28. Close the Distance

Close the Distance

I followed Cass to our stupidly massive bedroom, stepping into the lamplight with a sense of comfort. The palace answered me so easily already. I didn't think I could open rips in the air or make beautiful inlaid floors at a thought, but I could find people and I could open doors. That felt pretty good for only having six days of experience.

He was waiting for me, pacing across the open floor between the big four-poster bed and the collection of couches. Cass stopped when he saw me, everything tensing, then looked away with a pained expression, his jaw clenching.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, my chest wrenching from it. "I didn't mean to—"

"How long?" Cass asked roughly. "How long have you been doing that? Hearing my thoughts, and, and, changing them?"

Horror thudded into me. My stomach twisted, acid on the back of my tongue. " Cass ," I said, nauseous at the very thought. "Oh, my god, no . I haven't— I would never —" I had to stop, hand over my mouth, swallowing back my nausea. "I heard you for the first time today, after you let me touch your wings, and then again a little later, right before you opened the door to take us to the revel. I wasn't trying to change your thoughts. I was trying to send you mine."

His mouth trembled. I could feel the shift in his power and that of the Court's as he examined me, my body easing towards calm from the touch of his healing magic. "You're not lying," he whispered. "Gods. You're not lying." Cass fumbled for a chair and sat down heavily, then buried his head in his hands. The claws of his jewelry dug into his scalp. "Do you have any idea what you did?"

I wrapped my arms around my chest, feeling small. "I… no," I admitted. I wet my lips. "Did I hurt you?"

Cass breathed a sharp laugh, something edged with pain. "No," he said softly. "No, you didn't hurt me." He rubbed at his face before sitting back up and looking at me. Weariness dragged at him, his wings and shoulders sagging. "I'm used to being inviolable," Cass said after a moment. "I'm a battle-trained reflex healer. It's very rare that someone can break through my natural defenses and affect my body without me allowing it. Even when I'm drained, it's very difficult for healers to get past my defenses if I'm not assisting them."

"And I did?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He hesitated, then nodded. "I was taught that, in many ways, the body is a mediator for the soul. Most magic affects the body first. Even very powerful mages who can affect the metaphysical generally act via the body's mediation, not directly." Cass took a deep breath. "You wanted to send me your thoughts, but what happened on the physical level is that you caused my brain to hallucinate your voice as if it was my own doing. If I was anything other than what I am, I don't think I would have noticed how you did it, but…" He swallowed, his throat bobbing. "Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. It felt violating."

I closed my eyes, trying not to start shaking. "I'm sorry," I said again, the words feeling pathetic.

"Quyen," Cass said gently. When I made myself open my eyes, he gave me a sad smile. "You don't need to apologize. I'm doing the same thing to you constantly, on a much greater scale. I was simply…" He sighed, looking away. "…shocked," he said, the word almost inaudible, "and terrified of the ramifications. Of what I might not have seen happen to me, and what it meant for what we might become. But you didn't do that to me, and I regret jumping to that conclusion."

The cold horror gripping me started easing away. I took a careful seat on the couch across from him, the mist of my dress pooling in pale silk on the seat to fall in silvery streamers down to the floor. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but why do you trust that I'm telling the truth? I'm human. I could theoretically lie to you. I'm not, but I could."

He tapped his foot on the floor. "The Court can tell if you're lying. It's part of you, and unlike you, it's faery."

I blinked at that. "Oh."

"I have a good physical read on you, too, and mortals in general," he added, sounding rueful about it. "Even without the Court being linked to us both, I have a fairly accurate ability to tell when a mortal is lying, as long as I have some prior experience with them. You're not lying, and I know that beyond any reasonable doubt. You haven't been controlling my thoughts."

Neither of those reasons were as good as simply being trusted, but I didn't blame him for wanting verification when I could be mucking about in his memories. He'd only known me for six days, and most of that time we hadn't gotten to spend actually getting to know each other.

"No, I haven't," I said softly, nausea twisting my gut at the very idea.

Cass tilted his head back and sighed. "I suppose you have a direct connection to my soul, past any of my physical defenses. I'm not used to being vulnerable like that. It scared me."

I let out a heavy breath, the tension leaving my shoulders. "What do you want me to do about it?" I asked. "I think we have an answer for what six weeks in the wilderness did to me. I'm assuming telepathy isn't a normal soulmate thing."

"Not so much, no," Cass said with a wry expression. He shook his head, the earrings swinging and ruby drops catching the light. I liked that Vaduin had matched us, even though the night was ending like this. "Give me a few days to get used to the idea of it?" he suggested. "What you could do to me is difficult for me to be comfortable with, even though I could surely do worse to you. If it's only with me, I don't think you're a mage, but we're clearly going to be an unusual pairing. I think I don't mind you listening in, but don't reach back, alright? At least for now."

What a strange place for two people to be. A man used to being both an unstoppable force and immovable object, now faced with someone who might be able to play as his equal—but only with him. Maybe Danica was right, and the fact that everything about his life was already shaken up would help us figure out how to settle ourselves together. With the Court to blame, his vulnerability didn't even have to be my fault. It could be something we handled together.

"Are the notes okay?" I asked. He only raised a brow, so I said, "You know, the skin-writing." I demonstrated on myself, tracing T-H-I-S on my forearm. "Or feather-writing, I guess, since you could feel that, too. I think I must be interacting with your aura when I touch them."

His mouth slanted up. "That's fine. More than fine, actually." Cass breathed a laugh, his expression upgrading to a true smile, albeit a tired one. "I very much enjoy the sensation of you focusing on me, and the notes help me feel comfortable about having my attention on you, too. I…" he hesitated, then forged on. "I like physical contact a great deal when it's mutually pleasurable, and mutually desired. What we have isn't exactly the same, but it's similar enough that as long as I can believe that you're finding pleasure in the touch of my magic, I'll surely enjoy sharing that with you."

"I like it," I said shyly. I bit my lip for a second, the frisson of nervousness at admitting something like that an unusual sensation for me. This seemed important, though. Critical, even. "It was strange at first, but mostly because I didn't know what was going on or who you were. But I know who you are, now, and you know I exist. So it's nice." I laughed, blushing, more of an anxious reflex than anything else. I hadn't been this nervous asking out my first crush. "Honestly, it was even kind of nice in the wilderness. I wasn't ever alone out there."

"Nice is good," Cass said, smiling at me. He rested his forearms on his thighs, leaning forward. "Generally, the kindest reaction I get to people experiencing being linked to me is that it's weird and off-putting, but not actively unpleasant most of the time."

I flashed him my teeth. "The only time it was actively unpleasant was when you flinched me right off a cliff."

Cass winced, his wings coming up. "Ah. That's unfortunate."

"It was a small cliff, if that helps," I said in a playfully-soothing voice, like I was talking to a dog who'd just run into a glass door for the umpteenth time. "You healed the sprained ankle and scrapes right up, too. Very thoughtlessly thoughtful."

He made a face at me. "You're teasing me, aren't you?"

"I am," I said with an easy smile. "Might as well try to take the edge off that guilt you're carrying around. Someone told me not to let myself be consumed by guilt for things I couldn't control, and I'm hoping he'll take his own advice."

"Rude," Cass said, though his expression warmed, the corners of his eyes lifting and a smile slowly spreading across his face.

"Very." After a moment, I asked, "Did you send Kat away? My assistant, I mean."

"Only to the consort's room." He stood and stretched, spreading his wings to their full extent, which was possibly the only benefit to having a room this big. The movement dragged the chains across his body, the rubies set into the metal catching the light. "I can send her in for you." Cass folded his wings down again, the metal feathers chiming. "I truly appreciate how much forbearance you're giving me. None of this is particularly easy for me, but I still should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I'll try to see you past my fear the next time something shocking surely happens."

It wasn't quite an apology, but he was fae. This was probably as close as they got for minor offenses. When it came down to it, an admission of guilt like that was the same thing, anyway, only worded more delicately.

"You're forgiven," I said with a smile, getting a drop-eared look of relieved yearning in reply. Longing shivered through my bones, tightening my ribs and speeding the pace of my heart. "Come say goodnight when you're ready for bed?"

"As you like," he said, sounding shy.

It didn't take long for Kat to get me ready for bed once Cass sent her back in. The dress, after all, was actually three pieces of jewelry, and the rubies had a simple clasp. Most of the work was washing the makeup off my face and the ink off my back, and even that didn't take that long.

I couldn't imagine Cass' outfit taking much longer to remove, and he didn't have makeup, only braids, but even after I was in some comfy pajamas (flannel pants, of all things, and a mortal-side t-shirt for some band I'd never heard of) and Kat had gone off to her room, Cass didn't emerge. Though I could maybe have gotten his attention via paying attention to my sense of him, I decided that was probably too raw, and knocked on the adjoining door, instead.

Cass growled something unintelligible from the other side. The soundproofing between the rooms was really good.

I cracked it open. "You okay in there, splendor?" I drawled.

"I can't figure out these fucking body-chains," he said in a snarl. "If they weren't so gods-damned expensive, I'd cut them off. I'm sorely tempted to do it anyway."

"You want me to help?" I asked, trying to suppress my mirth.

He fell silent for a moment, then made a grumbling sound. "Yes," he said, sounding about as happy as a cat being shoved into a carrier.

Cass gave me a dire look as I stepped into the room. He'd managed to tangle the chains around himself like a girl at the mall trying to take off a too-tight dress. He had one hand trapped up by his collarbone and the other tied down across his chest. He even had a chunk of his loose hair snagged on one of the small metal plates. With his wings pinned against his back so he wouldn't slice the metal and his arms completely immobilized, he was trussed up like a moth in a spiderweb.

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. "Wow," I said, barely restraining my mirth.

"I'd get Vaddy, but he'll surely laugh his ass off if he hears about this, let alone sees it," Cass growled. "Can you get me out of it?"

"Not without touching you." I circled him, trying to figure out what he'd done trying to squirm out of the body-chains. "I'm assuming you can't sit."

"I doubt it. But I don't mind the touching, if you don't," he said, sounding hesitant. "I know I'm overwhelming, but you know what you'll be facing, now. You can touch me if you like."

"Well, alright." I grabbed a spindly chair and dragged it over, then hopped up onto it and started puzzling out the clasps on the body-chains. There were a bunch of them, all along a series of jeweled metal plates that were clearly supposed to lie over his spine, but which were now cranked halfway on top of his wing. I picked them open, one at a time, dropping them over his shoulder to dangle down his front.

My fingertips brushed against his warm skin with every clasp I undid, brief moments of contact that sent heat washing through me. It was so easy to lean into, a temptation I couldn't resist. Careful breaths; heartbeat held steady. Trying not to inhale too deeply. The scent of her skin makes me want to sink my teeth into her—Gods, don't even think like that. Control yourself. I swallowed, my mouth watering, and started easing his hair off of the chain it was tangled in.

Cass' finger traced across my arm—no, traced against his, with his wings trembling from the intensity of connection when we touched. H-I.

"Hi," I whispered back.

His mouth tugged towards a smile and melted back into raw enjoyment. S-T-I-L-L-O-K-? he asked, tracing the letters on his palm. It made my hand tingle and all my skin go hot, as intimate as if he'd been writing on me with a calligraphy brush.

I ran my fingers through his freed hair to get the tangles out – he'd already taken out all the braids – and traced Y-E-S on my cheek.

"Good," he said, the soft word shaky.