Chapter 25

25

MABEL

“I don’t really know if that was love-bombing.”

I’m at Bistro Bliss with Bellamy, near her Philadelphia apartment, along with our friends Nori and Shantae. We’ve just finished brunch but we’re still drinking mimosas. I like how the bubbly wine is making me a little tipsy.

I look at Nori and bite my lip. “It felt like it.”

She nods. “I get that.”

“It reminded me of when Julian and I started dating. He showered me with attention. All these sweet text messages and compliments and gifts. He took me to my favorite restaurants. He even took me to a bookstore on one of our dates.” I make a face.

“But it wasn’t sincere,” Shantae says.

“Apparently not. Things changed.”

“It’s to trick you,” Nori says. “You think it’s real and he’s crazy about you, but he’s really doing it for selfish reasons. Setting you up for manipulation and abuse.”

“Yeah.” I know this. “One time he gave me a Coach bag and I was so thrilled, and then when I annoyed him, he asked for it back.”

Bellamy closes her eyes, looking like she’s going to cry. “That asshole.”

“Punishing you, for whatever it was you did,” Nori says softly. “Trying to devalue you.”

“It worked,” I reply glumly. “Anyway, all the stuff Ben did reminded me of that. The flowers, the chocolate, all the thoughtful gestures.”

The cute waiter approaches. “Another round?”

“Yes, please!”

He smiles and disappears.

“Do you really think Ben had selfish reasons for doing that?” Shantae asks.

“I don’t know. It seemed very… fake. Like, he wrote me a poem .”

“Aw. That’s sweet.”

“It was.” I sigh. “It was really bad. But it was sweet. It’s not like him. He’s a hockey player, not a poet.”

“Hmmm.” Bellamy frowns.

“He wrote it for me . That was so thoughtful that he went to all that trouble. But then I think… am I stupid to think that? Is he trying to manipulate me?” I cover my face with my hands. “Fuck Julian. I’m so messed up.”

“It’s good to step back and think about it,” Bellamy says slowly. “And talk to us about it. We’re here for you.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here. I knew I needed some distance. Some perspective.”

“Apparently narcissists do that stuff so they can get the love and affection they need, because their self-worth is so low. Did it seem like that?” Nori cocks her head.

“No. Definitely not. He is hard on himself because of his introversion but not like that. He knows who he is. Like, he knows he’s a good hockey player. He knows he can make the team better.”

“Were there any other red flags?” Shantae asks.

I think back.

“Not respecting your boundaries,” she offers.

“No.”

“Checking in with you all the time?”

“No.” I shake my head and sip my drink. “Not an excessive amount. He’s very good at text messaging.” I give them a wistful look. “He’s kind of shy about talking, but when he has time to think about what he wants to say, he’s really good at it.”

“Was he jealous of other men?”

“I don’t think so…” I think back to that night at Uncle Ernie’s when the other guys were being kind of inappropriate, and I caught a look on Ben’s face that was… unhappy. But it wasn’t exactly jealous. Maybe a little possessive but not in a creepy way that set off alarm bells for me. More like he was worried that the guys were offending me, or not respecting me.

Our fresh drinks arrive and I push aside my empty glass and pick up the new one.

When the waiter has left, Shantae asks, “Does he have friends? Because guys with no friends are a red flag.”

“He’s… quiet,” I say. “He likes to be alone. He does have friends, though. He really cares about his teammates. And they love him.”

“Has he tried to contact you since that night?”

I look down. “He sent one text message saying he’s sorry he upset me, and to take the time I need. Nothing else.” He could have blown up my phone, demanding I answer him and see him. But he didn’t.

“Ohhhh,” they all say on a long exhale.

“You need to talk to him,” Shantae concludes. “Tell him how you were feeling. That’ll be the test, because if he’s a narcissistic love-bomber he’ll lose his shit when you confront him about it.”

I consider that. It’s true. But I already know. I already know Ben will not lose his shit when I tell him I freaked out because of things Julian did in the past. I already know he didn’t lose his shit because I told him I need space.

“Whoa.” Nori looks up from her phone. “I just googled him.”

I lift my eyebrows.

“Have you seen this?” She holds her phone up to me.

I lean over to look at the screen.

At first I can’t make sense of what I’m seeing. It’s Julian, with his hands over his face. Bleeding. And Ben. Looking… fierce.

I frown and grab the phone to read what it says on the post. My eyebrows shoot up and I look at my friends, bug-eyed. “Ben punched Julian in the face.”

“Whaaaaat!”

I read the post which ends with “no charges have been laid.” I lower the phone. “Oh my God.”

Shantae takes the phone and peers at it. “Wow. This is giving… knight in shining armor.”

“Are you sure?” Nori asks with a worried look. “It could be giving psycho with anger management issues.”

“He was defending Mabel. He punched the guy who abused her.”

I blink. “I’m confused. Julian was in Newark, at the Hargrave Center? That’s… weird.”

“He was looking for you,” Bellamy guesses.

“You think? But… I still don’t get it.” I shake my head. “Hang on, I’ll text Marek.”

I pull out my own phone and send off a message to my brother. “Thanks for being here, you guys.”

“Of course. You are amazing, Mabel. Julian was a total jerk and anyone who doesn’t see how amazing you are can suck rocks.”

I laugh. “Thank you.”

“And that includes your parents,” she adds. “They should be on your side. Not Julian’s.”

“Yeah. Thank you. I kept telling myself I didn’t care what they thought, but truthfully it kind of hurt that they thought I was better off with Julian.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Shantae says gently. “I’m sure they wanted you to be happy.”

“ Their idea of happy. Mature and settled down.”

“It’s not like you’re stoned or day drinking every day.”

“Just today,” I say with a laugh. “Oh wait, there was also the day Ben and I went shopping. We spent the rest of the afternoon doing tequila shots with some Australian guys in a pub… and I did blow off an interview because I was high on a gummy… oh, shit.” I look at them all in dismay. “I am a cornflake!”

They all chuckle.

“No, you’re not,” Bellamy says. “You don’t do that every day.” She pauses. “Do you?”

“No. Of course not. I’ve been working hard to find a job. But you have to have fun sometimes, right?”

“Right.”

“You have a degree, you had a good job, you’re responsible and mostly mature,” Nori says with a grin. “You are not a cornflake.”

My phone pings and I read the message from Marek. “Julian was looking for me,” I tell my friends slowly. “He saw pictures of me with Ben at the fundraiser, so he went to the arena. He was demanding Ben tell him where I am.”

“Oh, God.” Bellamy winces.

“Ben punched Julian and told him to never talk to me again.”

“Go Ben!” Shantae cheers.

The others laugh.

My heart does some kind of complicated gymnastics move in my chest. “But it’s not all good. Now he’s in trouble with team management. And he was working so hard to be made captain.” I close my eyes, my throat squeezing. “I hope he didn’t mess that up by sticking up for me.”

When I open my eyes my friends all look worried and sympathetic.

“I hope not, too,” Bellamy says. “But I’m impressed with this guy.”

“I don’t know if punching people is a good idea,” I protest. “I mean, he does it on the ice. But off the ice it can get you arrested.”

“True,” Shantae says. “But I still like him for it. Because Julian’s a jerk.”

I sit quietly for a few minutes, thinking. Then I say, “I appreciate Ben sticking up for me. But I really need to stick up for myself.”

“You did,” Bellamy says. “You left Julian.”

“But he hasn’t given up. He’s basically stalking me. I need to put an end to that.” I raise my chin. “I have to go talk to Julian.”

“Ooooh.” They all make identical noises of concern.

“Not alone, you’re not,” Bellamy declares. “I’m going with you.”

“We’ll all go with you.” Nori nods.

“When and where?” Shantae says.

“Right now.” I set down my mimosa.

“No, honey, we can’t go right now. We’ve all been drinking.”

“Right, right.” I press my fingertips to one eyebrow. “We’ve had a buttload of champagne.”

“A buttload?” Nori looks at me skeptically.

“It’s an actual wine measurement.”

They all give me a look.

“It is! It’s a hundred and twenty-six gallons of wine. Way back, seafaring merchants shipped wine and booze in big wooden casks, which came in different sizes. A rundlet was the smallest and a tun was the biggest, and a tun equals two butts.”

“Your mind is a scary place,” Shantae says.

I laugh. “Okay, we’ll go tomorrow.”

“I can take a day off,” Shantae says.

“I don’t work tomorrow,” Nori adds.

“I’ll drive,” Bellamy says.

“Won’t he be at work?” Shantae asks.

“Yes. And that is perfect.”

“What do you need?” Bellamy asks the next morning. “What did you bring for clothes?”

“I’ll wear what I always wear. That’ll piss him off.”

I do my makeup, curl my hair into messy waves, and change into ripped jeans, a cropped black sweater, and my Doc Martens.

“You look snatched,” Bellamy says.

“Thank you.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

I grab my purse. Bellamy picks up Shantae and Nori and then we set out on our two-hour-plus drive to Sherrinford.

Halfway there, my phone rings. Frowning, I check the call display. Ope! It’s the Newark Public Library! I let out a little screech.

“What? What?” the others all demand.

“I have to take this call. Shhhh.” I wave a frantic hand.

I speak to the woman who interviewed me and almost black out when she says they’re offering me the job. Branch manager and adult and teen librarian. Full time. Dental and health insurance, paid time off, a retirement plan. I will have to work every other Saturday but that’s not unexpected. They’re going to courier the written job offer. I don’t tell her I’m actually in Pennsylvania right now. I’ll go back to Marek’s place tomorrow.

When I end the call, I punch a fist in the air and yell, “Woooooohooooo!”

“What, what?” Bellamy asks. “Was that about a job?”

“Yes! Newark Public Library branch manager!”

They all cheer and my heart swells with their delight.

Now I’m even more eager to confront Julian. More confident. I’m no longer unemployed. In fact, I’ll be branch manager . And soon I’ll have a home of my own. I am moving on . And up!

On campus, I direct Bellamy to the parking garage in the red brick building that houses Julian’s faculty. I’ve been here a few times. I know where his office is, although he could be teaching right now. Or having lunch. We stopped for food when we got to town, so it’s nearly one in the afternoon.

“Damn.” He’s not in his office. I turn to my friends. “Let’s check the faculty lounge.”

They nod and follow me down the hall like a team of avenging angels, all of us striding with heads held high. I open the door of the lounge and walk in. The room is a little shabby, with old furniture and a worn rug on the floor.

All heads turn and look at me. I recognize a couple of faces, wearing expressions of surprise.

I don’t care. I sweep the room with my gaze and it lands on Julian, standing over by the coffee machine. I march over to him in my black boots and stop in front of him. “How’s your nose?”

He blinks. “Mabel. What are you doing here?”

He looks fine, other than a smudge of darkness beneath his right eye. “I’m here to tell you something.”

“Uh…”

Stay calm . “I need you to listen to me.”

His gaze flicks to my three friends standing behind me, basically blocking him in.

“I need you to stop trying to contact me,” I say clearly. “You went to New Jersey looking for me when I’ve told you we are done and I don’t want to see you again. That was inappropriate. In fact, that was stalking me. I will not let that happen.” I hold his gaze. “You deserved what happened.”

His face tightens and his lips thin. Once more he glances at the others in the room.

“You treated me like I was an object that belonged to you. But I’m not an object. And I don’t belong to you. You are a narcissist and you hated that I left. That I rejected you. That I ignored you. That’s the worst thing that can happen to you, isn’t it?”

His mouth opens but he says nothing.

“You need people to admire you. You can’t feel good about yourself on your own. But I am not going to do that. We are done . And I have a whole squad of pissed-off women behind me.” I wave my arm in a dramatic gesture. “Not to mention a team of big, brawny hockey players who know how to fight.”

His eyes flicker.

Wow. He’s… speechless. I consider this a win.

I’m sure he’s going to be absolutely furious about this, though. This is his worst nightmare – being called out, held accountable, embarrassed.

“Do not call my parents again,” I warn him. “Do not call my brother again.”

“And definitely don’t call me again.” Bellamy steps forward.

I turn to her. “He was calling you, too?”

“Until I blocked his number.” She looks at him. “I’ve met a lot of pricks in my life, but you, Julian, are definitely a cactus.”

I snort-laugh.

“If you ever contact her again,” Nori says, looking scary despite her petite size and delicate features, “I will find you and shove a penny up your eyelid and tape it shut.”

“Is that clear enough?” I ask him. “Don’t make me bring the New Jersey Storm here to deliver the message. Or the police.”

He doesn’t answer, just stands there looking pissed, his face red, his lips thin.

“That also means you will leave Ben Antonov alone. No charges. No lawsuit. Got it?”

His jaw tightens.

“Say it, Julian.” I hold his gaze steadily.

“No charges,” he says in a low voice. “No lawsuit.”

I want to cheer, but I keep my face neutral. “Okay. Let’s go, girls.”

I whirl around and whisk out of the room with them behind me. I turn in time to see Shantae giving Julian the middle finger salute as she leaves. “You, sir, are the reason God created the middle finger.”

We make our way outside before we collapse into nervous yet relieved laughter.

“A cactus!” I chortle. “Oh my God, I love you, besties.”

“We love you, too. Let’s get out of here.”

We hustle back into Bellamy’s car and hit the road again. She starts a playlist and we sing along, belting out, “Karma is my boyfriend!” at the top of our lungs.

I have the drive home to think about everything. Everything that just happened. Everything we talked about yesterday. Things I talked to Ben about. Like, how the first girl he told he loved bailed on him right away. How humiliated he was by that. How I basically did the same thing.

Oh, God.

How that other girl wanted him to be different. And I worried that he thought I was trying to change him by helping him communicate better. But then he reminded me that I said he was fine the way he was. And I meant it.

I understand his guardedness when it comes to relationships. I know how hard it is to trust someone after you’ve been hurt. It’s hard for everyone, but probably even more so for someone introverted who already has a hard time being vulnerable.

And I realize what a step that was for him to tell me he loves me. How brave he was. How much he must have trusted me to say that. And I didn’t trust him .

But no… it’s not Ben I didn’t trust. Even when he went overboard with the gifts and compliments, it wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust myself .

I believed in Ben. I know in my heart and my soul that he’s a good guy – a “straight arrow” who in high school everyone thought was boring but now I see is honorable and decent and hard-working.

Ben is not like Julian. Not at all. I’ve been afraid to trust my own judgment, but with a little distance and time, I know I can rely on my instincts. And I need to talk to Ben and tell him that. Like, right now.

I need to get back to him. I’m afraid I’ve ruined something great with a guy I like and admire and maybe even… love.