his hair. "Are you even gonna try bargaining?"

"Since when is cuddling part of your repertoire?" Vad got out, sounding strained.

"Since about fourteen hours ago, when I chose to stop deciding for other people what they were allowed to want from me," Cass said cheerfully. He got up and stretched his wings like a bird. "Don't think I haven't noticed how much more physically affectionate you've gotten with people since you and Dani balanced. You already know what it's like to touch me, so if you want that—"

"Yes," Vad blurted out. He shoved himself to his feet. "Can we, right now?"

Love warmed my soul as Cass sauntered over to the lounging pillows and sprawled down across them in a half-reclined seat, taking care with his wings. He patted the meat of his thigh. "C'mere," he said, tipping his head back to smile at us, upside-down. "You, too, ladies, if you like."

"Cuddle puddle, huh?" I asked, finishing off my own wine before getting up from the table.

"Why not?" he asked with a heart-stopping smile. "I have a lot of time to make up for. Might as well start now."

Vad took Cass' leg pat literally and sprawled down across him like a cat, one arm wrapped around his thigh and his head on Cass' lap. Dani joined him as Cass started petting Vad's hair, tucking herself up along her soulmate's chest with her head on Cass' thigh.

If Vaduin could have purred, I was pretty sure it would have been loud enough to hear back up at the Clement Palace.

I settled myself up along Cass' left side, his arm around me and his heart beating under my ear. He made a low rumble of contentment, an almost silent vibration of pleasure.

Happy Cass? I asked him silently. He made that sound again, so like a giant cat that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

"I know this should feel bittersweet, given that two of my dukes and both my mother and sister are dead, but I'm nothing but happy," Cass said in a low voice. His fingers rubbed across the undercut of Vaduin's long hair, making our friend hum with pleasure. "I never expected loyalty from Shamais or Alair, and I said goodbye to my blood kin a long time ago." A smile touched his mouth as he looked back over at me. "You're the family I chose. Everyone I love is right here."

"We love you, too," Dani said in a low murmur. "Both of you."

I huffed a laugh and reached over to ruffle her hair. Vad nipped my fingers like a needy cat, so I ruffled his hair, too. "Generous with your affection, huh?"

"Of course I am. Vad's my soulmate, and he loves to love," she said, earning a sleepy hiss from him.

We stayed sprawled there together, watching the fire and exchanging comfortable words. Vaduin fell asleep on Cass' lap within the first ten minutes, with Dani following him maybe fifteen minutes later. It left Cass and I cuddling, the timeless night stealing across us and total ease settling into our bones.

Nothing had ever felt as right as his arm around me and the sound of his heart against my listening ear. His thumb stroked along my side with slow affection. Bit by bit, the fire died down into embers, and no one came to ask us to leave.

"Was it worth it?" Cass asked as the night turned towards midnight, his voice pitched low and his expression warm.

"Of course it was." I cuddled a little closer, smiling up at him. "I don't think it's going to get easier, though, splendor. You're still going to have to deal with that shitshow, come sunrise."

A slow smile spread across his face, as warm as the fire. "I don't think I care."

"Oh, really?" I nuzzled him. "Why's that?"

"We'll do it together," he said. Happiness suffused me, the sort of contented banked-fire emotion that lasts a lifetime. "You, me…" Cass glanced down at where Vaduin was softly snoring. "These menaces."

I barked out a laugh and sprawled up against him. "Our family, huh? "

"Yeah," Cass murmured. "Our family." Cass tipped my face up and kissed me, soft and sure, his lips moving with aching demand. My lips parted. My mouth wetted. I didn't care that Vaduin was asleep on his lap. I was willing to climb right on there, too. Cass had plenty of lap to go around.

Greedy, he purred into my mind.

V-E-R-Y, I wrote back on my inner thigh.

He nipped my lip and broke the kiss, making me pout. "Be polite, dove," he said in a low croon. "If we wake them up, they might want to join."

"Tch. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." I burrowed my face up against his chest. Might even be fun, I offered shyly through our bond, looking up at him through my lashes.

"Maybe so." Cass ran his fingers through my hair, the contact making me shiver. "But I want you all to myself for a while." In beds, he continued silently, leaning into our connection, an image of him sprawled out under me sliding into the forefront of my mind. In ropes. Cass on his knees, hands tied above his head and wings bound behind him. Against walls, and on counters, and in alcoves where we might get caught. A flicker of each, more experience than image, ending with me pinned in a corner in the waiting room for the revels, fancy dress shoved up around my waist and panties yanked to the side as Cass fucked me with desperation.

I let out a low whine, pressing my thighs together. Cruel .

V-E-R-Y , he traced along my throat. "So, my Queen," he murmured, wickedness in the firelit gleam of his golden eyes. "What do you think about planning a honeymoon?"