Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I glide from the bedroom into the hallway and, once more, it's as if the cottage could be empty.

I pause at the entrance to the room with the table and the fireplace, but Emil isn't there any longer.

With a strike of sudden unease, I'm reminded of the moments back on the island when he and I immersed ourselves in the ocean to wash sand off our bodies.

Within the water, Emil's form had been like a dark shadow, so much more like the wraith he'd been when I'd first met him.

The moonlight had streamed through his entire form, halting only when it had reached the ring on his finger.

In that moment, it had seemed as if he hadn't existed at all.

Now, he's like that all the time.

I don't understand what's changed or when, exactly, it happened.

Was it during his fight with my father within the catacombs or after my heart started breaking?

Or even when I broke the book?

Only a little of my anger has gone and none of my physical need, but now worry joins it.

I may have tried to wrest back control, but the reality is that I have none.

With a shiver, I hurry from the cottage into the rose garden, pausing when the apple orchard catches my eye.

The way it sparkles, it's pretty, but not in a nice way. More in a pretty-thing-that-will-bite-you way. I haven't gone near it yet, and I'm not sure if I should.

Turning away from it, I hurry back to my pack, the gauzy, black dress swishing around my legs along the way.

They're all curled up around the campfire except for Riot, who's standing watch.

He greets me softly, but there's an urgency in his gaze as he looks me over—probably checking me for injuries. "Darkness, are you okay?"

"He didn't tell me anything."

Riot doesn't look surprised. "At least you tried."

"Yeah." I pause where I stand, not wanting to wake the others, but also uncertain if I'll be able to sleep.

When I glance at Riot, he's wearing a sad smile.

"It doesn't take a genius to know that you've got a lot on your mind," he says. "You could try running it off. This forest is deep, and if you head in that direction, you'll avoid Jonah." He points toward the west. "That is, assuming you want to be alone? If you'd like company, I'm happy to come with you."

The corners of his mouth rise. "Panther versus wolf could be interesting."

I've never run with the panthers in my wolf form. But there's a reason for that.

I grimace. "Unfortunately, I can't take my wolf form without my wings appearing."

Riot tips his head, his lilac hair slipping to the side. "And that's a problem because…?"

"They aren't exactly streamlined." My grimace grows and now I struggle to explain. "I mean, it's not as if I've ever really tried running with them. Not even back on the island. But I think they'll make it embarrassingly cumbersome."

Riot arches an eyebrow at me. "There's only one way to find out."

I clear my throat. "Maybe I'll try it on my own first."

"I can respect that."

"Thank you. But your suggestion is a good one. Running, that is."

Before I can turn away, he catches my arm. "Darkness." His expression is solemn again. "We care about you. You aren't alone in this."

"Thank you," I whisper, and, on impulse, I step into his arms, taking the hug he offers.

As his arms close around me, he murmurs, "Don't think for a second that we fear the darkness you could bring. You decide your future. You . Not a book. Not the keeper. Not the goddess of death. Not your father. Not some shit that happened thousands of years ago. Not even us—your pack. You ."

He hugs me more tightly before he lets me go. "Don't forget that."

I try to find the words I need when all I can manage is, "I won't forget."

Stepping back from him, I turn to the forest and hurry into its shadows, taking comfort from the movement.

Riot was right.

As soon as I start running, even though it isn't in wolf form, I feel better.

Little, brown rabbits scatter ahead of me, all of them peeling off in different directions.

I pass the patches of wild vegetables where Rumble and Strife must have gathered our dinner. And then I veer wide of the location where my senses tell me Jonah is sitting, his breathing quiet and even.

Meditation could be another option for me, but not unless running doesn't cut it.

I pause only to hitch the dress up around my thighs, tying it at my hip to keep it away from my legs, and then I continue into the shadows.

The farther I run, the colder it becomes until my heaving breaths are frosting in the air.

Still, I push myself, on and on for hours until I find myself heading toward a bright spot in the darkness.

Something sparkles through the trees, but I'm not sure what it is.

I push myself faster, trying to make out the glittering light until I burst from the shadows and into?—

No, wait. This isn't right.

I'm at the back of the apple orchard.

But I was headed far to the west of the forest—exactly the opposite direction to the orchard. There's no way I should have come all the way around to the back of it because that would have required running in a near circle.

Even so, if I peer hard enough, I can make out the shape of the cottage through the sparkling trees in the distance and the rose garden that sits in front of it.

I shake myself and step backward, turning and pointing myself in the opposite direction, deliberately heading toward Jonah this time, since he's a fixed point in the other direction.

Half an hour later, I burst into the orchard again.

My exclamation is breathless. "What the fuck?"

I was certain I was headed toward Jonah, and yet I'm right back here.

I'm suddenly horribly uneasy.

This place is supposed to respond to what I need, but I didn't think it would shift around on me like this.

And I sure as anything don't need to be coming up on the butt of this orchard again.

My unease grows as I wonder…

Am I stuck?