32. Harper

32 /

harper

"Want to play for a while? I need to relax before bed."

Holcomb and I both loved Minecraft , but his lack of a smile made me wonder if he was really looking to wind down. Since we were both interested in games, we spent a lot of time together. Holky liked to put on a blowhard, showoff front, but in private, he was kind and funny. There was a depth about him I liked. Whether he was the skirt-chaser he made himself out to be or not, he had a good heart. I got along well with all the guys, but Holky and Gabe were the best friends I'd made on the team.

"We can play," I said. "It helps me relax, too." My apathetic tone didn't even fool me, and when Holky narrowed his eyes, I tried to sound more interested. "Get out your Switch."

He pressed his lips together and rubbed his nose, making no effort to find his game. I was no better, lying motionless on my bed. Holky seemed restless, pacing around, and I wished he'd go visit someone else. I'd had no time to myself all day and needed privacy so I could figure out what to do.

I was desperate to see Luca. It had been almost three weeks, and just when I finally realized what an idiot I'd been and how much I wanted to fix things between us, he'd stopped responding to my texts. I hadn't heard from him for days, and I was getting worried.

Holky started to close the door, but Gabe pushed it open before the lock clicked. "Give up on me?"

"Did we have plans?" My voice had an edge I hadn't intended.

Gabe closed the door and looked at me. "We want to talk, Harpy."

I shook my head. "I'm too fucking tired. Let's talk tomorrow."

Holky raised his eyebrows. "Like we did today?"

"Shit." I'd forgotten they already made me promise to talk. Sitting up seemed much harder than it should have been. "What do you want?"

Holky claimed the chair, and Gabe sat beside me on the bed.

Angling himself to face me, Gabe tapped my knee. "You may not want to talk to us, but you need to. Something is eating you up from the inside out. We know it has to do with Luca, and Holky and I have had plenty of romance troubles of our own. We might have some good advice, but even if we don't, you won't be alone."

"I already know you have my back."

Holky shifted around, trying to get comfortable in the small chair. "We do. Now tell us what has you so worked up so we can all focus on playing hockey."

"You're an amazing player," Gabe said, catching my eyes. "But every day you become a little less like the star we played with all summer."

"And that's a goddamn fucking shame," Holky said, "because we need that guy, and you need to be him."

I placed my fists on either side of my head, wishing I could push hard enough to do some damage. First, I wasn't good enough for Luca, and now I wasn't doing my best for the Warriors. I eyed the door, wondering how far I'd get if I started running. Gabe and Holky remained silent, and quick glances revealed they both had me in their crosshairs. I wondered what I could say to make them leave me alone. Whatever I told them, I needed to respect Luca's privacy.

Sweat beaded on my forehead as I pieced together a series of half-truths and evasions. I could say Luca and I had a fight that made us wonder if our relationship was only a summer fling. The last part was a horrible lie. Luca wanted to keep going and put what happened behind us, and though I'd been unsure about how I wanted to handle things when I left Buffalo, I now knew I'd been stupid to believe I should wait. But I could tell Holky and Gabe that Luca and I were thinking things over while I was at camp, and we'd decide what to do when I returned home.

Since I was a terrible liar, pulling this off would be difficult enough without seeing anyone's eyes. I focused on the wall over Holky's head and opened my mouth, stunned by the rush of words that immediately jumped out. "It's a fucking train wreck. Luca and I were so happy all summer, like we were meant to be together. I looked forward to waking up every day so I could spend it with him, and he felt the same way. I've never experienced anything like that before. Life was amazing, and I was starting to…"

"Did something happen in Maine?"

Gabe's question caught me by surprise, and I realized how completely I'd walled myself off the last three weeks. "We didn't even fucking go."

"Why?"

I looked into Holky's warm eyes. "Something happened. His best friend came to town, and I thought… Shit, I acted like an asshole. I accused Luca of cheating on me and then left town in a big huff."

Gabe placed a hand on my arm, and when I turned to look at him, he raised an eyebrow. "Was your accusation correct?"

My heart started drumming. "No. What happened pushed every button I had, and I jumped to conclusions like a goddamn fool. I went to D.C. to stay with friends. Luca and I texted, but not much. The day before training camp started, I went back to Buffalo, and we talked. I'd hurt him, too, so we were both in bad shape."

"Did he want to break up?" Gabe asked.

"Not at all. He admitted what he did looked bad, and we apologized to each other for what had happened. He said we should move forward and learn from our mistakes."

The chair squeaked as Holky shifted positions again. "But that didn't happen?"

Remorse spilled over me in a suffocating wave as I remembered how stubborn I'd been, insisting I had to think things over. Luca's broken expression while I drove away had haunted me ever since, and my stupidity had grown into an unbearable weight. "I was ashamed and afraid. I was also a fucking fool, telling him I needed to think about why I'd reacted so badly. I said I needed to get myself together before we could think about moving on."

Holky groaned. "Shit, man. No wonder you're hurting so much."

"Have you talked to him since we got here?" Gabe asked.

"No." My heart broke into a jagged tattoo, and though I tried to relax, I got dizzy.

"Easy, Harpy." Gabe scooted closer and wrapped his arm around me. "Breathe."

I leaned against him as he patted my shoulder. No one spoke, and I gradually felt better. When my vision cleared, I said, "We've texted a little but not talked. The thing is, I…" My voice cut to a whisper, so I cleared my throat and tried to speak up. "I decided I want us to stay together, and I texted him saying we need to talk. He didn't answer, so I texted again, but he still hasn't replied."

"Call him." Holky leaned forward and put a hand on my knee. "For God's sake, phones do more than text."

"I'm ashamed, and I was trying to make sure he still wanted to work things out. I've sent more messages, and I even asked if he wanted to let things go between us. When he still didn't answer, I messaged yesterday and told him if I didn't hear back, I'd assume he wanted to move on without me."

Gabe sighed. "And he said?"

"Still no reply." My voice broke, and I took a moment steadying myself. "I'm worried sick. Does he want to break up, or has something happened to him? Why would he just go silent after he's been texting me several times a day?"

"This is fucking bullshit." Holky's eyes bore into me. "You're both acting like idiots, and it's time for this to stop. Tell Criswell you have an emergency, and then leave. There are only three days left, and you won't be the first to have something urgent come up."

"But this is my first time here," I protested. "I can't leave early, and I wouldn't know where to go if I did."

"Back to Buffalo, and if Luca isn't there, you hunt his ass down."

Holky made it sound easy, but where would I begin? I didn't have any of Luca's friends' numbers. Maybe I could talk to some of his teammates, but it would be hard because most professional athletes lock down their contact info. Luca's parents lived in Chicago, but I didn't know their names. How would I… I suddenly remembered his dad was a dean at Northwestern, so I could probably find him.

I looked up, ready to agree, when Gabe dropped his arm and scooted far enough away to look me in the eye. "Holky's right, but I think leaving camp is premature. Criswell's already cranky as hell, so who knows how he'd react. Try to get Luca on the phone before you do anything else."

"And if he still doesn't answer?"

"Then I'll try. Luca and I know some of the same people, and I'll get them involved, too. But before we do anything else, you should try again to get Luca." Gabe glanced at his watch. "It's a little after ten. Text him, and if he doesn't answer, call. If you don't hear from him tonight, I'll put out the word tomorrow morning. And if that doesn't work, declare your emergency and go find him."

"All right. That makes sense."

Guys were talking out in the hall, and I tried to think of how to ask Gabe and Holky to give me some privacy.

"What are you waiting for?" Holky sounded testy. "Text him now, and if he doesn't reply, ring his phone all night long."

"I need?—"

"Do it," Gabe said. "We'll wait with you."

Cursing to myself, I dug my phone out of my pocket and started typing. After several stops, restarts, and revisions, I read it over and tapped Send.

HARPER: I don't know why you aren't answering me, but I need to talk to you. If you've decided to break up, you should tell me, but you need to hear what I have to say before you do anything. I care for you so much. Please say something.

"Done. I hope he answers."

"Let's give him a little while to process," Gabe said. "I'll stay with you guys."

"You don't have to. We're starting early tomorrow, so you should get some rest."

"Save it. We're your friends, and?—"

A knock on the door cut Holky off. Surprised, none of us moved, and someone knocked again.

"What now?" I muttered.

Gabe, closest to the door, got up and opened it. One of the interns was waiting, and he looked past Gabe at me. "Sorry to interrupt, Harper, but someone's up front asking for you. He says it's an emergency, so I thought I'd check. Do you know a guy named Caleb Carson?"

My heart kicked me in the ribs. I could only think of one Caleb, but what the hell would he be doing in Rocky River? Unless something's happened to Luca. Oh my God. I jumped up. "Short blond guy?"

"Yes."

"Fuck." I shot a desperate look at Gabe. "It's Luca's best friend. Something's wrong."

Holky was already on his feet. "Let's go see what he wants." His voice was cautious, echoing the unease in my heart.