15. Serena

"Thank you. Truly."

I find myself surprised by this strange, fiery being. He could have easily abandoned me to the cold. In fact, it would have only been logical. What do I really mean to him?

Perhaps more than I thought. While he was nursing me back to health, he apparently accomplished a great deal, feeding the humans in the tower we liberated and even liberating two more.

The only thing that bothers me is that for some reason, I can't find my mother's amulet. I don't want to accuse him of taking it from me, but I fell asleep with it mere days ago, and I haven't been able to find it since.

"I didn't evacuate all the towers," he replies. "So if you want, you can still have your fun."

The frozen wasteland is so much less foreboding by his side. In spite of my reservations, I should have realized how crucial he is to the cause. Now I can walk among the fields and tundras without worrying about freezing to death.

And before I met him, even when the people I loved were by my side, that was an impossibility.

But lately, he's been sulking more than I remember.

"Are you okay?"

He looks back at me, not really engaging with me or seeing me like he usually does.

"I'm fine," he confirms, though the way he says it contradicts his point.

"You don't seem fine."

He stops moving in his tracks, the snow melting underneath him and giving way to rubble.

"Oh, am I worthy of your kindness now that I've done what you asked?"

I try to meet his gaze, but he won't look at me.

"Cinis, I'm sorry," I tell him. "I wasn't myself. I've been through a lot."

He shakes his head, and the flames that break off him, which I used to find cute or alluring, now seem intimidating.

Something's very different about him.

"Can you please talk to me and tell me what's wrong, so we can work it out?"

"Before I dropped you off at the hovel," he tells me, "you insisted that it meant nothing and that I was just using you for sex. It's been a long time, and you still haven't apologized for that."

I grunt, more frustrated than I can articulate.

"I'm sorry then," I reply. "I'm sorry I assumed that you were only keeping me around because you wanted to have sex with me."

"Whatever."

We stop where we always stop before any dramatic fallout, with the visible towers that both brought us together and tore us apart in the background.

"I know something else is wrong."

He doesn't say anything for a solid minute. He just stares. Finally, he speaks. "Would you still keep me around if I wasn't valuable to you? If I wasn't powerful?"

"What do you mean?"

I try to act kind, moving in toward him to try to comfort him. But as soon as I approach him, I feel overwhelmed by his heat.

Something is wrong. If I move any closer, I know that he will burn me.

"I mean that from the moment I've met you, I've done everything you asked. I helped you free the towers, then I freed two more. I fed the captives. I even became intimate with you…"

"You wanted that. I know you did."

He nods. "Okay. You're right."

"What else aren't you telling me?" I ask.

He stares down at the ground, as though afraid to ask the question on his mind. But eventually, he breaks the silence.

"How are you connected to the dark elves? Those pointy-eared creatures that imprisoned you?"

I shake my head, not able to believe that he's making me address my trauma directly.

"We've been over this. They captured and enslaved me. Then they were going to use me against my will."

He floats in place, and the jets of flame that shoot beneath him, keeping him propelled, now unnerve rather than calm me.

"I don't think that's all it is."

"Okay, Cinis," I say. "Fine. Explain this to me. Why would I be working with people who ruined my life and killed everybody I love?"

He hovers, not saying anything.

"I hate the dark elves. I will always hate the dark elves. You're reopening wounds I thought were closed forever, just mentioning them. Do you know what it's like, watching people you care about be killed in front of you without a thought? For the fun of it?

I sigh in frustration. "By the gods. I don't know if you noticed, but I just got done reliving the worst experiences of my life. And now you, a mind-reading creature–"

"I don't read minds," he interjects.

"You sure as hells did earlier, which I'm pretty sure is why we're fighting. But what do I know?"

He fumes. "You think I can control any part of what I am or what I'm able to do? If you're uncomfortable with any of it, just call me an outsider. Call me a freak."

"I never once said you were a freak! I don't even know how you know that word. I just wish you'd respect my mental privacy a little more. People aren't supposed to know the things you do."

He widens the distance between us, and I'm afraid he might abandon me in the frozen wasteland.

I have to de-escalate this. If I'm abandoned out here, I could be in big trouble.

"I can't control any of it, Serena. Can't you understand that?"

I don't know what to say. If I give my permission, then I'm justifying his intrusion into my mind.

"Forget it," he says. "Never mind."

He starts to float away. I realize that I need to stop him if I'm going to stand any chance of surviving.

"Wait."

I reach to grab his arm, badly burning myself before pulling away.

"Why can't I touch you?" I ask, looking at the reddened skin on my palm.

He turns back, startled. I can see that he doesn't have an answer.

I can see that something has upset him dramatically.

"Can you at least take me home?" I ask, moving on from my question. "Maybe you don't care about me anymore. Maybe you're ready to believe horrible things about me. But I'm going to die out here if you leave me."

He produces a bright flame, causing me to jump back. I worry that he might actually kill me.

"Fine," he says. "Just use me like you always do."

I look back, trying to think out how I caused this, how we could have gotten to this point. It's true that I was a little aggressive yesterday, but it felt justified. I'm still putting myself together.

But that last thing he said really threw me.

What could have possibly caused him to think I allied myself with the dark elves? I even instructed him to wipe them out. Much of our time together has been invested in clearing the continent of their presence.

If he had heard me at all, he'd know how much I hate them. For him not to know, that tells me he wasn't listening and didn't care as much about me as I thought.

We walk together in silence, something I'm becoming a little more comfortable with than I'd like. Perhaps this relationship isn't worth salvaging after all.

Maybe he's different from me, on nearly every level. But he's still the most real thing I've found in this frozen wasteland since I lost my family - twice.

"Well, you got what you wanted," I tell him as we arrive back at the hovel.

"How could I possibly want this?"

I shake my head.

"You wanted a guide to get you through this world. The world of Protheka," I remind him. I try to interject a little levity, burying my hostility toward him, so that we can leave each other on a positive note. "Now you know just about everything you need."

He watches me for a time, studying me. I want to touch him, to close the distance between us, but for some reason, I can't.

How did everything become so complicated so quickly?

I feel like I'm trapped in the center of a tornado, with no idea how to escape it.

"Just tell me the truth," he says, calming down only to infuriate me yet again. "If you're working with them, tell me."

I clench my free fist, a contrast to the hand currently seeking his warmth. I need to get away from him before I do something I regret.

"I have no idea how you'd ever think that. And the fact that you do insults me."

"I don't mean to insult you," he says. "But the dark elves are capable of unmaking me. They're the reason I was brought to this realm in the first place–"

I walk back into the hovel, ready to be done with this conversation. The door remains open behind me.

"If you hate it so much here, then just get away from me."

He hesitates. I hope he won't take me at my word, that he'll stay and try to work things out. I don't know anymore if there's anything worth keeping alive, but he brings me a peace unlike anything I've ever known.

I feel safe with him.

Instead, he floats away from me, and I'm left alone in the hovel he built, a sturdy reminder of the life we shared together, however brief.

"I have to get out of here."

Before he disappears from my field of vision, the fire inside the hovel lights, his final parting gift to me.

If I'm able to make it back, then I still have a home at the camp. It's a long way from here, but at least I'll be welcomed and I'll have a chance of surviving.

Perhaps it's best to let somebody else deal with the dark elves for now. I can't be the only one still ready to take up arms.

"I should have had him take me back," I mutter.

I would have loved to introduce him to that world and show him the people I spent my time with. I spend some time alone with my thoughts, mourning my loss.

I feel the tender flesh on my palm. It stings to the touch.

I lost my mother's amulet. My one reminder of her, which she gave to me as a child. And I lost Cinis.

Finally ready to accept the end of a beautiful thing, I move to close the door. That's when an unnerving feeling crosses over me, sending cold prickles down my spine.

I hear the stomps and snorts of equus.

And I'm face to face, yet again, with my captors. I can see them dismounting, ready to overwhelm me.

"Oh, no."