Chapter 22

22

BEN

I got the keys to my new place on the first of March, but we had a game that night, so I couldn’t do much. My furniture and stuff from storage is delivered the next day, though, and Mabel helps me pack up the things I have at Marek’s place and take them up to my condo on the nineteenth floor. My condo is pretty much directly above Smitty’s, so it has the same view, and Mabel goes straight to the window to admire it, even though it’s a cold, overcast day with threats of either rain or snow.

“So nice,” she says with a sigh, then turns and looks around. “Same layout as Marek’s place.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“But your walls are not white.”

“They are not. Actually, I like that beige color. It’ll go with my furniture.”

“It’s not beige, it’s taupe.”

One corner of my mouth lifts. “Okay.”

We’re there when the movers arrive and start lugging stuff in. It’s nice to have help. Well, it’s nice to have Mabel. Some of the guys offered to help, but I’d rather do it on my own. She unpacks boxes of kitchen stuff and puts it away, then gives her opinion on how to arrange the furniture in the living room. I wouldn’t have thought to put the couch with its back to the kitchen, but it works and that way you look out the windows at the view.

“You need more pictures for the walls,” she says.

“You don’t like my hockey pictures?”

She grins. “I love them. And all the trophies! But you have lots of room here for more.”

She has a point. This place is bigger than the last apartment I rented.

“I am so fucking happy to have my own place,” I say.

Her smile is warm. “I bet. I know you like your own space.”

It’s nice having privacy and not worrying about Smitty. He’s still pissed about what’s going on. And I hate it. He’s my best buddy on the team, well, pretty much anywhere. My other good friend Boosh (Julien Boucher) is back in Chicago.

Mabel hates it too and I feel bad that there’s a coolness between her and her brother. He needs to see that this is what Mabel wants. We’re both adults. I still feel guilty, about it, though.

I tried to talk to him about it. He told me that Mabel just got out of a relationship. I know that. He thinks she’s on the “rebound.” I try not to be offended that that’s the only reason she’d be interested in me. He also reminds me that her life is a mess right now, and I’m aware of that too, but she’s working on it.

“I do.” I move closer to her. “But just so you know… you’re always welcome here.”

“Aw.” She gazes up at me as I set my hands on her waist. “Thank you.”

“But you’ll have a room of your own now at Smitty’s place.”

“Yes. That’ll be great. I’m tired of everyone seeing all my clothes. I still need to find my own place, though. I’ve been looking but it kind of depends on where I end up working.”

I frown. “So if you got that job in Brooklyn, you’d move there?”

“Maybe?”

“It doesn’t take long to get from here to Brooklyn. You could stay in this neighborhood. Close to your brother.”

“I guess. Actually, I think I might go to Los Angeles.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I don’t think I heard her right.

She shrugs, and her smile is strained. “I’ve been thinking maybe a fresh start would be better somewhere else.”

Somewhere away from me? Or her brother? Or her dickface ex-boyfriend?

My heart drops to my feet, leaving my chest cavity hollow. I try to breathe. I don’t know what to say.

“Los Angeles would be nice,” she adds. “It’s warm there. Sunny.”

Outside the apartment window, snow is fluttering down and melting on the ground. New Jersey’s not always sunny and warm, and there may not be palm trees here, but it’s not that bad.

“Why?”

“Why is it warm there?”

I make a noise. “No. Why would you go there?”

“I just told you. It’s nice there.”

I have questions. If it was anyone else, I’d shut up and mind my own business. But it’s Mabel and… I can’t stop myself from asking. “What is going on? Is this because of Julian?”

“Of course it is!” she says lightly with a small laugh. “That’s why I’m here!”

I narrow my eyes at her.

“The farther away from him the better,” she adds. “And I’ve always liked the Pacific Ocean.”

I’ve never heard her say that, but what do I know.

I want to put an end to that crazy thinking right fucking now.

But do I have that right?

We’re banging. A lot. But… that doesn’t give me the right to tell her what to do. Much as I want to.

Maybe I should tell her how I feel. Yeah, I’ve caught feelings. If I’m honest and tell her that, maybe she won’t leave.

Christ. I can’t do that. Put myself out there and confess my feelings? Holy shit, I have a hard time talking about the weather.

Not with Mabel, though. Still. The fear of telling someone you love them and them not feeling the same is massive, and not just because of what happened when I was sixteen. Telling a woman I love her is one of the most terrifying things I can imagine.

I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it. The room seems to be rolling around me. Am I hyperventilating?

At some level I recognize that not only am I afraid of making myself vulnerable, I’m petrified of losing Mabel. And I don’t know whether telling her how I feel about her will keep her from leaving – or send her running.

Maybe this is just a knee-jerk reaction on her part. Maybe she’ll think about it and change her mind. Maybe I can show her that she’s safe with me before that actually happens.

“How’s your bedroom?” she asks.

Change of subject. Okay. Good. Whew. “You definitely need to see my bedroom.” I take her hand and tug her along behind me.

She laughs and doesn’t resist.

“I need help.”

We’re at Uncle Ernie’s – Archie, Crusher, Dilly, Skinny, and me. Smitty’s not here because he’s still pissed at me.

We’ve all given Uncle Ernie hugs. He lost his great-grandson in the accident and he’s wrecked by it. He’s still worried about Ayla, and Alfie. He brought us pizza and beers with a wan smile. It’s hard seeing the usually cheery guy so heartbroken.

“What kind of help?” Crusher lifts a piece of ham to his mouth.

“Woman help.”

“Whoa.” They all give me shocked looks.

“Didn’t know you had a woman,” Skinny says.

“Fair.”

“Have you tried a dick pic?” Dilly asks.

Everyone glares at him.

“I’m kidding.” He lifts his hands in the air.

“It’s Mabel,” I say.

Their eyes all go round.

“Mabel Smits? As in, Smitty’s sister?” Dilly gapes at me.

“Yeah, that Mabel.” I sigh. “I like her.”

“Oh, man.” Skinny winces. “Does Smitty know about this?”

“He does,” I say glumly. “He’s not happy about it.”

“Could be worse,” Dilly says. “I mean, he’s friends with you. What if it was someone he hated?”

I don’t know what to say to that.

“So you’re going to ask her out?” Archie says.

I hesitate. “Like, on a date?”

They all exchange worried glances.

“I thought you had more game than this,” Skinny says. “You’ve dated before, right?”

“Yes. Jesus. It’s… we’ve been…”

“Ohhhh.” Dilly grins. “I get it. You’ve been doing the dipsy doodle with her but now you want more.”

“Dipsy doodle?” I rub the twitch in my left eye. “Oh my God.”

“Ha. No wonder Smitty’s pissed.” Archie nods knowingly.

“Okay.” Dilly leans forward. “Yeah, you have to take her on a date.”

“Okay. She’s coming with me to the Keeping Kids Safe fundraiser.”

“No.” Archie shakes his head. “That is not a romantic date.”

“I’ll make it romantic.”

“Why don’t you tell her?” Crusher says. “Just tell her you love her. Then she’ll know you’re serious.”

“No!” Dilly gapes at him. “You can’t say that on the first date. You can’t even say you love tacos on the first date. Keep that word out of your mouth.”

“It’s not exactly like a first date, though,” Skinny points out. “They’ve been boinking.”

I roll my lips in and close my eyes. I knew this was a bad idea. I thought making myself a little vulnerable to my teammates would help me be closer to them, but it’s just showing me how weird they are.

“Seriously.” Dilly nods. “Get her flowers. Compliment her. A lot. But not just on her looks, also her personality.”

“Okay.”

“Flowers and chocolate,” Crusher adds. “Maybe even wine.”

“Or something she really likes,” Dilly says. “That shows you’re thoughtful.”

“You could write her a poem,” Archie says. “That’s a romantic way to show your feelings.”

The guys all look uncertain, like they’re not sure if they should laugh.

“Here are some things that rhyme with ‘I love you,’” he adds. “Blue, glue, shampoo, beef stew, and kung fu.”

“I should write those down,” I say with an eye roll.

“Manners are important,” Skinny adds. “Like opening the door for her, helping her with her coat, holding her chair for her.”

I nod. That actually makes sense.

“Don’t forget to start with the basics.” Dilly grins. “Have a shower.”

I give him a disgusted look.

“That’s what my mom told me when I was fifteen. It’s solid advice.”

“Wear nice cologne,” Crusher says. “And take care of the manscaping.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Dilly points out. “She’s already seen his manscaping.”

I cough.

“And dress nicely,” Archie says. “That shows respect for her.”

“I’ll wear one of my new suits.”

“Then pay attention to her. Listen to her and nod a lot, and make eye contact.”

This is sounding like Mabel’s extrovert lessons.

“Definitely don’t check out other chicks while you’re with her,” Dilly advises.

They all nod.

As if I’d do that. I’m not interested in checking out anyone but her.

“Also, make her laugh,” Skinny says. “Chicks love guys who make them laugh.”

I make a note to find some jokes. “Okay, I think I’ve got it.”

“Let us know how it goes.”

Now I’m more terrified about the fundraiser than I was before. Now I don’t have to impress only the people from Keeping Kids Safe and the team, but also Mabel. But it’ll be worth it.